Hi forum

I have been having issues with my gf if you havent read any previous posts I have made lately.

Her gf contacted me today saying she was devasated and would i talk to her etc.

I am just weighing it all up.

I simply asked should I allow her back into my life

I received 49.3.5>51

Its important and I am not thinking clearly was wondering what this may mean. I have a few Ideas. would love some outside help

I think the yi is giving me the green light, was just hoping i am not missing something

Steve

Hello Steve... It's been a while.

Should I let X back into my life 49.3.5>51

I think the IC is saying in line 3, use caution. You do not have to totally let this person back into your life nor keep them shut out. Line 5 describes the stripes of a tiger seen from far away. I think this expands on what line 3 said. You will see if she has changed by just letting her back in moderately. This will lead to a surprise of some sort. I hope a good one! Going slow is always a good idea with relationships anyway. I hope this helps... Best wishes.

DWF

Hi Steve. I think it's a bit ominous if you are already saying, should i "allow" her back. And when I think of the Yi as a presence, a personality, a guide, taking in such a question point blank I would expect a bit of shock [hexagram 51] and that a sage might say -- sounds like you've already made up your mind and characterised the situation strongly. And if you've done that, there is no point: hexagram 49.3.

The alternative is to meet her with a more open view -- which I'd think you must for "taking her back" to even matter. Give her a real chance to prove where she stands and clarify what needs to change in conversation with you and by showing how she thinks things can improve: Hexagram 49.5

I think the Yi is showing you how to make futher communication of some value -- and if you really want to give this a chance, you can't come at the situation from such a predisposed and judgmental position as your question would imply. There is no forgiveness in such a question -- and to succeed there has to be.

Yes forgiveness is what she is asking me, and if we go any further I need to actually really do it.
i do have feelings but i am old enough or wise enough now to know this will pass.
I suppose i would like to give it one last try but I will be letting her know clearly what I am not happy with. I am thinking also she might just be unhappy she was caught not what she did to hurt me.
yes 51 I think in general is positive for me but who knows I think 51 is connected with line 5 somehow.

Thanks again will just take things as they come and will get this idea of what it should be and what it is out of my mind.

Steve

thx ladys

Hi steve,
interesting enough, I just got the exact same answer to my asking if it would be the best to just part ways....I posted a lot abut that person and to me it looks like we are just not a match but for some (wrong?) reason we don`t let go..further more, I realy think I deserve an apology and a clarification and you say you are being asked for forgiveness!
I don`t find shock and molting as very happy omens, contrary to the most...more like unpleasant surprises, brace yourself, things will not get the way you hoped for.
To me 3rd line says to snap out of the prevailing feeling and exhamine my conduct as well but also that an exit is plausable.
but line 5 says that one needs to keep the head on one`s shoulders in the midst of this emotional storm and not back up "secure the possession of what one is entitled to possess" http://www.iching123.com/51_text.htm
Six in the third place means:
Shock comes and makes one distraught.
If shock spurs to action
One remains free of misfortune.
Six in the fifth place means:
Shock goes hither and thither.
Danger.
However, nothing at all is lost.
Yet there are things to be done.
To me it does not look like leaving the battlefield just yet but rather to stand your ground and clear the situation to the best of your abilities. What is one entitled to possess? I would say self-integrity, respect and the notion of being taken seriously and with due consideration.
Hope this is usefull. Good luck to us, please update, D.

Hello, I just found this somewhere on here while looking for a completely different hexagram, but as you are both having issues in love, maybe it would help

Love Is...

Most of the people I know confuse love with possession. It's easy to see why; it's built into the fundamental assumptions of our culture. "You're mine," says the popular song, "and we belong together." Hardly anyone stops to question the sentiment.

As soon as we feel love, we immediately attempt to possess. We speak confidently of my boyfriend, my wife, my child, my parent. We feel justified in holding expectations about those people. We consider that perfectly reasonable.

Why? Because all our concepts of love ultimately derive from romantic love — and romantic love is furiously, frantically possessive. We want to be with our lover, to have them to ourselves, to feel their eyes on us, to consume their minds and bodies...to possess them.

