Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
Thank you for your thoughts. There was a lot of what you said that I definitely resonate with and that apply. Where I don't necessarily agree is the point about me feeling any anger...now more than ever I just feel lots of sadness, shame and grief. I don't want to lose him.I feel your confusion and pain. I have dealt with something similar recently with a very close friend.
Nearing Conflict, or Nearing in terms of the Conflict. You want to approach him, but there is an ongoing conflict. You aren’t sure how to approach, being that you’re in the midst of conflict and his behavior, even your efforts at traveling to visit, seems one-sided. So you’re conflicted within about your own give and take, the transactions between you, and whether you’re in your ego, despite the obvious indication that his behavior hurts you. Did I get it right?
Reminds me of Katie Byron’s “Loving What Is.” Her work revolves around the idea of accepting all exactly as it is.
First, I’m not sure what a “situationship“ is, even though I’m of the age that I should. I gather it means there’s nothing concrete or committed b/w you, but you are somewhat romantically involved based on availability and through communication?
My first instinct is, Approach Conflict, 19>6, by getting an Overview, 20. See it for what it truly is. You have your feelings. You have your reaction to those feelings of his actions, etc. and not getting what you want. Underneath your anger is fear and sadness that it’s not quite going the way you want and you feel put out, like you’re giving more than he is. And you want him to give and put into it and care more than he is. He’s acting pretty passive about it.
Based on the reading, I think Yi is asking you to evaluate your approach in light of what’s true for you and what your needs are. Take the focus off of him for a bit.
I would be remiss if I didn’t say that you’ve put him in a position of power by reacting from anger. Because right now, there’s a power struggle going on. Now, is he helping to unconsciously create it, or are you just fighting against what is by wanting him to be different than he is and give more than he’s giving?
If it were me, I’d Approach the Conflict from my center. I’d center myself in my core and in union with my heart, which inevitably means to be honest about my desires and my responsibilities in this situation/ship. When I became calm and thoroughly clear about what I want from the relationship, I’d approach from that space—centered and in my heart. I’d defuse my reactions within, until I were clear and calm enough to speak to him from a place of love. I‘d say how his behavior makes me feel. I’d state my needs and ask for what I want. Then, I’d leave it to him to choose.
Thing is, when we fight people, we’re trying to control them to come to our side. That’s what the 6 is here, the conflict with what is. Accept what is. Of course, get clear with him so you know what is. Then you can decide if the situationship works for you. If it provides the nourishment you need.
I’d say, as an outsider, but also as someone who’s experienced it, you’re in turmoil bc it doesn’t provide what you need. So then whatever you continue to give will create resentment bc you expect a return. If you can keep giving as you have and want nothing from him, you’d not be in conflict. So the arrangement isn’t working.
Also, I don’t think it’s your pride talking. I think your anger is evidence that there is some imbalance in the relationship. So seek to balance it. And if you can’t, cut it loose.
Lastly, don’t be afraid to cut loose that which doesn’t provide the balance or nourishment you need. Free yourself up and create the space for mutuality to enter. Have courage in the interim and focus on yourself. Overall, how you Approach this Conflict will tell you if you’re simply continuing the cycle or moving beyond it. Look to see if there is an underlying pattern of this type of energetic exchange.
Wishing you peace and calm in your heart, especially while you figure this out.
Sounds like you’re processing. Things look one way at one moment, and then another at another moment. I understand your feelings. Only you can come to the correct conclusion for your own heart. Maybe the relationship simply needs work? You‘ll have to get very clear within. I feel like you’re still in the middle of it. Give it some time to flesh out within. But it seems you’re heading his direction, so…Yes, while his behaviour at present is not meeting my needs, I can't help but feel that I was unfair in my judgement. And so of course I want to approach from a place of love.
Maybe the reading means Nearing the Conflict Within. It reminds me of a process in which we meditate on our bodies and the feelings arising and on our heart and have a dialogue with it. You’ll hear the truth of how you feel and what you need. Maybe once you hear from the part of you that’s so conflicted, you’ll know what to do. Also, all of life is catalyst for our growth. Iron it out and find peace in whatever the outcome is.how do you do that when you're meant to be looking forward about taking some time off to see and spend time with the people you love, only for this to happen just before?
I think this is what you fear. The answer. He knows, yet won’t offer. And if you concede, then you’re accepting less than you want in a relationship. But you don’t want to let go.Quite simply, I don't know if it will make a difference to ask for what I want. He already knows what I want. If he wants to give me any of that, he will have to do it of his own accord...
Makes even more sense! That meditative overseeing with patience energy. To observe and not make the offering.20.1.2.3.6 to 5 is what the Yi was actually trying to tell me.
This is why I say that. It reminds me of the abandonment wound and how we and others respond to it.I've had so many emotional outbursts with him because he's allowed me to be myself.. and this tends to happen- when I feel safe with someone, I also become vulnerable. When they take that away by changing their interaction with me, distancing themselves for whatever reason- whether intentionally or not- it breaks me.
Looking from the outside but from having experienced something similar, I’d say self-love is the lesson. Not abandoning self for others. Always being with you no matter what people do or don’t do. Not being so codependently tied to them.I don't know what I'm supposed to learn from any of this. To just be alone I guess, because every time I love the way that I do (I don't know any other way), quite frankly, this happens. So yeah.. just be alone
Sounds like the ball is in his court. Your work is to find peace no matter the outcome. Maybe seeing him will help bring that ho’oponopono energy full circle. 20>5 sounds like a recipe for finding peace. 5 knows it will rain, even though it hasn’t yet. It trusts, has faith that all needs will be met. 20 is a master teacher, perhaps the higher self, observing from a distance, while sending those vibratory solutions.
Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).