Hexagram 44 - How do men see me? the powerful woman?

[Sara369]

Hey guys,
I haven’t dated in a long time, 10 years to be exact, and have only really interacted with one man in life, so I’m quite inexperienced. Reasons behind not dating are lengthy, but I’ve isolated myself a lot in the last few years and I’m beginning to come out of this now. Due to being out of the loop and not having much experience with men, I asked the question how do men see me? I recently visited a friend in the city for a few days and it felt good to be more social and I guess I was just wondering. I got 44, changing lines 2 & 4.

The hexagram speaks of a powerful woman who should not be taken or married, and I was both confused and amused by it. I am a Pisces Cancerian/ Virgo woman, and the two comments I get most often from people in general are along the lines of you’re so ‘nurturing’ ‘maternal’ or you’re so ‘strong’. I don’t love it, there was a time in my life where I had this false persona of being strong and fierce, but it was more of a coping mechanism in response to physical trauma. I Healed that and dropped it years ago. Sometimes I feel constrained by the labels that people put on me, as I often feel like I am a bit of everything, and I think that is just part of being someone who feels a lot and quite intensely. I know this hexagram has been referred to as being quite sexual? But I’m new to this, so would love to know what you guys think the lines mean in relation to my question? Thank you in advance!

 

[my_key]

I asked the question how do men see me? I recently visited a friend in the city for a few days and it felt good to be more social and I guess I was just wondering. I got 44, changing lines 2 & 4.

44 Coupling calls for a fusion of softness and strength and the image could be indicating that men will see you as an image of how you portray yourself to them. They see only what you allow them to see.

Bubbling up from deep inside to inhabit the world of 44 is a strong willful core and sometimes this can go off half-cocked or over spill inside of you. This mode of inner activity provides a sense of safety for you but is is not always an advantageous approach for engaging with close relationship (44.2). Sometimes this can be interpreted by others as a remote demeanour or aloof manner that you present to the world and is a part of you that is not always attractive to encounter (44.4).

Your query though is held in a context of 52 where there is a new calmness sweeping through your inner world that will affect your outer world. It is working to fix or soften the limits you have placed on things and in time will allow others to see a different picture on display.

... of course, you may see this reading differently.

Good Luck

 

[Trojina]

I don't think this question is very helpful to you because......

men are roughly half the population of the world and I shouldn't think they have a single unified view of you. I mean broadly people in your immediate environment might have similarish views if from your background and culture but even then perceptions between individuals vary greatly.


I guess you didn't mean, when you said 'men' half of the world's population, you perhaps meant men in your environment of your age and status ? Even so I can't see it's an especially helpful question to you since you are trying to view yourself as an image from the minds of numerous other people - it's more or less impossible IMO and how can it help you?

I think you'd probably get more usable answers if you asked from your own perspective. Look at what you really want to know

I recently visited a friend in the city for a few days and it felt good to be more social and I guess I was just wondering.

Seems to me you really want to know about getting back into dating men again? You could ask about that. Also it could be Yi has answered that question beneath the question in this cast. If I go with maybe Yi has answered the question beneath the question....


Then you got stuck on the idea of 44 describing a 'strong woman' coloured by our associations of strong women in todays society but 44 isn't really that at all. Generally 44 has to do with an intrusive force in our lives that might inspire us, might not, but whichever way it's there not as a regular part of life, hence we don't 'marry' it. Interesting then that your relating hexagram here is 53.

Your cast was 44.2.4>53 and 53 is part of your answer. 53 does represent marriage, not always literally of course, but it's the slow steady stages of courtship. The very antithesis really off 44 . Where 44 grasps and takes for it's own purposes 53 courts and respects the gradual development of things.

Line 2 is saying there's something here for you but it's too early to invite others into it . Line 4 basically says there's nothing to be had here. Then there's 53 as the backdrop.

If I get anything from this cast it's telling you not to rush yourself into anything nor give into any kind of pressure from others. Your own way is much more gradual, even traditional and needs to go through all the stages of courtship towards marriage - if I take it literally as about marriage that is.

