Thank you in advance for helping me with these readings! I know it's a long post but all the background is very relevant. It's a strange situation for me.

Background: 9 months ago I moved in with my good friend from college, "B" & her father, "L". They have been so kind and generous to me; charging me very little to live here, paying for my food, and gifting me an old car for my birthday 3 months ago. I contribute by cleaning the house, helping with the dogs, and running errands. I also buy things for the house sometimes and tried to set up more specific payments, but L always just shrugs and says it's up to me/is wish washy about it. L is notoriously generous and has helped out other friends in the past. Still, the debt I owe to them is far too great. They have made me feel like a part of their family, and we all get along, overall, extremely well.

Which brings me to the issue at hand: Over the past few months, I have noticed that L may be developing some feelings for me. It's more prevalent when the two of us are alone. Just yesterday for example, he say down next to me on the couch where my feet were. He moved my feet onto his lap and started massaging my feet and calves. I said, "You don't have to do that, you're the one who's been working all day!" and he replied "It relaxes me like petting the dogs!" I wanted to say, well I'm not a dog! But I didn't want to offend him. Personally, I find an act like that to be a romantic one. I casually got up a few minutes later because I didn't want him to touch me. B is currently away also, and I do not think he would start massaging me if she were there. She's been away for a week now, and won't return for another 9 days.

To add, I've massaged him a few times because he is always so sore; he works 72 hours a week, often with no days off for 3 weeks straight. He hasn't be in a romantic relationship for almost 20 years. I'm an attractive 25 year old woman who has made an effort to be his friend. Logically, I can see how he, who is 48, could develop a crush on me. BUT, the feelings are not reciprocal whatsoever. I made an effort to spend time with him on his days off because he is a human and I am sure he is lonely. BUT I do not want to be his substitute girlfriend.

Normally, I would address this adult to adult. I would explain that I see him as friend/father figure, and that I am uncomfortable with him massaging me unwarranted, or offering for me to sleep in his bed when the neighbor's dogs bark right outside my window. Although L is a mechanical genius, he has the emotional maturity of a child in certain ways. He sees everything very black and white. We are in the U.S. but he is from the Philippines, so I believe it is partly cultural. If I was to tell him he is making me uncomfortable, he would be offended. Plus, we're alone for 9 more days.

I wondered if I was mistaking his kindness, so I asked Yi:

"What are L's intentions toward me?" and received 18.2.5 changing to 53

Line 2

‘Ancestral mother’s corruption,
Does not allow constancy.’

Line 5

‘Ancestral father’s corruption.
Use praise.’

Right away, hex 18 seems to confirm that something is not right. Line 2 commentary says to be gentle, because feelings are involved? Perhaps not romantic ones, but I agree I need to be delicate toward him as to not hurt his feelings. Line 5 says to use praise. I do let him know how much I appreciate everything he has done for me and I will continue to do so. Hex 53 as the resulting hex could simply be describing that he feels closer to me, as we've gradually become closer and closer. It also talks of marriage however, and that had me thinking I am correct in believing he is interested in me romantically! Or at least attracted to me. This prompted me to ask Yi a follow up question.

"What are the consequences of me telling L I see him as a father figure?" I received 59.2.5 changing to 23

Line 2

‘Dispersing, flee to your support.
Regrets vanish.’

Sounds like it is a good idea, but other commentary I read says to not misjudge others, so perhaps I have misjudged him. I do see how he supports me, and once again, I have shown that gratitude. I think letting him know how I see him as a father figure should make him feel good!

Line 5

‘Dispersing sweat, his great proclamation.
Dispersing the king’s residence,
Not a mistake.’

This concerns me a little. First look, I would think it was saying I should leave. Commentary may indicate he is acting childishly? Nonetheless, either line does not indicate misfortune.

And hex 23 as the relating hex could indicate stripping away doubts of his good intentions, or his unrealistic romantic notions?

I appreciate any further insights, advice, or commentary! Thank you so much!