So strongly do we equate love with possession that we may even feel if someone doesn't want to possess us, they don't really love us. Yet I would argue that what we call romantic love is not love at all. It's a kind of emotional storm, an overpowering, thrilling attraction — but it isn't love.

Because real love isn't possessive. It can't be. We'd all agree that love involves giving, not taking. Yet the desire to possess actually springs from the lover's own need — the need for approval from the beloved, for support from a parent, for straight A's from a child, for status, for financial security — for something. A possessive lover is overly focused on what he's getting, not what he's giving. The lover may dignify his dependency with the name love, but it's a lie. How can you really love somebody when you're dependent on them for things you need? That isn't love, that's just manipulation to keep the needed stuff coming your way. Robert Palmer sings about being "addicted to love," but nobody really is. People are addicted to their needs.

And love isn't the same as need. It just isn't.

Of course, a loving relationship will produce interdependencies. But all too often, the pleasure of freely giving changes to a fear of possibly not getting. It's just that this person — your husband, your girlfriend, your child — is suddenly so important to you. You worry about what's going to happen. What they're going to do. And at that moment, love stops.

People sometimes wonder if they're feeling real love. These same people never wonder if they're sexually aroused, or sad. Then what's the problem about recognizing love? Most often, because they're sensing a conflict: they're feeling the depth of their need, not the heights of their love.

There are ways to know real love. It feels calm. It's steady, and it can easily last a lifetime. It's nourishing — people grow under its influence. They become who they really are, and now what someone expects them to be. Real love isn't blind; on the contrary, people feel understood, accepted for who they really are. It's healing. People recover.

So whenever you hear that love is blind, or love can't last, or love is destructive, you can be sure that you're hearing a description of lust, or desire, or need. And it's an accurate description, because needs really are transient and destructive.

But love is something else entirely. An emotion of deep caring that asks nothing in return, an emotion that is fulfilling without any expectation at all, is so rare that most people in our society can't imagine it. They can't imagine feeling it, or receiving it. They may even come to believe it doesn't exist. But it does.

And it's the best thing there is.

Thank you, but I need to have some sort of an agreement and not rules changed upon me without my consenting or even being asked openly about anything before moving on. This won`t do.
Relationships of any kind ask for serious work, dialogue and commitment. And it can get really individual, too. I feel I have given power to that person emensly just by giving so much of my energy into analysing his actions.
I was told that men watch football instead. Hope it is so for your sake steve

dragona said:

Thank you, but I need to have some sort of an agreement and not rules changed upon me without my consenting or even being asked openly about anything before moving on. This won`t do.
Relationships of any kind ask for serious work, dialogue and commitment. And it can get really individual, too. I feel I have given power to that person emensly just by giving so much of my energy into analysing his actions.
I was told that men watch football instead. Hope it is so for your sake steve

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well, you know, maybe it's not love then. For example, my cats do all manner of unacceptable things to me and change the rules or bend them to their liking and I do the same to them yet I wouldn't be without them nor they without me. Hope you both figure it out..

Not fair, comparison with cats... One has to love a cat.

I think that tolerance in any relationship is ideally born of a deep and abiding appreciation for the other person. There is an awful lot of reliance on emotional and sexual fireworks in modern relationships. These features are temporary. The relationships that last are based in respect, consideration and a powerful emotional bond that withstands both difficult challenges and petty annoyances. These are people who can't imagine life without the other person in it.

For this reason Steve, your relationship doesn't sound anything like love, but more like someone's "need" and something masquerading as a healthy emotional attachment. Otherwise you wouldn't be mistrusting; nor asking anybody here whether to bring this person back. You would think the world of her, and she of you, and you would be in limbo without each other.

PS, As animals have no reasoning ability, I think you have to assume that they go where their bread is buttered. For you, PG, it might be bending rules and being forgiving/forgiven; for cats it's just instinct, habit, and each day is a new exercise of getting through the hoops.

For me its a trust issue , she has explained somethings to me that make sense but I have some real trust issues now.

We did think the world of each other at one stage.

