Hex 19 > 6: What is the best approach to take/best thing to do to correct the situation between X and I between now and when I am due to travel?

[JJ_Yichings]

I am going through some deep emotional pain and moral issues (due to the emotional struggle) trying to rectify and mend a situation with someone I have a lot of feelings for...whom I wish to be with (despite certain challenges). We have been in a situationship of sorts (as much as I hate that label). There are reasons why this is not a committed relationship at this time- which is not how I want it to be by any stretch of the imagination- but it is what it is and we are trying to make the best of it in other ways we can. One of those ways is me taking a decision to fly back to spend time with him, other friends and family whenever I can (which for the time being happens a couple of times a year, sometimes more).

Now I won't sugar coat the fact that, our communication especially as of late has been quite choppy-- too much for my bearing and my insecurities have got the best of me where I think this means he's losing interest, is prioritising speaking with other people, so on and so forth and I start to get jealous, scared, insecure and all the things I'm really not proud of really. This led to me sending some hurtful/probably unduly harsh message to him in which I expressed my emotional wounds and discontent about his choppy communication practices with me and how I felt it's like he just comes and goes and talks me as he pleases so sometimes we can go a few days without interacting where he would have left a message/a response of mine unread. I find this hurtful and I don't undertstand why its done, but I know that there are a myriad and one reasons why this can come about (and yes, we all-- or at least a lot of people I know including myself-- also engage in this behaviour sometimes and also sometimes randomly too).

Anyway, I blew up... and well of course he did not appreciate it. His responses back to me did in a way also threaten where he saw us headed.. but he was much more respectful than I was in how he handled his response, although he did make me feel guilty for my behaviour, and then refused to continue my attempts to have a conversation about things/understand more/ and even potentially apologise for the abruptness of how it all came about.

I'm due to fly to see him in 10 days... and to spend 10 days there, but I'm absolutely senselessly unsure of what to do now that this has happened and we are not on speaking terms.. and how to approach without feeling like I am in a way disrespecting myself-- by chasing someone who clearly does not want to engage with me at the moment... and whom I feel I do deserve the courtesy of actually them coming to me. I tend to initiate a lot.. and recently that initiative from him hasn't been lacking although when we do speak, he makes it seem like he's really excited to be seeing me soon. Hence in this situation where I was hurt by the fact that he keeps withdrawing / is inconsistent with his behaviour, I've been facing a moral dilemma about whether I need to stick up for myself and just wait for however long that takes... or if that's pride speaking and I should be good-natured, forgiving of him and myself, and just be the bigger person.

Hexagram 19 is plainly described as "approach" and so I feel I have my answer in essence there. Moving lines 1, 2, 3 and 6. That's alot! The first two moving lines seem to say largely the same thing... but the third moving line starts to get a bit ominous- like don't get too comfortable or else you may fall back into old patterns?

Line 6 is reassuring. However, I am confused by the relating hexagram being hexagram 6: "Conflict". What does this mean? I am not entirely sure if it is referring to my condition coming to the reading in a conflicted state (unsure whether to approach or retreat and wait for communication instead) due to the moral dilemma.

What would you make of this?

 

[thisismybody]

I feel your confusion and pain. I have dealt with something similar recently with a very close friend.

Nearing Conflict, or Nearing in terms of the Conflict. You want to approach him, but there is an ongoing conflict. You aren’t sure how to approach, being that you’re in the midst of conflict and his behavior, even your efforts at traveling to visit, seems one-sided. So you’re conflicted within about your own give and take, the transactions between you, and whether you’re in your ego, despite the obvious indication that his behavior hurts you. Did I get it right?

Reminds me of Katie Byron’s “Loving What Is.” Her work revolves around the idea of accepting all exactly as it is.

First, I’m not sure what a “situationship“ is, even though I’m of the age that I should. I gather it means there’s nothing concrete or committed b/w you, but you are somewhat romantically involved based on availability and through communication?

My first instinct is, Approach Conflict, 19>6, by getting an Overview, 20. See it for what it truly is. You have your feelings. You have your reaction to those feelings of his actions, etc. and not getting what you want. Underneath your anger is fear and sadness that it’s not quite going the way you want and you feel put out, like you’re giving more than he is. And you want him to give and put into it and care more than he is. He’s acting pretty passive about it.

