Hexagram 49 UC - help with son please!

[ichinglover123]

I asked:
My son is leaving tomorrow for Australia. Will I see him before he leaves?

I have posted about my adult son before and received accurate kind advice. We have never really repaired our relationship. He refuses to go to a counselor so that I cant know what exactly is the issue or why he’s so angry with me.

His birthday on 9th Oct came and went without him acknowledging my calls or attempts to reach out. He is leaving tomorrow to go to Australia to work and be with his girlfriend and will be gone for at least two months I hear. I am happy for him. But we haven’t spoken since mid-March 2022. I set a boundary on how he could speak with me (he needs to be respectful). And we haven’t spoken since.

I would love to be able to see him this evening to say goodbye and give him a hug. Our relationship has not been the best however I do love him. Anyway that was my question and I got 49 unchanging. Radical change.

Oracle​

'Radical change.
On your own day, there is truth and confidence.
From the source, creating success, constancy bears fruit.
Regrets vanish.'

Interesting that a radical change is unchanging! The radical change is that he is leaving? Not sure what that means. I know this already. A radical change of heart? So I will see him? It’s evening already so I’m feeling rather numb. That’s probably a protection for my psyche. Don’t wish to fall apart!

I know it’s said that you can’t ask yes or no questions to the I Ching but that’s my question. Any help interpreting this is much appreciated. Mèsi

 

[ichinglover123]

Anyone?

 

[rosada]

Hello ichinglover23,

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.
I see 49 as a comment from the IC saying that your whole relationship with your son is going through radical change. Hopefully that meant he manned up and called you before taking off but if not I see this reading as saying this experience helps you to realize you are totally not wrong to want to be acknowledged and treated with respect and therefore you don't spend anytime wondering if you should have done anything differently. Straighten your crown and see what your life looks like without the trolls! When he returns let him be the one to renew contact when he's ready.

 

[ichinglover123]

Hello ichinglover23,

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.
I see 49 as a comment from the IC saying that your whole relationship with your son is going through radical change. Hopefully that meant he manned up and called you before taking off but if not I see this reading as saying this experience helps you to realize you are totally not wrong to want to be acknowledged and treated with respect and therefore you don't spend anytime wondering if you should have done anything differently. Straighten your crown and see what your life looks like without the trolls! When he returns let him be the one to renew contact when he's ready.

Mèsi anpil Rosada!
I appreciate your response. No he did not call me before he left. So I’m straightening my crown as suggested and allowing this new life to come forth. The first time I can just put me first since… well…This is the first time I’ll be able to put me first. Ever. It’s my time.
You did make me laugh at the trolls comment . Feels good to laugh

 

[ontheroad]

Hello ichinglover123,
I am estranged from two oldest sons. The oldest since 2019 because he was a very abusive person and I just got over it. He did reach out 18 months later by a letter but he was still of the same mindset that I have the problem not him.
He has now gone to Lebanon with my 3 grandchildren for 2 years. My youngest son said he would probably ring me before he went to Lebanon but he never did. I am not attached to whether he did or not because we have also had a difficult relationship since he was about 14 years old.
My middle son and I fell out just over 12 months ago and we were both very hurt but neither of us could manage to reconcile at that time. Again I believe he was the one that needed to reach out to sort things out with me.
Recently I had a moment and I recorded how I was feeling and some of the traumatic things I had lived through in my life that perhaps he didn't understand. I sent the recording to him via email because I felt I needed to say it and he needed to hear it but I wasn't needing or expecting to hear from him.
3 weeks later, which was yesterday, I did in fact receive an email from him. It was a very loving email saying he would love to sort things out with me but doesn't feel ready at this time as he needs to do his own personal healing which is not relevant to me but relevant to how he needs to grow and be the best person he can.
We're all just people despite being mother and child and I think it's important that the children start to recognise that we aren't just their mother's but people who have lived a Life too.
I hope that you can let go of the situation for now and yes hexagram 49 definitely is Radical change for you to take on board for yourself and allow him to be who he is with or without you in his life as much as that hurts and probably unfair.

 

[ichinglover123]

Hello ichinglover123,
I am estranged from two oldest sons. The oldest since 2019 because he was a very abusive person and I just got over it. He did reach out 18 months later by a letter but he was still of the same mindset that I have the problem not him.
He has now gone to Lebanon with my 3 grandchildren for 2 years. My youngest son said he would probably ring me before he went to Lebanon but he never did. I am not attached to whether he did or not because we have also had a difficult relationship since he was about 14 years old.
My middle son and I fell out just over 12 months ago and we were both very hurt but neither of us could manage to reconcile at that time. Again I believe he was the one that needed to reach out to sort things out with me.
Recently I had a moment and I recorded how I was feeling and some of the traumatic things I had lived through in my life that perhaps he didn't understand. I sent the recording to him via email because I felt I needed to say it and he needed to hear it but I wasn't needing or expecting to hear from him.
3 weeks later, which was yesterday, I did in fact receive an email from him. It was a very loving email saying he would love to sort things out with me but doesn't feel ready at this time as he needs to do his own personal healing which is not relevant to me but relevant to how he needs to grow and be the best person he can.
We're all just people despite being mother and child and I think it's important that the children start to recognise that we aren't just their mother's but people who have lived a Life too.
I hope that you can let go of the situation for now and yes hexagram 49 definitely is Radical change for you to take on board for yourself and allow him to be who he is with or without you in his life as much as that hurts and probably unfair.

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate it. I'm very sorry to hear about your situation with your 2 sons. It seems blaming the mother, the one who stayed with them, cuts across cultures. Hopefully things will resolve for you soon.

As for me, I have no choice but to focus on me. I cannot afford to become depressed. I do feel sad and have pangs, in the moments where I feel frozen in disbelief that this has happened. But other times I feel that it's time for me to be able to focus on myself. Maybe I will even be able to say that I am happy one day. That will be a miraculous day! Whether or not my son sees me as a human being deserving of respect, I hope I feel more and more happy days in my life from now on. I deserve that.

 

[ontheroad]

Personally I took my estrangement as a catalyst to focus on myself. Best thing I ever did. As mothers we tend to give up so much of ourselves and then we don't know what to do when our kids move on from us, so to speak.
That's how I've reconciled with it anyway.
Who were we before they came into our lives? That's the important question.