So I wouldn't even attempt to read this as how men see you, the question doesn't really make sense to me. I think with 44 people just go way off in imagining it means they are strong women etc etc. The woman here is a metaphor for something that can derail, take you off course or sometimes inspire and bring new life but it's not something to permanently integrate.

I get the feel this is more about you choosing what you want and going towards that rather than seeing yourself as the one that is being evaluated. 53 is thought (by Hilary I think) to be a male's experience of marriage - he courts and woos and 54 the females, in ancient times she was going in to a strange household and would have felt at a disadvantage. But this cast doesn't show you in the 54 position but 53, the gradual development of relationship, going steadily towards what you have chosen. Change patterns here are 40 and 37 and this kind of echoes to me what you are searching for is much more than you might currently envisage. That is you might be envisaging dating and Yi is showing it more profitable to orientate yourself to something on a much more stable footing, that is thinking longer term even now. I mean there's 53 as relating and 37 as yin pattern (don't worry about change patterns, I use them but it's too much for newbies I think) and 44.2 telling you there's a development in terms of something growing within you a growing connection even but it's too early to call it anything or give it a name yet.

Perhaps rather than focus on the dating you start to focus now on the end result you want eventually which may be marriage, family or more permanent relationship.

If I did try to fit the answer to your question of how men see you I might think you're almost signalling you want a fling or something when actually it's much more time to develop a close and lasting bond. I wouldn't hold to that necessarily though since I don't think there's a unified perception from all men about you.

 

[Sara369]

I don't think this question is very helpful to you because......

men are roughly half the population of the world and I shouldn't think they have a single unified view of you. I mean broadly people in your immediate environment might have similarish views if from your background and culture but even then perceptions between individuals vary greatly.


I guess you didn't mean, when you said 'men' half of the world's population, you perhaps meant men in your environment of your age and status ? Even so I can't see it's an especially helpful question to you since you are trying to view yourself as an image from the minds of numerous other people - it's more or less impossible IMO and how can it help you?

I think you'd probably get more usable answers if you asked from your own perspective. Look at what you really want to know

Seems to me you really want to know about getting back into dating men again? You could ask about that. Also it could be Yi has answered that question beneath the question in this cast. If I go with maybe Yi has answered the question beneath the question....

Then you got stuck on the idea of 44 describing a 'strong woman' coloured by our associations of strong women in todays society but 44 isn't really that at all.

Then you got stuck on the idea of 44 describing a 'strong woman' coloured by our associations of strong women in todays society but 44 isn't really that at all. Generally 44 has to do with an intrusive force in our lives that might inspire us, might not, but whichever way it's there not as a regular part of life, hence we don't 'marry' it. Interesting then that your relating hexagram here is 53.

Your cast was 44.2.4>53 and 53 is part of your answer. 53 does represent marriage, not always literally of course, but it's the slow steady stages of courtship. The very antithesis really off 44 . Where 44 grasps and takes for it's own purposes 53 courts and respects the gradual development of things.

Line 2 is saying there's something here for you but it's too early to invite others into it . Line 4 basically says there's nothing to be had here. Then there's 53 as the backdrop.

If I get anything from this cast it's telling you not to rush yourself into anything nor give into any kind of pressure from others. Your own way is much more gradual, even traditional and needs to go through all the stages of courtship towards marriage - if I take it literally as about marriage that is.

So I wouldn't even attempt to read this as how men see you, the question doesn't really make sense to me. I think with 44 people just go way off in imagining it means they are strong women etc etc. The woman here is a metaphor for something that can derail, take you off course or sometimes inspire and bring new life but it's not something to permanently integrate.