Based on the reading, I think Yi is asking you to evaluate your approach in light of what’s true for you and what your needs are. Take the focus off of him for a bit.

I would be remiss if I didn’t say that you’ve put him in a position of power by reacting from anger. Because right now, there’s a power struggle going on. Now, is he helping to unconsciously create it, or are you just fighting against what is by wanting him to be different than he is and give more than he’s giving?

If it were me, I’d Approach the Conflict from my center. I’d center myself in my core and in union with my heart, which inevitably means to be honest about my desires and my responsibilities in this situation/ship. When I became calm and thoroughly clear about what I want from the relationship, I’d approach from that space—centered and in my heart. I’d defuse my reactions within, until I were clear and calm enough to speak to him from a place of love. I‘d say how his behavior makes me feel. I’d state my needs and ask for what I want. Then, I’d leave it to him to choose.

Thing is, when we fight people, we’re trying to control them to come to our side. That’s what the 6 is here, the conflict with what is. Accept what is. Of course, get clear with him so you know what is. Then you can decide if the situationship works for you. If it provides the nourishment you need.

I’d say, as an outsider, but also as someone who’s experienced it, you’re in turmoil bc it doesn’t provide what you need. So then whatever you continue to give will create resentment bc you expect a return. If you can keep giving as you have and want nothing from him, you’d not be in conflict. So the arrangement isn’t working.

Also, I don’t think it’s your pride talking. I think your anger is evidence that there is some imbalance in the relationship. So seek to balance it. And if you can’t, cut it loose.

Lastly, don’t be afraid to cut loose that which doesn’t provide the balance or nourishment you need. Free yourself up and create the space for mutuality to enter. Have courage in the interim and focus on yourself. Overall, how you Approach this Conflict will tell you if you’re simply continuing the cycle or moving beyond it. Look to see if there is an underlying pattern of this type of energetic exchange.

Wishing you peace and calm in your heart, especially while you figure this out.

 

[JJ_Yichings]

I feel your confusion and pain. I have dealt with something similar recently with a very close friend.

Nearing Conflict, or Nearing in terms of the Conflict. You want to approach him, but there is an ongoing conflict. You aren’t sure how to approach, being that you’re in the midst of conflict and his behavior, even your efforts at traveling to visit, seems one-sided. So you’re conflicted within about your own give and take, the transactions between you, and whether you’re in your ego, despite the obvious indication that his behavior hurts you. Did I get it right?

Reminds me of Katie Byron’s “Loving What Is.” Her work revolves around the idea of accepting all exactly as it is.

First, I’m not sure what a “situationship“ is, even though I’m of the age that I should. I gather it means there’s nothing concrete or committed b/w you, but you are somewhat romantically involved based on availability and through communication?

My first instinct is, Approach Conflict, 19>6, by getting an Overview, 20. See it for what it truly is. You have your feelings. You have your reaction to those feelings of his actions, etc. and not getting what you want. Underneath your anger is fear and sadness that it’s not quite going the way you want and you feel put out, like you’re giving more than he is. And you want him to give and put into it and care more than he is. He’s acting pretty passive about it.

Based on the reading, I think Yi is asking you to evaluate your approach in light of what’s true for you and what your needs are. Take the focus off of him for a bit.

I would be remiss if I didn’t say that you’ve put him in a position of power by reacting from anger. Because right now, there’s a power struggle going on. Now, is he helping to unconsciously create it, or are you just fighting against what is by wanting him to be different than he is and give more than he’s giving?

If it were me, I’d Approach the Conflict from my center. I’d center myself in my core and in union with my heart, which inevitably means to be honest about my desires and my responsibilities in this situation/ship. When I became calm and thoroughly clear about what I want from the relationship, I’d approach from that space—centered and in my heart. I’d defuse my reactions within, until I were clear and calm enough to speak to him from a place of love. I‘d say how his behavior makes me feel. I’d state my needs and ask for what I want. Then, I’d leave it to him to choose.

Thing is, when we fight people, we’re trying to control them to come to our side. That’s what the 6 is here, the conflict with what is. Accept what is. Of course, get clear with him so you know what is. Then you can decide if the situationship works for you. If it provides the nourishment you need.

I’d say, as an outsider, but also as someone who’s experienced it, you’re in turmoil bc it doesn’t provide what you need. So then whatever you continue to give will create resentment bc you expect a return. If you can keep giving as you have and want nothing from him, you’d not be in conflict. So the arrangement isn’t working.

