14.1.2.4 to 52 Should I write back to him?

[sylwia]

Dear All,

There is a man I had been writing to for some time, but the communication ceased about 2 months ago. He didn't answer a couple of my emails. Now he writes back. He's written several times for the last two weeks and also reminded me of himself in some other ways.

The thing is I don't know if I should reply to him. I've already started moving on and I'm not sure if I should come back, although I expected he'd write again. I'm also not pleased with the way our relationship was developing, so I don't want to come back to what it was. If I were to write to him again I'd like to change the dynamics between us.

So I asked two questions to the Yi:

Give me reflection about replying to X. I got: 14.1.2.4 to 52

What should I do to change my relationship with X to one that would satisfy my needs? Yi said: 10.1.2.4 to 20

I'll be grateful for your insights!

Sylwia

 

[Trojina]

So I asked two questions to the Yi:

Give me reflection about replying to X. I got: 14.1.2.4 to 52

I'm not sure how you meant the question 'give me reflection' ? Did you mean should you or did you mean how would it be if you did ?

The yang change pattern here is 54(the pattern the change lines alone make when yang) suggesting you come into this from a position of some disadvantage, a sense of being not especially high in his priorities. His actions say this since he didn't reply to your emails. The yin change pattern, the way through is 53, gradual progress. I think if you take your time and keep a sense of dignity about this it may be worth replying. Hex 14 along with the change pattern of 54 says to me you are worth more and feel you are worth more than the way he has been treating you . If you keep a clear idea of your own worth, and take things at a slow pace then maybe the development of the relationship might be more to your liking. This answer would say to me any way don't rush to answer him and keep that sense of detachment you already have about it hex 52. But is it worth it ? It's up to you.

What should I do to change my relationship with X to one that would satisfy my needs? Yi said: 10.1.2.4 to 20

Once more you have the yang change pattern of 54 and yin pattern of 53 as above. In general you need to move out of any eager desire for responses here....in old fashioned terms if you want this to feel better to you need to 'play it cool'. Looking at the lines of 10 here self sufficiency and keeping things simple in your emotional life looks the way to go. In any case hex 20 suggests you don't respond immediately and take time to have a good look at this ? What does it do for you and do you need it ? 10.4 is generally about 'making a case', pleading....I can't see how you'd be pleading here unless it means you need to convey to him that you want to be treated differently. Aha just realised the 10.4 here may mean you feel quite cautious about what to do next, even feel cautious about letting him go. !0.4 is reassurance that although for some reason this feels a danger for you (maybe it's hard for you to let things go) it will be okay. 10.1 and 10.2 are advice to keep things simple for yourself to keep peace of mind.

Hex 14 means to me here that you are in a position of choice, dignity and power yet you are being treated as less than who you are and this won't sit well with you.

If you don't need him, can do better and are already moving on can you afford to give this person time unless he changes his stance to you ? I don't think so. Looks like you are in a position to advise him to either 'shape up or ship out'...if that's the expression.

 

[sylwia]

Thank you for your answer, Trojina.

I meant the first question more as "Should I..." but I didn't want to ask a yes/no question.

I found this particularly interesting:

10.4 is generally about 'making a case', pleading....I can't see how you'd be pleading here unless it means you need to convey to him that you want to be treated differently.

Actually there is something I'd really like to show to him, or make a case as you say. It doesn't mean I'd keep the correspondence with him, but it's important to me that he could see something before I go. Something I never had a chance to tell him about before. Does it mean I'll be successful in making the case? I wonder when I should write to him about it?

In general, I was thinking about taking my time. Perhaps even two months as he did. If, after two months, I still want to write to him, I will with even more detachment than I would now. But, on the other hand, if I don't feel like writing to him at all, it'll be even easier to ignore him then than it is now.

Is he worth the wait? I don't know yet. We weren't always at this point and there was a time the correspondence with him meant a lot to me. But then it changed to something I can no longer accept, and if it's all he can give to me then it's not enough. I think he's beginning to see it only now.

 

[Trojina]

Actually there is something I'd really like to show to him, or make a case as you say. It doesn't mean I'd keep the correspondence with him, but it's important to me that he could see something before I go. Something I never had a chance to tell him about before. Does it mean I'll be successful in making the case? I wonder when I should write to him about it?

In general, I was thinking about taking my time. Perhaps even two months as he did. If, after two months, I still want to write to him, I will with even more detachment than I would now. But, on the other hand, if I don't feel like writing to him at all, it'll be even easier to ignore him then than it is now.

Is he worth the wait? I don't know yet. We weren't always at this point and there was a time the correspondence with him meant a lot to me. But then it changed to something I can no longer accept, and if it's all he can give to me then it's not enough. I think he's beginning to see it only now.

