24.1.5 > 8 What attitude should I adopt with my confused girlfriend

[cajlus]

So Im having kind of a lot of problems with my GF lately. We have been 2.6 years together. The first two years have been really amazing with very little conflict, but the last 6 months we started fighting and having problems leading to two major unresolved fights. The thing is that even though the fights were unresolved (each one would stick to the “I’m right your wrong” attitude) , I was able to forgive and let go of resentment while my GF has really embraced the resentment (without letting it go) to the point of making her disappointed about the relationship, letting her feelings for me go down really fast. The last thing that happened was that she asked for a couple of days apart of each other (which we already had). She now says she is confused because she says she loves me, but doesn’t really feel sexual around me and won’t spontaneously say I love you or kiss me unless I ask it of her. She says she wants to try to make the relationship work and it really seems she wants to and is trying. What confuses her most is this lack of sexual desire in the relationship. (BTW: she is kind of strange in terms of sexuality, not much turns her on: very low libido. In the good days of our relationship, we had awesome sex though and I did turn her on a lot). She is now considering that a break up could be necessary because she is very complicated, but after the break we had, she came with the “I really want to try to make this work” attitude because I’m (in her words) the best person she knows, the best relationship and BF she has had, and wouldn’t want to lose me because of some emotional problem she’s having.

So I asked the Yi: “What attitude should I adopt towards the relationship with my GF?” I received hexagram 24 with changing lines 1 and 5. I really don’t know what to make of it, maybe line 5 means something around admitting my part of the mistakes. Any thoughts?

 

[ginnie]

I think it means return more to yourself and stop wondering so much about your GF. Occupy yourself with interests that have nothing to do with her. It is natural in a relationship to have different opinions or different points of view at times, but that doesn't mean that you have to fight. You could rather 'agree to disagree' and stay in love with each other. After all, a relationship is not a merger of two individuals into one; it is a partnership.

 

[cajlus]

Thank you ginnie! I am working on being less dependant of my GFs emotions (she truly is emotionally a mess at the moment).

 

[ginnie]

It's hard, I know, to separate yourself from the drama when your GF is such a mess! The best way to do it, I think, is to limit the time you spend with her. And if you find yourself spending too much time with her, then try to go into separate rooms, so you are not always in the same space. You will both benefit from not being together too much.