What I have to do to remove from my heart and mind, my ex boyfriend..Hex 21unchanging

[cristal]

I am achieving my balance, and surrendering to the idea that my ex will never come back, however inside I still have feelings for him and I think he has feelings for me but because his inner cirscunstances I think only a miracle would take us together.

Then I read the Iching, My question this time, was:

What do I have to do to remove my ex from my mind and heart..Because surrendering does not serve, logical thinking has nothing to do with intuitive feelings of love, chemistry and soul connection..How I remove him..:0

Hex 21 unchanging..

I found different interpretations and will write it here:

This hexagram which is formed of the two powerful trigrams "Fire" and "Thunder" suggests something that is caught between two powerful forces. When that thing which is caught between the two forces is "chewed up", a positive union of two powerful forces will occur. There may be something that stands between you and your goal. It will not vanish by itself -- instead it will take constant and repeated pressure to remove this obstacle. This hexagram may also symbolize a lawsuit, legal action or legal penalties

Also:
Combining a sense of enlightenment/awareness (51) with a focus on the use of foresight (16) is reflected in the problem-solving focus of hexagram 21

21 : problem solve - through chew over; 21 problem solving comes out of a context described by hexagram 16 - foresight, plan, enthuse


In hexagram 21, problems are solved through the establishment of laws as part of the process of moving from chaos, or an old established order (50), to order

Um..I am not really into chaos anymore, I feel sad and something broken inside because he is not with me, it is a missing thing..How I interpret it?

Its saying also that 35 is the goal of 21 or 'how do I 35? - 21' How do I bring things into the light and so make progress? By solving all problems)

then this should be the goal in my mind, bringing what in to light?
Um.
35 Progressing(Attracting, Bring into Light)
In a context of devotion we utilise setting a direction (an ideology).
In hexagram 35 we find that when one's presence is not yet influential, one must still persevere. This is done through 'purification' of the self, hopeful for the moment of recognition (8). This progress is noticeable (51) and highly attracting (45). Both in benefit and adversity - The focus is this to bring something into the light.

Then, this give me more clues
In the binary sequence hexagram 35 opposes hexagram 05.
This pairing reflects the differences between waiting for the 'right' moment (05) as against bringing something into the light based on devotion to that something such that any time is the 'right' time (35).

He 5 was in previous readings. Waiting and I did...but nothing happened ..

It was interested to read this, that is related to my previous Hex 8 unchanging:At the LOCAL level we are dealing with an octet of hexagrams with the EARTH trigram as base. In this sequence hexagram 08, a focus on developing a sense of belonging and so being attractive as a collective, opposes hexagram 35, the focus on progress through bringing something 'into the light'. More so, the exaggerated sense of bringing something into the light is reflected in a more balanced format through being a passive attraction.

I also read that the " potential " of hexagram 21 is the hexagram 44 which is :
In hexagram 44 we are crossing the border. It symbolises the way from the light to the passive and seductive dark. A point of potential and non-innocence far from the actual and innocent. It is the path from the firm to the yielding, emphasized in the image by the using of the concept of fate as a tool to control the people (i.e. "It is supposed to be this way, it is fated."). The line comments emphasize the concept of holding on to things possibly past their, or your, time; their apparent 'value' keeping the tie. Contextually, we are combining seeding with commitment

Then this is other reading I found:
SHIH : bit away, chew; bite persistently and remove; snap at, nibble; reach the essential by removing the unnecessary. The ideogram: mouth and divination, revealing the essential..

"[With enlightement comes direction].
Thunder, lightning. Biting through (Revealing the essential).
In primal times one heightened awareness by enforcing the laws through flogging."

In a context of enlightenment, a new beginning, we utilise setting a direction (an ideology).

Setting a direction? The problem is inside I would still try to find the way to come back together but I know it depends on him, I cant change it.

And then I just found this from Hillary:

As a rule, 'Biting Through' is something you do, not something that happens to you. It always indicates that there is a problem to be tackled, and usually you are the one who needs to get your teeth into it. The basic pattern of this hexagram, which you can understand at all levels from personal to social, is the presence of some obstacle to unity, like something tough between your teeth. It may be some deception or a third party keeping a relationship apart, or some obstacle such as self-deception dividing you from yourself: in all cases, it has to be bitten through to restore wholeness and make things work again.
um
There are two words to this hexagram's title: 'gnawing biting', shih, and '(biting) together', ho. Early characters for shih show a bamboo-shaman (a diviner with yarrow stalks) and a mouth; that for ho has another mouth, and a pot with a close-fitting lid. So we have divination that reaches the truth with words, and a perfect 'bite' - a healthy, effective unity.

bit lost with this

This is about getting to the truth - especially, getting through illusions of separation. Divination with the surviving yarrow oracle, the I Ching, certainly has a way of cutting through dividing lines between 'ordinary life' and 'spiritual experience'. It encourages you to take experience into yourself in order to process it and bring out its essence.

