Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
Thanks so much for your empathetic and encouraging words. It sounds like are situations are so similar. My mom is also a narcissist, and I have become pretty adept at letting things roll off my back in order to stay connected, but the other day I, too, "failed." I think I haven't yet mastered the art of *not feeling hurt* while also letting things roll off my back. It's more like I suppress my hurt rather than manage not to feel hurt...and then eventually it comes out. Perhaps you can relate. I hope you won't stay mad at yourself for your own recent trouble with your mom, but have compassion for yourself. It takes an enormous amount of energy and strength to walk on those perpetual eggshells and avoid conflict, and it's understandable to slip up once in a while. I'll ask the I Ching about taking action, as you suggest. Thanks again.Hi rose1901, I want to say, first of all, I have had a very difficult relationship with my mother, have worked hard to stay in contact and always stay connected with her on her terms so there isn't conflict, and also today our weekly phone conversation went horribly awry. I've been working with the I Ching today and just so mad at myself for letting the conversation go wrong. (She's a narcissist and I know by now how to avoid conflict, and I failed today to just shut up.)
I think your interpretation is accurate as far as 38. You feel isolated and maybe abandoned (47) and the conflict feels awful, but from your changing lines it seems as if the ship will mostly right itself. Remember that even in the best relationships and healthy families, people disagree, sometimes fight, sometimes say hurtful things, and it's not the end of the relationship. I know it feels like it will be when your relationship feels always precarious to begin with.
I'm 63, and mostly can't believe I'm still struggling with my relationship to my mother at this age, but so it is. Please don't be too hard on yourself. You've taken on a tough commitment. Perhaps ask the I Ching if there's an action you should take to remedy the situation?
Wow, Rosada, this is so incredibly insightful. Thank you, thank you for taking the time to share this with me.38 is about sisters living under the same roof but ultimately destined to move on to their different life paths. I've had it come up in several readings involving parents and adult children and I think it is pointing to how the dynamic here is not between parent and child where one party is supposed to be the caregiver and the other the obedient dependent, but rather it is more like two siblings who may share a common history but they aren't expected to agree on everything and eventually they must pursue lives of their own. "There comes a point where you can no longer find yourself as part of a group; you want to assert your separate identity or explore something new, outside the safe familiar walls," and "A noble one both harmonizes and separates" Hilary. So first of all I think the advice is that you recognize how your falling out was probably something like a fight between sisters (Which if you don't have a sister, trust me on this, these sorts of fights can be the nastiest most underhanded of all), and also how to let it go.
38.1 Don't chase after the horse - emotions ran away with both of you two, don't try to make it right though, just let let things go and eventually everyone calms down. (edited from first posting as I misread and thought you got line 2.)
38.5 Regrets vanish. Your ancestor bites through the skin. Why would going on be wrong?
Wow, how positive. I wonder if your mom is the ancestor and she reaches out to you? Don't be slow to show willingness to try again.
38.6 Going on alone. Seeing pigs covered in muck. The chariot loaded with devils. At first drawing the bow. Then relaxing the bow. Not robbers at all but matrimonial allies. Going on meets the rain, and so there is good fortune.
Interesting, sort of a reverse of line 5. As if the IC is saying in 38.5 you could reconnect or in 38.6 you can go on alone, either way seems okay but it does look as though there's a good chance of things calming down and not feeling as bad as they do right now. Maybe that as you do go on alone you can get a perspective on Mom that allows you to see her in a more favorable light. Like you realize when she said all those horrid things she was only trying to offer constructive criticism? Ha! But seriously, a little time and distance may prove helpful.
47. Confined, creating success. Constancy of a great person, good fortune.Words not trusted. The noble one carries out the mandate, fulfills her aspiration.
47 is a really hard spot to land on. It gives advice for how to move forward when you've been trying and trying to dig out of a hole and you feel like you're just not getting anywhere. But never fear, if you just keep on keeping on eventually you are able to fulfill your goal of having a good, clear connection with Mom.
My interpretation of all of this is that while you are feeling devastated by this recent outburst, if you are able to just let it be for a bit a path forward opens up. I suspect your Mom is accustomed to her moods and doesn't experience these rages as being as debilitating as you do. She may be her old jolly self the next time you meet in the lane and be ready to play nice again. Probably best you not totally let down your guard and think the old patterns wont continue to resurface - "words [should] not be trusted" - but you can realize you don't need to be annihilated by them.
So 38, don't make too much of the incident - her life and yours are on separate paths - and 47, don't give up.
Thanks for sharing this, Diamant. This is tough to read because I always want to believe things (and people) are better than they seem, yet I can feel the truth in these interpretations as well as in the others.What is your advice for me regarding the situation with my mother? 38.1.5.6 > 47
38.1 if you lose your horse don't chase after it - who is the horse here? Are you helping her practically? If yes then you are the horse, the serving strong animal, and she won't try to reconciliate. The line also advises when one meets with evil/hateful people, not to lay blame on them (I'm assuming because they'll become mad at you again).
38.5 the ancestor bites through skin/flesh. A painful and cruel line. You know what she's like. If you proceed to approach her, how can you blame her? You will have walked straight into her teeth.
38.6 one of you sees the other as a complete piece of merde and a devil. Quite a cryptic line, in which people finally speak. So, after initial silence, she'll bite you some more, let you know you're crap - but in the end somehow this will be sorted between you. Bandits bandits marry and copulate. I have no idea what this might mean in this specific case, other than a passing thought that she is copulating up your life.
Once all the lines of your fall-out/opposition have played out, you'll feel entrapped and exhausted.
Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).