Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
I am extremely gratefull for your response because I feel lost and disconnected at the moment. We've become so polarised that I almost cannot imagine us to be able to fix things.
I asked the question "what needs to be done to fix this" and I got 59.5.6 to 7.
On the question When can I expect this to come together again, I get 62.3.4.5 to 8.
I am really struggling with this and don't want to rely on myself only to interpret these.
Most of what you say here, resonate 100% accurately. It is not a new or fragile relationship. We’ve been together for 7 years, married for little over 2. We are also older @ 45+
I read the relationship link you sent. I asked what attitude I should have towards my marriage and received Hex 2 unchanged. Still unpacking it. (I am getting good at this, but it takes a while ) This line in LiSe’s HEX 2 connects …. The noble one proceeds probing. As pioneer he meets with confusion, in the rear he finds a master. I believe I will.
I do have a tendency to “fix” everything and often feel the outcome will be better if I do more/better. I am actively changing this at the moment. I was the older, committed partner. I have often and consistently (daily) told and shown my wife that I love her deeply. We had a rocky relationship and I have at previous occasions done the big love declarations and will consider your suggestion, although this does not feel like a fit. I think you are right – it may not be right for me. Maybe this very piece is my “big declaration”.
In terms of reality, (realism asked in 62) we are like chalk and cheese. I come from a huge, loud, well educated, wealthy, supportive family with some average hiccups. I have young adult daughters who are courageous, self-supporting, impressive women. My partner comes from small, highly dysfunctional family with no extended family. Mom is a functioning alcoholic with an exaggerated sense of entitlement and highly possessive of my wife. Dad is detached and angry. He got into bed, grew a beard and stayed there for 4 months when we announced our plans to get married. Did not attend our wedding. Parents live a divorce – little regard for each other, but huge co-dependency. They separate every 2 weeks for 7-10 days. My wife left school early and did drugs + alcohol until +- time I met her at age 38. I never have. Emotional neglect and child abuse in the mix. Finances amongst all are a mixed mess and currently there is huge financial distress after bad decisions. As a result my wife is currently sharing a home with her parents with dad leaving every so often. I have often been accused of “looking down” on my wife for this, which does not resonate. Still the “prey” scenario you mention, stings a little. I will dig deep and adjust.
In other readings I learnt that I am not living my spirituality. I was shocked to realize how unstable I allowed myself to become over the past +-4 years. I’ve become everything I don’t want to be and neglected too many of my personal things to keep my marriage afloat. It earned me a label : "controlling". In reality I saw that people who become passive and unco-operative control everything – until everything is stagnant, stale or dead and then they up and leave. If I have to be honest, I think deep down my wife loves me, but her heart is not in it. Hope that makes sense. She hurt me and cause me a lot of pain and confusion.
I do feel disadvantaged and unherioc at the moment with a failed marriage I have to lump the humility pill. I am also sure I will get over that in time.
Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).