The Judgement shows this pattern more clearly on a larger scale: there is 'harvest in going to law'. Litigation represents determination to reach truth, to encompass a situation and bite through its deceptions, as expressed by a whole society. And the Image uses the same concept: 'ancient kings brought light to punishments to enforce the laws.'
There are two ways to understand 'bringing light to punishment'. Tradition says (and my limited experience agrees) that the first and last moving lines describe someone suffering punishment: receiving either of these two could indicate that you were the one 'bitten' by experience. In that case, you would be trying to find some internal logic or meaning behind the ordeal, so that you could use the experience to bring out truth.

Yes, I am the one suffering his wall of silence..

But if you adopt the perspective of the ancient kings, then you will identify with their work to create an ordered, harmonious life. This depends on the smooth combination of action and clear understanding - the two trigrams, thunder inside and fire or lightning outside. Law and penalties, when discovered through trial and error, are not enough: there is no point in punishing yourself or others for breaching unknown rules.

The Great Treatise describes an old tradition according to which this hexagram inspired the first market:
'When the sun stood at midday, the Divine Husbandman held a market. He caused the people of the earth to come together and collected the wares of the earth. They exchanged these with one another, then returned home, and each thing found its place.'
The sun at noon shines down on the bustle of trade, and individual needs and gifts unite to create a harmonious balance, where 'each thing finds its place'.

But as soon as someone at the market calls out 'Finest silk!' Biting Through starts to blend into its pair: Hexagram 22, Beauty. The sequence leading from 21 to 22 says that 'beings cannot be united carelessly,' and indeed the moving lines of Hexagram 22 do describe marital and courtship ceremonies. After you have bitten through to the essence, you need to find ways to express it; inner work is matched by the task of finding a true face for the world.

What does this means? What ways to express what and to who?

From my very first contact with the I Ching (34 yrs ago), I have felt a very strong connection and thoroughly enjoyed the process of working up a specific hexagram. But I had reached a point in a highly tormented part of my life where I should stop. I decided to burn the edition I had (gives you an idea of the state of mind I was in). I asked the oracle for any last words and "21 - Biting Through" was the answer. I was struck by the integrity of the answer: Here in its last moments before being consumed in fire, the oracle answered in truth - I was trying to "bite through" the predicament I had created. This experience was never forgotten and it taught me the example of Truth and Integrity. Twenty years later I was re-introduced to the oracle by a friend. I threw the coins. The result was "21 - Biting Through". The oracle and I could re-establish our connection as if there was no time passage whatsoever. This taught me that Time has no dominion over certain truths..."

This sentence makes me feel that if we are meant to be together we will..This taught me that Time has no dominion over certain truths..."

Maybe I am wrong, but this is how I felt, also I am at this point of burning..I even wrote to him to send me a little book that was meant to be "our" book, my intention was to "burn" it as soon as It would have arrived, because same reason probably she wanted to burn her book..
Maybe it means..?

 

[arabella]

Sounds like you are spinning. Hexagram 21, Biting Through to the truth of the matter. Doesn't place a judgement on what the Truth is, just says you will have to crack through something difficult to find it. The implication of 21 to me has been that you are trying to get nourishment by cracking through bones, bringing your teeth together through something that is formidable to deal with. But you can do it; it is possible although perhaps taking great effort, and maybe even painful because bones splinter.

Inside is the marrow of the bone. This is not only softer, but sweet and easier to swallow, it has a lot of nutrition for you. So once you are through the difficulty -- which is going to take some trying -- you are going to have some sustenance.

Breaking up with somebody and believing you will never see them again is a terrible emptying process. And there is nothing, nothing in the beginning anyway, to take the place of something that held such a huge part of your life. This emptiness I have found is the worst part. Here I am, I've thought about this person day in and night out for ages. Now there is -- nothing. And then starts all the hurt, the sadness, the anger, and the self-recrimination: what did I do wrong? At least, that is the usual way.

Now I'm older and whatever moves on in life -- and at my age it isn't a lover so much as a child perhaps who is ready to fly the nest -- means that you will find an empty space. Here is what I find helpful. Rather than railing against that, struggling and crying over the area that now just seems a void I try to think what parts of that association I want to keep, what presence should just stay with me and be part of me. And some of the emptiness I will mourn and where that sadness exists I just let it happen, without any fear or judgement on that process. Just let it go. Because if you rush to put something there, it may be the wrong thing and done out of desperation. What you have written is tremendous I think. Very hard to follow, but your process just put out there, lived and fought through. Write it, sing it, say it, pray it. Let it float downstream. Biting Through can mean a lot of stuff. Sometimes it could be one swift action I suppose, but in my own experience at least, loss comes in layers, it's a spiral and you rise out of the situation, a circle at a time, feeling that you cover the same territory again and again, but remember you are rising to something new.

 

[cristal]

Sounds like you are spinning. Hexagram 21, Biting Through to the truth of the matter. Doesn't place a judgement on what the Truth is, just says you will have to crack through something difficult to find it. The implication of 21 to me has been that you are trying to get nourishment by cracking through bones, bringing your teeth together through something that is formidable to deal with. But you can do it; it is possible although perhaps taking great effort, and maybe even painful because bones splinter.

