So.....it's about this fella...

[kdedeaux4]

Hi,

So....I like this fella. he's significantly older than I, so this is a surprise and an unusual crush for me. We've had two dates and they went wonderfully! I worried the age difference would bother me, but we connect so easily and so well that I didn't even notice...I literally forgot the age gap during the dates and really enjoyed this man.
All the signs said he was liking and enjoying me just as much, as before I got home after our first date, he texted, "I had a really nice time tonight. I didn't want the night to end".
Yayyyyyy!! That's exactly how I was feeling about him/our date!!! Perfect!
...except I guess it's not perfect because he doesn't contact me at all unless I initiate it (and that's something I don't do much as I'm rather traditional in dating matters). After that first date text on my way home, then nothing... So I did nothing for a few weeks as well. Finally out of sheer curiosity and utter confusion, I did text him again just saying "It seems you must be busy and/or perhaps just not that interested in me after all. Either way, thank you again for a fantastic date and I wish you the very best."
he later replied, " that's not the case at all. I enjoyed you and think you're wonderful, but i'll be honest, the age gap bothers me as silly as it is..."
Whoaaaa!! Huh??!???
anyway, long story short this got us texting again and we ended up hanging out again on Christmas night just the two of us for dinner and a movie at his house. ...and it was another really nice evening where we opened up a bit more personally with each other. And once again, I felt pretty confident this was indeed a good, mutual dating prospect. Just lovely
...then nothing...AGAIN!!!?? he texts me back when I text him which I infrequently do, but he does not initiate communication and has not invited me on another date.
I'm perplexed to say the least!! Bottom line, he's making no effort, so I feel I need to just let it go completely and stop hoping or attempting contact...and yet, a part of me also wonders if I need to learn how to fight for what I want... at least a little bit of fight..? Rather than give up so easily? Or, has the little "assertiveness" I've already stepped out of my comfort zone for with this guy already been more than enough "fight"? I don't know. I just know that my intuition says we connected so well and would really be well suited for one another, and *some* of his actions indicate that's right on. yet.....I guess not?

So, I asked the IC, "what is my best action in regard to B?" Response: hex 32 unchanging.

That seems to be telling me to continue doing what I'm doing? Infrequent texts just trying to open up communication... What do you think in this circumstance?

Frustrated still, I then asked, "Please give me insight on how to develop and open up further communication with B". Reply: Hexagram 19.1.5 -->29
hmmm? hex 29 (the abyss) seems to be where we are currently due to his lack of initiating communication or contact and my unwillingness to "chase him". These lines seem positive (mostly?), but in the frame of this question, I don't see the actual advice.

Any thoughts or experiences with this would be so very welcome!! This is so perplexing!

 

[goddessliss]

Hi kdedeaux4, Oh my Lord! as soon as I started reading your story I thought been there done that more than once since being a single woman for the past 6 years - I stopped doing it and saved myself so much grief and heartache trying to work it all out.
I've met and connected with a number of men, or so I thought, and wrote the initial exact same text message as you with the exact same response you got.
I hadn't met a man I was interested in for ages until the other night - read my latest thread if you like and the same sort of behaviour - so I will just move on knowing there's no point in wasting my questions, thoughts or energy with him and knowing there's nothing wrong with me or nothing I did wrong.

I felt I may have been rude to him at one stage so I apologised through media yesterday - I've heard nothing back but that's fine as I just wanted to apologise for myself not to perhaps intergrate him to me.
If this man wants you he will let you know - watch the movie and read the book He's Just not that into You.

- Liss

 

[mirian]

Hello kdedeaux4,

This is my take on your readings. In a nutshell, self-control and confidence.

"what is my best action in regard to B?" Response: hex 32 unchanging.

I see hex 32 advising composure. It sounds a bit traditional/conservative, but I think that this is the attitude suggested in your answer. And this is far from a woman who takes the initiative or try to lead the dating process or does not follow the courtship protocol.

"Please give me insight on how to develop and open up further communication with B". Reply: Hexagram 19.1.5 -->29

Hex 19 is a good hexagram for communication here, but again the lines indicate the need for self-restraint. Line 1 telling you that communication is favourable but be careful not to be carried away. Also line 5 advising you to give the other space, let him free to move towards you, if he wishes to do so.

Hex 29 as a relating hexagram shows repetition of danger and learning. So, you will be taking risk after risk and will have to learn a few things.

So, in my view, don't even think about doing anything remotely close to chasing this man, which has nothing to do with fighting for what you want.

This situation might represent an opportunity for you to learn (about men? about yourself?) but I am not sure if you have the patience and/or the inclination to do things the way your readings are advising you to. And the stakes are high.

By the way, I Ching apart, I have to agree with goddessliss. When a man wants a woman he comes after her, rain or shine.

 

[Tohpol]

FWIW (being a bloke) I second that. If the guy is not making at least a reciprocal effort - especially if he's older - then I'd move on. H.32 is pretty much suggesting that you get back to your normal routine. No need to imagine it's your problem.

 

[goddessliss]

Yay topal - thanks for confirming :claps:

 

[Tohpol]

:bows:

 

[kdedeaux4]

Thank you all for your replies and thoughts. Unfortunately, the very issue is this man *does* seem to reciprocate...in his words...and sporadically in his actions...and certainly in our time together being easy, fun, and engaging.
However, I suppose as in many male/female "issues", I have to completely ignore the words and the connection we share and tally up the actions alone, which seem to be greatly lacking from my perspective in comparison to his words of "liking me so much"...

Why can't people just say what they mean and mean what they say? nothing need be this complicated.
Anyway, thank you all so much again for your time and your insights here.
Namaste'

 

[goddessliss]

When it's complicated it's not right - round hole, square peg

In my life, across the whole of it now, if it don't fit easily I don't bother cause it gets complicated