Break up with a friend? 33.2>44

[anatio]

We've been friends since little kids. In the last two years we slowly started growing apart, calling each other once or twice a month. I hardly ever tell her anything anymore. Somehow the friendship is still going on. I'm not good at letting go of people, the good memories pop up in my mind. It would be nice to see her sometime but I really don't feel like I can tell her anything. And I don't have the guts to tell her we done.
Should I break up with her? 33 the advice would be retreat I guess. second line holding onto something, probably it's me holding onto the relationship. The 44 hex makes sense to me because I've dreamt about her a lot of times working with a witch or other times being seductive.

 

[ZeroPoint]

I'm unclear on the meaning of the "witch" remark. What does that have to do with seduction? Or 44?

I am getting something along the lines of a retreat from this relationship for a time will not loosen your tie to this friend 33.2, "bound with yellow hide" suggests to me a high-quality or very strong tie connection to a strong person.

44, in some translations, means "Encounter" - what is soft encounters what is hard (Lynn). An encounter between one who has nothing to say with one who is very strong would not be advantageous; she is stronger than five men.

So retreat for now appears to be reasonable. If she's a friend, friendships can and do expire. But some friendships survive years of being apart. Do you just need some room to find out which one this is?

Or are you interested in her--in which case, Yi appears to be saying, "not this one."

 

[Matali]

Hello, 33.2 – 44 : even you try to leave her, the witch will not accept the separation ! She will want to keep in touch Ah !

 

[Trojina]

33.2 indicates not that the other will cling on necessarily but that your bonds are far closer than you think, they formed you, they are part of you and so even if you separate the relationship really is so much a part of you, so much part of your life and history you don't ever fully cut off.

That's the 44 of it, you aren't in control and it's not because she's a witch it's because your bonds make full retreat in an inner sense impossible. You can retreat in person but for example I have found with this line I'm still bonded to someone I haven't seen for 30 years, as in they are still part of my psyche. It's not to do with actually still being with someone it's just they have become part of you and you can't cut them out of your head without lopping off chunks of yourself too which isn't possible.

So you can separate from your lifelong friend but even if you don't see her for 20 years she is bonded to you so you may find you think of her often or remember things she said and so on.

I think the reading is simply highlighting the fact that your idea that this is a radical separation, that she's someone you can totally leave behind is false. Sure you have the right to withdraw but as she's a part of you it's not quite as clear cut as you think.

Also talking twice a month is quite a lot really, you could let it slide to every few months or something.

 

[anatio]

ZeroPoint
I've read this about 44 and to me Temptation associates with seduction and the Powerful woman with witch. I just try to connect different meanings this might be the wrong way to learn I ching but made sense to me. And in the dream the witch and her were after me but they were powerful and hard to get away from. The other dream about seduction I was tempted by her and in the end she said that she played me.
Legge: Temptation shows a female who is bold and strong. It will not be good to marry such a female.

Wow Trojina, that's pretty much how is it!
I don't want her in my life but the inner connectedness and memories and everything we've been through makes it a part of me. Retreating from her in person still feels like she's out there.

 

[redoleander]

Do you not fully trust her? Or worry about some aspect of her or yourself that you can’t control in the situation? I ask because of the dream and your desire to not be her friend anymore even though you talk quite often and for so long.

It’s a really interesting answer you received. It appears so straightforward, as a no, at first. That you are strongly tied to this person. But then maybe it means that you’d need a really strong reason and a really firm commitment to retreat from her, that it won’t be easy to separate but you can if you really commit to it. Obviously a friendship that long will always influence you , maybe it means that too. If you “break up” with her, it would be better if it’s not for a capricious or egoic reason, maybe, because it’s a powerful connection. 44 is hard, I will say, I received it a lot in my marriage, almost constantly. It requires total commitment and integrity.

I think you can remain her friend if you’re 1) honest and clear about your and her motives in the relationship 2) clear on what type of relationship you want to have 3) stick to that 4) remember what you value about the friendship or the history of it (or at least want to)

The question is mysterious to me along with the answer because it’s a casual-seeming question for the topic and the answer you received. It made me think of, for example, one person in the friendship starting to date someone and the other friend gets jealous or that type of thing. May not literally apply at all but I wonder what’s irritating you about her (could be something totally legitimate, like maybe she’s too controlling of you somehow? One of you might be holding on very tight)

 

[anatio]

Do you not fully trust her? Or worry about some aspect of her or yourself that you can’t control in the situation? I ask because of the dream and your desire to not be her friend anymore even though you talk quite often and for so long.