Inside is the marrow of the bone. This is not only softer, but sweet and easier to swallow, it has a lot of nutrition for you. So once you are through the difficulty -- which is going to take some trying -- you are going to have some sustenance.

Breaking up with somebody and believing you will never see them again is a terrible emptying process. And there is nothing, nothing in the beginning anyway, to take the place of something that held such a huge part of your life. This emptiness I have found is the worst part. Here I am, I've thought about this person day in and night out for ages. Now there is -- nothing. And then starts all the hurt, the sadness, the anger, and the self-recrimination: what did I do wrong? At least, that is the usual way.

Now I'm older and whatever moves on in life -- and at my age it isn't a lover so much as a child perhaps who is ready to fly the nest -- means that you will find an empty space. Here is what I find helpful. Rather than railing against that, struggling and crying over the area that now just seems a void I try to think what parts of that association I want to keep, what presence should just stay with me and be part of me. And some of the emptiness I will mourn and where that sadness exists I just let it happen, without any fear or judgement on that process. Just let it go. Because if you rush to put something there, it may be the wrong thing and done out of desperation. What you have written is tremendous I think. Very hard to follow, but your process just put out there, lived and fought through. Write it, sing it, say it, pray it. Let it float downstream. Biting Through can mean a lot of stuff. Sometimes it could be one swift action I suppose, but in my own experience at least, loss comes in layers, it's a spiral and you rise out of the situation, a circle at a time, feeling that you cover the same territory again and again, but remember you are rising to something new.

Wow, your words are insightfu; and beautiful. Thank you!
I feel more and more surrendering. It is a great feelings of acceptance and kind of a veil falling down my eyes.
Yes, I went through the stage of hate and anger, but it is not my personality to stay in those fields of emotions, I want to forgive and forget, specially because I know he is not well emotionally and somehow he really can't do more/better of what he does.
The same reason that makes me wanting to forgive him, makes me difficult to let him go, because I know he was trying to give me what he emotially could give me and yes as you say I feel guilty and I know how he feels inside even if I cant see him.

I guess this wanting to remove him from my heart "now" , is trying to burn stages of growth and life, trying to don't feel more that emptiness inside and at same time I know if I would try to evade my feelings I would probably become emotionally unavailable and with a hurt inside that would never heal. Then I want to feel all these feelings, and yes everyday is better.

To read the Iching confuses me at same time allow me to express my emotions and find answers. I write wat I read, I think then I read what I wrote and acceptance its easier. I am fighting is with a feeling that in some moment we will come back. And it is a strong feeling inside. Reading the Iching and writing here the question and searching for answers, allows me to think in a more rational way even the "irrationality " of a reading.

Every day that goes I am capable to focus with more power in my work and my many creative projects, still not as focused as I was but I also can't fight against it, my mind is not totally where it should be. But it will, I am committed to it.

Yes, it is a matter to dont jump stages, to accept it all. It si difficult because I am also concern for his emotional health.
In meantime I read my first reading of today!
Thank you again!

 

[arabella]

Wow, your words are insightfu; and beautiful. Thank you!
I feel more and more surrendering. It is a great feelings of acceptance and kind of a veil falling down my eyes.
Yes, I went through the stage of hate and anger, but it is not my personality to stay in those fields of emotions, I want to forgive and forget, specially because I know he is not well emotionally and somehow he really can't do more/better of what he does.The same reason that makes me wanting to forgive him, makes me difficult to let him go, because I know he was trying to give me what he emotially could give me and yes as you say I feel guilty and I know how he feels inside even if I cant see him.

I guess this wanting to remove him from my heart "now" , is trying to burn stages of growth and life, trying to don't feel more that emptiness inside and at same time I know if I would try to evade my feelings I would probably become emotionally unavailable and with a hurt inside that would never heal. Then I want to feel all these feelings, and yes everyday is better.

To read the Iching confuses me at same time allow me to express my emotions and find answers. I write wat I read, I think then I read what I wrote and acceptance its easier. I am fighting is with a feeling that in some moment we will come back. And it is a strong feeling inside. Reading the Iching and writing here the question and searching for answers, allows me to think in a more rational way even the "irrationality " of a reading.

Every day that goes I am capable to focus with more power in my work and my many creative projects, still not as focused as I was but I also can't fight against it, my mind is not totally where it should be. But it will, I am committed to it.

Yes, it is a matter to dont jump stages, to accept it all. It si difficult because I am also concern for his emotional health.
In meantime I read my first reading of today!
Thank you again!

Good call there [underlined]. I find that a lot is accounted for in failed relationships -- parents, husbands/wives, even work relationships -- with the words "they did the best that THEY could, even if it wasn't right for me." And let it go at that. Just, next time, try to find a different relationship that doesn't include those problems. Now you have learned.