Don't worry about offending him for goodness sake Massages ? Good Grief ! I think you need to move out ASAP.

I can't comment on the reading because what he is doing needs no reading. You are alone in the house with your friend's dad who wants to get into bed with you and massage you ???? Who cares what he thinks he's out of order here and now is not the time to be worrying about how he feels. Look after yourself first ! I don't like the sound of this at all. Can't you find somewhere else to stay ?

He's abusing your dependence and you are being manipulated....

Also you are asking if he has 'feelings' for you well it's not feelings he's showing to you , if he was he wouldn't embarrass you this way. I think you need to wake up and see this for what it is, completely inappropriate.

Thank you Trojina! Wow, I guess I needed a wake up call. The fact that this is ringing an alarm for you surely validates my uncomfortable feelings, but do you think there is anything to be gained from the reading itself? I understand if you don't think it matters. 59.5 did say to disperse the king's residence. I am concerned about appearing ungrateful to leave so suddenly, especially to my friend B! And 18.2 says sensitivity is needed, but maybe not towards him? But like you said, maybe feeling guilty isn't necessary. I do have plans tonight that will land me home after he goes to sleep, and I was already planning on going to my Mom's for a few days, leaving tomorrow.

I noticed your questions are all about him but I think what you need to know is what is best for you. He's 23 years older than you, he can look after himself and also this is a classic kind of 'confusion' where a young person feels guilty when a kindly older figure makes sexual advances. It's confusing yes but don't be confused because it's one of the oldest stories in the book, it's manipulation. Naturally you feel indebted to him and he is capitalising on that but actually you are under no obligation to allow him to touch you however kind he has been. You said

Normally, I would address this adult to adult. I would explain that I see him as friend/father figure, and that I am uncomfortable with him massaging me unwarranted, or offering for me to sleep in his bed when the neighbor's dogs bark right outside my window. Although L is a mechanical genius, he has the emotional maturity of a child in certain ways. He sees everything very black and white. We are in the U.S. but he is from the Philippines, so I believe it is partly cultural. If I was to tell him he is making me uncomfortable, he would be offended. Plus, we're alone for 9 more days.

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...yet to me (no offence intended) it is you who sound like a very young trusting innocent girl even though you are 25. You know that some men can try to get sexual favours by trying to make you feel sorry for them, saying they are lonely or making you feel indebted to them don't you ? That is in part what he is doing. I'm not saying he's 100% bad person but it isn't right what he is doing and there is no excuses.

Which brings me to the issue at hand: Over the past few months, I have noticed that L may be developing some feelings for me. It's more prevalent when the two of us are alone. Just yesterday for example, he say down next to me on the couch where my feet were. He moved my feet onto his lap and started massaging my feet and calves. I said, "You don't have to do that, you're the one who's been working all day!" and he replied "It relaxes me like petting the dogs!" I wanted to say, well I'm not a dog! But I didn't want to offend him. Personally, I find an act like that to be a romantic one. I casually got up a few minutes later because I didn't want him to touch me. B is currently away also, and I do not think he would start massaging me if she were there. She's been away for a week now, and won't return for another 9 days

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No you are not a dog and no if you do not want to be touched that way then you need not allow it.

I wondered if I was mistaking his kindness, so I asked Yi:

"What are L's intentions toward me?" and received 18.2.5 changing to 53

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I tend to think Yi mostly answers us ourselves. I think the danger here is in line 2 that you are trying to be too understanding of someone who is actually overstepping your boundaries. But if this were about his motives I'm afraid I just wouldn't spend the time thinking about his motives as I think they are pretty clear and my concern is for you not him. Also there is a safety issue IMO. If he thinks he can just touch you when he wants what if he tries to take it further when you are unwilling ? Then you are in a difficult position in that it would be your word against his. That is worst case scenario I know but I don't think you can afford to be too casual about this.