I get the feel this is more about you choosing what you want and going towards that rather than seeing yourself as the one that is being evaluated. 53 is thought (by Hilary I think) to be a male's experience of marriage - he courts and woos and 54 the females, in ancient times she was going in to a strange household and would have felt at a disadvantage. But this cast doesn't show you in the 54 position but 53, the gradual development of relationship, going steadily towards what you have chosen. Chnage patterns here are 40 and 37 and this kind of echoes to me what you are searching for is much more than you might currently envisage. That is you might be envisaging dating and Yi is showing it more profitable to orientate yourself to something on a much more stable footing, that is thinking longer term even now. I mean there's 53 as relating and 37 as yin pattern (don't worry about change patterns, I use them but it's too much for newbies I think) and 44.2 telling you there's a development in terms of something growing within you a growing connection even but it's too early to call it anything or give it a name yet.

Perhaps rather than focus on the dating you start to focus now on the end result you want eventually which may be marriage, family or more permanent relationship.

If I did try to fit the answer to your question of how men see you I might think you're almost signalling you want a fling or something when actually it's much more time to develop a close and lasting bond. I wouldn't hold to that necessarily though since I don't think there's a unified perception from all men about you

I guess you didn't mean, when you said 'men' half of the world's population, you perhaps meant men in your environment of your age and status ? Even so I can't see it's an especially helpful question to you since you are trying to view yourself as an image from the minds of numerous other people - it's more or less impossible IMO and how can it help you?

Exactly! I think because it’s been a long time for me, and I’m feeling a bit insecure, I just wondered how men I interact with generally perceive me.

Then you got stuck on the idea of 44 describing a 'strong woman' coloured by our associations of strong women in todays society but 44 isn't really that at all.

I spent a lot of time reading about the ‘strong woman’ in this hexagram and everyone’s ideas around who she is and what she represents, I think I just found it overwhelming/confusing. Thank you so much for clarifying this for me in a really clear way.

Interesting then that your relating hexagram here is 53.

Your cast was 44.2.4>53 and 53 is part of your answer. 53 does represent marriage, not always literally of course, but it's the slow steady stages of courtship. The very antithesis really off 44 . Where 44 grasps and takes for it's own purposes 53 courts and respects the gradual development of things.

What’s wild is that yes my question was about how I’m perceived, and I have an intention to start dating, but truthfully in my heart I am searching for a real union with someone, in terms of a marriage. So your intuition and understanding of the reading pointing to that is incredibly accurate. I am hoping to find someone to have a true friendship/union/marriage with. I guess I just try not to get ahead of myself since there’s no one in the picture right now, so I’ve been thinking well, what do people do? They meet people and date, so I guess that’s how I’ll meet someone, but I’m now thinking that I should ask for some advice on how to approach this as a follow up question. And I do feel that I would really like to have a ‘gradual courtship’ so that is extremely accurate.

If I get anything from this cast it's telling you not to rush yourself into anything nor give into any kind of pressure from others. Your own way is much more gradual, even traditional and needs to go through all the stages of courtship towards marriage - if I take it literally as about marriage that is.

It’s like it heard the inner most depths of my heart, because this is really what I’d like and desire. And I have been feeling pressure from parents and a friend of mine also, to find someone asap, and in a more modern way, like dating apps, I tried after them pressuring me to, and didn’t have luck with them, not only that but I disliked the whole experience of them as it didn’t feel authentic to me. But inside I don’t feel panicked about finding someone, I feel quite calm.

I get the feel this is more about you choosing what you want and going towards that rather than seeing yourself as the one that is being evaluated. 53 is thought (by Hilary I think) to be a male's experience of marriage - he courts and woos and 54 the females, in ancient times she was going in to a strange household and would have felt at a disadvantage. But this cast doesn't show you in the 54 position but 53, the gradual development of relationship, going steadily towards what you have chosen.

I’ve often times in life focused on ‘will he like me?’ I guess due to low self esteem, but time to myself has helped that, in that I’m just at the beginning stages of considering what do I value in someone, what kind of partner would I like? What qualities do I like in the other? It’s a new experience for me to even think this way, but after a few years of self therapy it’s becoming a part of my normal now. So this is spot on. And I wasn’t aware that 53 is often described in that manner, in comparison to the females experience in 54, thank you for bringing that to my attention, that’s a golden nugget of info there and I’ll read up on it.

