55 Abundance, Question: Should me and my ex get back together?

[imanolgh]

Girlfriend broke up with me back in August, and in mid September my mom who has an I Ching set and has consulted the I Ching for many years did a reading with me. I asked the I Ching: “should me and my ex get back together?”

I got hexagram 55: abundance. At first I thought, this doesn’t make sense I don’t feel abundant at all. In fact I felt like my world had just been destroyed, especially after some of the things that we said to each other after the breakup (it was a really bad breakup). The judgement says: Abundance has success. The king attains abundance. Be not sad. Be like the sun at midday.

I also got changing lines 4 and 5. Changing line 4 says: the curtain is of such fullness, that the polestars can be seen at noon. So great is the obstruction that the midday sun appears to him as a tiny star. Meeting a prince of equal rank -- good fortune!

This line really resonated with me since there has been a curtain surrounding anything bright that shines, a curtain of sadness from the breakup. I’m doing way way better now, but for a while I was a real mess, and was at the lowest point I ever was mentally, not only because of the breakup, but because of the things that were said after it and how we each handled it. I do wonder and can’t stop wondering who this ruler of like kind is. I wonder if it’s her, and given the context of the question I asked: should me and my ex get back together? I can’t help but think it could be her. The last thing she said to me was how awful I treated her and how she doesn’t want me in her life anymore and how she doesn’t want me contacting her again. So the situation isn’t too optimistic, and honestly I would be very hesitant to even try again with her. But I would love a true reconciliation at least.

The second changing line I got was 5: The variegated beauty of the sky after a storm now appears. Blessings [Unexpected or seemingly unmerited good fortune] and fame are won -- good fortune!

This is also of course, hopeful. Line 4 talks about a curtain covering the sky even at midday when the sun is brightest, and then meeting a prince of equal rank leading to good fortune. Here this storm or curtain is lifted, revealing beauty, and again good fortune. The fame part is interesting, as my ex said some things out of context and things that were private between us about our relationship to everyone. Could it be that we get back together and people commend us for working on our issues successfully?

There are 3 main interpretations that I can think of. The first is that being with her was a time of great abundance, a time which wanes just like any other time of abundance, and has now come to an end, leaving room for something new.

Another interpretation that I have read is that abundance may have been somewhat mistranslated or misinterpreted, and actually the hexagram means something more like “expansion of awareness.” After the breakup I spoke a lot with my mom, sister, and close friends who helped me make sense of everything that happened, how not all of it was my fault, where I went wrong, where she went wrong, what we could have done better, and what I need to do better in a future relationship. They have all also been telling me to never get back together with her, for many complicated and different reasons that I won’t go into. Perhaps the abundance that I have gained and will continue to gain is clarity on what happened, and knowledge of how to maintain a successful loving relationship in the future. I’m just curious as to what all these blessings, fame, good fortune, and this prince are.

My ex, her friends, and even some people who used to be my friend no longer want anything to do with me because of some of the things she has taken out of context and told everyone. I have felt an abundance of darkness because of that, and maybe that could be a third interpretation, where this abundance of darkness will be lifted eventually.

I appreciate any insight you may give in advance. Another question I have is, how would I calculate the second hexagram? I have read that the first hexagram is your current state, the changing lines are where you’re heading, and the second hexagram is a prediction of where you will eventually land. I’m confused as to how I would calculate the second hexagram as I am very new to the I Ching.

 

[dobro p]

“should me and my ex get back together?”

55>63

Abundance>After Completion

A state of abundance in which things are where they should be.

Okay, what are the chances that the state of abundance in which things are in their proper place refers to:

a) you and your ex being together (a relationship that didn't work, complete with nasty breakup)

b) your present state

The reason I'm asking is that the 55>63 that you drew might be commenting on your present state (ie Don't try to get back together with her, because despite appearances, you're actually in a state of abundance with things in their proper place), or it might be commenting on the state of getting back together with her.

But I have to ask a question here: Considering that she doesn't want to see you again and that you'd be hesitant to even try that yourself, why are you asking about getting back together? It doesn't seem realistic at all. For that reason, I'd be tempted to go with interpretation b) above.

 

[imanolgh]

“should me and my ex get back together?”

55>63

Abundance>After Completion

A state of abundance in which things are where they should be.

