18.2.5 -> 53

[ichinglover]

hi!
this is the question that bothers me, depresses me, doesnot let me live or enjoy my life

Why can't I meet new men ( or a new man) I can marry?

got 18.2.5 -> 53

Does it really refers to my conflicts with my parents - mom is alive, dad is deceased?

Could you please help me out here?

 

[gene]

ichinglover

Possibly, this could refer to a certain extent to parents, but I think there is more to it than that. And I think one simple I Ching reading can only give you a limited perspective.

Ni Hua Ching says that with the second line, emotions are involved. One small part of this I suspect, is that you may be trying too hard. Alfred Huang says of line two, "blaming the past is not helpful." I think you may be too emotionally tied up with events of the past, and have grown to expect the same in the future, then the subconscious attracts the same type of people to us who will do the same thing. (and believe me, I have been there on this one.) It is necessary to let go of the past. It is also necessary to travel the middle course, and not get too caught up in emotion. Find a balance between being too aggressive, too emotional, and wanting too much, and on the other hand, being lackadaisical about the situation. Balance is the key in the second and fifth lines, (of any hexagram).
Beyond this, I think you need to set yourself on a spiritual path of self discovery in some way. One reading is just not enough over all information, especially for those of us who do not know you that well.

Gene

 

[ichinglover]

Gene,
thanks!

I was never aggressive or trying too much... Wanting too much?

I don't want too much - I never looked for a millionaire or a celebrity, both types I used to date,
but it happened accidentally, I was never after that

But I never had my equal....And I can't settle in this regard

Wrt to self- discovery I've been doing it for the last 2 years non-stop
not working, not living my life i don't care to discover more, I discovered enough,
unfortunately mostly about the way I was treated by my parents and led to believe that
I'm not good enough to get what I want

How can this belief be fought, I have no idea

 

[willowfox]

It is you yourself that has missed some quite good opportunities in the past to marry but obviously you were not satisfied at the time.

So, what to do? Well for a start, don't make it the centre piece of your life, that smacks of real desperation and any man will see that and run. Next time you find a guy, don't let him go as you did in the past, as the suitable ones for you do not grow on trees.

Oneday.

 

[ichinglover]

yes, for some reason it's a curse...suitable for me...may be I should just concentrate on making money...this is the only thing that seems to give freedom

i let them go in the past cause they were not for me, I was not happy with them..

I settled with the people I did't like, cuase i thought i don't deserve better...
thanks to my parents

i truly hate them

 

[elvis]

hi!
this is the question that bothers me, depresses me, doesnot let me live or enjoy my life

Why can't I meet new men ( or a new man) I can marry?

got 18.2.5 -> 53

Does it really refers to my conflicts with my parents - mom is alive, dad is deceased?

Could you please help me out here?

If you ask WHY the movement is into increased abstraction; try HOW can I meet etc etc and so be a touch more positive in perspective, more concrete - perseverence furthers....that said there is the suggested issue of a focus on marriage for social requirements ('all my friends are so I must be too!') over personal needs (and so love etc)

18 covers correcting of corruptions etc leading into maturing (53) - thus some 'issue' needs resolution for maturity to occur.

 

[gene]

ichinglover

Let go of your hate for your parents. That is the first step. Let go of any feelings of inadequacy, and describe, at least to yourself, if not to us, why these men were not worthy. Perhaps you see your parents in other people.

Gene

 

[diamanda]

The way it sounds to me, things are not as bad as you think.

18:2 speaks of decay due to the 'mother', could also refer to a woman (you), or even
specific qualities (eg weakness, sentimentality, etc). The advice is to be gentle and
try to correct it in a slow, soft, understanding manner.

18:5 is also a mellow line, where someone succeeds in correcting things, and there is
praise (either beforehand or after).

53 is slow steady development, even marriage by one sense.

Hidden line 52:5, watch your words.

Overall i'd say this is telling you that the situation can be corrected, ie regarding your
question, you can (at some point) meet someone. Then you'll need to be gentle with
any faults you have, and any faults he has (nobody's perfect!), and take it slowly from
there. Perhaps you were too strict with yourself and others in the past? (possible,
especially if your parents were too strict with you). No matter what happened in the
past, the answer is promising for the future, it seems indeed possible to correct it.

 

[ichinglover]

wow!

thanks to everyone for the ideas..
Diamanda, what is the significance of the hidden line? That I talk too much, or say the wrong things?

I liked Elvis's suggestion to ask a how not a why question.

So I asked

how can I meet new men to marry?

got 39.4 ->31

What is the nature of this obstacle, what does it say? Where to come back?

When I asked this question again - 'cause I didn't understand the answer
got 48...

God, wht a confusing thing this I ching!!

 

[diamanda]

52:5 could mean something as simple as "be careful how you phrase your questions".
You asked, "Why can't I meet new men ( or a new man) I can marry?", which supposes
that you "can't", i think it's telling you "and who says you can't?".

So I asked how can I meet new men to marry? got 39.4 ->31
I think this is telling you that since you've encountered so many obstacles so far,
take a step 'back', and work on your 31 qualities, ie the qualities of 'sitting there
pretty' and welcoming and available, and wait for the man to come to you instead.
39:4 also implies exchanging advice with like-minded people. Or it could also mean
that you may well meet someone if you turn your attention to some friends you
already know, eg meet someone through old friends.

 

[gene]

ichinglover

Nevermind hexagram 48. If you do not understand the answer seek help. Diamanda's answer is very good. It is important not to get too aggressive in a friendship. No matter how you feel, it is important to maintain self discipline and act as a friend. Trying to force a relationship to its next step only scares people away, even if they want it to go farther. And believe me, when I was younger, I got into some serious situations because I pushed too hard. It just doesn't work. It is not as serious a situation if a woman does it, the man will just back away. If a man does it, well, think about it, how would you react in that situation. Relax and let it be. It is a difficult time in your life. I am going through difficult times right now too, (actually, my whole life has been difficult, on an emotional level at least, not physical, but it make us stronger). Nevertheless, take a deep breath and relax. Let it go and you will soon see things going smoothly.

Gene

 

[ichinglover]

Thank you Diamanda and Gene!

Encouragement and hope are always good

 

[Erik58]

If this is any help to anyone getting this (or these lines)
I got 18.25>53 asking about a health issue and then 39.4 immediately after about how to cope.
Must be a connection sonewhere