12.3 changing to 33 too isolated?

[Hawkdove]

Hello folks,

I am at a bit of a crossroads - I seem to be hanging on in my small town and have just got a stable job from which I could possibly buy a house. Socially it is pretty thin on the ground and I don't really fit in at my workplace, although I have a few friends. I seem to have had no luck fitting in or finding a partner, which has been really tough. I moved here to be there for my dad who is in care, and my mother who passed away with cancer a couple of years ago.

I am thinking though I could build some sort of base and do something like writing outside of work that would one day connect me to others online. My new job would be perfect to also do a creative pursuit and one day some travel.

So I received Hexagram 12.3 when I asked if I should buy a small house in my small town.

Would my life also become too small?
Please any advice would be very helpful..:bows:

Best

 

[Hawkdove]

I think the `shame' aspect also relates as for reasons I cant fully understand I have been left out of several groups here - my family included. Also groups and people I would expect to be likeminded..

 

[Hawkdove]

Answer: Hexagram 12.3 ? Hexagram 33


Hex 12.3 you tried to do something that was beyond your capabilities, this then lead to your problem and shame.
Sorry - I have just found this post below from Willowfox - this is what I fear, that in someways I have just dug myself a hole and I am now trapped here. Alot happened to disempower me after my mother passed away and it feels like I have to retreat and go to ground where I am because that is all I will be able to manage...


Hex 33 says you should have retreated while you were still in a strong position to do so but you left it too late.

 

[Trojina]

Hello folks,

I am at a bit of a crossroads - I seem to be hanging on in my small town and have just got a stable job from which I could possibly buy a house. Socially it is pretty thin on the ground and I don't really fit in at my workplace, although I have a few friends. I seem to have had no luck fitting in or finding a partner, which has been really tough. I moved here to be there for my dad who is in care, and my mother who passed away with cancer a couple of years ago.

I am thinking though I could build some sort of base and do something like writing outside of work that would one day connect me to others online. My new job would be perfect to also do a creative pursuit and one day some travel.

So I received Hexagram 12.3 when I asked if I should buy a small house in my small town.

Would my life also become too small?
Please any advice would be very helpful..:bows:

Best

Hi Hawkdove, I think 12.3 is certainly one of the harder lines to grasp in a reading. Hilary translates it as 'Embracing shame'. As you can see there is no judgement or auspice attached to the line in the words of the I Ching it merely seems to be descriptive. Commentaries, what authors say about the words may be full of all sorts of ideas but all it actually says is 'embracing shame' so what can that mean here for you ? To be honest I can't say I really know. Perhaps you need to locate where you feel shame inside because that may be inhibiting you ? Would you feel shame at buying a small house in your town ? Seems an odd question but we do feel shame at all sorts of things if maybe we had started off with different expectations ?

I think the `shame' aspect also relates as for reasons I cant fully understand I have been left out of several groups here - my family included. Also groups and people I would expect to be likeminded..

There does seem to be a social aspect to the line. Don't let these experiences get you down so that you internalise feelings of shame, so that they stay deep within you. Maybe that is what 'embracing shame' is. In Hilary's commentary she says shame can stop you asking for what you want and make you turn in on yourself. Seems to me that maybe you need to find out exactly why you have lingering feelings of shame and see how these feelings may be in your way in your life ? For example it might be deep inner shame stopped you from being so expressive with others which affected how you behaved which led you to experience feeling left out ? A vicious circle all due to your sense of shame about yourself in some way perhaps ? I do think shame isolates people because it stops them from really sharing who they are.

I seem to have had no luck fitting in or finding a partner, which has been really tough. I moved here to be there for my dad who is in care, and my mother who passed away with cancer a couple of years ago

.

You have had a tough time by the sound of it and are in the process of building a new life but is some kind of shame inhibiting you ?

 

[Hawkdove]

Thank you for your thoughtful reply Trojina,

Yes, I think you are very close to the heart of the problem - there is definitely some truth to feeling like I havent made anything of my life by being back in square one. I have had amazing opportunities, experience and a great education.

But the deep inner shame - its still so hard to work out but my sister took over the family affairs even though she lives in another country across the other side of the world. I was cut out from even being able to buy food and cook for my father. A care system was set up to operate without me and the head carers even asked whether i was the legitimate daughter or not. I had to pack up the family house alone which had been quickly sold. I was just left feeling so uprooted and yes, somehow shamed - I guess because my mother didnt ask me to be responsable for the care or anything. But by that time she was very sick and my sister just had closed door meetings with her, and then used my brother as her personal lawyer to basically shut me up.
Out of desperation I went to a clairvoyant who said my sister had mental health problems and that my mother didnt intend this outcome, but she thought i would be okay.

Due to the stress I lost my job in a very specialised industry and I guess to the outside world I havent been able to be myself, I have had major setbacks. And yes, very blocked.

Do you think there is another question I should ask from here on in?
But this is very helpful to look at the source of the feelings of shame.

 

[Trojina]

From what you say it sounds like you have been made to feel as if you don't count. Are you the youngest sibling by any chance ? I only ask because often they are the ones left with family dross and baggage. You were given no trust but had to do all the hard work. Still no point dwelling on that since it likely wasn't intended by anyone but the fact is it has left you with feelings of unworthiness that now might halt your progress.

All anyone can ever do is take the next step on the path so maybe further questions might be about your next step ? The 12.3 was about buying a house so what are your feelings about that now ? Is that what you want or does it feel like settling for something you don't really want ? As you say despite things not being ideal there are some good solid positives in your life such as a stable job and the means to buy a house...and visions for the future you mentioned. So I don't think because you cast 12 you are totally 'blocked' and some say 'blocked' is the wrong name for 12 because it's more of a disconnection than an obstacle.

I guess in your shoes I might ask about my best attitude to the overall situation I'm in but it is important you choose a question that feels right to you. I guess buying a house indicates settling down there but it need not. I mean you could buy a house and sell in 2 years and move if you wanted. Do you want to feel your options are wide open or would you rather settle down a bit ?