Yes you have 53 as the yin pattern in both answers so it seems likely he is only gradually waking up to the idea of your value to him.

Re the 10.4. 10.4 feels very scary and it feels like you aren't going to make it but you do. It often has a knife edge kind of feel to it...or the sense of 'just in the nick of time'. If there is something you want to say then yes say it.

Overall though yes you are right to hold to your sense of dignity about this as the hex 14 showed. If he chooses to treat you as you wish to be treated then maybe there will be progress if you want it.

However if he had you hanging on a string for a while and now you are free of caring, as you say you have to ask yourself if you want to risk it again ? 10.1 and 10.2 show you are quite capable of going on without him now. I think you can trust yourself to make the right choice here

 

[moss elk]

Hi,
Ok Here is my take on it for what it is worth:

14 - 1 2 4 - 52
Wealth by Keeping Still

Blofield Line 1: (warning) Having no contact with evil, he (you) is blameless

Line 2: (pat on the back)
You are the big wagon for loading with capacity and virtue. (Dont underestimate yourself here)

Line 4: He is far away from your influence.
(He isnt in prison is he? Or another country?)

52: Keeping Still
Dont allow your thoughts (or imagination) go beyond the reality of your situation.

So i think it may be saying better not to write.

 

[sylwia]

Line 4: He is far away from your influence.
(He isnt in prison is he? Or another country?)

We live on different continents. One of the main reasons why I don't want to keep writing to him is my realisation that he won't come to visit me. We talked about it several times and he promised he'd come if he could, but I don't believe it anymore. And I don't think my writing to him could ever change it, so there's no point to write at all.

It was very important to me that we could meet at least once and figure out what we could do together. We have a huge creative potential that will never be realised if he doesn't come. But he's fine with keeping in touch with me from time to time and it's all he wants. I'm not fine with it at all. As I see it he's wasting my time for his own convenience, so here we are.

 

[sylwia]

Yes you have 53 as the yin pattern in both answers so it seems likely he is only gradually waking up to the idea of your value to him.

Re the 10.4. 10.4 feels very scary and it feels like you aren't going to make it but you do. It often has a knife edge kind of feel to it...or the sense of 'just in the nick of time'. If there is something you want to say then yes say it.

Overall though yes you are right to hold to your sense of dignity about this as the hex 14 showed. If he chooses to treat you as you wish to be treated then maybe there will be progress if you want it.

However if he had you hanging on a string for a while and now you are free of caring, as you say you have to ask yourself if you want to risk it again ? 10.1 and 10.2 show you are quite capable of going on without him now. I think you can trust yourself to make the right choice here

Thank you, that's very uplifting. I feel a kind of calm and peace throughout this. Maybe it's not easy, but it's the right thing to do.

As I've been thinking about it, at this moment I see no reason to write to him at all. Yes, he writes to me and seems hurt by my silence, but if I wrote back it'd be soon back to what it was: infrequent communication going nowhere. For me to feel like writing back to him he'd have to do something so that I could believe this time would be different. But he hasn't done anything like that, and I don't want to repeat the old pattern.

 

[sylwia]

Oh well, I asked one more question, but I don't understand the answer at all. Could you help me one more time?

Will ending my relationship with X be good for me? Yi's answer: 25.3.5.6 to 55

Thank you!

 

[sylwia]

I could really use your help with that. I feel genuinely puzzled.

 

[moss elk]

Oh well, I asked one more question, but I don't understand the answer at all. Could you help me one more time?

Will ending my relationship with X be good for me? Yi's answer: 25.3.5.6 to 55

Thank you!

If im understanding the situation correctly (please comment if i am not)
He is really a pen-pal that you would wish to develop into something more but he doesn't seem to want to,
Lots of talk but no action.

Firstly, i would like to ask, by "ending the relationship" do you mean letting go of your intention to make something more of it than it actually is? Because i feel 25 is exactly about that. (Freedom from pretense)
Pretense: an attempt to make something that is not the case appear to be true.

I think the reading is saying:
25: Give up your pretense about it, see it for what it really is.
line 3: unpleasant stuff happens, (such as a relationship that doesnt develop) and you arent at fault.
line 5: you may feel some heart sickness (which would be natural) but it Will go away by itself.
line 6: there may be misfortune from innocent action. (For instance, if you were to send a dramatic and hurtfilled message to him) it is possible to just let things fade without a dramatic end. You can still be friends, cant you?
55: carry out punishment with exactness (not with excessive force) let him know you will still be his friend and that he can write to you, but that for your own happiness and well being you would prefer to speak as friends from now on since he is not moving to your country.
Don't be sad, this will lead to abundance.

 

[Trojina]

I don't think there is even any point in readings here...you just need to know what the point of this is and decide for yourself.