"What are the consequences of me telling L I see him as a father figure?" I received 59.2.5 changing to 23

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Oh this answer is clearly telling you to save yourself. The situation is untenable (23) so go to that support you know and trust (59.2) and don't hold back (59.5) out of fear of offending him. Your own peace of mind and safety are far more important.

. I do have plans tonight that will land me home after he goes to sleep, and I was already planning on going to my Mom's for a few days, leaving tomorrow.

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Yes please do go and stay with your mum and maybe talk it through with her to see what is best to do.

Trojina, I can't express enough my appreciation for you taking the time to reply to my query! I still do not believe L initially had an ulterior intention, but if I listen to my heart and not my head, I do feel he has become too attached to me overtime and just begun to cross boundaries. I don't want this to escalate further. Perhaps his unhealthy attraction for me is why he is so lackadaisical about me paying him more $. I will add that when he offered for me to sleep in his bed because of the neighbor's dogs barking outside my window, he said it so casually, didn't appear creepy about it but I was thinking "Uhh, really? Come on, that's weird." That was the clearest red flag for me. Unfortunately, I have intuited red flags with men before, but I agree I have been fairly naive and trusting in this situation. Perhaps I hoped he was different. And I admit that being able to save money and feel taken care of has been really, really nice. I am after all, a recent university grad carrying a lot of debts. Of course, no matter how much I have taken advantage of the situation, there's no justification for him to take advantage of me. I asked the following follow-up questions:

"What are the consequences of me taking Trojina's advice and moving out asap?" I received 25.1.4 to 20

Line 1

‘Without entanglement,
Going on, good fortune.’

Line 4

‘There can be constancy – no mistake.’

The yi seems to concur. Commentary on line 1 says to follow my heart, and line 4 says to act of a state of abundance. For the most part, staying here would be an act of scarcity, since I am worried about money. it's not entirely selfish because I love being here with my friend and the dogs, but it is partly selfish too.

I also asked "What is the best thing for me to do in this situation with L?" I received hex 17 unchanging.

Again, the answer seems fairly clear to follow my heart and see where my motivations really lie for staying or going. I admit that staying first and foremost is to save more money. Commentary suggests that going around about this in my head will only cause fear. Indeed I am afraid about not having enough savings, but I agree precedence for my physical and emotional safety and well being is obvious.

Perhaps there is nothing else to comment on, as it all seems obvious now. But I thought I'd write this all out if it could help others with similar readings. I am still processing all of this, feeling a lot of fear and some anxiety now. Thank you again for your time and attention, it means a lot to me.

18.2.5 to 53
2: Ancestral mother's corruption
An age-old source of women's corruption (in the mother's lineage, as it were) is the exploitation of women. Women sometimes cooperate with their own victimization-- by being silent and not setting boundaries, for instance.
5: Ancestral father's corruption:
The man's belief that he may over-step a woman's boundaries, and court sexual favors, or even just emotional and sensual ones, from her, even without being sensitive to her desires or wishes.
Use praise means: say it nicely, thank him for his the housing, but make it absolutely clear that he must stop right away. Be firm about this.
He may be confused but he needs to know.

53 resulting hexagram: you will open yourself to new relationships that are more suitable for you by putting an end to this one.

loverofknowledge, thank you for your interpretation as well. Totally different perspective from my original one, but it makes a lot of sense. I'm going to stay at the house tonight, leave tomorrow, and not return until B does. Then I'm going to thank him for everything but let him know his recent actions are not okay with me. Meanwhile, I have 2 possible places I could stay in addition to my mom's.

That sounds like a good plan.
You could tell him what you indicated here: (and make it clear it's really inappropriate, in case he does not realize that or is fooling himself):
"Normally, I would address this adult to adult. I would explain that I see him as friend/father figure, and that I am uncomfortable with him massaging me unwarranted, or offering for me to sleep in his bed when the neighbor's dogs bark right outside my window. "

Thats a good point loverofknowledge unless she is clear he may get carried away thinking things are actually progressing in his own way or continue in his deluded way.
It wont get better thats for sure
When ever i see 18 something needs to be fixed generally.

