Hexagrams 28 and 53 interplay

[Anavim]

Hello everyone.
Recently I rekindled communication with my ex fiance, who balances between warm and cold towards me. It's weird that our paths are crossing for one more time, and even though I want to try again, I am pretty convinced that we would gain much from this relationship, he doesn't seem that decisive in actively pursuing me. He told me he loved me, he loves me still, but his obsession with career and accomplishments is too much for me and often caused me horrible stress. Now when we talk again and see each other again, I cast I Ching two times. One time when I asked what are his plans with me I got 53.2.4.6 changing to 28. Second time when I asked what to expect from him, what kind of behavior, I got 28 changing to 53. Also, couple of days ago, I got 32 unchanging when I asked what does he actually want. I hate being pushy in asking things but these are like two polar opposites in I Ching. 53 being all sweet and nice, and 28 being not so nice. I quit being emotionally dependent from him and I am looking for other men, I focused on my studies more, everything except him is going pretty well. But we have that "thing" between us that changes tides very fast. I don't know how I should behave or what this all means.

 

[rosada]

Maybe “Take it slowly or the whole thing will collapse”?

 

[diamant]

what are his plans with me 53.2.4.6 > 28
Eat together (either literally eat, or have sexual encounters), for a short time, then fly away.
Gradual progress towards something too heavy to bear.
28 is also the hexagram which can mean the male has no desire for the female.

what to expect from him, what kind of behavior 28.2.4.6 > 53
An old man marries a young (or new) wife. Are you much younger than him?
Line 28.4 shows a lot of desire, but also there's an ulterior motive.
28.6 shows a woman drowning and suffering, too much water, too many unfulfilled desires.
53 shows that the situation progresses as described in the lines of 28.
(The allusion to young or 'new' wife might also mean he'll find someone new.)

what does he actually want 32 uc
There's no change in what he wants from you.

 

[dfreed]

I always find it interesting (and odd) that so many people ask things like 'what do they (he, she or they) feel', or 'what are their plans' .... It feels like a wholly passive approach, as if people are saying, 'my feelings really don't count, and I'll just go along with whatever they are feeling, or what they (the other) wants to do'.

I got 53.2.4.6 changing to 28.

So, here you asked about this (other) person's plans and about their expectations of the relationship ...

One name for Hex. 53 is 'settling' and the translation I often use says it's 'auspicious (good) for a girl's wedding'. And the lines talk about 'settling' in different ways: on rocks, on trees, on the peak (all of which are said to be positive or auspicious) ....

It seems to me then that this person is fine with 'settling' (mating, marrying, being) with you - in any number of ways. But that still may not - or does not - change (nor deal with) what you don't like about them - and the fact that "his obsession with career and accomplishments is too much for (you) and often caused (you) horrible stress."

Best, D

 

[Anavim]

what are his plans with me 53.2.4.6 > 28
Eat together (either literally eat, or have sexual encounters), for a short time, then fly away.
Gradual progress towards something too heavy to bear.
28 is also the hexagram which can mean the male has no desire for the female.

what to expect from him, what kind of behavior 28.2.4.6 > 53
An old man marries a young (or new) wife. Are you much younger than him?
Line 28.4 shows a lot of desire, but also there's an ulterior motive.
28.6 shows a woman drowning and suffering, too much water, too many unfulfilled desires.
53 shows that the situation progresses as described in the lines of 28.
(The allusion to young or 'new' wife might also mean he'll find someone new.)

what does he actually want 32 uc
There's no change in what he wants from you.

Thank you and all others very much. I thought so, it looked promising but he's not changing at all.

 

[Anavim]

Just a little follow-up. I decided to cut contact with my ex. I asked what can any relationship wih him bribg and got 37 4.5.6. changing to 55. Yea, it does sound nice. But this feeling of drowning and coming second or third in his life just sucks big time. This is perhaps the most complex relationship I have ever had. Honestly I want to be with him because I have strong feelings for him, we have a lot in common, but I look like a fool in this story. Not only I'm only a guest where I used to be at home, he's like scheduling one woman after another and he told me he's expecting to marry some woman that he barely knows??
Sorry, I want to seek good and wise counsel but have no idea where to look for anymore, so I'm just venting.

 

[diamant]

What can any relationship with him bring 37.4.5.6 > 55. Yea, it does sound nice.

'Nice' - that depends on what you are looking for in life and in a couple.