Also, I don’t think it’s your pride talking. I think your anger is evidence that there is some imbalance in the relationship. So seek to balance it. And if you can’t, cut it loose.

Lastly, don’t be afraid to cut loose that which doesn’t provide the balance or nourishment you need. Free yourself up and create the space for mutuality to enter. Have courage in the interim and focus on yourself. Overall, how you Approach this Conflict will tell you if you’re simply continuing the cycle or moving beyond it. Look to see if there is an underlying pattern of this type of energetic exchange.

Wishing you peace and calm in your heart, especially while you figure this out.

Thank you for your thoughts. There was a lot of what you said that I definitely resonate with and that apply. Where I don't necessarily agree is the point about me feeling any anger...now more than ever I just feel lots of sadness, shame and grief. I don't want to lose him.

Yes, while his behaviour at present is not meeting my needs, I can't help but feel that I was unfair in my judgement. And so of course I want to approach from a place of love. I am not angry (again, this is where I think we're misaligned). I'm afraid that he's angry with me and that he will want to cut me loose.

Of course I have thought about the imbalance and releasing relationships and any situations that don't serve- but this is not just any old relationship. This person really does mean a lot to me and has been in my life for a very long time.

I am finding it difficult to focus on myself and less on him. That I know I really need to work on, but how do you do that when you're meant to be looking forward about taking some time off to see and spend time with the people you love, only for this to happen just before?

I appreciate the time you took to share your own emotional understanding of this. I feel I need all the support I can get at this time. I have been going through this particular event alone for the last week or so and it's been tearing me apart tbh...

 

[thisismybody]

Yes, while his behaviour at present is not meeting my needs, I can't help but feel that I was unfair in my judgement. And so of course I want to approach from a place of love.

Sounds like you’re processing. Things look one way at one moment, and then another at another moment. I understand your feelings. Only you can come to the correct conclusion for your own heart. Maybe the relationship simply needs work? You‘ll have to get very clear within. I feel like you’re still in the middle of it. Give it some time to flesh out within. But it seems you’re heading his direction, so…

Admit your faults but don’t dismiss your needs. After you get clear with yourself, be clear with him about what’s yours to own and also what’s his. Then see if you can find common ground. I’d say communication is needed.

how do you do that when you're meant to be looking forward about taking some time off to see and spend time with the people you love, only for this to happen just before?

Maybe the reading means Nearing the Conflict Within. It reminds me of a process in which we meditate on our bodies and the feelings arising and on our heart and have a dialogue with it. You’ll hear the truth of how you feel and what you need. Maybe once you hear from the part of you that’s so conflicted, you’ll know what to do. Also, all of life is catalyst for our growth. Iron it out and find peace in whatever the outcome is.

Maybe the reading means it literally! Simply Near the Conflict with your friend. Risk conflict by approaching him with all you’re feeling. One thing is for sure, if the relationship is worth it and meant to stay, you’ll find a way to rise to the top, despite the bumps.

 

[JJ_Yichings]

There's just been a lot of tears every day and a mix of emotions- from deep sadness to anger, disappointment and confusion. I don't know how much successful processing that is, but I have been trying to forgive the situation and to just be OK with whatever is happening that is out of my control.

I can't bring myself to reach out, still feeling like I deserve that much from him. However, I do not feel great making this trip without speaking.

What you mentioned about meditation-- I have been meditating on my body and my feelings since this started. I've been reciting the full ho'oponopono prayer to forgive and release.

I am finding it hard to get clear with myself and how to ask for what I want because then there will be an expectation there, right? And in this situation, I don't see how that will help as he seems to be moving away from me with his silence. Making more demands seems like a lost cause.

Quite simply, I don't know if it will make a difference to ask for what I want. He already knows what I want. If he wants to give me any of that, he will have to do it of his own accord...

I'm tired of fighting so hard for what I want from someone else. I will work towards healing and growing this relationship because I want to, when he does, because I can't do it alone.

 

[thisismybody]

Surrender.

And then have courage in the face of your fear of not getting what you want. Having no expectations would place this relationship into something of an acquaintanceship. If that’s a word. And so there’d be no reason to feel upset because there’d be no real desire. But you have desires for more.

