4.1 > 41

[deusa]

I asked:
Diagnosis of my relationship with X:
4.1 > 41
My take:
It was a lesson. And I should learn what I can from it. And if I do, I will redistribute my energies, I will progress without anger.
It could also be he is immature but still will be lucky, and that I should punish him just enough and then let it go... Ihih, i wouldn't mind...
What do you senior people say?

 

[deusa]

I was reading this
http://ichingresources.co.uk/hexagrams/h4.html
This ressonated very deeply:
"We find ourselves stopping at the brink of perceived danger. We must plunge into the abyss and trust we will fill the chasms of our empty wisdom in so doing.
(...)
character develops like a spring, gradually and steadily filling up all gaps and flowing onward. (...)
In time we will have filled in our gapping inexperience and be able to move on to greater challenges."

Yes, I am growing, learning, developing. That is very clear to me.
But there is a more practical reading: there are so many things I didn't understand in this relationship. Bits that miss. Gaps.
Apparently I should be patient and slowly the gaps will be filled. No need to worry.
When they will fill, it will be much more easy to let go anger and desire. And to feel more balance.
Great!!

 

[gene]

deusa

Give up any ideas of punishing him. That is just your anger coming through. The universe is a better judge of right and wrong, and will return all of our mistakes to us for review.

Gene

 

[meng]

Run a hot, steamy bath, light some scented candles, play soothing music. Be nice to yourself and forget about him for awhile.

 

[deusa]

Gene
No intention to punish whoever. I have not that power, and even if I had, I wouldn't do it.
I must admit I'm still angry at the lies. I am discovering I was cheated and it is a sensation I dislike (I'm not used to it...).

I have no doubts that I got rid of something that would have become really bad to me. So I'll be grateful with time.

In the mean time, I am slowly discovering the depth of the deceit... And it is a pretty disturbing situation.

At least I have no doubts now about him. He is not for me, please, I don't want to see him, I almost wish I never met him.

Lies always puzzle me, as I don't deliberately lie. I have no sintony with cheaters. Why didn't I see he was a cheater???

What you write is soothing to me, because I was getting mad at me because I didn't see what a bastard I was getting involved with...
I hope I can still trust... I don't want to look around me and be afraid that everyone is a cheater. I hope the Yi will help me...

But everything makes sense. Sooner or later I'll be able to feel that.

The shows at school went pretty well. I sang and I loved it.

 

[gene]

deusa

No need to punish yourself either.

Gene

 

[deusa]

As bardford says...

Delivering the inexperienced
It is worthwhile and useful to discipline another
If practiced to remove the shackles and cuffs
But for this to continue is a disgrace

 

[Lavalamp]

Offer up your pain and disappointment as a sacrifice. We inherit good fortune when we offer up such experiences, Heaven bears such things and worse every day.

You have to lower your expectations of him, comparing him and judging him by your standards isn't helpful and will actually get in the way of him learning anything. He isn't ready to learn by words yet - if you are angry, kill him with kindness, by example.

One thing about this line is the Yi likes the person it refers to a little bit, and does not consider them unteachable. Might not make a very good partner though.

 

[deusa]

Thanks lavalamp...
I read the description from bradford and decided to post here because so many times people read thenold threads and i would like them to have feed-back and thoughts that could help.
Old threads have been helping me a lot...
But your words are helpful.
Time goes by and i am not in the same place i was when i asked this question.
Nothing new, really. He is still eclipsed. But my mind is more clear about what i think and what i feel.
I can't have a partner i can't trust...