The cast describes a situation where we have a rich family (37.4), a man approaching the family as if he's a big-shot king (37.5), but at the top there's an aggressive and authoritative woman who puts him back in his position (37.6). 55 shows that this scenario will be long-living, with many ups and downs.

So, is one of you very rich? And, can you be aggressive and take the upper hand with force? Can you tolerate cheating if a rich house compensates for it? If this is the case, then there's a chance of success. Different people look for different things - others crave riches and power, others do not find these appealing at all.

If this scenario does not describe you in any manner, then my guess is that he's already in an established relationship with someone else. And he won't leave her - he'll cheat on her, but won't leave her, and she won't leave him either. It's not a scenario of love and happiness, and yet it's a sustainable one. I'm sure you've seen many couples who stay together for similar reasons.

Have a think about what you're truly after. There's no right or wrong - you want what you want. Just ask yourself and answer honestly (to yourself) what that is.

 

[marybluesky]

I always find it interesting (and odd) that so many people ask things like 'what do they (he, she or they) feel', or 'what are their plans' .... It feels like a wholly passive approach, as if people are saying, 'my feelings really don't count, and I'll just go along with whatever they are feeling, or what they (the other) wants to do'.

Agree dfreed.

I used to be that passive observer, until lately when I realized life is too short to overanalyze everything, and decided to have the balls to go after what I want and see what happens. The Covid situation definitely helped that: it showed how fragile the life indeed is.
Others aren't always trustworthy, they can have ulterior motives, be unstable, liar, opportunistic; but I have my own cards to play, too.
Plus, a relationship is a delicate matter to approach, particularly when two people have newly met or been apart for a while. I guess that's why that's hard to guess a relationship's outcome based on readings: any action or decision can change their paths.
I still ask questions about others' feelings, however know that what matters in the end is our interactions.
***
53.2.4.6 changing to 28
Something is too much- I guess his stress & work conditions. He wants to pass some time with you, then he'll disappear, then you'll leave all problems behind. How? I don't know.

28 changing to 53
Interesting! This mirrors the previous one: you can expect a gradual progress, going through the thing that's "too much".

32 unchanging
He wants to continue his relationship with you.

37: 4.5.6
Sounds like a prosperous family?

 

[diamant]

@marybluesky the 'too much work' is just a common excuse. This is the problem

he's like scheduling one woman after another and he told me he's expecting to marry some woman that he barely knows

 

[marybluesky]

I didn't pay enough attention to that part diamant, I agree.

 

[dfreed]

... I'm only a guest where I used to be at home, he's ... scheduling one woman after another and he told me he's expecting to marry some woman that he barely knows ....

If this were me, and I knew and felt all this, I don’t think I’d need to ask the Yi about how either i feel or how he feels.

 

[Liselle]

I always find it interesting (and odd) that so many people ask things like 'what do they (he, she or they) feel', or 'what are their plans' ....

I agree it's not the best question for an oracle, but sometimes Yi will play along and answer, and I think it did this time.

It's really quite fascinating, and a little bit amusing (the readings, not the situation). Anavim asked about his plans, and got 53 to 28, then asked what she could expect and got 28 to 53. The same dynamic, seen from each side.

Overall, I think the readings agree this won't last. It's just the progression to the end and the end itself will probably be experienced differently or look different to each of them. (Which only makes sense, they're different people.)

 

[Anavim]

What can any relationship with him bring 37.4.5.6 > 55. Yea, it does sound nice.

'Nice' - that depends on what you are looking for in life and in a couple.

The cast describes a situation where we have a rich family (37.4), a man approaching the family as if he's a big-shot king (37.5), but at the top there's an aggressive and authoritative woman who puts him back in his position (37.6). 55 shows that this scenario will be long-living, with many ups and downs.

So, is one of you very rich? And, can you be aggressive and take the upper hand with force? Can you tolerate cheating if a rich house compensates for it? If this is the case, then there's a chance of success. Different people look for different things - others crave riches and power, others do not find these appealing at all.

If this scenario does not describe you in any manner, then my guess is that he's already in an established relationship with someone else. And he won't leave her - he'll cheat on her, but won't leave her, and she won't leave him either. It's not a scenario of love and happiness, and yet it's a sustainable one. I'm sure you've seen many couples who stay together for similar reasons.