Is there any point in getting attached to someone you are never going to meet and don't know. Over the internet people can tell each anything they want about themselves.

What's the point of it ? 25.6 generally indicates you don't know what the heck you are doing and 55 that you have all the information you are ever going to get.

I don't think you need Yi here. You decide, that's what 55 says

 

[Trojina]

Actually on reflection the reading overall shows you as an innocent in not a good way. You are liable to be ripped off (25.3) at least if you are the one who is the townsperson, the one who is always there, who makes the commitment. If he is the traveller he takes the ox

25.6 you have no clue about this and so going on blindly is silly. Use what you know so far (hex 55)

The change patterns here are 53 yang and 54 yin.....looks to me like you are at a disadvantage.


Having said all that this is your decision, no one else's, you can't avoid making your own decisions, not even with Yi. You could just be friends and not expect more couldn't you....though I can't really see what point that serves when you don't even know each other.

55 shows you have all the information you need to choose, to make a decision . No one else can do that but you.

 

[sylwia]

And here I thought he was the ox!

Dear Trojina, thank you for your answer. I should explain one thing. My question wasn't meant as "should I remain in a romantic relationship with X" but more as "should I severe all contacts with him or remain as friends in some way".

I know myself. Once I complete the process of moving on there will be no way back, and I won't answer any of his emails, ever. Relationships with people, friendship included, are a very serious matter to me. Few people can be admitted to the little circle. To give you an example: over 20 years ago my father and I tried to create a bond. It didn't work and I thought it was too draining for me. The effect? I decided to never see him again, even though he called and tried to meet me many times. I wouldn't answer his phone calls or open the door. I even skipped the burials of my grandparents (his parents) to avoid the meeting. When I'm done, I'm done.

With this guy, it's not as simple as it may seem. We've got a huge potential. I don't know if you're keen on astrology, I am. Our potential as a couple is 80%. It's far more than I or he ever had with anyone else, or possibly ever will.

In fact, we did meet once, as teenagers. Just a couple of hours spent in mutual company and a walk in a forest before each of us had to go another way. I gave him my address. He sent to me several postcards and a letter, to which I replied, but he never got it. He didn't give up and came to my city to meet me, but I and my mom weren't home that weekend. He then tried to call me whenever he was in Warsaw, but no one was home.

Then, he moved to another country and made his life there, but never stopped thinking of me. When he finally found me it was a quarter of a century later. I stopped thinking of him soon after he stopped reminding me of himself, but I never forgot him, so when he wrote I immediately knew who he was. We were both surprised that the other remembered.

The fact that he wrote to me was very important at that time. I was going through a nasty period in my life, and sometimes I think I'd be dead by now if he didn't write. So I don't want to make it seem like writing to him was a waste of time. On the contrary, it meant a lot to me.

I don't think he lies to me. I know his situation very well. And in fact I'm not even angry that he didn't write for two months. It's in his character that whenever there's something important in his life he considers it very carefully. I'd be rather worried if he didn't take his time to think things through.

Still, I suspected what his answer would be and so I started moving on without waiting for it. So when he did write I was already far far away. I know that if I answer now, he'll want to go back to the place we were before, and I'm determined not to go there.

Can we be anything else? I don't know. We do have the necessary potential. There are tons of romantic energy between us, but also a lot of creative energy. He's a musician, I write lyrics. We wrote a song or two together and that worked great, but I think the real potential between us can never be activated if we don't meet.

Also, as things stood between us lately, it seemed he was so fixed on a platonic romantic relationship he wouldn't consider anything else, but at the same time he couldn't afford anything else than platonic, which is exactly why I don't want to write.

According to astrology the link between us is so strong it can never be broken, but also it will be very difficult for us to meet, because various obstacles will come our way, as they have so far. It's said that only our combined effort to overcome them could succeed, but I'm convinced he doesn't want to make it.

From my point of view, as great as the relationship used to be, it hasn't been progressing for some time, and I'm of the opinion that if thing's aren't progressing it means they're dying. You cannot freeze the moment and live in the past. But, astrology also says we've got such a huge potential we could create anything, even change the world together. So I want to know if that's it and I should write him off, or there's something else that I don't know about that could make it worth sticking around in some way.

What is I Ching saying in this light?

 

[Trojina]

And here I thought he was the ox!

in 25.3 one person is the one who is passing through who benefits by stealing the ox, the one whose home it is loses. This is IMO a neutral line, that is as Elk said "**** happens". Sometimes we benefit by the **** that happens sometimes we don't.

