run for your life..?

[kincadefoster]

So theres this person in my life who is getting her life back together, has just completed a rehab program and this is the longest she has been sober.

She has been a great friend and I wouldn't mind if someday it was more, however.. really our time together was cut off by a fight we got into and then she went into rehab. I guess the fight was a good thing in a way.. However, I haven't seen her in person in about 3 months.. She called me about a month and a half ago, and said she would call again and didn't, then txted me on social media saying she was sorry she didn't call and had been focusing on herself and she would hit me up soon..

It has been almost a month now, and I'm feeling I'm unimportant to her and that I'm being blown off..

And I guess my life is just a political minefield right now bc within the space of a week, two friends came to me telling me she wasn't good for me and to forget about her. I feel another friend put them up to it, I have a friend who has a history with her and is naturally bitter about how things ended (but that was the old her, before rehab and a real attempt to put life together?) Anyway I feel they were put up to it and had an agenda bc they asked me to talk about my life and how its going and pried until I mentioned her, then told me she was unsuitable.

And this isn't the only thing.. the fact is my so called friends have looked out for their own and each others interests and several incidents over the last 6 months have proven they don't really care about or believe in me, where I have been f**ked over by 2 of them in particular a few times...

So I asked if it was time to leave my friends and find new ones, and got 33.3.4.5.6>2

The next day I was thinking maybe I shldn't just wait for this girl to talk to me and maybe I should contact her. I had been waiting for her simply cuz she said she would contact me, plus with all thats going on in her life I havent been allowed to visit or anything(family only). Also, she is just that type of person where she does most of the calling, txting interaction, like if she cares about someone she will talk to them, but maybe sober her is a little different?

so I asked if I should contact her and got 4 unchanging

Then I asked if it was better to wait and got 33.6>31

 

[steve]

For the moment you need to somehow become emotionally unattached from the situation and things will become clearer, when people are trying to get sober they often dis-associate themselves from everyone in fact thats what they can be told in rehab,
They dont need additional vibrations

If you do have feelings now is not a good time to get involved as she has her own demon to battle, getting sober ultimately is a personal battle.

If she needs your help she will ask for it and that is more likey to happen if you give her space.

Steve

 

[Liselle]

I wish I understood your 33.3.4.5.6>2 reading! I just had that exact casting myself a few days ago, and I don't understand mine, either.

I do think the reading is probably, in general, an endorsement of what you're considering (leaving your friends). [Edited: Oops, wait, see the next post...]

Line 3 might be simply acknowledging that you are tied to them, and that it can be difficult to break the ties (you've been friends for a period of time; you've been friends for a reason...). The line also seems to say to find some way to help yourself cut the ties and make it easier.

I've wondered if 33.3 might be about coping mechanisms or gatekeeping aids. I don't know how or if that idea would apply to your situation, of course. The notion comes from a reading where I asked how someone copes with unceasing pressure in her life, both business and personal. I thought the line said two things: (1) it acknowledged that this is true: she is"tied" to a lot of commitments, to the point where the demands would be unceasing if something wasn't done, and (2) she has done things to help herself. She has employees to do some of the work and to filter demands before they reach her. In her personal life, she has developed coping mechanisms and ways to distract herself. (Unfortunately, some of the distractions are not-so-great for her in other ways.)

Maybe 33.3 could also be internal coping mechanisms or rationales (vs. external things like hiring assistants)? In other words, would it help you break ties if you purposely keep reminding yourself of all the things you've written here, which show how they're actually not your friends? You're drawn ("tied" to) the things you like about them, which is why you're friends at all, but then there's this other stuff...keep those things in your mind? (That is, if you think the reading is advising breaking ties - it's your reading, so you're the only one who can know.)

33.4 - again, I don't know how this would apply to your situation, but I once had 33.4 in a much more clear-cut way, about euthanizing a cat. It was the loving thing to do (Hilary also uses the word "respect" - "[y]ou retreat out of love and respect..."). The "noble one" sees the "good fortune" in doing this; "small people" would hesitate - out of fear, uncertainty about the decision, unwillingness to let go.