If you got angry and he backed off, do you think you should extend a hand? Just seems like either you’re dealing with pride OR you know deep down you deserve better.

Perhaps you’re in conflict because you haven’t been honest with yourself. Something isn’t jiving. Because if you knew you were in the wrong, wouldn’t you reach out? So what is it that keeps you from reaching out?

Quite simply, I don't know if it will make a difference to ask for what I want. He already knows what I want. If he wants to give me any of that, he will have to do it of his own accord...

I think this is what you fear. The answer. He knows, yet won’t offer. And if you concede, then you’re accepting less than you want in a relationship. But you don’t want to let go.

So what’s the alternative? Should you swallow your pride and desires and just accept what he gives and apologize so you can spend a little time with him? And then when you leave? What happens then?

Have the courage to go for what you want and accept when a person can’t or won’t offer it. If this triggers you, there’s something going on beyond him.

Your practices are amazing. Stay with yourself as you have. The storm will break. 1000 angels and ancestors surround you.

 

[JJ_Yichings]

@thisismybody I can't begin to tell you how fortunate I feel I am for you giving your time, care and attention to my situation. It has made such a difference to have someone able to understand from such a great distance (we do not know each other.. and yet, you seem to have a grasp of what I am going through really well).

I have spent quite a bit of time asking myself if it's pride or if it's a knowing that I deserve better (by the way- he thinks that too. He has said it more than once. In fact, it was one of the last things he said to me before all of this horrible silence). To be honest, I think it's both. I love him very much regardless.

I actually broke the silence and sent him a long message three days ago. A lot of it was me apologising for how my behaviour has been, in response to all my insecurities, anxieties and just processing a lot of trauma...

I've had so many emotional outbursts with him because he's allowed me to be myself.. and this tends to happen- when I feel safe with someone, I also become vulnerable. When they take that away by changing their interaction with me, distancing themselves for whatever reason- whether intentionally or not- it breaks me.

In my message there is reference to all of this. I very much approached as you would in ho'oponopono. In doing so, I also felt like I was saying those words to myself as I have this entire time in trying to get past all of this... I also explained though that we both have a right to communicating our needs, including if either of us needs space and yet to get that space by dissapearing and under such horrible circumstances (and without it being part of a constructive talk) has hurt so much and I told him that I'm praying we can move past this silence, reminding him that we both know that resolution doesn't come this way. I told him I loved him and that I want to mend this relationship and work on healthier patterns with him and expressed my gratitude for any effort that goes towards that... and that I hope he will continue to make space for me (not these exact words, but I certainly relayed all of the above).

It was a rather long message, and I'm yet again worried that that may have overwhelmed him.. although he knows me well by now. This is simply who I am and how I am.

Well anyway- it didn't make a difference. It's ironic because in the message I also say how I spent a few days thinking about whether or not writing/speaking would make a difference when the person I want to reach out to is not speaking to me... but I ended that bit by saying I also did not want to perpetuate the silence. I hope I haven't made a mistake here. If I have, I guess it's too late, and maybe I have messed up..

I am getting on that flight in three days either way. I just wish it wasn't like this.

I don't know what I'm supposed to learn from any of this. To just be alone I guess, because every time I love the way that I do (I don't know any other way), quite frankly, this happens. So yeah.. just be alone. It has been humiliating, humbling, hurtful.. words that begin with 'hu' (odd pattern) to fall in love, so much love, give it all unconditionally and end up like this.

I could use an army of ancestors, angels and guides indeed. I am so tired. You are right that all I have left is to surrender. It would be nice if I could achieve that without all the pain and tears.

 

[JJ_Yichings]

By the way @thisismybody I wanted to add that at one point you brought up hexagram 20. Now I don't know how I made this mistake, but I came to realise that I miscalculated my casting (I wrote the lines down in the wrong order- top to bottom as opposed to bottom up). So I did in fact get Hexagram 20 changing to hexagram 5. That changes things slightly, wouldn't you say? This entire experience has been very strange.

To think that I have been so distraught that I can't even cast correctly...(I am a diviner by the way... mostly using the tarot though). It's mad really. When I first put up this post, it was under the pretence of Hex 45 by the way.. I got to 45 by looking at the matrix incorrectly (I had flipped the trigrams). Rectifying that gave me 19.. but then I noticed I had drawn the hexagram lines top to bottom, not bottom to top days later when inspecting my notes because I had cast in such a frenzy. 20.1.2.3.6 to 5 is what the Yi was actually trying to tell me.