Steve

It seems unlikely to me that as a 48 year old man he 'doesn't realise' he is being inappropriate in inviting you to his bed or massaging your legs uninvited. Therefore I'd place explaining things to him pretty low on your list of priorities. I also wouldn't advise you attempt to explain things to him when you are alone in the house with him.

Your main priority must be getting away from him.

However what are you going to say to his daughter when she returns ? Are you going to tell her the truth or just say you decided to leave anyway ? It might be difficult because she may be defensive of him since it's her father or not believe you. I don't suppose she will like to hear that her father tried to get physical with you, it might be hard for her.

Just wanting to add here that you don't owe him or anyone an explanation or a thank you or even the truth. Say whatever you need to say to get out. One possibility that occurs to me is, "There's some family dramas going on at home and my mom has asked me to move back in with her." End of discussion.

I agree that as a 48 year old man, L should be aware that his offer for me to sleep in his bed is totally inappropriate. But as I mentioned before, he really is quite emotionally immature. Childlike in certain ways really. Am I defending him? Maybe, but his lack of self-awareness has been a topic between his daughter B & I many times before. He is often passive-aggressive with her, & seems completely unaware of this. B also suffers from depression (As do I, though not to her severity) & he cannot seem to wrap his head around her lack of motivation at times. I know from everyone's perspectives, it doesn't matter, but trust me, this man is quirky. One of my coworkers once said that when people are single for too long, they become blind sided by what she described as "the sin of weirdness." Creatures of habit to a higher degree. L is guilty of this undoubtedly. And because he has a long history of kindness to others, I do think I need to give him the opportunity to clear this up. He is disillusioned to some degree or another. I am still leaving today & will discuss it with him once B is back, in 8 days. Thank you again everyone, & I'm open to more advice if anyone thinks of anything to add. And I will update this once the conversation takes place.

Good lord woman he's nothing unusual from way too many men his age....please stop making excuses of quirkiness, depression and whatever else you're saying....he knows exactly what he's doing and can read just how kind your heart is and is taking advantage of your naiveness as a 25 year old.

Just to clarify my own point ,when I said, he may not understand what he's doing. In my experience, men who lack boundaries, and sexually take advantage of younger women, sometimes deceive themselves. They lie to themselves -- and frame their actions as being "just friendly" or affectionate or maybe only flirtatious.
I've witnessed this.
So that's what I meant, that he may be rationalizing, -- it is problematic behavior, but so it may be.
The situation you describe actually reminds of a similar thing that I observed, between a man around 45 and a woman around 25, once when I lived with roommates.
The guy was pretending he was just being friendly, and affectionate, when his behavior was definitely inappropriate -- touching without asking, massaging, etc. -- and the younger woman did distance herself from him (though I'm not sure whether she spoke firmly to him, completely, or not -- I left the shared living situation very quickly myself).

Trojina said:

Your main priority must be getting away from him.

However what are you going to say to his daughter when she returns ? Are you going to tell her the truth or just say you decided to leave anyway ? It might be difficult because she may be defensive of him since it's her father or not believe you. I don't suppose she will like to hear that her father tried to get physical with you, it might be hard for her.

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rosada said:

Just wanting to add here that you don't owe him or anyone an explanation or a thank you or even the truth. Say whatever you need to say to get out. One possibility that occurs to me is, "There's some family dramas going on at home and my mom has asked me to move back in with her." End of discussion.

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Yes, I don't know if the readings already addressed this, but in addition to what everyone's saying about getting out of there, what to tell your friend is the next problem.

I could easily see your friendship with B being ruined over this, as well as her relationship with her father. Those are pretty serious consequences, especially the latter. White lies might be a really good idea.

I disagree with white lying with this....why should you be dishonest to cover someone else's behaviour. If your friendship falls apart then that's just how it is..if she finds out later you lied then it's gonna be worse. Her relationship with her father has got nothing to do with you. If she falls out with her father over this remember it was his behaviour not yours that brought this about.