Okay, what are the chances that the state of abundance in which things are in their proper place refers to:

a) you and your ex being together (a relationship that didn't work, complete with nasty breakup)

b) your present state

The reason I'm asking is that the 55>63 that you drew might be commenting on your present state (ie Don't try to get back together with her, because despite appearances, you're actually in a state of abundance with things in their proper place), or it might be commenting on the state of getting back together with her.

But I have to ask a question here: Considering that she doesn't want to see you again and that you'd be hesitant to even try that yourself, why are you asking about getting back together? It doesn't seem realistic at all. For that reason, I'd be tempted to go with interpretation b) above.

I asked the i ching "should me and my ex get back together" back in mid September, before she said a couple of weeks later close to October that she never wanted to see me again. At that point I had some hope. At this point, I realize the situation is bleak, at least right now (since she also got a new boyfriend just 2-3 weeks after we broke up). She hurt me very badly, as did I to her. Our love was very real, and will always be very real. I felt that there is a chance we could reconcile, and still feel that to be honest, if given enough time, and if we are ready. However, when I asked that question, I asked it truly with an open mind. With the attitude of "is it good for me and my ex to get back together, and therefore should we?" Or in other words, "are we good for each other, and therefore should we get back together?" I asked it with that attitude, and was willing to hear either side, we should or we shouldn't.

 

[dobro p]

Got it. My question's the same, however. 55>63 is really very positive. What are the chances, do you think, that it applies to the more or less disastrous relationship with her, and what are the chances that it refers to your present state?

 

[imanolgh]

I see where you're going with this. My relationship ended disastrously. My present state was the lowest it has ever been in my life about a month ago, but is getting better. The chance is far greater that it is referring to my present state, and I suppose my future state as well

 

[dobro p]

Plus, keep in mind that the Yi knows more about you and your situations than your conscious mind does.

 

[rosada]

I vote you are being advised not to reconnect.
55. Asks the question, “Should I stick around for the burial or go on with my life?
Or as you’ve asked, “Should my girlfriend and I get back together [or should I move on]?”

A different translation might give you more insight into 55.3 and especially what your‘s says about “meeting a prince of equal rank.” Hilary translates it as “meeting your hidden lord” Thus -

55.4
Feng is screened off
At midday seeing the Dipper.
Meeting your hidden lord - good fortune.

Read this way the IC seems to be describing a situation where you are no longer feeling totally eclipsed as one might have if you’d gotten line 3, and you’re getting better and while not seeing the sun again quite yet you can already see the Dipper encouraging you to keep going in your current direction. The “hidden lord” then may not represent another person but rather may be that dark side of yourself you recognize played a part in the break up. So you might call your dark side “a prince of equal rank” and if you can acknowledge ”him” - the dark side of yourself - and bring the whole truth of what happened and how you contributed to the break up out into the clear light of day then you learn something about yourself and that is great Good Fortune for future relationships. And with that lesson learned the past relationship should be considered over dead and done with! It is 63. Complete!

 

[Hans_K]

Hi Imanolgh,

H55 Abundance is Thunder over Fire.
When Thunder and Lightning light up the sky, it is only short-lived, just as the sun from the Judgement text is only at its highest point for a short while in the afternoon before slowly descending again.
H63 too is about a state of short duration. H63 is balance, after completion, but this balance is only short-lived, because in an ever-changing universe, nothing stays in balance forever. The slightest change creates imbalance again.
Together, then, H55 and H63 show that certain things only last for a brief moment before changing again.
The nuclear hexagram of H55 is H28. There is too much tension in this hexagram and something must be done before things collapse. This endorses the idea that the abundance of H55 is only short-lived.

Trigram Thunder turns into Water because of the moving lines at the 4th and 5th positions.
Here, the long-term consequences of impulsive actions are not considered. Trigram Water's advice is to adapt to the situation as it currently is. Find your own way.

When only the line at the 4th position moves, you get H36 The Darkening of the Light.
The text of this line talks about abundance being blocked. Trigram Fire in H36 is blocked by Earth. This is about following (Earth) rather than taking initiative or starting something new (Thunder).

