is there a deeper message to this?

[kdedeaux4]

I just tossed regarding what I can do to pull out of the downward spiral I've been on for far too long...I'm reaching a point where I can hardly tolerate my own darned self

IC's response: 53 unchanging.

Is this just an obvious message to just "hang in there"? That looks apparent and yet...GOSH, I've been telling myself that for years now and was hoping for something a bit more specific, hopeful, or profound..?

 

[rosada]

The image of 53 is a tree on a mountain. Have you put up a Christmas tree this year? If not, how about getting a small one that you could put on a table top? Decorate it with colored lights and the winter blahs wont last another day!

Best wishes,
Rosada

 

[meng]

Hi Kd,

For me, 53 is about breadth, not so much about height. The formation of a flock of wild geese resembles a huge wing, and they benefit from collective air lift, stability and safety.

Especially when we're moved to reach higher what we really need is some support, whether from a small Christmas tree or friends, family, whatever. Problem is, when our heart's set on rising above, we can easily overlook the very support we already have. So there could be that letdown or sense of disappointment, when we could be enjoying a good flight instead, albeit at lower altitudes. But I do appreciate what you're saying. I think a lot of people can relate to that.

 

[meng]

something like that

 

[titania]

Is this just an obvious message to just "hang in there"?

Kind of. But "hang in there" sounds so passive, and 53 is anything but. Lise's commentary seems particularly apt:

The wild goose can only reach its far-away destination, and come back every year, by beating its wings second after second, never losing its strength or direction.
Every relation needs a constant supply of water, of feelings, regular love, day after day.
Starting something is usually not the most difficult part; it is harder to keep it going. Every day caring for it, feeding, repairing: every creation has to be kept alive day after day, year after year.

I'm reaching a point where I can hardly tolerate my own darned self

If someone else had said, 'I can hardly tolerate kdedeaux,' I'd be very angry with them. How intolerent they'd have to be to have trouble tolerating a kind, decent person like kdedeaux! But as Lise said, "Every relation needs a constant supply of water, of feelings, regular love, day after day." That's true of your relationship with yourself as well. So just for this second, forgive yourself. Just for this second, shrug off the judgmental, intolerant attitude, and let yourself be. Just for this second, and the next, and the one after that, second by second, let your wings beat, and your heart beat; let your breath flow in and out. You're on a long journey. The old proverb says a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. You can't take a step of a thousand miles, but you don't need to. As long as each minuscule step leads to another, it's enough.

So put up a Christmas tree or call an old friend or just breathe and accept the miracle of breath and the miraculous one who is breathing. I don't know how long your journey will be. It may be just a few more steps or it may be a million, but as long as you put one foot in front of the other you won't be defeated.

 

[flor05]

Titania, what you just wrote is lovely. Thanks so much.
(no wonder you are the queen of fairies)

 

[kdedeaux4]

Yes Thank you Rosada, Meng and Titania for your time and kind words...sometimes perspective just gets fuddled and clouded and its easy to get off track of what's really important.
Thank you so very much