I asked I ching what should I do or how to forgive a person who caused me so much pain..(this is not a romantic relationship; nonetheless, a very important relationship in my life). I received Hex 31.3> 45. Could some one let me know the meaning?

Hi scarlet

I'm thinking it's showing you how to forgive the person in a backhand kind of way. Here's what I mean: 31.3 talks about feeling impelled, about holding onto something you're following, and how this involves a feeling of distress or shameful inadequacy. So, if I'm reading this correctly for you, the Yi's saying something like this: "You're impelled by what's happened between you and X, you're still holding onto it and it's running your emotions as a result; this is distressing, of course, and possibly shameful - you can do better."

In other words, I think the Yi's painting a picture of your emotional position in all of this, rather than telling you what to do, because it knows that if you see your position in this clearly, you will KNOW what to do. So, arising out of this, here is a question to consider:

Is it in your power to let go of the feelings you have toward X? In other words, are you allowing yourself to have these feelings to some extent? Are you indulging?

scarlet said:

I asked I ching what should I do or how to forgive a person who caused me so much pain..(this is not a romantic relationship; nonetheless, a very important relationship in my life). I received Hex 31.3> 45. Could some one let me know the meaning?

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Hi Scarlet

31 - Conjoining. The realising person uses emptiness to accept people.
Go within. Accept what has happened, understand why it has happened and then let go of all that you are holding onto.
31.3 - It's going to be difficult for youto do this but it is right for you to forgive this person. Stick with it even when it's all too confusing for you.
45 - Things will all come together. A great effort brings great rewards.

Love and hugs

Mike

31.3...I really like dobro's take on this line.. the matter causes you shame.

Advice is not go *forward* with this, in other words, it is an inside job....the influence is in the thighs....image of something sexual in nature? or something very private, lower chakras of the body ruling sense of connection, sexuality. you felt hurt at a deep level

And I like Mike's take too.

the advice is to integrate this event, 45, and I would say that it is possible and important for you to do this now. How does it fit in with the rest of your life, put the pieces together, accept it as part of yourself and heal yourself by forgiving. dont be afraid to go deep, inquire of yourself as to what exactly is hurting within you as a result of this event, this person. the gift will be your own understanding.

Hello Scarlet,
What strikes me about Hex 31.3 is: yes, you should forgive but without letting this person do whatever he/she feels like doing. It is suggesting that you are somehow eager to forgive but the line is all about restraint; in this case, you should set limits to his/her behaviour. I think that it is also saying that you should keep a leash on the strong emotions involved in this relationship, especially yours.

Hope it helps.

Hex 31.3 suggests that trying to reconcile and forgive this person would not be the right thing to do, you are following your heart and not your head. This person has hurt you so why the hurry to forgive, stop, exercise self control and back off this idea, you will only cause yourself problems. You cannot compromise with a person who is not on the same page.

Forgiving is a whole different ballgame. That is a must in any situation regardless, but the action? Inhibition. In a nutshell, back off and remain aloof. Not with coldness, but in all gentleness. Let the other person make the move, or not if they should choose. It is okay, it is always okay. Let them be them, and you be true to yourself.

Gene

I wonder if the Yi is perhaps suggesting that it would be beneficial to consider how this person has stimulated, influenced, you in a positive sense.
I can usually see, with people that caused me pain, that there is another side to it. By hurting me they also helped me, ultimately. This makes forgiving them much easier.

I am not the right woman to ask an opinion about forgiving... - but, if Listener is right, and you have a conflict about the first Chakra, I guess the point for you is not sex, but survival. As I - even too intensely - experienced, the first Chakra expresses not an aspect of life, but life itself: the connection with sex is on a second level: sex is, so to say, what "gives life" (in every sense) to men. It is quite normal, for instance, not to have any sexual intercourse (or, on the opposite, to have too much sex), if your life is running some definite risk. Problems with 1th chakra are also quite common after the death of someone who you loved very much and considered as "your own life"; or after the loss of an amount of money (big enough you doubt you can go on living). My conclusion is, you might have (most unconsciously) thought that this person (whom you now believe you have to forgive) put your life on a real risk, and that's why you cannot feel perfectly unscathed... Kisses, Vassilissa

I've been giving alot of thought to the meaning of the trigrams lately. The lower trigram for 31 is Ken, Mountain, Keeping Still. The third line of the trigram is the top of the mountain. This suggests to me the line indicates it's time to keep still, put a limit on something, time to say we're not going to build this mountain any higher, not going to hold a grudge any longer.. So I too see 31.3 as a situation where you have been run by your emotions and it is time to let your heart choose the wisest course.
Next consider the change line leads to 45 which is Fellowship, but specifically warns, "The superior man renews his weapons in order to meet the unforeseen."

I make my guess that the I Ching is encouraging you to consider forgiving - certainly sounds like you're being advised to not hold a grudge, but also to be alert as far as how close you chose to be with this person in the future - protect yourself from "the unforeseen."

BTW, as far as the actual forgiving, I've found it helpful to affirm, "I am willing to forgive," rather than just telling myself, "Okay, I forgive," because forgiving usually involves seeing things from a different perspective, seeing things differently from how I see them at the moment. Thus if someone has done me an injustice, to simply say, "I forgive you this injustice you did me," usually results only in my no longer trying to collect on the bill, but I don't get an insight on how to proceed with any kind of relationship. It becomes, "I forgive you, but I don't ever want to see you again." Whereas if I say, "I am WILLING to forgive, I am OPEN to forgiving," then in a day or two it seems my unconcious serves up a very acceptable new interpretation of the situation that makes it not only possible for me to forgive but to also see how I can continue to relate to this person if necessary. So you might ask the I Ching, "How can I view this situation to enable me to forgive?"

gene said:

Forgiving is a whole different ballgame. That is a must in any situation regardless, but the action? Inhibition. In a nutshell, back off and remain aloof. Not with coldness, but in all gentleness. Let the other person make the move, or not if they should choose. It is okay, it is always okay. Let them be them, and you be true to yourself.

Gene

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I agree with gene. Until the forgiving is accomplised the situation cannot be resolved. Baggage will remain preventing a new start in whatever direction that may mean for scarlet.
I sense this is a really tough period for her and some deep issues have to be acknowledged. I like rosada's not let the mountain get any higher comment. It's going to be tough but there is a karmic lesson to be learnt here ( Hidden possibility).

Scarlet - How you decide to tackle this has to be your call. Making the hugh effort now will allow a fresh foundation for future goodies to come your way.

Mike

I feel like I need to say how much this thread has helped me deal with a painful issue in my life. I had a dear friend who just one day abandoned her entire life, all of her friends and disappeared. It's been 3 years since she vanished and yet I keep having painful dreams about her. I know she doesn't want to be connected to me anymore (or anyone she used to know) which I accept as her prerogative, but it is still so painful for me as we were extremely close. After receiving this hexagram combination in response to my question as to why I keep dreaming about her, I now understand that my only choice is to forgive her in my heart and let her go. I realize that I will have no peace in regards to this matter until I forgive her and that ultimately it's about me and what I'm still holding onto in the situation. Just wanted to say thanks to the contributors to this thread.