Acting emotionally detached hex 8

[tiffwhi]

Hey everyone I ask iching what if I acted emotionally detached in this relationship? And got hex 8 unchanging and would appreciate if someone can interpret this for me. A bit of history first, I have started a relationship with a guy that was my friend with benefit I was about to do away with him because he had issues and did not want a relationship just yet he comes by every weekend and we talk during the week sometimes but maybe it's me I started feeling a little worried about weather there will be a shift in emotions where we love each other but I don't want him to get to comfortable.

 

[Trojina]

Hey everyone I ask iching what if I acted emotionally detached in this relationship? And got hex 8 unchanging and would appreciate if someone can interpret this for me. A bit of history first, I have started a relationship with a guy that was my friend with benefit I was about to do away with him because he had issues and did not want a relationship just yet he comes by every weekend and we talk during the week sometimes but maybe it's me I started feeling a little worried about weather there will be a shift in emotions where we love each other but I don't want him to get to comfortable.

I think this answer says

"...now why in the name of sanity would you think there would be any benefit in pretending to feel detached ?"

Hexagram 8 asks us to choose what we will commit to. There is nothing so far away from the advice of hexagram 8 as the idea of 'acting detached'.


Don't act what you don't feel. So hexagram 8 asks you to choose what you belong with and show it ! There is always a point in any kind of relationship, subtly or not so subtly where one decides whwther one is in or out ! It's as simple as that. Hexagram 8 warns that late comers get shut out.

I personally think 'friends with benefits' is a total crock of **** especially for the girl as generally she will want more than that. If she has low self esteem she might act like she doesn't care and she likes this 'friends with benefits' thing but it is a total emotional rip off really. I mean that's a generalisation and some will differ but you sound like the girl who thinks she has play it like she doesn't need anything at all just to keep him there.


Well my opinions aside hex 8 doesn't suggest that. I think he needs to decide if he is with you or not with you as your boyfriend. 'Friends with benefits' is silly. It is just a way for him to stay single while still screwing you. That would be fine if you wanted that but you don't....so why in God's name would you pretend that you do ?

This answer askes you to be totally honest about your feelings for him. Your feelings are special and so should only go to those who will honour them. Will he honour them ? Well it's up to him. If he doesn't and he wants to stay 'friends with benefits' then let him go and find someone who will commit. BTW when I say 'commit' I don't mean promises of marriage or anything like that I just mean that he will be honest enough to call you his girlfriend for the time being. It's not a lot to ask is it ? If he is unable to even call you his girlfriend then don't sleep with him. You both need to make clear choices about where you belong. Pretending to be detached is a waste of time. It most certainly is not the advice of hexagram 8 !

 

[corvinnclaedh]

I agree with Trojina. I was in a casual relationship for almost two years before it fell apart. My advice, if you're not feeling it, end it before emotions on either side get stronger (whether it is attachment or lack thereof). Personally, I'd never hope to have that kind of relationship again. It usually ends up one sided and with heart break. Do the both of you the favor of freeing yourselves before it has the chance to become volatile.

 

[sooo]

I am confused. First you say, "I was about to do away with him because he had issues and did not want a relationship." Then you say, "I started feeling a little worried about weather there will be a shift in emotions where we love each other but I don't want him to get to comfortable." uch:

If this confuses me I can only image how he feels.

Do you or don't you want a relationship with this guy? It sounds to me as though you want to keep him on a string, without realizing that it puts you on the other end of the same string. That's a distant way of holding together, hence the title of your thread - you seem to want to ACT emotionally detached, keep him guessing, which would give you the emotional power, which seems exactly what you claim he is doing to you which disturbs you. That's not holding together, that's playing head games.

 

[tiffwhi]

Lol I see where all of you are coming from to be honest the issues lie within myself we were friends with benefits but he wanted to make it official and I went along so now he considers us together for 2 years and he has plans for our future in my mind I don't want this relationship to end up like my failed marriage and neither does he but the issues lie with past hurt and things thank you all for your advice and sorry to sound so confusing.

 

[1eleven]

More periods. In your post and in your life... remember to pause.

 

[sooo]

Lol I see where all of you are coming from to be honest the issues lie within myself we were friends with benefits but he wanted to make it official and I went along so now he considers us together for 2 years and he has plans for our future in my mind I don't want this relationship to end up like my failed marriage and neither does he but the issues lie with past hurt and things thank you all for your advice and sorry to sound so confusing.

I think I understand better. Sorry if this sounds blunt, but if you say the issues are with you, and you received 8 about this relationship, then I interpret that as you need to get it together in your own head, in terms of exactly what you want from this relationship, all things considered. Then if you share that with him and he knows where he stands with you, maybe there will be enough in common to get it together together.

 

[Stillpoint]

tiffwhi, are you uncertain about what you want from this relationship? I can truly understand and relate to any fears you may harbor after a failed marriage. But 8 seems to be offering you some clear advice....I wish all my readings were so clear! I like what Hilary here at Clarity has to say on Hex 8. Don't you think this text sums up your role in this relationship?:

"The first message here is that it is good to make these choices, to be in there at the centre of things and get involved. It is not good to be like Fangfeng and try to balance indefinitely on the fence. 'Seeking union, good fortune... for the latecomer, pitfall.' Better to be in there at the centre of things, to be involved.
*
And then - this is one of the hexagrams Yi most often uses to question*you. Retracing your consultation to its source means asking yourself where your question comes from. Not where it leads to, not its logical consequence, but the deep-seated vision, or value, or need.

The 'source' might just be the*future*you are envisaging. This is what you orient everything towards - and the strongest magnet drawing new experiences and possibilities into your life without rest, and from all sides. It is 'not a mistake' to take the time to find that source!"

So, it seems to me that a valid question to start with would be what do you, tiffwhi, in your heart of hearts, really want from this relationship?

All the best to you!