We are talking at the moment just dont know what is going to happen, will let you know if anything changes dramitaclly

steve said:

For me its a trust issue , she has explained somethings to me that make sense but I have some real trust issues now.

We did think the world of each other at one stage.

We are talking at the moment just dont know what is going to happen, will let you know if anything changes dramitaclly

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In actual fact, it's none of my business whatsoever. You've always sounded on here like such a hard-working and decent man, and now bring up this situation, I've firmly put "foot in mouth" to say this simply doesn't sound good enough if you are expeciing to love someone and be loved. As I thought about what love should be like, how I would define that kind of exchange, this surely doesn't sound like something with potential, seeming to have basic flaws that are red-light warnings. But, as said, none of my affair. Whatever comes about, I wish you will find the real thing! :bows:

steve said:

Hi forum

I have been having issues with my gf if you havent read any previous posts I have made lately.

Her gf contacted me today saying she was devasated and would i talk to her etc.

I am just weighing it all up.

I simply asked should I allow her back into my life

I received 49.3.5>51

Its important and I am not thinking clearly was wondering what this may mean. I have a few Ideas. would love some outside help

I think the yi is giving me the green light, was just hoping i am not missing something

Steve

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49.5 does suggest that in your heart you already know the right answer for you. 49.3 that you may have to debate this with her and yourself a number of times before reaching a decision. . The 51 was probably the shock of the news that she is devastated


This answer really does not show to me all the dire warnings you have been given by others in this thread

I think you may have her back, you may not. If its trust issues its certainly worth having a good talk about it, several times as 49.3 shows. 49.5 is a lovely line and tells you 'hey you don't even need to ask you already know deep down what to do'

I assume all the stuff about it being 'ominous' and so on must come from prior knowlege of the situation on previous threads as it isn't in this reading

Hi Steve. I think it's a bit ominous if you are already saying, should i "allow" her back. And when I think of the Yi as a presence, a personality, a guide, taking in such a question point blank I would expect a bit of shock [hexagram 51] and that a sage might say -- sounds like you've already made up your mind and characterised the situation strongly. And if you've done that, there is no point: hexagram 49.3.

Here's the context for my use of the word "ominous" and I wasn't referring to the lines. I was referring to Steve's question. Otherwise, my reading of 49.5 is similar to what you are saying T: that you can clearly see the tiger's stripes and you've really already made up your mind. Steve has said in further exchanges on this they at one time had a good relationship he really counted upon -- but that has changed. Maybe that is the tiger's stripes changing then.

51 was about how she took the news that day i asked how she most likely took the news and recieved 51 unchanged, I spoke to her today and really didnt get anywhere or saying that i amy have made a small amount of progress, i think again trojan you are right about 49.3 . I have been thinking I will ask her somethings from her and will give her a chance she seems to really want it.
I asked the yi what can i expect from her in relation to what I need from her to move on and recieved 49.1.5>62 would you believe, 49 is huge in this and line 5 is very strong too, just wonder if anyone has anything to add considering the new reading , i am sought of taking this as she will agree to my terms the thing is I dont think she will be too happy about them at first.

steve said:

51 was about how she took the news that day i asked how she most likely took the news and recieved 51 unchanged, I spoke to her today and really didnt get anywhere or saying that i amy have made a small amount of progress, i think again trojan you are right about 49.3 . I have been thinking I will ask her somethings from her and will give her a chance she seems to really want it.
I asked the yi what can i expect from her in relation to what I need from her to move on and recieved 49.1.5>62 would you believe, 49 is huge in this and line 5 is very strong too, just wonder if anyone has anything to add considering the new reading , i am sought of taking this as she will agree to my terms the thing is I dont think she will be too happy about them at first.

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I'd think if you were asking her to change a behaviour she may not be able to at first very quickly (49.1) and only small gains are possible in 62...but i do see genuine change overall is possible with 49, definately I have known things do a complete turnabout in 49.

49.5 says you already know what to do. I don't know what you already know so can't advise Maybe its saying don't let her back in because you already know shes bad news...yet somehow I feel you'd get another answer if this were the case ?

