Yi being exceptionally harsh but probably honest about a failed friendship 43.4, 33.6, 27.3

[thisispeace]

Hi all

Some years ago I was in love with a close friend, already in a relationship, whose behaviour I experienced (perhaps wrongly) as emotionally provocative. I told him, and we limped on as friends, sometimes with mixed signals (who knows?). The whole situation made me chronically unhappy. When he got engaged to his partner, I replied telling him I couldn't come to the wedding (an honest but unkind choice I regret). He seemed to find the whole thing difficult, frustrating and upsetting while i was half out of my mind at the time with unrequited love. We've never spoken properly since, and he and his partner have moved to another city.

We still have lots of mutual friends and he happens to be influential in a field in which I now work - not that that matters per se but it means I see his name a lot. I sometimes wish we could sort it out, speak, maybe resolve things a bit. I don't feel the same way any more - this is all 7 years ago.

I used the Yi to spy on him which I really don't normally approve of - shows Im upset (I came across his name yesterday in a professional context that threw me off).

I asked what do I mean to X? 43.4
My take: a nasty experience he's learnt from and moved on from

How does X feel about me now? 33.6
My take: getting away from me has made him feel much better and he's moved on to greener grass.

What perception about me makes X feel this way? 27.3
My take: I'm bad for him, and I'm addicted to bad behaviour of some kind.

Wow. It's the harshest take on me I could have imagined, and it negates the 10 year friendship we had before that. A bitter pill, but I guess I have to swallow it. Any other thoughts? Happy to take my medicine. G

 

[dfreed]

I think it's always good to remember that the Yi is not some kind of magic lamp that dispenses or fulfills wishes; it is meant to give us answers and advice about what we asked about.

Speaking as another person who's experience love as a painful 'madness' ....

You said the 'whole situation made me chronically unhappy'. I sense that it is still making you profoundly unhappy - and this is reflected in the questions you asked (which are not about your own feelings, but are about someone else's) and the fact that you're spying on this person, which hardly ever turns out well.

Could it be then that your questions, and your spying, and the responses you've gotten are all a reflection of your 'unhappy madness'?

It is of course your decision, but there are many other questions you might consider asking; for instance ... "How can I heal myself and move on?"

Best, D

 

[thisispeace]

Yes I need to heal. You're absolutely right about that. Thank you