Hi,

I reconnected with my ex a few months back and we've been slowly but surely getting to a pretty good place, though she still lives in another country right now.

Long and short, 2 days prior to my birthday she sent me a book on how to find a good partner, which I found to be very thoughtless and bewildering since we were trying to reconcile. I was polite in an email, thanking her and telling her I would read it but she sensed I was confused by it and instead of trying to allay my fears, she called me the day before my birthday to berate me and accuse me of saying she is manipulative (I never actually said that though!) I tried to speak with her calmly, but she hung up on me and never called on my actual birthday the next day no matter all my calls and texts, though I was upset in my texts as the day went on. I finally got a hold of her days later and she was unapologetic and we parted ways as a result.

Thing is, we both love each other very deeply, but she has had commitment and trust issues that have made things toxic. And though I'm no angel, it's been tough for me to get past her walls on not lose my temper or get fed up and break contact occasionally. I wish I knew how to get back to where we once were in the beginning before she became so scared all the time.

Okay, you got through all that - here's the question:

I have to see my doctor in april/may and he happens to be in her home city/country. It's important I go. How will she respond if I email her to inform her now that I'm coming in April or May and I thought she should know, but it would be nice to be able to say hello?

I got 55, with changing line 5 --> 49

This seems positive, but I asked something close to this question yesterday - should i tell her when i get there that i am in town? - and it said not to persevere and that it would cause further distance between us. I think it was 37.1.6.

Thanks for the help!

Blu7

Still need some help with this one!

Haven't heard much back on this as of this morning - would be great as I'm trying to figure this out on before I make any further plans.

Am confused as this seems incredibly positive on the one hand (abundance within an environment of great changes) though my other readings seemed to say stay away. Plus it seems to mention a lot about fame and recognition from those around me, and being able to get others to join my cause - maybe I'm confused, but are the "others" my friends, or my ex? Only one of my friend's knows what happened these last few months, and only two others know I'm heading out of country.

Please help! And thanks so much :bows:

Blu7

What you really want is to reconcile with your ex, so I have rephrased the question.

How can I reconcile with my ex?
55 .5 > 49

According to Steve Marshall, hexagram 55 refers to a solar eclipse. Using this idea, What is the dark mass that is eclipsing the relationship? Bradford's 55.5:

The pattern emerges
Bring reward and commendation
Promising

What will unstick your mind (B's suggestion) and make possible a transformation in the relationship? The dark mass is your lack of humility. The woman isn't at fault. Your self-justifying and accusatory manner is. With the best of good will she sends you a book telling you how she wants to be courted, and you find it "thoughtless and bewildering". The partner you were supposed to find is her. You have many attractive features, but your attitude is blighting the relationship. Unless you change yourself, the pattern is clear: your call will simply lead to another clash.

Don't take my word for this. Talk to people who know you and see what they say.

How will she respond if I email her to inform her now that I'm coming in April or May and I thought she should know, but it would be nice to be able to say hello?

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You cannot know the future or how someone will respond to your contact. All you can do is seek balance within yourself and work to get beyond wanting, wondering, wavering, plotting, planning, scheduling...

55.5 : "Bringing beautification, there is glory. This is auspicious.... Clarity arises in openness, so spiritual illumination comes of itself. 'There is glory' means that one's striving at the outset is not seen by anyone, but when one arrives at non-striving, everyone knows. This fifth line represents the very moment of richness, when emptiness and fulfillment correspond, illumination and action are spontaneous..." etc. (Taoist I Ching)

49 is equally positive -- "In your own day you are believed."

So... there is much work to be done on yourself -- as Pocossin said. Let go of striving, texting, calling, emailing, carrier pigeons, floral bouquets, and all the tricks of the ego that insist that all will be well if only you would make this one more grand gesture...

You don't need to do anything except let go. What is yours will come to you -- though what is yours is unrevealed in the present.

@ elias... I don't want to know if she will give me any kind of yes or no type of thing - I just wanted to understand how she will feel about it, or how she will respond emotionally. Will it be positive or not for her to hear my words, etc. Hope that makes sense!

@ Pocossin...
Much to think on there, and I will try to take your comments into consideration over the next days. Thank you for your insight...

Two of her friends have told me she does not communicate well, and has a hard time taking responsibility. But honestly, I would rather talk about it with her one on one, and I'm sure I have faults that my friends could recognize too - it's never a one-way street and just one person's fault. In this respect, I think it is too much of an assumption for you to say she has "no fault in this."

There have been fights around her abandoning our relationship without warning and leaving for unknown periods of time. This was done within a week of us both moving from abroad to live in the US. On her end, she felt I wasn't patient enough with her and helpful during her transition. We separated because she would not compromise on her trips, and since then we have tried to reconcile, but I've had my ups and downs too, feeling rejected and lashing out when she has become uncommunicative.