I haven't read other threads on her....I don' t know what she did to you....was it really bad ? Did she actually cheat on you ? If not then perhaps you and she can work it out but you may need a little patience (49.1)

Also is it your own trust issue ? I think I recall a thread on that somewhere. I mean if you are very jealous or something its not her fault is it...thats something you have to work on too

I just really can't see this answer as about turning her away...its all about change (49) and communication (49.3) and emotion (51)


Mind you 49.3 is hard work and seems to go on forever

Of course I may change my mind if I learned she treated you very very badly...but i really feel this answer is about working at it...and really listening, especially if you haven't listened too well before

Yea i think so too 49.3 it wont happen over night I will just have to see what she says, I do want to give her another chance, just disappointed

thanks everyone

Steve

FWIW I have known relationships completely transform after a break in 49...when we think its all over forever sometimes it returns as another beast completely so to speak...its quite peculiar in my experience...almost like 'heck what happened there"

there obviously is some kind of transformation within this situation or you wouldn't have gotten 49....

very often in my experience part of that transformation can be apparent death or disapearance of the relationship/situation. Perhaps the break you had from each other has been serving some kind of transformation between you, both of you.

trojan said:

FWIW I have known relationships completely transform after a break in 49...when we think its all over forever sometimes it returns as another beast completely so to speak...its quite peculiar in my experience...almost like 'heck what happened there"

there obviously is some kind of transformation within this situation or you wouldn't have gotten 49....

very often in my experience part of that transformation can be apparent death or disapearance of the relationship/situation. Perhaps the break you had from each other has been serving some kind of transformation between you, both of you.

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Good points here and Steve I hope as you hear all the different possibilities of 49 in your situation something rings true! I know it's tough because of my current thread about my Ex where people throw out a variety of possible interpretations. It's really good if something hits home and you have an idea how to act. I got a lot of help here with mine -- and at least it's moving forward now! Good luck. Arabella

Hi all

just updating the thread, it appears you guys are right i am just drifting away and things even in general are changing , this wont last i am not even angry anymore , i dont care anymore and have my sights on the horizon, like you said trojan its a death and this is a slow but envitable one 49 can be almost violent in a sense like a dramatic upheval of your current situation,


is 49 related to 51 in anyway? they are both quite dramatic in my experience

thx again
Steve

Just lastly in hindsight i agree with Grace that with love i really dont think we should have to try so hard with love,, in my experience when it gets to that stage it very rarely gets back to what it was.

I think thats why there are so many threads on love is because all the chemicals rushing to your brain cloud your clarity. and you cant freakin think.

You said it Steve. Romantic love is like a drug... And I've been clean for a while now.

steve said:

Just lastly in hindsight i agree with Grace that with love i really dont think we should have to try so hard with love,, in my experience when it gets to that stage it very rarely gets back to what it was.

I think thats why there are so many threads on love is because all the chemicals rushing to your brain cloud your clarity. and you cant freakin think.

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Love isn't about chemicals -- and maybe that's the difference you're experiencing. Need and physical attraction are about chemicals, but neither of them sustain a relationship. The real love is about seeing each other through a Higher purpose, a Higher Being, and responding to that level of understanding of what life is for. Then you're on safe ground. Chemistry and eternal love have nothing really in common. It took me years and a couple failed relationships to learn this -- hard won information. I don't know if you can give that to somebody else or not. But, if you can, it's yours for the taking.

steve said:

I think thats why there are so many threads on love is because all the chemicals rushing to your brain cloud your clarity. and you cant freakin think.

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dancing white ferret said:

You said it Steve. Romantic love is like a drug... And I've been clean for a while now.

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This is a fact not just a metaphor ! at least is what research have shown till now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYfoGTIG7pY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFmp3D1CZ14

precision grace said:

People sometimes wonder if they're feeling real love. These same people never wonder if they're sexually aroused, or sad. Then what's the problem about recognizing love? Most often, because they're sensing a conflict: they're feeling the depth of their need, not the heights of their love.

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‘Depths of their need vs. heights of their love’ —This is gorgeous. I know I’m late to the party here. But I’m reading threads after I got this same reading about a relationship I can’t quite get comfortable in. And yes, there is need but not love. Or love mixed all up with need.