Have a think about what you're truly after. There's no right or wrong - you want what you want. Just ask yourself and answer honestly (to yourself) what that is

My family is pretty well-off, he's just started to make some okay money... whatever, that is what happened before. My mom was who he was really afraid of.
While I was living with him he was rude and inconsiderate, I wanted to sue him afterwards for fraud and now I feel so defeated. I want to make somethibg out of it. It's shit, he says he loves me but he's just an awful person altogether... but it's fun with him, we are sometimes a good match. he's the first one I wanted to have family with and the bubble just burst when I discovered he was cheating on me. he's not in a relationship, I know he's seeing some older woman who is a prostitute for that matter.
This has brought upon me such havoc that I have an urge to move from the country. And I want revenge... to humiliate him like he humiliated me.

 

[dfreed]

I wanted to sue him afterwards for fraud

Was this a real thing for you, or just your fantasy?

I am getting increasingly baffled by your reading, and why you even asked it: you say he treated you badly, that he's an awful person, and that he has lots of other women, and that he's going to marry one of them even though he doesn't know her (maybe because she's young and hot?) ....

- and they you ask, 'what are his plans' and 'what can I expect from him' ?

 

[marybluesky]

Oops...
Sorry girl!
Get rid of him regardless of readings.

 

[Liselle]

Yes, 37.4.5.6 to 55 might be one of those readings you have to be careful to see from an angle that fits what you know about the actual situation.

Line 5 can be tricky to understand. Here's part of some information Hilary put in WikiWing:

The king retains his autonomy. He can choose to be part of a relationship - or he can choose not to be.

Plenty of experiences with the line are from women finding he chooses not to be, or not with her. A common theme: someone taking charge of his/her life.

That fits nicely with what you already know - he's a lot more concerned about making progress in his career than you'd like. He has these other priorities.

Line 6 might mean you understanding the truth about that and using it as power or authority, maybe with yourself. LiSe says this:

"Impressive" is also might or power.

Line 4 might simply mean he's busy trying to make money - enrich his home.

There is, of course, nothing wrong with wanting to do well in life. But home and career are chronically at odds. That's nothing new.

55 (relating hexagram) can be about timing, so it might be possible that when he feels secure in his career, he'll be able to be the husband you'd like him to be. But from the 28-53 / 53-28 readings, that might take a while, and in the meantime maybe you both will have moved on and/or outgrown each other.

 

[Anavim]

Was this a real thing for you, or just your fantasy?

I am getting increasingly baffled by your reading, and why you even asked it: you say he treated you badly, that he's an awful person, and that he has lots of other women, and that he's going to marry one of them even though he doesn't know her (maybe because she's young and hot?) ....

- and they you ask, 'what are his plans' and 'what can I expect from him' ?

Situation is complicated. We love each other and we share a lot, that's why we got engaged in the first place. There are unresolved issues, of course, I am still mad at him for what he has done. But regardless of that, we are in the same field of work and it's going to get even more complicated to avoid him as the time progresses. There is still that idea that we could somehow work it out although it's a looot of work and I needed to know if his intentions were pure when he said that he wanted to try again to see how it's going. It sucks so bad to see him seeing that woman that he cheated on me with. And just being that pure dickhead he's been before we moved in. He was better while he was with me. I just didn't know if it was worth the shot. Okay now? Please don't be condescending, I spent now almost two years being involved with him in some way. I can't cross it and never think about it again that easily.

 

[Liselle]

And I want revenge... to humiliate him like he humiliated me.

This might be 28.4 and/or 28.6 at work.

I don't know what translation you have. Here's Hilary's:

28.4: 'The ridgepole at its peak, good fortune.
If there is more, shame.'

28.6: 'Exceeding in wading the river, head underwater.
Pitfall.
No mistake.'

Line 4 kind of speaks for itself - the roof hasn't quite tumbled down yet, but if you put any more strain on it, it will.

Line 6 - The beginning can probably also be taken at face value.

The last phrase, "No mistake," seems to imply that even if you wade in above your head and bad things happen as a result (pitfall), it's not a mistake, it's not wrong to do. Maybe pitfall is an acceptable price to pay for some satisfaction. I had an example like that myself once, and I'm still not sure how I feel about it or whether I'd do it again if I got line 6.

Also, it turns out that "no mistake" can just as easily be translated as "no blame." Those can be very different in real life. It's probably a good idea to think about both of them and see how each feels.

In other words, if you take steps to humiliate him and bad things happen, maybe no one could quite blame you, but that doesn't make it a good idea. Do you see what I mean? You'll have to decide if whatever you have in mind is worth it.

 

[diamant]

I feel so defeated. I want to make something out of it.