It’s a really interesting answer you received. It appears so straightforward, as a no, at first. That you are strongly tied to this person. But then maybe it means that you’d need a really strong reason and a really firm commitment to retreat from her, that it won’t be easy to separate but you can if you really commit to it. Obviously a friendship that long will always influence you , maybe it means that too. If you “break up” with her, it would be better if it’s not for a capricious or egoic reason, maybe, because it’s a powerful connection. 44 is hard, I will say, I received it a lot in my marriage, almost constantly. It requires total commitment and integrity.

I think you can remain her friend if you’re 1) honest and clear about your and her motives in the relationship 2) clear on what type of relationship you want to have 3) stick to that 4) remember what you value about the friendship or the history of it (or at least want to)

The question is mysterious to me along with the answer because it’s a casual-seeming question for the topic and the answer you received. It made me think of, for example, one person in the friendship starting to date someone and the other friend gets jealous or that type of thing. May not literally apply at all but I wonder what’s irritating you about her (could be something totally legitimate, like maybe she’s too controlling of you somehow? One of you might be holding on very tight)

I don't trust her at all. I can't be myself without being judged or defensive. I didn't wanted her as a friend even when we were kids but she kept pressing to get close to me.She would always belittle me but I kept quiet like it didn't affect me and adjusted like I'm not bothered at all. During the years the same pattern kept going, she always found new friends but she argued with them all and end the relationships with them and kept coming back to me to make peace and I was acting unbothered. I deeply wanted for her to go away and feel at peace but couldn't say no.
She found a boyfriend( to be honest I was jealous hearing her bragging) and she got distanced again, but she still keeps contact. She always tells around everyone how we didn't like each other but got over it and how I'm her only true long time friend, but deep down inside me it's not true I have so much dislike and grudge and need to speak for myself masked with cool demeanor!

 

[redoleander]

Oh yeah, sounds like 44 I was hesitant to fully say one of you in controlling the other but this makes more sense now. Sorry you’ve been in such an unsatisfying connection. 44 does seem to sometimes be one-sided, like the “powerful” person is actually just selfish and demanding. Depends of course! She does have you locked into her gaze - because she needs you in a way you don’t need her; you provide her support but she doesn’t provide that for you. One question I would ask is what you do get out of the dynamic or what pattern it reminds you of. We are always half of any dynamic (even when the person is difficult or even terrible.) Identify what it is that keeps you locked in with her and then see if you want to break away for real. The commentaries on this line are kind of helpful here because they say that you need strong commitment to get away but that you can. I think you’d need to go no-contact. So, while it might be seemingly petty or egoic seeming to be annoyed by her relationship, it’s probably because she’s actually rubbing it in in some way and simply not equally supportive of you. That relationship will likely go down in flames too and you would end up being the one person she can lean on so think about it if you want that role. Boundaries! Decide them, set them, keep them.

 

[anatio]

I definitely know now what's keeping me tied. Not having strong will and definite boundaries, always agreeing to chat or meet her even if it's once a month. I'll update how's it going.
Edit. I want to add that it felt good feeling needed.

 

[anatio]

She contacted me twice in the past week and invited me over for some family celebration(I didn't go) and said to call her when I'm free. Seems impossible to end this friendship. I've been thinking maybe it's better to choose the amount of involvement rather than cut it off completely.

 

[Plutonian]

You could interpret it as follows: hexagram 33, retreat (already significative), with 2 feminine lines moving to hexagram 44, seduction, with only 1 feminine line. So, what was 2, is now 1. Yet, since yin follows yang, in hexagram 44, which involves a but of being tempted of doing something, you once again are attracted by her (as happened with this family meeting). "she's a strong woman, not good for marriage", thats also pretty significative. Hexagram 44, if you are a man, can be troubling, yet, for a woman, it could be pretty favorable. a single line at the bottom attracts 5 lines. So, you might just get something, receive something, attract something new. Yet, if we interpret it in the other way, then it is her that remains in hexagram 44, while you move on (yang). Then, it would be her who is attracting you once again to restore friendship, specially if you categorically "break up" with her. The line actually suggests that you can't break up. If you do, 44 will want to restore the bond, but not in the same way as it were. The time that is working is 33, so, let it work i would say, and conserve your position, conserve the bond, do not break free of it. But these are only possible explanations, and the one that suits you the most is the right for your consciousness.

Edit: i meant, conserve the bond, let time 33 act, and let it dissolve your bond by its own means, if it has to. 33 is a step back, not a step forward, and you occupy a good position, resonating with line 5. you should keep it (from my pov)

 

[Liselle]

There's no omen in 33.2, no "good fortune" or "pitfall" or anything. So as people have said, maybe the reading is just stating a fact, that this is a relationship with strong bonds, which implies it'll be hard to break completely, or all at once. Which doesn't help you to know what to do, but maybe it helps with seeing the reading. Instead of answering "yes, you should" or "no, you shouldn't" (Yi's hardly ever that cut and dried, "yes/no" isn't its mission so to speak) - maybe it's just showing you the nature of it?