I mean there's 53 as relating and 37 as yin pattern (don't worry about change patterns, I use them but it's too much for newbies I think) and 44.2 telling you there's a development in terms of something growing within you a growing connection even but it's too early to call it anything or give it a name yet.

This is the only part I didn’t quite grasp, in terms of a development growing within me, could this be the necessary emotional psychological changes within me that will bring in/attract in the right partner for me? Because there isn’t a growing connection in my life in terms of with another person. I read somewhere that the seeds are planted within us first before they become manifest in the physical?
(and thank you so much for this response, it has helped me understand this tremendously, I’ve seen your comments on the forum from posts from years ago, so I know that you’re seasoned at this and knowledgable, I appreciate your input a lot!)

 

[Sara369]

44 Coupling calls for a fusion of softness and strength and the image could be indicating that men will see you as an image of how you portray yourself to them. They see only what you allow them to see.

Bubbling up from deep inside to inhabit the world of 44 is a strong willful core and sometimes this can go off half-cocked or over spill inside of you. This mode of inner activity provides a sense of safety for you but is is not always an advantageous approach for engaging with close relationship (44.2). Sometimes this can be interpreted by others as a remote demeanour or aloof manner that you present to the world and is a part of you that is not always attractive to encounter (44.4).

Your query though is held in a context of 52 where there is a new calmness sweeping through your inner world that will affect your outer world. It is working to fix or soften the limits you have placed on things and in time will allow others to see a different picture on display.

... of course, you may see this reading differently.

Good Luck

Hi! I think it might change to 53? Thank you for your input! This was an interesting read, the fusions of softeners with strength is something that I aspire to for sure.

 

[my_key]

Hi! I think it might change to 53? Thank you for your input! This was an interesting read, the fusions of softeners with strength is something that I aspire to for sure.

Oh yes. You are right. My apologies, I dropped a clanger there.

Modifying my final words accordingly:
Your query though is held in a context of 53 where steady progress based on a foundation of growing calmness will develop over your inner landscape. This leads towards new developments in your character that will manifest as inward and outward growth. This in time will allow all others to see a different picture on display.

Good Luck

 

[Trojina]

I'm glad you could connect to my interpretation as I was feeling my way in the dark a bit. What you say here

It’s like it heard the inner most depths of my heart, because this is really what I’d like and desire. And I have been feeling pressure from parents and a friend of mine also, to find someone asap, and in a more modern way, like dating apps, I tried after them pressuring me to, and didn’t have luck with them, not only that but I disliked the whole experience of them as it didn’t feel authentic to me. But inside I don’t feel panicked about finding someone, I feel quite calm.

...would explain that 53, so different to 44.

This is the only part I didn’t quite grasp, in terms of a development growing within me, could this be the necessary emotional psychological changes within me that will bring in/attract in the right partner for me? Because there isn’t a growing connection in my life in terms of with another person. I read somewhere that the seeds are planted within us first before they become manifest in the physical?

I think it's only difficult to grasp because it's difficult to explain but yes that's the idea of 44.2 pretty much I think, something may have been conceived but it's not ready to appear yet, it's not fully formed Looking back at what I wrote

. I mean there's 53 as relating and 37 as yin pattern (don't worry about change patterns, I use them but it's too much for newbies I think) and 44.2 telling you there's a development in terms of something growing within you a growing connection even but it's too early to call it anything or give it a name yet.

I was looking at all those aspects of the reading together, 53 Gradual Progress, marriage. 37 the yin change pattern showing the way through the reading is to gather into a structure, the Family, belonging in a role. All this germinating as it were in 44.2 but not time to push things to full manifestation
44.2 says


'In the trap there are fish.
No mistake.
No harvest in entertaining guests.'