 

[thisismybody]

20.1.2.3.6 to 5 is what the Yi was actually trying to tell me.

Makes even more sense! That meditative overseeing with patience energy. To observe and not make the offering.

Thank you for the kind words. You’re not alone, no matter how alone or lonely you feel. There aren’t just angels and guides and ancestors around—us earth folk/angels are here too. I’ve learned the receiving comes from the asking.

That’s why we divine with Yi and tarot! I do Oracle readings too. I think if Source wanted to remain anonymous, She/He/It wouldn’t have decided to separate and Know Thyself.

I think that’s what you’re up against. Knowing the truth of your heart. My experience has reflected that despite all my feelings of horror or trauma or loss or grief connected to others, the one I needed most was and is always myself, my own heart. I think he’s just reflecting the challenge you have with this. Not to say that you don’t love him and wish for communion. But that your very strong reaction is coming from a deeper place than him. He’s not the source. You think loving others so hard and unconditionally and feeling disappointed at what disharmony transpires is the issue. But loving your own heart and pouring more love into your heart when those intense experiences triggered by others come up will be what heals the pain of separation, in my opinion. And then you find those intense reactions and the painful struggles considerably lessen as you come into communion with your own heart and heal.

He’s your teacher. I don’t say this to downplay your feelings. I just feel like your heart is asking for your attention and intention to heal it. Wherever you’ve been separate from yourself, you’re being invited to turn toward, lean in and become one with.

I've had so many emotional outbursts with him because he's allowed me to be myself.. and this tends to happen- when I feel safe with someone, I also become vulnerable. When they take that away by changing their interaction with me, distancing themselves for whatever reason- whether intentionally or not- it breaks me.

This is why I say that. It reminds me of the abandonment wound and how we and others respond to it.

I don't know what I'm supposed to learn from any of this. To just be alone I guess, because every time I love the way that I do (I don't know any other way), quite frankly, this happens. So yeah.. just be alone

Looking from the outside but from having experienced something similar, I’d say self-love is the lesson. Not abandoning self for others. Always being with you no matter what people do or don’t do. Not being so codependently tied to them.

You can be happy alone or with others. But if you can’t be happy when you’re alone, being just with you, inevitably you won’t be happy with others. Because eventually whenever the high fades or mask falls, whenever you get to know and be known and be vulnerable, which means uncovering and exposing the soft underbelly, the wound that is hidden under your defenses will be touched and then all hell will break lose. And if hell doesn’t break lose, the unraveling will begin. Each of you will begin to pull at those knotted threads. How we respond to exposing ourselves and the feelings that arise depends on how safe, wounded and/or healed we feel and are…or aren’t.

All the pain that arises is an attempt to heal. The Self is a master at bringing about the catalyst that could provide for atonement, healing, and evolution of the soul beyond past or recurring challenges. It wants/seeks homeostasis, just as the body does.

Sounds like the ball is in his court. Your work is to find peace no matter the outcome. Maybe seeing him will help bring that ho’oponopono energy full circle. 20>5 sounds like a recipe for finding peace. 5 knows it will rain, even though it hasn’t yet. It trusts, has faith that all needs will be met. 20 is a master teacher, perhaps the higher self, observing from a distance, while sending those vibratory solutions.

Let us know what happens!

 

[JJ_Yichings]

Sounds like the ball is in his court. Your work is to find peace no matter the outcome. Maybe seeing him will help bring that ho’oponopono energy full circle. 20>5 sounds like a recipe for finding peace. 5 knows it will rain, even though it hasn’t yet. It trusts, has faith that all needs will be met. 20 is a master teacher, perhaps the higher self, observing from a distance, while sending those vibratory solutions.

May he open up communication so that we do have that chance to actually see each other, or may the universe orchestrate to bring us together and our paths cross in the city we love if he doesn't find the strength to... yet if it is meant to be. I don't want to force anything.
May the outcome always be one of nourishment and peace. And so it is.
I have contemplated so much... and have done more than just send out vibratory solutions.. I communicated in the physical. As such, I made an offering, and I hope I did not err in that.

Now it's time to trust and wait.

Thank you <3 <3 <3