Please help if you can, intense situation, 23 uc, ty

[grateful4guidancety]

I will try to be succinct. I am in midst of awful breakup with relapsed drug addict. He was sober at beginning. I had to end things b.c I was enabling. I also found out he had betrayed me. And I have been betrayed before, he knew this, and did it anyway, I have been very raw. We have had many angry back and forths for a few weeks, but I am in therapy, and decided to stop attacking back. I was just as awful as him until recently. But tonight - found love note from person he betrayed me with. I did stupid thing. I texted phote of note, said: thanks for further vindication. Not my business anymore, I hope you are well. Long story short, he attacked, I did not attack back. I said I forgave him, I do not hate you. He then threatened suicide. I called 911 (who could do nothing b.c I do not have his address, but they did contact him), and his friend, who called him. I stayed calm, I was kind, I was terrified. The only thing that makes me not hate myself for sending stupid text is I never attacked back. he said things like: You dont know how to have relationships. you should have put out more. and more. Then, he said: I am going to end it. After I processed this, after his friend called him, and he texted me apologizing for being so dramatic, I decided to consult iching. My question was: How did I do? B.c I feel so very bad. 23 unchanging. All I can hope is that it is saying all I could have done is been benevolent. I think I was. And that it is telling me I can do no more, and it is just over. I wanted to help. I should have just stayed away, but I guess I hope his letting out his despair may help him, especially if his friend nows know how troubled he is. Not sure if that is answer I got. Thanks for your help, not so succinct, sorry. I am ashamed

 

[diamanda]

Hi g4g,

First, please don't feel ashamed and don't hate yourself.
Angry words between a splitting couple are the norm, the vast majority of people have been there.

Second, it's very common for addicts to attack the people closest to them.
They need an excuse to get angry and then they feel justified to go use.

And third, your reading:
How did I do? B.c I feel so very bad. 23 unchanging
This could be viewed from a number of perspectives:

a) The hexagram character means stripping the bark off a tree. You stripped/peeled his bluff by calling 911 (committing suicide was certainly a bluff).

b) The Judgement says "It does not further one to go anywhere". You certainly also followed this advice by not attacking back and by not running over to meet him.

c) The Image says "Those above give generously to the ones below". You followed this advice too by remotely sending help to him, and also by telling him forgiving words.

You're in a very tough situation. A break-up is tough in itself, a break-up with an addict is even worse because you also fear about their life. Maybe 23 also points at the collapsing feelings you have because of the whole situation. Wishing you courage to get through this!

 

[Trojina]

I will try to be succinct. I am in midst of awful breakup with relapsed drug addict. He was sober at beginning. I had to end things b.c I was enabling. I also found out he had betrayed me. And I have been betrayed before, he knew this, and did it anyway, I have been very raw. We have had many angry back and forths for a few weeks, but I am in therapy, and decided to stop attacking back. I was just as awful as him until recently. But tonight - found love note from person he betrayed me with. I did stupid thing. I texted phote of note, said: thanks for further vindication. Not my business anymore, I hope you are well. Long story short, he attacked, I did not attack back. I said I forgave him, I do not hate you. He then threatened suicide. I called 911 (who could do nothing b.c I do not have his address, but they did contact him), and his friend, who called him. I stayed calm, I was kind, I was terrified. The only thing that makes me not hate myself for sending stupid text is I never attacked back. he said things like: You dont know how to have relationships. you should have put out more. and more.

You say you are 'in the midst of awful breakup with relapsed drug addict', I'd say 'you are in the midst of awful relationship with relapsed drug addict'. The relationship wounds you, undercuts you, is damaging to you and you are still in it because being in the middle of a breakup is being in the middle of something still going on.

This person has hurt you terribly and yet you are the one who feels guilt ? There's a sign if ever there was one that this is not something that supports and nurtures you it is only something that takes endlessly yet still wants more. This relationship strips you and it's painful. You know I think often 23 is showing 'yes this is very painful, it strips you and it undercuts you and all you can do is go above that by letting it happen, letting the stripping happen and aiming to act with generosity as you let it go. I certainly think you have acted with generosity. He said 'you should put out more' ??? After he cheated on you, again ? I think when this time is past you are going to wonder whyever you even entertained his definition of a 'relationship' for for one second.

You are the injured party. To switch things around and refuse to take responsibility for his actions to you he threatened suicide so you'd feel bad and you do feel bad and worse you feel ashamed. You have nothing to be ashamed of you are being manipulated in a most painful way for you. Also as Diamanda said most people say horrible things in the process of a breakup. Perhaps some saints somewhere manage not to but it is quite normal.

Then, he said: I am going to end it. After I processed this, after his friend called him, and he texted me apologizing for being so dramatic, I decided to consult iching. My question was: How did I do? B.c I feel so very bad. 23 unchanging. All I can hope is that it is saying all I could have done is been benevolent. I think I was. And that it is telling me I can do no more, and it is just over. I wanted to help. I should have just stayed away, but I guess I hope his letting out his despair may help him, especially if his friend nows know how troubled he is. Not sure if that is answer I got. Thanks for your help, not so succinct, sorry. I am ashamed

Yes I agree with your take on it. There is nothing we can in 23 when situations erode, we cannot try to salvage them here. This is a terribly painful situation for you, it hurts because it erodes and strips you in loss, this is what your answer is telling you. You aimed to be benevolent and you were, there is nothing more you could have done. Beware of being stripped any further in this situation and don't get sucked in to this emotional blackmail he uses whereby if you show anger and hurt (justifiably) he disallows your feelings by making his pain so bad he might kill himself. Dear me !

On no account have you any cause for shame IMO.

Also there is no need to apologize for not being succinct. I think the amount of information you gave was just right. I also appreciate that you gave your own understanding of the reading.



Here is an unchanging thread on people's experiences with 23uc which might be of interest if you haven't seen it https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/fri...eriences-with-Unchanging-Csatings-hexagram-23 part of the series of people's expereinces with hexagrams with no moving lines.

 

[grateful4guidancety]

Thank you so much!!