Fish can sometimes be taken as an embryo in the womb and all that signifies. It's a totally secret thing at first, no one can tell she's conceived and of course many do not announce pregnancy till 3 months have passed for fear of tempting fate/miscarriage etc. So it's a promising but secret omen, it's not for others to know about yet. There's stuff connected to 'bin rites' in wiki (from Steve Marshall) which I think is to do with the equivalent of calling bans in weddings (not sure) or rather finalising/blessing a wedding/ calling the ancestors for blessing. Well it's saying don't do that yet, don't announce the wedding/union/pregnancy, keep it to yourself while it becomes what it becomes. On it's own the line would change to 33, withdrawing to protect oneself.

It's hard to explain because it's the non physical part so to speak of manifestation, being ready inside for relationship. So I've read and think it quite possible that long before you meet your significant other on an inner level you're almost getting ready to receive them. This readiness is a mysterious thing I can't quite explain, it's like an awareness inside there's not necessarily anything to show but something is becoming ready and as it's becoming ready it ought not to be pressured or pushed too soon

I read somewhere that the seeds are planted within us first before they become manifest in the physical?

Yes, along those lines. I know you do have to actually meet people to find the person for you but also at the same time meeting the person for you doesn't wholly depend here on lots of dates and so on it's also an inner event that radiates outwards. I mean it's said we all radiate our frequency far and wide and draw others in who are in alignment when the time is right. For you I just think you're becoming ready for relationship but it's still quite a fragile private inner process. You said you feel calm about it and I think this is a good indicator you know what's going on for you and naturally know your direction.

 

[Sara369]

I'm glad you could connect to my interpretation as I was feeling my way in the dark a bit. What you say here

...would explain that 53, so different to 44.



I think it's only difficult to grasp because it's difficult to explain but yes that's the idea of 44.2 pretty much I think, something may have been conceived but it's not ready to appear yet, it's not fully formed Looking back at what I wrote



I was looking at all those aspects of the reading together, 53 Gradual Progress, marriage. 37 the yin change pattern showing the way through the reading is to gather into a structure, the Family, belonging in a role. All this germinating as it were in 44.2 but not time to push things to full manifestation
44.2 says


'In the trap there are fish.
No mistake.
No harvest in entertaining guests.'

Fish can sometimes be taken as an embryo in the womb and all that signifies. It's a totally secret thing at first, no one can tell she's conceived and of course many do not announce pregnancy till 3 months have passed for fear of tempting fate/miscarriage etc. So it's a promising but secret omen, it's not for others to know about yet. There's stuff connected to 'bin rites' in wiki (from Steve Marshall) which I think is to do with the equivalent of calling bans in weddings (not sure) or rather finalising/blessing a wedding/ calling the ancestors for blessing. Well it's saying don't do that yet, don't announce the wedding/union/pregnancy, keep it to yourself while it becomes what it becomes. On it's own the line would change to 33, withdrawing to protect oneself.

It's hard to explain because it's the non physical part so to speak of manifestation, being ready inside for relationship. So I've read and think it quite possible that long before you meet your significant other on an inner level you're almost getting ready to receive them. This readiness is a mysterious thing I can't quite explain, it's like an awareness inside there's not necessarily anything to show but something is becoming ready and as it's becoming ready it ought not to be pressured or pushed too soon

Yes, along those lines. I know you do have to actually meet people to find the person for you but also at the same time meeting the person for you doesn't wholly depend here on lots of dates and so on it's also an inner event that radiates outwards. I mean it's said we all radiate our frequency far and wide and draw others in who are in alignment when the time is right. For you I just think you're becoming ready for relationship but it's still quite a fragile private inner process. You said you feel calm about it and I think this is a good indicator you know what's going on for you and naturally know your direction.

Hey Trojina, firstly, apologies for responding so late! Just wanted to drop a quick message to thank you for what you wrote here, I’ve read it several times, sometimes people interpret or give advice and you feel like they’ve maybe just understood the surface layer of the issue, which is expected as these things are so personal, but I really felt like you had a deeper understanding of this, coming back to this thread and reading gives me a sense of reassurance. I will get back to this thread when there are concrete developments in this area of my life and update you for sure. Thank you once again