Two weeks ago my love and I agreed to seperate - no contact, no promises of return - so he could heal from some irrational shadows. So he could centre and find himself, something he knows he has done before in solitude. Giving him solitude seemed to be the last gift I could give, his wellbeing matters so much to me.

But really, the conditions around the seperation confuse me emotionally - whether this is a final end or whether there is hope of reunion. He requested to be freed of all bonds to me, so as to be free to think only of his own wellbeing, conditions I'm well familiar with from healing crises of my own. I can't begrudge that need in another... so outwardly I'm making no demands, no contact, but in my heart I can't let go.

I don't know whether it's right to give up on him. I don't know if it's right to hold on hope. I don't know whether he will find renewed affinity for me at the end of this crisis. I don't know whether to be inwardly loyal or walk away.

Though I can't remember the specific wordings from the days before the breakup, I remember that the line 11.2 came up twice when I was seeking guidance in what to do, and 38 unchanging when I asked the best course for our relationship in the circumstances... so I was confident in our needed to attend our own wounds, but uncertain if this was to be a permanent end.

Ok... I think in my mind it wasn't permanent, just the necessary next step.

"Letting go" is distinct from 'abandoning', and I wanted to make clear that while I was letting him go of his bonds to me, I wasn't abandoning him. He insisted that the seperation be abandonment. Was this just his personal definitions and pain speaking? To my mind abandonment would mean to cease loving him, and I never intended that - I just intended 'moving elsewhere' so to speak - to let him go into the space he needed.

Giving confusing/conflicting information as to his own needs has been a large part of his shadow-engulfment, and part of the thing he seeks healing from. He also wanted to spare me from any more of the irrational and conflicting statements/criticisms/behaviour that were manifesting from his illness. There was no lack of love, just an overabundance of unwellness/pain.

I questioned the IChing immediately after we seperated, asking too much, as usual in distress, but I recieved exactly the same response to two different posings:

Will A ever return to me?
Will there ever be love-unity between A and I again?

49.3.5 > 51

I don't know how to interpret this without just projecting my desires.

Sorry, this is the short version of the tale, and it still seems long.

hi A,

that's a sad story you've got here . . I just wanted to say you need to remember that your true 'obligation' (although that's not a good word for it) in this and any other situation, is to the care of your own heart. Be kind to yourself and keep in mind that maybe what keeps your thoughts in the same place is not him but yourself and how you deal with your feelings and attachments. In my eyes, when someone wants to be released, it is only good that you release them in every way and focus on getting over it. You can't release him if you're still holding on, can you? Not fair to yourself either.

on with the readings, and I'll be brief here because I think that only you can find what you're looking for, I'll only voice my mind
11.2 has been to me about working on my own stuff under somehow strained circumstances, this is a sort of keeping to yourself and discovering a field of growth despite everything, a hidden resource that you cannot share and maybe even you shouldn't want to do so -your inner flame.

38 is always strange, like looking yourself in a distorted mirror, not an image you can do much with, people fail to see each other for what they are in this, like seeing through fog.

the way I see 49 to 51 is that you need to let go of all those things that have upset/confused/hurt/left you shaken and out of balance, grow a new skin that carries no marks of these past experiences and then you decide what you want for yourself. This will take time but as you said it's the next step and new skins get prepared in steps and break-ups also get completed in steps. So hold on to who you are inside and use all that caring thought for someone who actually asks it from you -ehmmm how about yourself?

oh, and also good to keep in mind, is that often the IC will not provide us with THE answers but with something to hang on to till we can make up our minds and thunders ourselves


wish you well!

I understand what you mean about projecting your desires, because on the face of it this is fairly positive. (I say that with the caveat that I am wrong all the time.)

But if it were me I would really spend some time thinking about 49.3 here. All my notes on this line for whenever I've gotten it say -- you don't know what's going to happen. And you can't make it happen. Heylise says "Not time to make it happen. ‘Setting out to bring order’ is a military term; means imposing order on an unruly region. That’s a conquest; you are aiming for a revolution, which is different. Trying to fix things/ people in the way you’d like them to be would be disastrous; persevering with your own ideas is dangerous."

(I added the bold, because this line really does point to a danger, I think.)

Hilary's book (which is excellent, if you haven't seen it) says "What you are seeking is a change of mind, You cannot make this happen; awareness (other people's or your own) does not change just because you say it should . . . You need a revolution to arise naturally and transform the whole organism. If you insist on carrying your own ideas through regardless, everything you have not enlisted will undermine you."

And 49.5 says when it's time to move, you will know it without question.

Which all kind of reminds me of your 2.2 reading.

I am so sorry for your situation, which is one I am familiar with. When you care desperately, nothing is harder than to not know at all what is happening or what will happen. But there is a lot to learn and feel through, in a situation like that, while you wait. "Opportunity for growth" is such a tiresome and unwelcome phrase, but on the other side of it you can be glad you seized an opportunity like that, at least in my experience.

Anyway. Take it all with a grain of salt, 'cause I am no great reader. I wish you the best!

rodaki slipped in with some great advice while I was taking too long. It is very interesting to think of 49 as applying to you (either instead or as well). Your own transformation is probably really important here.

I love 51, by the way. I love the idea that if what you are doing is sacred to you, than don't let whatever thunders shake you, keep your hand and gaze steady, ride it out.

Take good care of yourself, lady. Hex. 49.3.5 suggests you're presently at line 3 context. Action would lead to a 'pitfall' situation. Line 5 is auspicious and indicates a transformation will take place. It could possibly be the object of your affections. As he wishes you to let go of him completely, do so. It's for your own well-being. Oh I know it's sooo hard but at present YOU are the most important person to think about and nurture. If and when he 'returns' it'll be something different and refreshing. As to whether the relationship will resume or not, I do not know, but you'll find peace. That's my take on it.

(Just want to say thankyou to all who responded, I've read and appreciate your messages, but feel too unclear just yet to make responses. Shall return to them. ty again ^^)