Tips for Lovers

[rosada]

So often people post questions about their romantic life - or lack there of - that I thought we should have special thread for insights and suggestions for having more love in our lives.

So write your best ideas here!!!

I’ll start…

Feng shui tips for love -

The far back right hand corner of the house is considered the Relationship Area. Everything you have in this area is defining your love life so be sure you don’t have a laundry basket full of dirty clothes here! Better a picture of a couple of love birds like the wild geese who mate for life in hexagram 53.

Do not have a mirror or a television in your bedroom or keep it covered when you are not watching it. A television in your bedroom programs your unconscious to allow others into your love life!

A round mirror behind your bed however is actually considered very good feng shui for relationships. Not sure why…

Get your astrocartography chart done. (Free on Astro.com) Look to what cities the planet Venus touches - this is where you will find love - either by going there or meeting someone who comes from there.

Watch t.v. shows and movies that promote romance. Like Sex and The City.

Buy yourself flowers.

Next?

 

[Hans_K]

Let's keep it practical

In my practice, I regularly get people visiting me with questions about relationships and love and why it is not working. Almost always, the blame/responsibility for the situation is initially placed on the other person. When we dive a little deeper, it turns out that the origin of the problems always lies with the person him/herself. Working on those issues makes the relationship improve in almost all cases.

So my advice is:
Work on your own issues first. The idea that the prince or princess Charming on a white horse will come and make everything right is an illusion. The story of 2 people meeting and living happily ever after is a myth, an illusion created by books and Hollywood.
Nobody but yourself has the task of making your life fun, interesting, fulfilling, etc. Nobody but yourself has the job of making you feel loved.
The other person has his or her own issues and in a relationship these become all too clear after the first period of falling in love. A relationship works like a magnifying glass, both your own unresolved issues and those of the other person become all too apparent after the first "honeymoon phase".
There's nothing wrong with this in itself as long as you don't expect the other person to solve your problems and you don't start blaming the other person for the situation.
Take responsibility for your own stuff and work on it.

So ask yourself: why do I want a relationship? What deep desire or need is fulfilled when I am in the ideal relationship? An honest answer to that question reveals exactly those issues that stand in the way of a healthy relationship. It shows the unmet wants and needs that you expect the other person to fulfil. and guess what, the other is very probably not going to do that.

If you have had multiple relationships that failed each time, look at the underlying theme of the breakdowns, and if you can't manage it on your own, don't hesitate to seek professional help.

 

[rosada]

Oh let’s not limit ourselves to being “practical”! We’re talking about love here after all!

I just asked the I Ching for its best “tip” and got 35. ”The superior man himself brightens his bright virtue” which fits nicely with the idea one must work on their own issues. It also includes the wise advice to “make the most of every opportunity.” Not sure I agree with the suggestion to mate three times in one day though, but hey whatever works…

All suggestions welcome!

 

[Hans_K]

Not sure I agree with the suggestion to mate three times in one day though, but hey whatever works…

 

[surnevs]

I did have hex. 32 in a reading recently, well - not concerning a love matter, but when looking at Alfred Huang's translation I think he touched a point:
"The main theme of Zhou I is twofold: Follow the Tao of Heaven to
establish the Tao of Humanity. To follow the Tao of Heaven, the ancient
sage employed Qan and Kun, characterizing the function of Heaven and
Earth, to open the Upper Canon. To establish the Tao of Humanity, the
ancient sage selected Xian and Heng, the prerequisite of a husband and
wife, to commence the Lower Canon. The relationship between Heaven and Earth
is interactive and everlasting. In the same way, the relationship of a husband
and wife should have the quality of long-lasting mutual influence.
The union of a man and woman, to the Chinese, is a sacred event. In
the ancient ceremony of a wedding, the man and woman made a sacred
vow before Heaven and Earth and to the person in charge of the marriage.
Qan represented the bridegroom's side, and Kun stood for the bride's
side. In this way, the union of a man and a woman was akin to the union of
Heaven and Earth. The message of this gua is that sincerity, purity, and
unselfishness are the essential elements of a long-lasting relationship."
(The Complete I Ching)

 

[Everea]

Tips for romance - 9 un
Which I took as work on cultivating and nurturing romance in every aspect of my life as just waiting around for something might not further anything. How to cultivate romance towards myself and my friends and my environment is something I've been thinking a lot about. Just yesterday I stayed with a friend who has a 3 year old and she was blowing bubbles at me before breakfast. This I highly recommend.

also - I was just thinking about putting a round mirror behind my bed! Now I'm definitely going to do it.

 

[rosada]

Blow bubbles before breakfast!

 

[Trojina]

....but out of the right hole, not your backside, that would kill romance

 

[rosada]

Thinking bubbles are perfect for representing hexagram 9 with the lower trigram being the sky, and the upper trigram wind = Bubbles of time wafting through heaven.

 

[rosada]

I think it’s so interesting that 32. Duration is made up of the trigrams Wind and Thunder - Hurricanes! - I guess nobody said an enduring marriage was going to be easy.

 

[surnevs]

I think it’s so interesting that 32. Duration is made up of the trigrams Wind and Thunder - Hurricanes! - I guess nobody said an enduring marriage was going to be easy.

There are many attributes to these two trigrams besides wind and thunder.
Eldest daughter and eldest son (which A. Huang refers to)
The penetrating and inciting movement (from R. Wilhelm where the link to marriage is explained - like in Alfred Huang's book - in the third part, Commentary to the Judgement of Hex. 32. But I prefer A. Huang's version)
Easy? As long as there is inertia, No. But we are living in a material world, more or less.
I guess.
__________________
Errata: Friction, not Inertia

 

[rosada]

Oh yeah, many attributes to those trigrams. I just think it’s cool that the hexagram for Duration is symbolized by trigrams one would associate with upsets as if to say this is what endurance looks like, you have to actually endure something. Like many times posters will ask about love and get 32 and think, “oh la de dah, my relationship is going to be smooth and last forever,” when the trigram image is really advising how to ‘endure” saying “Buckle up, it’s a wild ride ahead so best be prepared to stand firm and not change direction.”

 

[surnevs]

Oh, right, yes.

 

[marybluesky]

Thanks rosada.

In fact I have a refrigerator in the relationship area and a big mirror in my bedroom

 

[rosada]

Put pictures of love birds and flowers on the outside of the fridge and don’t hang on to left overs too long!!!

 

[rosada]

Someone asked me today about their relationship because it didn’t seem to ignite the old excite she used to feel. We consulted the I Ching and got 53. Gradual Progress which of course is a beautiful hexagram for encouraging a love relationship. I thought the Image provided particularly insightful advice:
”The superior person is virtuous and improves the ordinary.”
I just love that - it seems to be saying to further romance be faithful and improve the ordinary. Like don’t question whether the other is a “soul mate” or some other Hollywood nonsense, be faithful and MAKE the relationship special. Like say grace before eating, make a toast before drinking, celebrate anniversaries and of course say “I love you” every chance you get!

 

[iams girl]

Somewhere in the vast archives of this site there's simple advice I found useful. In a nutshell, it's something like avoid murky, tentative relationships that leave you with questions. Move toward relationships make you feel clear, sure, and on solid ground.