She contacted me twice in the past week and invited me over for some family celebration(I didn't go) and said to call her when I'm free. Seems impossible to end this friendship. I've been thinking maybe it's better to choose the amount of involvement rather than cut it off completely.

This might make sense. You might not be able to cut it off in one fell swoop, but as Plutonian said maybe ignoring it would work in time. Let it just decay on its own, naturally. If you can't escape right away, you certainly don't have to actively nurture / take care of the relationship.

 

[anatio]

I haven't called her for a long time, but she did a few times. Today I posted some encouraging story about women's rights and she messaged me right away in a mockingly way with a bit of warning. She said be careful what you do or you'll get burned. This is the closest to English translation. I got so scared by her response. I really wish she would stop doing this.
Can anyone interpret this reading, thank you.
What was her comment all about? 18.6 > 46.
What about confronting her? 25.5 > 21

 

[Liselle]

Oh for heaven's sake, how rude.

I'm not sure how to take the answer. You asked what her comment was about - maybe the line means that what she meant is if you involve yourself with politics on the internet you might get burned (you know how the internet can be), and she's telling you not to do that? "No business with kings and lords" meaning not being political.

That's if it's a very direct, literal answer. You asked what her comment was about - if Yi's telling you what it was about to her, where the answer describes her point of view. (But of course you don't have to pay attention to it. It's your social media and you can do what you want.)

Depending on how Yi answered, another possibility might be that she's playing out something 18-ish - corruption, an old pattern in your relationship. 46 might mean she's trying to take some kind of step upward with you by doing this (that's just a guess). Maybe the moving line's advice to you to ignore her.

You think she was mocking you, so maybe that makes the 2nd possibility more likely.

 

[Liselle]

Just saw your second reading. 25 is about disentangling, and line 5 says
'The affliction of disentangling.
No medicinal herbs, there is rejoicing.'

In other words disentangling causes some kind of affliction, maybe from trying to bite through things, relating hexagram 21. You're tempted to try to treat this somehow, like by confronting her. But the line says there is rejoicing from not treating it.

I think Yi's suggesting just ignore it. Disentangle, don't treat it, don't try to get to the bottom of it or figure out why she's doing this, and don't ask her. Just ignore it. It doesn't have to have anything to do with you (that's 25).

 

[marybluesky]

Today I posted some encouraging story about women's rights and she messaged me right away in a mockingly way with a bit of warning. She said be careful what you do or you'll get burned. This is the closest to English translation. I got so scared by her response. I really wish she would stop doing this

I have had friends like that, especially this moron who used to say "they'll behead you" or "they should (!!!) fusillade you" every time I told jokes or expressed ideas she didn't like. Before going to readings, I'd recommend getting distance from her or being a bit guarded so that she can't hurt you like that. I don't know to what extent they are aware of the bad effects their words have on other, especially in a supposedly friendly talk where you don't expect to be attacked. I guess they've been grown up with people who threatened to burn/kill/behead them once they said something different from "norms". If it was today, I cut contacts or at least said "they should throw a nuclear bombe on your family residence" (sounds like Putin, huh?). Anyway...

First reading: 33.2>44
Your bond is too strong to be cut at once.

What was her comment all about? 18.6 > 46.
I don't tend to say the I Ching ignores your question and talks about something else, however here I can't help to read it as "let her be, do your own thing."

What about confronting her? 25.5 > 21
After some time of separation, you'll rejoin, whether you want to confront her or not.

 

[Atalanta]

I think the Yi is telling you to stop splitting on this girl. You've outgrown her friendship. In fact you never liked her all that much. Fine.

But she's not a witch or a seductress controlling your every move. Your posts suggest to me that the hidden inferior influence is one that exists in your head, and keeps showing up in your dreams. The version of her that exists in your dreams is *by definition* one that you made up. The witch is not real, my dude.

It sounds like you maybe have some level of unconscious attraction to her, and that's motivating you to turn her into a monster, and I gotta be honest, that kinda sticks in my craw a bit. At the very least, it sounds like you are giving her an outsized amount of power so you'll have an excuse to not set boundaries, and maybe not look to closely at what's keeping you in this friendship. Tend to your own affairs, stop looking for a hidden meaning in hers.

She's rude. She's self-centered. She sounds generally pretty unlikeable. I guess it's possible she actually is manipulative or out to get you in some way, but I don't really see that from what you've described here. I just see kind of a clueless jerk.

Instead of wishing she'd stop commenting on your posts, change your settings so she can't see them anymore. Tell her to knock it off. Delete the comments. It's also fine to take the passive route, do nothing and just ignore them until she takes the hint and stops, but take responsibility for that choice, because it's yours.