Luckily I have a week to decide what to say exactly, and I was planning on having an honest discussion with him, but I do think it would be devastating to tell B about this. Not just because of our friendship, but because B was the victim of sexual assault last year & is not at all healed from the event. That is part of why I have wanted to be here with her. We're closer than ever & it pains me what she went through. To bring up the possibility of her own father making advances toward me would be unfair to her, I believe. Also, the car is still registered in his name so I need to be on amicable terms to register under my name. I also just remembered the 3 of us have concert tickets together, for a show in August. I purchased them as a thank you to L & birthday gift to B. As you can imagine, we're all a bit tangled. Thank you everyone for your support.

Just a comment honesty vs. white lies. If scarlett3page can navigate the situation being totally straight, fine. If not, her safety and sanity are more important than being politically correct.

I once wrote a letter to Dear Abby, a popular advice columnist, stating how as a psychic counselor I talked to many girls who called saying things like, "Well I went out with this guy and I got pregnant." IOW, they didn't know how to talk about sex, instead they said, "we went out." I was writing to Abby saying that it seemed it was less stressful for woman to have unwanted sex with the guy than it was to risk appearing rude by talking about it! I asked her to poll her readers and find out how they handled these situations. She did and she got more responses to that question than any other in the entire history of her column! She printed samplings of the answers for the next three weeks! So the point is, it's tricky to talk about sex and reject advances without appearing rude and many many women have been in situations similar to yours where they were trapped by their own desire not to be impolite.

btw, Scarlett, a couple of phrases that you might find useful, "I'm not comfortable with this," if he tries to touch you and "That wouldn't be appropriate" if he offers to share his bed.

If he had actually sexually assaulted her I think she'd be bound to tell the truth for the sake of others as well as herself. But as he hasn't actually assaulted her, only acted inappropriately, then it is up to Scarlett's discretion and what she feels is the best thing to say/not say.

I mean I still think moving out is important and I don't think she needs to explain to him too much if at all. Also however the explanation is put (or not) I do not think it should be made as an apology, ie 'I'm sorry but...' because there's nothing to be sorry for so I think the tone needs to be firmer and more final than that. Of course how it is put is up to Scarlett but I think the main thing we were all trying to get across was she shouldn't feel she is the one in the wrong who must appease him and so on.

Hi everyone, I'm currently out of the house, expecting B to return tonight. I asked the Yi:

"What are the consequences of me telling L I'm not comfortable with us massaging each other?" And I received

39.5 changing to 15
Line 5

‘Greatly limping; partners come.’
So obviously it is saying this is a difficult situation for me, & that friends will come to my aid.

As an alternative, I asked "What are the consequences of me not talking to L about my feelings & making moves (to leave)?" I received 52.3.6 changing to 2
Line 3

‘Stilling your waist,
Dividing your back,
Danger smothers the heart.’

Line 6

‘Great-hearted stilling.
Good fortune.’

These lines seemingly contradict themselves, but I am given the impression from line 3 that if I don't speak up, danger will result. And line 6 has me thinking maybe I've gotten too worked up over this? Of the 2 options, telling him I wasn't comfortable with the massage seems like the better idea. Fear has me vascillating still. But I firmly still want to leave the house soon since it's very dirty, & I firmly will not talk to B about this.

Does anyone have thoughts or insights on these latest readings? Thank you again. Update on his response to follow within the next couple days.

I wonder if 39.5 is describing the father pretending he's coming to your aid by giving you a massage? Perhaps 15 is giving you a clue as to how to talk to him, calm modest, not making things a big drama. "Another massage? Oh no thank you, I'm feeling much better now." If he doesn't accept your refusal then you can tell him more bluntly that "Frankly I'm not comfortable with you doing that, but I appreciate the offer." If he still presses and demands you explain why you are refusing then don't be shy about laying it on thick, "It doesn't make me feel good, in fact it feels creepy. Please stop asking me." and finally, "You're stepping over my boundaries. I've asked you to stop. Stop now."

