42.5 to 27

[Inbalski]

Hi I asked if a guy I was meeting only for sex and I will become a couple and I got 42.5 changing into 27... I told him that I want more than just sex and unless he meets me for other reasons i won't be meeting with him.
To me it seemed like a positive response.
What do you think?

 

[Lao_Tzu]

Such a question stems from insecurity surrounding self-worth. Is he only after sex… is that my only value? Response is clear: if in truth you have a good heart - ask not - good fortune.

Men (boys) will radiate “puppy dog” energy. Yes they often want to hump your leg! But the underlying desire to love and be loved is still evident and worthy of patience.

Dating is tricky and often plagued by individual fear of commitment or confusion stemming from other existing options or possible future options.

If your wish is for innocent dating with a close friend met through friends and family which then develops into a relationship organically over time - create the boundaries and environment for such.

If we only use dating apps, go to bars, hookup first night, and play “texting” power games after. All while maintaining vague romantic interest with other possible options. That becomes reality for not only ourselves, but the greater whole.

This is corners of the mouth (nourishment).

 

[dfreed]

I asked if a guy and I will become a couple and I got 42.5 changing into 27.

Hello Inbalski:

With Thunder as 42's lower trigram (three line figure), it makes me wonder if you are the more impulsive one in this relationship, maybe the initiator, and perhaps even demanding at times (I don't mean this in a negative way)? So, perhaps you are the one who wants sex, and then also wants more than sex, and then you're the one who halts the relationship until you can get more ....

Trigram Wind above, suggests that your lover is open to the possibility of more (than just sex); and here Line 42.5 reads, in part: 'graciously do not (put to the) question'.

Perhaps this is suggesting that before you demand anything (or anything more), or before you take further action, that you first stop, and ask yourself: 'what is it I want more of?'

'Wanting more' can mean many different things; for example: does 'more' mean you want to watch old "I Love Lucy" reruns before you have sex? Does 'more' mean you want more commitment, or you simply want to spend more time together outside of your sexual relations? Or ...?

Wanting more might even be a way of holding someone at arm's lenght: by demanding intimacy you actually push it away. (Note: because I don't know you, I can't say that these apply to you; they are only meant as examples and possiblities.)

My sense is that if you can get clear about what it is you want more of, then your lover will be open to this, or at least open to explore the possibilities with you - though they may need a bit more time than you (the more impulsive one) to consider this.

I hope that's some of some use to you.

Best, D

 

[marybluesky]

He will offer you many valuable things, his presence is good for you now. Don't think about future.

 

[marybluesky]

Dating is tricky and often plagued by individual fear of commitment or confusion stemming from other existing options or possible future options.

If your wish is for innocent dating with a close friend met through friends and family which then develops into a relationship organically over time - create the boundaries and environment for such.

Playing in such a field would be extremely hard for someone focused on their object of desire instead of permanently comparing & considering other yesterday-today-tomorrow options, huh? I wonder if the always-comparing individuals are ever capable of being attracted to someone, let alone commitment.

As for the innocent dating, I doubt if that's the answer, because I've known two couples who knew eachother since childhood/adolescence and after nearly a decade, their relationships ended without getting official as the guys wanted open relationships, sex with others, while they deeply "respected" their partners. Ironically, both guys were nerdy, depressed types who struggled with every aspect of life, including going out & meeting people.