When only the line at the 5th position moves, you get H49 Revolution. This is the hexagram of letting go of the old so that something new can emerge.
The text of this line says:

Beauty and brilliance come forward.
Blessing and fame draw near.
Good fortune.

It is not there yet but it will come to you, provided you follow the advice of line 4.

The question is whether this means you and your ex should get back together. Personally, based on the above, I would say No.
That relationship is something that has been, it has peaked (H55<>H63) and now it is time to move on again.

This would be my interpretation. As always, take what resonates and leave the rest

 

[imanolgh]

Hi Imanolgh,

H55 Abundance is Thunder over Fire.
When Thunder and Lightning light up the sky, it is only short-lived, just as the sun from the Judgement text is only at its highest point for a short while in the afternoon before slowly descending again.
H63 too is about a state of short duration. H63 is balance, after completion, but this balance is only short-lived, because in an ever-changing universe, nothing stays in balance forever. The slightest change creates imbalance again.
Together, then, H55 and H63 show that certain things only last for a brief moment before changing again.
The nuclear hexagram of H55 is H28. There is too much tension in this hexagram and something must be done before things collapse. This endorses the idea that the abundance of H55 is only short-lived.

Trigram Thunder turns into Water because of the moving lines at the 4th and 5th positions.
Here, the long-term consequences of impulsive actions are not considered. Trigram Water's advice is to adapt to the situation as it currently is. Find your own way.

When only the line at the 4th position moves, you get H36 The Darkening of the Light.
The text of this line talks about abundance being blocked. Trigram Fire in H36 is blocked by Earth. This is about following (Earth) rather than taking initiative or starting something new (Thunder).

When only the line at the 5th position moves, you get H49 Revolution. This is the hexagram of letting go of the old so that something new can emerge.
The text of this line says:

It is not there yet but it will come to you, provided you follow the advice of line 4.

The question is whether this means you and your ex should get back together. Personally, based on the above, I would say No.
That relationship is something that has been, it has peaked (H55<>H63) and now it is time to move on again.

This would be my interpretation. As always, take what resonates and leave the rest

Thank you for your reply, your insight has been helpful. I have a few questions:
1. Can you explain a little more what a nuclear hexagram is?
2. When you say: "Here, the long-term consequences of impulsive actions are not considered. Trigram Water's advice is to adapt to the situation as it currently is. Find your own way." Could that mean that even if I never said the impulsive things I said to my ex after the breakup out of pain and anger, that we shouldn't get back together anyway?
3. I didn't know that only one changing line would apply to me, and not the other. Does a changing line apply to me depend on my actions (I assume it does, since the IC I'm guessing does take into account free will or at least the decisions we make given the insight it provides). You're saying that a different changing line ( 4 or 5) that I choose to follow will lead to a different hexagram or outcome?

 

[imanolgh]

I vote you are being advised not to reconnect.
55. Asks the question, “Should I stick around for the burial or go on with my life?
Or as you’ve asked, “Should my girlfriend and I get back together [or should I move on]?”

A different translation might give you more insight into 55.3 and especially what your‘s says about “meeting a prince of equal rank.” Hilary translates it as “meeting your hidden lord” Thus -

55.4
Feng is screened off
At midday seeing the Dipper.
Meeting your hidden lord - good fortune.

Read this way the IC seems to be describing a situation where you are no longer feeling totally eclipsed as one might have if you’d gotten line 3, and you’re getting better and while not seeing the sun again quite yet you can already see the Dipper encouraging you to keep going in your current direction. The “hidden lord” then may not represent another person but rather may be that dark side of yourself you recognize played a part in the break up. So you might call your dark side “a prince of equal rank” and if you can acknowledge ”him” - the dark side of yourself - and bring the whole truth of what happened and how you contributed to the break up out into the clear light of day then you learn something about yourself and that is great Good Fortune for future relationships. And with that lesson learned the past relationship should be considered over dead and done with! It is 63. Complete!

A month ago when I was at my lowest point, I definitely was coming to terms with my mistakes, especially how I hurt my ex partner. I spoke with my mom who really really helped me make sense of it, and helped me feel better. Perhaps she is the hidden lord. My ex partner did always want me to talk to my mom about the issues we were having, since my mom is an amazing psychotherapist. Well I did speak with her, she made me feel a lot better, and honestly I don't know if I would be here typing to you if it weren't for her. I felt so guilty for what I did. Perhaps you are right in that I came to terms with my shadow, learning about a hidden ruler within myself. I guess we will see.