I see 52.3.6 - 2 as meaning you probably will feel you're really stifling yourself not saying anything (52.3) but I think you'll come to feel okay about it (52.6) and then hex 2 suggests that if you don't say anything then nothing more is said.

So which ever approach works for you is good.

Btw, I don't think you need to say anything to your girl friend right away if you don't feel to. You might do better to talk it over with her a month down the road when you're out of the house and settled some place else.

Thank you Rosada. I don't know if it changes the interpretation really, but I did mean by 1st question that I would tell L I don't think either of us should me massaging each other, so I can completely avoid him asking for or offering another. It seems whether or not I say anything, no terrible misfortune will ensue so that's very relieving!

HI scarlett3page,

You've been through quite a lot, and so far it seems there's been no harm done...there's a lot to be thankful for just in that!

39.5 to 15 ~ If you put your foot down (5), so to speak, and confront him, then there will be humiliation (15).

52.3.6 to 2 ~ Staying quiet leads to emotional relief (3) and peace of mind (6)...for both of you (2).

So, the trick here, if you feel you are up to it, is to do two things at the same time ~ skillfully make yourself unavailable for boundary crossing, and show no judgement ~ while you transition to the next better option for you.

This would be a limited hangout solution ~ one that courageously gives L a chance to rally to his best self ~ while still keeping you in the healing process with B. You might want to toss on this one?

Or, if you just don't feel comfortable or safe, then you can always go full self-protective, eject, and accept the wreckage?

But, honestly, my take is that while the environment lacks the clear bright lines that healthy, thriving relationships need ~ it seems more confused than threatening ~ like weak boards in the flooring that you learn to step around.

Can you elevate your game and be smarter than the situation while staying in it, or does that feel like too much to take on here?

No matter what you decide, best of luck!

Thank you radiofreewill! I did not interpret 39.5 to 15 as leading to humiliation, quite the opposite! But that's why I'm posting here, still very amateur at understanding the I Ching. Frankly, talking to him is going to take a lot of courage & I do not feel ready for it. I am very grateful no harm has come from this, & I do think I can avoid him most of the time at least. It helps that he's gone 14 hours a day. & I am awaiting the return of a potential roommate from her vacation so still more updates to come

Ah yes, & a toss on the question "What are the consequences of me avoiding L as much as possible while planning to leave soon?" A bit of a vague question, but things are so up in the air. I received

Hex 58.5 changing to 54
Line 5

‘Trusting in stripping away,
There is danger.’

Affirms there is danger now, so it is positive to avoid him, or that avoiding him will lead to danger? Upon rereading responses, I am inclined to believe it is the latter.

Hi, 58.5 to 54
I read this as saying, it's dangerous to leave while doing nothing, and just avoiding him. However, the manner of speaking up -- or dealing with the situation - is quite open. It seems to me like it needs to be addressed, somehow, clearly.
The outcome -- or the context -- is 54 , a situation of unequal power relations, and discomfort from being in a subordinate (and vulnerable) position.
how does that resonate for you?
(see below) I also have a quick take on your last cast (which I hadn't seen).



Btw: your last cast of 39.5 to 15 seems auspicious for talking with him , in a kind and gentle (but firm) way (that's what 15 indicates)
But the reading with 52 changing to 2 is also fairly auspicious.

So maybe it was not yet the time to confront him?

Boy does 54 as the relating hex resonate with me! I am obviously in a subordinate position & since I cannot gauge what his reaction will be, even to a very calm & clear explanation of my feelings, I do think I will wait & see how the next few days are, as I continue to make phone calls & clean up my room. Thank you loverofknowledge. Furthermore, B starts her summer courses next week so we'll have a few days with her around

Consequences of avoiding L as much as possible while planning to leave?

