ending a relationship 51 uc

[Rasalila]

How will I know when it's the right time to leave him? 51 uc. I've been unhappy in this marriage for about 7 years. The hard part is, he's a really nice guy, we don't fight(which is actually part of the problem), he takes care of all the practical, mundane things around the house. Basically, we're good at being roommates and running a household together. But, over the years as I've grown and changed, he's stayed exactly the same. Also, there's a lack of intimacy that is really painful for me-it doesn't bother him because I don't think he's ever really experienced intimacy so he doesn't know what's missing. He lives life on a very superficial basis and I'm quite the opposite. But, it's hard to leave since it is so comfortable and I really don't want to hurt him. I love him as a family member, but not as a lover. I've been hoping to discover a win/win solution and maybe I still will, but part of me thinks I should go sooner rather than later so he can start the process of recovery. Anyway, it sounds from this reading that maybe it will have to be a major event that forces me into leaving. Ideas?
Thank you!

 

[Trojina]

There are some experiences of 51uc here https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/fri...ing-hexagrams-hexagram-51&p=177040#post177040

..as I may say there I tend to find 51uc is far more an inner thing than an outer event. Not always of course but in my experience the thunder is happening on the inside, it's not really affecting anything on an outer level, Perhaps that is to do with the comfortableness of it.

I think the question this would raise for me is 'are you sure you want this ?' All sorts of thunder can roll around in our heads without anyone ever knowing.

I don't feel anything is going to force you to leave but I may be wrong.

 

[Rasalila]

Hi, just an update. i did, indeed, have a very strange day yesterday after receiving that hexagram. I had woken up from a sleepless night full of nightmares, my period started and was more uncomfortable than it had been in months, I was feeling on the brink of a cold and I haven't been sick in months and months, and then our water was shut off for 24 hours because of a leak. I also experienced some very intense internal rumblings around my relationship and by the end of the evening felt like I was in a completely different place. I decided to try being more friendly with him, not taking it so seriously but viewing him more as a friend and with less expectations of how he 'should' be. This new perspective felt really good and when I asked Yi how continuing in this sort of an attitude would affect our relationship I got 45.3.5>62

 

[rosada]

hexagram 45.3.5 > hexagram 62

 

[Rasalila]

Rosada, I'm not able to access those links.

 

[Trojina]

That's because you have to pay minimum of a £1 a month to access those links. Rosada wants people to start writing 'hexagram' in front of their cast so she can link straight to wikiwing.

I also experienced some very intense internal rumblings around my relationship and by the end of the evening felt like I was in a completely different place. I decided to try being more friendly with him, not taking it so seriously but viewing him more as a friend and with less expectations of how he 'should' be. This new perspective felt really good and when I asked Yi how continuing in this sort of an attitude would affect our relationship I got 45.3.5>62

In hexagram 45 one invests energy in a focused way often in a group situation or a situation where one shares a great deal. So there is a lot of investment here, many things depend upon it. This doesn't always make things easier in terms of feelings. I heard Lise say that for example one might share all the same ideals and goals as another but the feelings aren't always the same. Imagine for example a club where a passion is shared such as um poetry, or any group with a shared goal. Is everyone in complete harmony in that group ? Not very often I don't think and such devotion to the same goal more often that not increases the intensity of feelings when there are differences. So you and your partner are already sharing resources, ideals or whatever...and then there are the lines, from Hilary's translation in wikiwing

Line 3

'Gathering together thus, lamenting thus.
No direction brings harvest.
Going on, no mistake.
Small shame.

Line 5

'Gathering together, has a position.
No mistake.
No trust at all.
From the source, ever-flowing constancy.
Regrets vanish.'

In line 3 it's like the more one tries the more regret one can feel. It is better to keep moving forward than to focus on what is wrong and come to think of it that is what you say you are doing. Some say this line can manifest as a bit of a misery party, the kind of thing where people sit down to talk about what is wrong and the more they talk they more they sink down. Your question was what if you keep going on in this friendly mode with him and I feel this line is likely saying it is a much better position than seeking to examine what is wrong between you.

Line 5 says there is position, ie you are a couple together but there is no faith this is going to work. The line says you can make it work if you actively make a place for yourself there. It's a line where someone has been awarded a title or a job description or a relationship description, so they have that but aren't at all sure how to fill it. The answer seems to advise to 'make' it...starting from what you have create your place for yourself from there.

The 62 shows I think it's not at all always so easy and it is better to stay with what is here and now than look to big visions of how things might be.


Once in a difficult time in a relationship I got a clear dream message with the words "He is more than the man you think he is and you are than the woman he thinks you are" in other words there was far more to both of us than the other one realised.

I'm not BTW advocating you go on with or pull out of the relationship, only you can know if that is right for you. I would, Yi aside, be wary of the whole 'this is what an ideal relationship looks like' thing, it can make people more dissatisfied than they need to be and it could make them miss the depths that are already there. I think I sound biased...oh well