So, I leave for my boyfriends state tomorrow morning. Only staying for a few days well be in a hotel together while we ..actually just I..decide if well stay together or basically never see each other again. I've never been in the position and we've been together for 3 years so its a sickening thought..but I know I have to. If you've read my past threads you'll know why..

Anywaaays..a moment ago I'm in my bathroom emotionally sick and violently frustrated because there's a war going on inside me and I can't keep a clear mind no matter what I do. I can't express how torn I am..or how painfully confused..and I kind of just explode in my head begging the universe to help me out which I never do

LOW AND BEHOLD..I look in the mirror and there's a penny stuck to my arm ha!
And I'm usually the one saying things are just coincidence but it overwhelmed me and I was already emotional so you can just imagine..haha..so I rush to my room and get a paper, pen, and my pennies and just ask for help basically..with this situation.

I got hex 38 line 5 changing to hex 10
Hex 38 is basically the story of our relationship its uncanny.
The isolation and exaggerating the significane of him..but if I were only aware of the dangers we could've forged something good with each other..that I viewed him as an enemy almost unconsciously but really he only cared for me.
and then hex 10 loses me. Makes me even more torn..
I could reallyyyyy use some help...my trip is drawing near..

All I know is that hexagram 10 talks of treading carefully..and perservering..and I get the hexagram pretty frequently when I ask about this relationship.

38 is opposition..looking at two different perspectives at the same time

And line 5 changing is - 'regrets go away. Anchestors bite through the thin skin. Proceed. Carry the fault'

And I can read that going either way...I am carrying the fault of our relationship failing. I'm not sure if by proceeding with the break up I'm biting through...climbing this barrier keeping me in fear..or if I'm finally taking a risk and staying. Gah

Well..I'm at the airport..waiting to board the plane
Wish me luck
Hopefully someone could help me out by the time I land?

I'm aware I should dig a bit more and use my own insight..and I'm sure its a little irritating having post after post relating to relationships. Or the same relationship..its not as if this a forum for venting or using others as a crutch to make your decisions. I admit I'm avoiding it. I'm pretty sure I will be saying goodbye..not positive cause I'm conflicted..but I feel it might be the best for us both..id really appreciate some help though with these hexagrams. Your guys' experience and insight blows my mind most the time lol

Hello brainfloat

I don't know the history of the readings or your experiences so I'm wary of saying anything which might make the situation worse for you, all I know is that a person torn (perhaps hence receiving hexagram 38) is a person in pain, and thus someone who needs their support system - family, friends, whoever - to be there for them, and both the Yi and the internet are very poor substitutes for those things (although sometimes they're all some of us have got).

A couple of general statements:

Unless a person is damaging to us in some way, we never are compelled to completely remove them from our lives or ourselves from theirs, even though we may genuinely need to reconfigure the connection we have with them. The 'never see each other again' doesn't have to be so, unless it really needs to be so.

The second one.... It's also not a good idea to beat ourselves up for things that haven't worked for one reason or another.

I may well be wrong but it sounds like you need a good lungful of fresh air and new life, and I hope you find them wherever you go, whatever you do, and whatever happens.

Regards

Nebu

dear brain---

First thing--- the penny means to me...what's it going to be this or that as in a coin toss. And hey, Honest Abe--enough said.

hope you get nebu's and my posts (nebu that was a really nice post)

i just went directly to wilhelm's translation because it fits this situation perfectly. I hope it is not too late! The full text is below to help you find some peace, but here is my take on it:

There are some misunderstandings about your partner's sincerity and some defensiveness (line 5) resulting in differences (38) that need to be resolved and worked out cautiously -- cautiously so you don't feel that you will be harmed emotionally. (10)

WILHELM
38.5
Coming upon a sincere man, one fails to recognize him at first because of the general estrangement. However, he bites his way through the wrappings that are causing the separation. When such a companion thus reveals himself in his true character, it is one's duty to go to meet him and to work with him.

And this is what you are doing...going to work with him...

Good luck
Modest Learner

Got back last night

Nebu, I didn't read your post till the night of my first day there. and Modest I read yours in the airport as I was leaving. Though I didn't get to put your insights to use, I feel it was for the best..I'm glad I had nothing to throw into the mix of my already confused mind. Things needed to unfold naturally and thats almost impossible I'm a perfectionist and need to know im doing everything absolutely with out a doubt right..according to others mostly..

nothing is decided unfortunately..actually fortunatly. most of the trip was agonizing for both of us because it hurt too much to say goodbye and I was so lost. I made a mistake of being intimate with him too soon. but for the first time in our relationship we were completely honest with each other
We've decided to let go of how we think everything should be, and let go of our ideas of each other and let our relationship flow naturally. no force in either direction.
which is what i wanted all along..im just worried il force and distort my own emotions because I want us to work so badly.

Ive decided also to take an Iching break. I'm going to start allowing myself to make mistakes and get out of my own head-JUST LIVE

Modest what you said was spot on
I spent alot of money on this trip, I'm unemployed and live with my mother so she wasnt so pleased about me going. I'm also pretty young and Im well aware of how the situation looks to outsiders. &wilhelms translations is EXACTLY what happened. and I feel better about taking this emotional and financial risk.

I do need a lungful of new life nebu, so desperatley. and I feel today is the first first page of this new chapter

thank you both dearly

Hi Brainfloat

Glad to hear that you're back safe and thanks for coming back to the forum let us know how things are for you after that big decision you made. You may not feel it, but you were courageous.

Perfectionism and other people's ideas intruding all the time can drive us demented can't it?....... in fact I think the secret service's torturebook has it in as the number 1 method lol

"I'm going to start allowing myself to make mistakes and get out of my own head-JUST LIVE"

I can relate to that, so 'amen' to it.

Wishing you well with everything

Regards

Nebu