 

[imanolgh]

Plus, keep in mind that the Yi knows more about you and your situations than your conscious mind does.

Even if we never get back together, do you think I could ask the IC whether we will ever speak again and reconcile?

 

[Hans_K]

1. Can you explain a little more what a nuclear hexagram is?

A nuclear hexagram is formed for the lower trigram from lines 2, 3 and 4 of the original hexagram and for the upper trigram from lines 3, 4 and 5. A nuclear hexagram can generally be seen as the essence of the situation/answer or that which is the drive behind the situation/answer.

2. When you say: "Here, the long-term consequences of impulsive actions are not considered. Trigram Water's advice is to adapt to the situation as it currently is. Find your own way." Could that mean that even if I never said the impulsive things I said to my ex after the breakup out of pain and anger, that we shouldn't get back together anyway?

It's hard to say, of course. What is done is done and how things would have turned out if you had not done something or done it differently is of course impossible to tell.
Do you even want to go back to your ex?
The fact that you keep describing things as "should we get back together" almost comes across as if you feel you have to fulfil a destiny or something.

3. I didn't know that only one changing line would apply to me, and not the other. Does a changing line apply to me depend on my actions (I assume it does, since the IC I'm guessing does take into account free will or at least the decisions we make given the insight it provides). You're saying that a different changing line ( 4 or 5) that I choose to follow will lead to a different hexagram or outcome?

If you read back my interpretation you will see that I deal with both lines and not one.
All I do is look at each movng line to see what the related hexagram is when only that line changes. This related hexagram gives additional information about the text of the moving line, so to speak. So it's not like you have to choose between one of the 2 lines. The advice of both lines applies.

I assume it does, since the IC I'm guessing does take into account free will or at least the decisions we make given the insight it provides

The Yi only gives advice and insight, so you always have free will to the follow advice or apply the insight. The future is not fixed but determined by choices we make now.

I hope this clarifies things a little.

 

[Hans_K]

Trigram Thunder turns into Water because of the moving lines at the 4th and 5th positions.
Here, the long-term consequences of impulsive actions are not considered. Trigram Water's advice is to adapt to the situation as it currently is. Find your own way

Personally, I think this is about taking an action to get back together, especially since Water's advice is to go your own way. The advice of the text of both moving lines is also along those lines. Improvement in your situation comes (line 5) when you allow yourself to be guided (line 4).

 

[dobro p]

Even if we never get back together, do you think I could ask the IC whether we will ever speak again and reconcile?

The Yi doesn't do fortune telling, it doesn't tell you about future events. It gives you a snapshot of the situation you've enquired about as it stands now, including the main lines of opportunity and danger. It shows you what you can usefully do NOW about the situation. So, for example, you've already enquired about the relationship with her, and you got your response and people have offered their thoughts. So, in a month or a year you can ask about the same relationship again, and the Yi will tell you how the situation stands at that point. If reconciliation is a possibility, or if it's a bad idea, or if it's a good idea at that point, the Yi will offer you something useful to consider.

 

[imanolgh]

A nuclear hexagram is formed for the lower trigram from lines 2, 3 and 4 of the original hexagram and for the upper trigram from lines 3, 4 and 5. A nuclear hexagram can generally be seen as the essence of the situation/answer or that which is the drive behind the situation/answer.

It's hard to say, of course. What is done is done and how things would have turned out if you had not done something or done it differently is of course impossible to tell.
Do you even want to go back to your ex?
The fact that you keep describing things as "should we get back together" almost comes across as if you feel you have to fulfil a destiny or something.


If you read back my interpretation you will see that I deal with both lines and not one.
All I do is look at each movng line to see what the related hexagram is when only that line changes. This related hexagram gives additional information about the text of the moving line, so to speak. So it's not like you have to choose between one of the 2 lines. The advice of both lines applies.


The Yi only gives advice and insight, so you always have free will because follow advice or apply the insight. The future is not fixed but determined by choices we make now.

I hope this clarifies things a little.

it does. This is my first time consulting the I Ching. I have learned a lot. Thank you