41.1/4 and 25.2.6/58…balancing parenting and working

[Delphinius]

Hi community, this is my first post. I have learned so much from reading through so many posts and and the Wiki and want to thank you ahead of time for any feedback you may give.

I asked: Paint me a picture of my mothering these days —> 41.1/4

(I am a single mom now of two adolescent girls and struggling with all to tend to and trying so hard all the time to be there for them and wanted to know truly how I was doing.)

I then asked: Paint me a picture of my work life these days —> 25.2.6/58

(I own a small food business and feel increasingly burdened by its relentless demands. No time off, very strenuous and will require growth in the next year to continue.)

I feel the first message is that perhaps I’m doing what’s needed as a mother and no more, moving on quickly, but with deep thought. Is that about right? I do want the truth here.

I am more confused by the second. It sounds like building on the past is not advised but that may also be a total blunder if I act on this. The two lines don’t seem to flow. Any thoughts?

Thank you!

 

[Liselle]

Agreed about 41.1. It says "not a mistake " and I can't think of a time that I got it when it meant anything other than get done what's needed, expeditiously. (That's only my own experiences, though.)

Your second reading - are you in WikiWing? I don't have anything better for 25.2 than what's there. https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/index.php?wiki/&title=Hexagram-25#Line-2

Line 6 mostly seems to mean don't be so disentangled that you're oblivious. That seems to go along with 25.6's step of change, 17, Following. (The step of change is the hexagram a line changes to by itself, when there are multiple moving lines.)

This might be off-putting and make no sense, but do you think there's any chance it could mean to find a less demanding way to make a living?

And look back at 41.1. It literally says,
'Bringing [one's own] business to an end, going swiftly,
Not a mistake.
Considering decreasing it.'

41 is about sacrifices you can afford to make ("two small baskets"), and making things simpler.

 

[rosada]

41.1 says to me that you respond quickly to your daughters’ needs which is very commendable - in fact maybe it’s appropriate to consider if there are things the girls should be taking more responsibility for themselves. Perhaps you need to Decrease some of your caregiving?

The Image for 41 says the most important thing to Decrease here is anger and to restrain instincts.
This has me thinking about how important it is for a kid to feel it’s okay to tell their parent anything and to not be afraid Mom will get mad. That may be particularly significant as they enter these chaotic teen years.

So tell them it’s time they took a turn cooking dinner - and don’t get angry if it’s inedible -
and control your instincts to ask about their love lives.

Finally 41.1 changes to 4. and the one time the I Ching answers:
DON’T ASK.
As in who the heck knows how to parent a teenager…?

 

[Delphinius]

Thank you, Liselle. I looked at the Wiki for 25.2 and what stood out was freeing oneself from the ploughing/reaping ‘agrarian palaver’ so one can have a direction to go, journey to embark on. (I have built this huge ball and chain in the weekly grind of the seasonal weekly menus we put out and all the work that entails, that I end up working ‘in’ the business and not ‘on’ it, i.e. big picture stuff.)

The first line in the ‘mothering’ reading is interesting in its wording and seeing as these two pieces are so intertwined, it’s not surprising. It’s not off base at all to suggest this is saying ‘try an easier line of work’ as I have been brought to my knees lately around doing just this, and not ready to face that I can’t figure out a way forward that doesn’t kill me in the process. I’ll have to sit more with the message of 25.6 …what might I be oblivious to? My business’s overall health or mine perhaps?

And thank you, Rosada. The ‘don’t ask’ nature of 4 is super interesting and I love it. Certainly seems to pertain to the throwing your hands up nature of parenting these pre-teens. I love that you read it as ‘do less for them’. We’ve just implemented a journal of chores and homework for the oldest and this fits. Cooking dinner sounds great. And cleaning up after. My emotional reactions to my oldest have been turned way up as she is FIERY to say the least. Heeding that message as the stakes will only get higher.

Thanks to you both.

 

[rosada]

Just in case there was a confusion:
It’s not hex 4 but hex 41.1 that I’m suggesting means do less for them

41.1
Going quickly when one’s tasks are finished is without blame.
[Meaning going quickly to help out the girls when your work is done is okay]
But one must reflect on how much one may decrease others.
[As in one should consider if decreasing there responsibilities is actually helping them be more responsible.}