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Thread: 35.4 and a new relationship

  1. #1

    Default 35.4 and a new relationship

    What is the best action for me to take in regards to this situation/relationship?

    I believe the Iching is recommending that I end the relationship, as line 35.4 'Advancing like a long-tailed rodent, Constancy: danger.’

    Could it also be advising me to strip away to the truth of the problem in order to move forward in the relationship?

    Any thoughts please?

  2. #2

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    I don't think it's telling you to end it, though the fact that you are asking this question seems to suggest you have doubts or problems pretty early on. Hexagram 35 is about forward progress, the "brightness coming up from the earth"- like a sunrise, lifting itself above the horizon. Right now, you are like the Marquis of Kang in H35's "story", you've been gifted with these horses- now you have to mate them and breed a multitude of more gifts. I think H35.4 is a statement on your approach to this relationship. I don't know the context beyond what you've told us, but the Yi seems to be thinking that you're trying to move forward like a "five-skills squirrel"/"long tailed rodent"- a squirrel is erratic, twitchy, jumpy, scared of anyone approaching it (like you might be), maybe even sneaky and dishonest. Acting like this will lead to "Stripping Away"- rather than Advancing by making the most of your gifts, you will find that there is "no harvest proceeding probing", your hands come up empty (you'll be pouring a mountain of dirt on top of the fire that was leaping up).
    I think that your idea of stripping away to the truth also seems promising if you have deep doubts about what's going on. But that's if you feel like there is something hidden that needs to be revealed- maybe the rodent is advancing with some secret kept from their partner (could be you or the other person), maybe the rodent is dishonest to their new interest. Do you feel that this is the case, or are you just feeling like the new relationship isn't "going anywhere"?

    I don't know any of the details of your relationship, except that its new and you seem to have some doubts. Hope somebody else can jump on and give their thoughts.

  3. #3

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    It's hard to say without knowing more about your particular situation. Since you asked about the "best action" to take and you got "Advancing like a long-tailed rodent" perhaps it's advising you to NOT take a direct approach.

    Is this perhaps a situation that calls for an indirect approach even though you might want to choose something more direct?

    If I received this line for that question I would hang back, survey the situation very carefully (because the line seems to suggest that there's some danger here) and see if there were any indirect approaches that I had perhaps been overlooking.

  4. #4

    Default

    It's hard to say without knowing more about your particular situation. Since you asked about the "best action" to take and you got "Advancing like a long-tailed rodent" perhaps it's advising you to NOT take a direct approach.

    Is this perhaps a situation that calls for an indirect approach even though you might want to choose something more direct?

    If I received this line for that question I would hang back, survey the situation very carefully (because the line seems to suggest that there's some danger here) and see if there were any indirect approaches that I had perhaps been overlooking.

  5. #5

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    Thanks for your responses! I love how you both read the same line from different angles..very insightful

    To provide a bit of context, we’ve only been out on a couple of dates…and they have been great dates, we laugh and are affectionate towards one another…the reason I asked was because sometimes I don’t hear from him for days and I don’t want to be the only one to initiate contact...and he knows that as I’ve told him but he says he's just busy with work..

    Anyways I basically sent him a message telling him that I need him to be more attentive or I won’t be around..haven’t heard back yet and I did a reading afterwards asking “What is the future of our relationship now?” and got 58.1.5 to 40..not too sure how to interpret these lines:

    Line 1:

    Harmonious exchange.
    Good fortune.

    An exchange that is beneficial for both parties. It goes well.

    Line 5:

    Confidence in the removal of the danger that is there.
    Relying on removing the danger that is there.

    Line 5 is a bit worrying, any insights??

    Thanks

  6. #6

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    To provide a bit of context, we’ve only been out on a couple of dates…and they have been great dates, we laugh and are affectionate towards one another…the reason I asked was because sometimes I don’t hear from him for days and I don’t want to be the only one to initiate contact...and he knows that as I’ve told him but he says he's just busy with work..
    Men don't like it when women chase them...or appear needy. Just get busy with something else and stop contacting him. He'll come around most likely.

    Now that you've told me this I think the Yi is indeed counseling you to avoid a direct approach. Be like the long-tailed rat. Don't tell him that you need him to be more attentive. Men run in the other direction when they hear stuff like that. The danger present here might be this man pulling away because of your perceived neediness. As I said, get busy with something else and stop contacting him.

    When a man comes to you..you know that he's interested. Right now you're not sure because he doesn't initiate as much contact as you would like. That's OK. Just hang back, watch what he does. He says that he's busy. OK, accept that response. However, if, in the end, he doesn't pursue you..find someone else. Men will pursue the women they are truly interested in. This is hard to do..I know. However, the direct approach isn't going to work for you...guaranteed.

    Regarding hexagram 58.1.5...

    I follow Huang's method and when I get two yin or yang moving lines I consult only the lower line. In this case that's line 1, which is a good line. If you stop contacting him...stop asking him why he's not contacting you....you'll probably get a "harmonious exchange". After all, he has asked you out on two dates already.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to esolo For This Useful Post:

    val75 (November 3rd, 2013)

  8. #7

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    Thanks so much Esolo for your wise words I wish I would've have seen your response before I contacted him and was more or less direct…I haven't heard from him as I did tell him that he was now on my black list and not to bother…i wonder if he will come back, i doubt it though as I was kind of direct..pity cause I really liked him..ah well..next!
    I'm not usually so forward, i know that it's wrong to chase guys but I also hate not knowing!

    thanks again x

  9. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by val75 View Post
    Thanks so much Esolo for your wise words I wish I would've have seen your response before I contacted him and was more or less direct…I haven't heard from him as I did tell him that he was now on my black list and not to bother…i wonder if he will come back, i doubt it though as I was kind of direct..pity cause I really liked him..ah well..next!
    I'm not usually so forward, i know that it's wrong to chase guys but I also hate not knowing!

    thanks again x
    You might able to patch things up. However, you'd have to essentially disappear for quite some time.

    I know that waiting to be pursued isn't very fun. However, it's a power game. When someones comes to you....you have more power because you know that the person wants you. It doesn't have to be romance necessarily. It could be anything.

    In fact, there's a guy on YouTube giving advice to men...to NOT pursue women and this is why. When the woman goes to the man...he has all the power and can get her into bed more easily. This particular "dating coach" is fond of saying that "a date is a romantic opportunity for sex to happen".

    We all worry about relationships. See my thread about the younger man LOL

    Good luck!

  10. #9

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    Well funny enough he contacted me again after i wrote this thread….i'm hanging back now, don't know how to reply..
    who's this guy on youtube? I would love to check him out! Have you heard of Matthew Hussey?

  11. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by val75 View Post
    Well funny enough he contacted me again after i wrote this thread….i'm hanging back now, don't know how to reply..
    who's this guy on youtube? I would love to check him out! Have you heard of Matthew Hussey?
    That's great!

    Yeah, just hang back and don't jump into it 100%. I wouldn't reply right away in order to undo some of the damage done by chasing him.

    Here's the jerk who advises men to let women chase them:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIchEV4t9y8

    Remember, he's advising this because it brings POWER to the men. "A date is a romantic opportunity for sex to happen." He's a real jerk.

    I have watched Matthew Hussey's videos, yes. He has good advice. Seems like a decent guy.

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