58.5 to 54

My read is "You'll be happy to see his attention turn towards another."

In relationships of all kinds, everything said and not said, done and not done, is communication. In entangled relationships, communications are a muddle and mis-readings of situations are common, frequently leading to hurt feelings and damaged pride.

One of the great maxims of good governance in ancient China was: "Don't give the people the opportunity to go wrong, and they won't."

In your case, this means 'normalizing' your participation in the 2-4 hours of communal time each day ~ through skillful deeds, not words ~ such that boundary crossing can't happen...and it won't.

With B back, I think you'll find it intuitive and natural to 'gray' yourself slightly into the background and elegantly hold to your boundaries while still contributing and playing your part.

So, I like your plan to see how the next few days go, as a 'don't rock the boat' approach.

At least for now, I don't see any harm in it...

A little update: B has returned & there's be no time for L to offer massages or otherwise cross boundaries. I have not spoken to him yet because I am still uncertain if it is worth it. But I also cannot see being here much longer having said nothing at all about it. Particularly because I've obviously been in a strange mood the past few days. I didn't want to muddle this thread with too many more castings, but I still need guidance in this situation, so I asked Yi: "What are the consequences of me talking to L about boundaries the next time the 2 of us are alone?" & I received 27.2 changing to 41
Line 2

‘Unbalanced nourishment.
Rejecting the standard, looking to the hilltop for nourishment.
Setting out to bring order – pitfall.’

This seems to be describing the situation I'm in more than answering the question, unless talking to him will also result in me feeling more anxious & dependent than I ready feel. Or perhaps it is pointing to his attempt to be norished by my company. As an answer to my question, it indicates a pitfall. Part of me just wants to get this over with but I feel incapable of controlling my irritation at this point & I obviously need to be delicate. I also asked: "Please update me on what I should know about L & this situation?" & received 21.1.5 changing to 12
Line 1

‘Shoes locked in the stocks, feet disappear – not a mistake.’
Line 5

‘Biting through dried meat, gaining golden metal.
Constancy means danger – not a mistake.’

12 as the relating hex makes me feel this situation is at a permanent impasse. From line 1 I feel we do need to discuss the event so it doesn't happen again, & from line 5 I'm confused. It indicates danger but also says "not a mistake?" I appreciate any interpretations, advice, what have you. Still feeling muddled but thankful boundaries haven't been crossed again..yet..

Thanks for the update ~ glad to hear that the no-harm streak is still alive!

"What are the consequences of me talking to L about boundaries the next time the 2 of us are alone?"
27.2 to 41 mountain/thunder changing to mountain/valley.
"If you speak up and force the issue, there will be depleting emotional ups and downs."

"Please update me on what I should know about L & this situation?"
21.1.5 to 12 fire/thunder changing to heaven/earth.
"He's shamefully aware that he crossed a boundary, and won't do it, again ~ but to speak to him about it would be alienating."
line 1 ~ feet in stocks ~ no more foot massages
line 5 ~ to speak about the past is a re-wounding
The 'gaining golden metal' part refers to having an insight into this difficult situation, as a result of reviewing it for yourself. To continue on communicating with a disregulated mood is certain to push you apart.

***

In your post to start this thread, which is one of the best I've ever read, you said that you have given him massages in the past, for kind and sympathetic reasons, but, for you, massages can also be taken as romantic, too...

Isn't that enough to make this a 'no harm, no foul' situation ~ from which each of you can learn ~ without getting entangled over it?

One of your options here ~ going forward ~ is to stay on your side of clear, bright boundaries while participating in wholesome productive ways that encourage healthy relationship development...while you look for your next best option?

So, I see the Yi as saying that a walkaway is better than a confrontation...but, it's your call. :bows:

I hope others will also continue to comment ~ I'm aware that I'm blatantly advocating a 'no harm' resolution here ~ but, you have to be ready to skillfully escalate in the way that Rosada spoke of, too...

I like your process ~ I hope this helps!