You're trapped in gambler's mindset: because you've lost so much already, you want to keep playing to get what you lost back. He will never give you what you lost back, sorry to say this. The more you associate with this person, the more you'll keep losing. It's painful and unfair, I understand - but please think about it. The more you 'stay', the more you'll lose. And the main thing you're losing is your precious time. We do not have endless time on this planet.

 

[Anavim]

This might be 28.4 and/or 28.6 at work.

I don't know what translation you have. Here's Hilary's:

28.4: 'The ridgepole at its peak, good fortune.
If there is more, shame.'

28.6: 'Exceeding in wading the river, head underwater.
Pitfall.
No mistake.'

Line 4 kind of speaks for itself - the roof hasn't quite tumbled down yet, but if you put any more strain on it, it will.

Line 6 - The beginning can probably also be taken at face value.

The last phrase, "No mistake," seems to imply that even if you wade in above your head and bad things happen as a result (pitfall), it's not a mistake, it's not wrong to do. Maybe pitfall is an acceptable price to pay for some satisfaction. I had an example like that myself once, and I'm still not sure how I feel about it or whether I'd do it again if I got line 6.

Also, it turns out that "no mistake" can just as easily be translated as "no blame." Those can be very different in real life. It's probably a good idea to think about both of them and see how each feels.

In other words, if you take steps to humiliate him and bad things happen, maybe no one could quite blame you, but that doesn't make it a good idea. Do you see what I mean? You'll have to decide if whatever you have in mind is worth it.

I blocked him from facebook, he's calling me insane. I wish he was more clear about that because I don't know if I am willing to risk my life again on such a person. If I ever get a straightforward answer it won't be from him but from higher planes. that's what is so tricky. Perhaps IChing was warning me to make it really slow if I want to see it blossoming again but it hurts so much to see him being a jerk like he was before and being even more confident about it. Aaargh.

 

[Anavim]

I wanted a consolation that his is one of these situations that you need to just keep pushing with faith because of the reward later. I wanted to have that leap of faith but it can be boyth ways. To my demise of course, he neither risks nor loses anything. And then there's that tale that he "feels" there is someone rich and "predestined" waiting for him and it just kills me to my core.

 

[Liselle]

Well with any luck Facebook pitfalls are relatively mild pitfalls. (Though I'm not on Facebook so maybe I'm clueless.)

Perhaps IChing was warning me to make it really slow if I want to see it blossoming again

Maybe. In all this flurry of posts, did you happen to see my other one (no. 16)? I thought maybe the 28-53 readings and the relating hexagram 55 in the other one might have to do with that. But there are the two line 6s (28.6 and 53.6), so I still wonder if you'll each move on.

To my demise of course, he neither risks nor loses anything.

it hurts so much to see him being a jerk like he was before and being even more confident about it

Bet you that's 37.5. If you're in WikiWing, go and read all of Hilary's notes.

 

[Liselle]

Wonder if 37.6 is the Facebook blocking? Here again is Hilary in WikiWing:

The effects of the home spread beyond its walls. Being 'impressive': a woman with an axe. (Also means 'husband'.) Having truth like power you can wield, being a very present authority.

Blocking someone is probably a little like wielding truth like an axe, and it's beyond your walls in a way.

 

[dfreed]

Please don't be condescending, I spent now almost two years being involved with him in some way.

That was not my intention, just not really understanding all this, or why you were asking what you did, when the situation seems obvious. But regardless, can I assume that you now have the information you need?

 

[Anavim]

Well with any luck Facebook pitfalls are relatively mild pitfalls. (Though I'm not on Facebook so maybe I'm clueless.)


Maybe. In all this flurry of posts, did you happen to see my other one (no. 16)? I thought maybe the 28-53 readings and the relating hexagram 55 in the other one might have to do with that. But there are the two line 6s (28.6 and 53.6), so I still wonder if you'll each move on.



Bet you that's 37.5. If you're in WikiWing, go and read all of Hilary's notes.

Actually he was the one who initiated contact and proposed some new romance that might lead to a marriage and I asked him if he considered if I wanted it or not, not just bluntly "well I thought you finish your uni and then you can move in with me". At that point I didn't want repeating of our history where I leave everything only to be let down, so he downtoned, he proposed we see each other until we move on or find someone new, better. I just wanted to see his behavior and it barely changed from before so I decided to just cut contact. That might be my revenge minus the lawsuit.

 

[Anavim]

my last post is kind of 37.5 and 37.6, right?
Yea, I don't know, Liselle, if we will move on. It is a bumpy, awfully bumpy ride with each of us loving the other to the core, and yet unable to decisively stand by our decision to be with the other.