So getting this book on my 40th birthday felt disappointing - yes. I don't think it was thoughtful because she said she had only read 70 pages of it and hadn't thought much about it when she sent it to me other than she figured "I don't like anything she reads anyway" - this honestly seemed very disingenuous, if not purposely callous - not to mention we exchange books a lot, and I have only ever not liked one. But to be fair, I was perplexed because the book quizzes you on why your relationship failed and how to find a better partner next time - not very positive when you are still trying to reconcile imho. I wanted her to understand I loved her, I was appreciative, but that I was a little hesitant about the book and wanted us to be able to communicate our feelings rather than have a book interpret our feelings for us.

I actually think your comment that I lack humility is a very judgemental statement but I hope I've misunderstood your tone or meaning. I am a novice here with the Yi and asking for help in understanding how to look at the changing lines - I don't want a reading from someone as much as I want to learn how to look at this with ALL the possibilities, and meditate on the meanings. Though again, I hope I have misunderstood your tone!

I am now concerned about her feelings in my coming to Mexico - I truly do not want her to feel that I am showing up to offend her and rub it in her face in any way. So my question remains - basically,how she will take it if I inform her that I am coming to Mexico ahead of time by email?

And thanks for your help! Much appreciated...

And thanks!

elias said:

Let go of striving, texting, calling, emailing, carrier pigeons, floral bouquets, and all the tricks of the ego that insist that all will be well if only you would make this one more grand gesture...

You don't need to do anything except let go. What is yours will come to you -- though what is yours is unrevealed in the present.

Click to expand...

Very helpful also - thank you! Was wondering how to interpret "you will be believed on your own day"? Could this mean that the time will come when I will be heard by someone, but perhaps that day isn't today? Is this one possibility?

Just a thought...

Thanks again! :bows:

elias said:

So... there is much work to be done on yourself -- as Pocossin said. Let go of striving, texting, calling, emailing, carrier pigeons, floral bouquets, and all the tricks of the ego that insist that all will be well if only you would make this one more grand gesture...

You don't need to do anything except let go. What is yours will come to you -- though what is yours is unrevealed in the present.

Click to expand...

Golly! Perhaps I should have read this earlier today Coincidentally when I made contact with someone I am having difficulties with I asked what his response was to my message after I sent it: 55.5

I hope things settle down with you. I think I'd be honest and tell her I'm going to be in the vicinity soon. That then leaves it up to her - no pressure. And if you keep your email simple, then there will be less chance of any words being misunderstood. Face to face talking has the added bonuses of eye contact and tone of voice etc, so you're less likely to misunderstand. I definitely think it'd be better to tell her ahead of time. If she is insecure, and does want to keep you in her life - be it as a friend or love - then she may take offence at you telling her last minute and use it as an excuse to have another fight with you.

Anyway, 55.5 is positive isn't it. And meeting her may bring about a revolution - you'll be able to see clearly what needs to be cut away - moved on from - it'll release you from your present darkness to a new relationship - with her or not. But at least you'll know.

Good luck

em ching said:

Anyway, 55.5 is positive isn't it. And meeting her may bring about a revolution - you'll be able to see clearly what needs to be cut away - moved on from - it'll release you from your present darkness to a new relationship - with her or not. But at least you'll know.

Good luck

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Hi there, I noticed your post last night! I appreciate the advice - very kind. I know there's a lot of discussion against saying the Yi is positive or negative, but I understand what you mean in a way...

There are some interpretations of 55 in general that point to a need to be gutsy, convincing and honest in your vision - this was interesting to me, and I thought perhaps it was indicating I should be honest with her and go even further than just a tentative email. But when I looked at the changing line it seemed to be all about honoring good people in public, which was a bit confusing, as I'm not sure how it applies. I wondered if it was about praising her in public, but it didn't totally fit, as she has done some things that I thought were not so praiseworthy - though I am trying to be open to seeing her point of view, as per Pocossin.

Then 49 seems to be all about casting away the old and renewing when the time is right. This made me think I should cast off the whole thing and not contact her - but I really care about this person, and I think if she found out I was there without telling her it would hurt her and I don't want to do that. Then again, this is the resulting hexagram, and I've been told I should look at it as the environment and influences around the question at hand.

So much to meditate upon, but yes, in some ways I need to cut out my own chatter and consider how to simplify things. Long story short... thanks for the support!

Blu

blu7 said:

I actually think your comment that I lack humility is a very judgemental statement but I hope I've misunderstood your tone or meaning.

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Thank you for the follow-up. Yes, you have misunderstood my meaning. I aim to be truthful, not hurtful. Clearly you are unconscious of how the attitude you project drives your ex away from you because you continue to harp on her faults. A human being can stand only so much. Her "trips" -- running away to escape criticism -- are a perfectly normal reaction. Your suffering comes from your misinterpretation of the relationship, and I hope you discuss it with someone more persuasive than me.