In less straightforward situations, maybe you could think about how love or respect applies, and what it has to do with retreating...maybe you could think theoretically about different ways of handling it, and which would fit a "noble one" vs. a "small person." Again, it's easy to see that with a dying pet; maybe not so clear with other matters.

And of course there are two other lines in your reading. When there are several moving lines, you have to think about how they work together. There are a lot of ways to look at it.

Here is an article by Hilary in Clarity's "Learn" area, if you haven't read it yet:

http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/learn/consult/mml.php

and here is a thread on the subject which I just now found, responded to by a number of excellent Yijing people:

http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?2742-Multiple-moving-lines

A few other things which might help:

One, while the moving lines are the most direct answer to your question, also read through the Name, Oracle, and Image sections of the primary and relating hexagrams (you might have already done that). Hilary makes the point in her class that it's important to see the map or landscape of your answer, rather than only where the pins are stuck (if I can paraphrase her without butchering it too badly).

Two, look at several different translations, for different points of view. Here are a few links:

LiSe Heyboer: http://www.yijing.nl/i_ching/

Wilhelm/Baynes: http://www.akirarabelais.com/i/i.html

Bradford Hatcher: http://www.hermetica.info/. His translation and commentary (the part of his book which is most like what you'll find at the other two links) is in Volume One, Part One.

Three, write down all the texts in a row, and read through them like a story. This helps in seeing the "flow," and how the lines might fit together. Here is your reading using Hilary's translation; you could also write down the others:

33.3
'Tied retreat.
There is affliction, danger.
Nurturing servants and handmaidens, good fortune.'

33.4
'Loving retreat.
Noble one, good fortune.
Small people, blocked.'

33.5
'Praiseworthy retreat.
Constancy, good fortune.'

33.6
'Rich retreat.
Nothing that does not bear fruit.'

Four, think on paper or in a word processing program, not just in your head. I find this really helpful: it's more structured and disciplined; I can't forget things if they're written down; it's all visible in one place; you're using other senses (physical touch and sight) to interact with your reading.

As I mentioned, I'm trying to figure out the same reading. So one of the things I might type to myself about is the last three lines, 4, 5, and 6. At first glance, they all seem pretty much the same - nice-sounding, positive words. But they're not all the same. What is the difference between "loving," "praiseworthy," and "rich," and what might that have to do with the question I (you) asked? I might even look in the dictionary, as silly as that sounds, just to put ideas in my head.

 

[Liselle]

Well, see, here's a problem with commenting on other people's readings. I made the mistake of only thinking about your first reading (since as you can see that was enough babbling from me), and I didn't notice you got one of the same lines, 33.6, in two different readings.

That duplication is almost certainly important. Steve makes the excellent point that the readings might be about retreating from her (at least for now). Slightly differently, because you did specifically ask about your other friends, Yi might be advising you to withdraw from the entire situation. Give her some space, and also don't talk to your friends about it or give them openings to lecture you.

Yi does sometimes answer a bigger (smaller/different) question than the one we technically asked. It can address what we most need to know, not just what we think we want to know (this can be confusing). Maybe it's not that your first reading has nothing to do with your friends; but maybe it's about more than your friends.

 

[kincadefoster]

Actually the first period where she wasn't talking to me I had doubts. In both myself and her. They were there because of things my friends had said to me about her and the situation. Eventually I overcame those doubts bc I went back on my initial gut feelings about it, and once my doubts were gone, I knew she would eventually contact me and she did.

So, now I have doubts again, due to what my friends said again. I know this person well enough to know she can't possibly be as bad as they have said, however I have trouble sometimes when I know something to be true but my mind clings to fear and doubt.

In the end, I can only know the truth by rolling the dice, so to speak, taking the risk and finding out for myself what kind of friend I have(so far she has proven she won't give up on me in my worst moments and will be honest even if its mean; I think its a good quality)

And I think I should distance from people who don't support me when I've chosen a course of action

 

[kincadefoster]

She has no phone at the moment. I texted her on social media saying good luck and I have a couple items of jewelry she left in my car if she wanted them back and good luck. I was really feeling she didn't care at all at that moment. she texted me back, telling me she wants to see me but is busy at the halfway house she is at doing things that they require of her and that she wants to hang out soon.

I asked my best course of action 39.4.5>62 :bows:

But then maybe my answer has been given