Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
I don't trust her at all. I can't be myself without being judged or defensive. I didn't wanted her as a friend even when we were kids but she kept pressing to get close to me.She would always belittle me but I kept quiet like it didn't affect me and adjusted like I'm not bothered at all. During the years the same pattern kept going, she always found new friends but she argued with them all and end the relationships with them and kept coming back to me to make peace and I was acting unbothered. I deeply wanted for her to go away and feel at peace but couldn't say no.Do you not fully trust her? Or worry about some aspect of her or yourself that you can’t control in the situation? I ask because of the dream and your desire to not be her friend anymore even though you talk quite often and for so long.
It’s a really interesting answer you received. It appears so straightforward, as a no, at first. That you are strongly tied to this person. But then maybe it means that you’d need a really strong reason and a really firm commitment to retreat from her, that it won’t be easy to separate but you can if you really commit to it. Obviously a friendship that long will always influence you , maybe it means that too. If you “break up” with her, it would be better if it’s not for a capricious or egoic reason, maybe, because it’s a powerful connection. 44 is hard, I will say, I received it a lot in my marriage, almost constantly. It requires total commitment and integrity.
I think you can remain her friend if you’re 1) honest and clear about your and her motives in the relationship 2) clear on what type of relationship you want to have 3) stick to that 4) remember what you value about the friendship or the history of it (or at least want to)
The question is mysterious to me along with the answer because it’s a casual-seeming question for the topic and the answer you received. It made me think of, for example, one person in the friendship starting to date someone and the other friend gets jealous or that type of thing. May not literally apply at all but I wonder what’s irritating you about her (could be something totally legitimate, like maybe she’s too controlling of you somehow? One of you might be holding on very tight)
This might make sense. You might not be able to cut it off in one fell swoop, but as Plutonian said maybe ignoring it would work in time. Let it just decay on its own, naturally. If you can't escape right away, you certainly don't have to actively nurture / take care of the relationship.She contacted me twice in the past week and invited me over for some family celebration(I didn't go) and said to call her when I'm free. Seems impossible to end this friendship. I've been thinking maybe it's better to choose the amount of involvement rather than cut it off completely.
I have had friends like that, especially this moron who used to say "they'll behead you" or "they should (!!!) fusillade you" every time I told jokes or expressed ideas she didn't like. Before going to readings, I'd recommend getting distance from her or being a bit guarded so that she can't hurt you like that. I don't know to what extent they are aware of the bad effects their words have on other, especially in a supposedly friendly talk where you don't expect to be attacked. I guess they've been grown up with people who threatened to burn/kill/behead them once they said something different from "norms". If it was today, I cut contacts or at least said "they should throw a nuclear bombe on your family residence" (sounds like Putin, huh?). Anyway...Today I posted some encouraging story about women's rights and she messaged me right away in a mockingly way with a bit of warning. She said be careful what you do or you'll get burned. This is the closest to English translation. I got so scared by her response. I really wish she would stop doing this
Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).