My example; We had nowhere to live. I was worried...then we had a call from a friend whose friend owned a house he rented. This house had just been trashed by previous tenants and they'd left without paying. Poor landlord, but lucky us since now we could move into that house right away. You decide if you are the permanent resident who loses or the traveller who gains by someone else's loss. Another time with this line I was able to avoid something I didn't want to do because someone else had an accident. It's like the ups and downs of life. I imagine you are the farmer here ? I don't know , you decide

Dear Trojina, thank you for your answer. I should explain one thing. My question wasn't meant as "should I remain in a romantic relationship with X" but more as "should I severe all contacts with him or remain as friends in some way".

I know.

I know myself. Once I complete the process of moving on there will be no way back, and I won't answer any of his emails, ever. Relationships with people, friendship included, are a very serious matter to me. Few people can be admitted to the little circle. To give you an example: over 20 years ago my father and I tried to create a bond. It didn't work and I thought it was too draining for me. The effect? I decided to never see him again, even though he called and tried to meet me many times. I wouldn't answer his phone calls or open the door. I even skipped the burials of my grandparents (his parents) to avoid the meeting. When I'm done, I'm done

.

Is that real ? You speak of yourself as if you were a fact of nature but all you describe is how you have chosen to be for now. You could change at any time. Your father must have wounded you terribly for you to do that to him. Not for me to judge anyway

With this guy, it's not as simple as it may seem. We've got a huge potential. I don't know if you're keen on astrology, I am. Our potential as a couple is 80%. It's far more than I or he ever had with anyone else, or possibly ever will.

Yes I understand astrology and can draw up charts but I would never base any union on the basis of the other's chart. It's how you are together in practise that counts, not theory.

In fact, we did meet once, as teenagers. Just a couple of hours spent in mutual company and a walk in a forest before each of us had to go another way. I gave him my address. He sent to me several postcards and a letter, to which I replied, but he never got it. He didn't give up and came to my city to meet me, but I and my mom weren't home that weekend. He then tried to call me whenever he was in Warsaw, but no one was home.

Hmmm I've known people who like to make life this complicated. Why, if he was coming, would he not phone or write first to warn you so that you could make sure to be in ?

Then, he moved to another country and made his life there, but never stopped thinking of me. When he finally found me it was a quarter of a century later. I stopped thinking of him soon after he stopped reminding me of himself, but I never forgot him, so when he wrote I immediately knew who he was. We were both surprised that the other remembered.

The fact that he wrote to me was very important at that time. I was going through a nasty period in my life, and sometimes I think I'd be dead by now if he didn't write. So I don't want to make it seem like writing to him was a waste of time. On the contrary, it meant a lot to me.

if he means a lot to you then why wouldn't you keep in touch ?

I don't think he lies to me. I know his situation very well. And in fact I'm not even angry that he didn't write for two months. It's in his character that whenever there's something important in his life he considers it very carefully. I'd be rather worried if he didn't take his time to think things through.

well earlier on you said you were upset he didn't correspond for several months. No need to explain but how can I keep up with the changing feelings and do the readings....? I can't, I'm not up to it at the moment.

Still, I suspected what his answer would be and so I started moving on without waiting for it. So when he did write I was already far far away. I know that if I answer now, he'll want to go back to the place we were before, and I'm determined not to go there.
Can we be anything else? I don't know. We do have the necessary potential. There are tons of romantic energy between us, but also a lot of creative energy. He's a musician, I write lyrics. We wrote a song or two together and that worked great, but I think the real potential between us can never be activated if we don't meet.

I don't know either

Also, as things stood between us lately, it seemed he was so fixed on a platonic romantic relationship he wouldn't consider anything else, but at the same time he couldn't afford anything else than platonic, which is exactly why I don't want to write.

It can't be a romantic platonic relationship. If it's platonic it's friendship not romance.

According to astrology the link between us is so strong it can never be broken, but also it will be very difficult for us to meet, because various obstacles will come our way, as they have so far. It's said that only our combined effort to overcome them could succeed, but I'm convinced he doesn't want to make it

.

I wouldn't even take the astrology into account. There will be many others in the world with similar or compatible charts.

From my point of view, as great as the relationship used to be, it hasn't been progressing for some time, and I'm of the opinion that if thing's aren't progressing it means they're dying. You cannot freeze the moment and live in the past. But, astrology also says we've got such a huge potential we could create anything, even change the world together. So I want to know if that's it and I should write him off, or there's something else that I don't know about that could make it worth sticking around in some way.

As I said IMO the astrology is not relevant here

What is I Ching saying in this light?

The same as it was in my last post. It's your choice....I don't know.

I can't see why you can't just stay in touch if you want to. I can't tell you what to do anyway.


I'd say the 25.6 made it appear that you are a bit clueless about this....to me it looks like oyu need a more 15 type approach. Never mind all the astrology and the apparent romance of it all look at it as it actually is. If you like talking to him stay talking to him. Why wouldn't you.

I have finished responding in SR for now so good luck