Greetings all,

I posted a few weeks back about a recent breakup with a woman I still love very much. See this thread for the background:
http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=9940

She has recently been more receptive to me, as some time has passed (3 months) and we've run into each other out and about on two occasions. The other day she sent me a text asking to meet for coffee next week.

I'm not certain what her intentions are with this meeting. My desires are to share with her some insights and realizations I've had about our relationship that I think would do much to help clear up things for her. Communication has been an issue for us, and the breakup was abrupt and ambiguous -- no opportunity to discuss why or how things could be resolved. I've since had many understandings on reflection and wish to express these things, but I am concerned about compromising any progress that can be made here by saying the wrong things, or having the wrong attitude in this moment.

She hasn't given any indication she's changing her mind or wanting to reunite. Our mutual friends have advised me to move on, that it's over. Not sure if this is just tough love advice, or if its based on things she's said to them. But I feel strongly that we have something worth giving another try, and that some open communication could help clear up the ambiguities that must've played a part in her decision. I don't have any hope of resolving things immediately -- I feel that she does need an extended period of time to be alone and find her center. But I just want the door to remain open for us, as I think there's incredible potential for another chance down the road.

I've done much consulting of the I Ching (too much at times) on this situation. Here are some recent readings that I could use help deciphering. Some are a little redundant, asked at different times, and in some cases I have written out my own interpretations...


What about X and I getting back together?
3.1 > 8

I’m told in the beginning of this process that I should “establish foundations rooted in the past” and enlist people to help me. My purpose is “moving correctly.”
As a relating figure, 8 Grouping is about heartfelt and spiritual bonds, as well as relationships dissolving and reforming.

Together, these figures seem to imply that somehow the basis of our previous relationship could lead to a reforming and reunion… I’m not clear on how to ‘establish foundations’ in the past, as much of the Yi’s advice and common sense says to let go of the past… perhaps there’s another way to understand that line.

How can I open the way for this reunion with X?
21 unchanging

This figure describes breaking through obstacles with tenacity. It says there has been enough contemplation, that the time has come to act. I’m really at a loss here. It seems counter-intuitive that I should do anything drastic in this delicate situation.

What should my attitude be when meeting X to help reunite us?
57.6 > 48

I have to get from this that I should avoid going into the spiel I’ve been rehearsing about my insecurities in the relationship causing my reserved behavior. This seems to be the hidden thing referred to, that I wish to express to her. Perhaps the Yi is telling me that this could negatively affect “the Well” that could connect us and nourish our future relations…

What about talking with X about our relationship?
58.2.4.6 > 42

It seems that opening this communication can lead to a flourishing time for us. As long as I follow my inner direction and be careful of her sensitivity around the topic, avoiding negative emotions, this will be a good thing for us. By expressing my ideas here I will be drawing out the discussion hopefully for future growth.


Any help with these would be greatly appreciated!

Blessings,
ST

Looking back on this post, I put too many unnecessary readings in there. I edited it down to the ones that matter to me most. Any advice or perspective would be a huge help!


st

What about X and I getting back together?
3.1 > 8

This says what I told you in my other post, yes its possible for a reconciliation but it requires patience and caution, in no way try to rush her.

How can I open the way for this reunion with X?
21 unchanging

By sorting out the mistakes that you made, therefore the need to be open and honest with her and yourself.

What should my attitude be when meeting X to help reunite us?
57.6 > 48

You know that you made mistakes, therefore you need to be open, honest and friendly towards your friend, but don't try pick every little detail of the relationship to pieces, as certain things are best left unsaid, otherwise she will just walk out and leave you again.

What about talking with X about our relationship?
58.2.4.6 > 42

This is the trouble when you fire off multiple questions at one go, many times your question will already have been answered by a previous question, and this is an example.

Yes, talk about your mistakes, and how you will improve but don't dig up things from the relationship that are best left alone, otherwise it will seem that you are being critical of her by dissecting the relationship, this will in turn lead to a fight, the old blame game.

Thanks willowfox for the incisive interpretations. I've definitely realized the folly in asking too many questions. Your perspective is appreciated!

Cheers,
st

Are you sure she is not seeing someone else ?

I would be very surprised by that. Not likely, but I can't say that I know for sure.

Just to let you all know how things went. We met today for lunch, and talked for several hours. It was incredibly open, and we both feel much the same way about the potential for us. But she is clear that she needs to work on herself right now, and for the time being this is how things will be. A very beautiful and hopeful conversation, and very much in line with the Yi readings and interpretations here.

Afterward I asked:

How do I proceed with X?
20.5.6 > 2

This seems to suggest that I need to take this time to view myself, my life, and her life in this time of separation to really feel out who we are and who we could be in the future.

How does X see me after our talk?
59 unchanging

Dispersion... so perfect and poignant!


st

stfreq said:

Afterward I asked:

How do I proceed with X?
20.5.6 > 2

Click to expand...

First comes the self examination, to rid oneself of wrong attitudes, its all about you, then you need to see how you have affected her in the past, what led to the split, this is the "big" view part, standing on the mountain and peering down at your interactions in the past, much like watching a "soap opera". Then you wait and let the unfolding, unfold in its own time.