35.1.4>27 What should I learn from this?

weaver · May 20, 2016

Hello,

Hope you can help! I was scheduled for months to go to a conference. I basically got almost all the way there (three international flights) and first got detained in an airport partly because of the organiser not having sent me all the necessary info and documents, and then realised I couldn't attend because, again, despite my telling him my citizenship details several times, he'd implied I wouldn't need an advance entry permit. He then told me, just as I was getting out of the unwarranted detention, that there'd be no point showing up as I wouldn't get the subsequent visa. He wasn't particularly penitent. The net result was 48 hours of international travel plus scary airport stuff... All for nothing. I literally sobbed, unusual, when I realised. Wondered what the entire episode was supposed to teach me? I'd been really really looking forward to this event. The reading seemed to me to say 'It's a time of progress but you're held back; look after yourself.' I'm still finding that hard to relate to such a baroque disappointment though.

Grateful if anyone has any thoughts.

loverofknowledge · May 20, 2016

weaver said:
Hello,

Hope you can help! I was scheduled for months to go to a conference. I basically got almost all the way there (three international flights) and first got detained in an airport partly because of the organiser not having sent me all the necessary info and documents, and then realised I couldn't attend because, again, despite my telling him my citizenship details several times, he'd implied I wouldn't need an advance entry permit. He then told me, just as I was getting out of the unwarranted detention, that there'd be no point showing up as I wouldn't get the subsequent visa. He wasn't particularly penitent. The net result was 48 hours of international travel plus scary airport stuff... All for nothing. I literally sobbed, unusual, when I realised. Wondered what the entire episode was supposed to teach me? I'd been really really looking forward to this event. The reading seemed to me to say 'It's a time of progress but you're held back; look after yourself.' I'm still finding that hard to relate to such a baroque disappointment though.

Grateful if anyone has any thoughts.

Hi Weaver, I can feel your disappointment and feeling of betrayal. Line 1 shows a manner of advancing that is halted by a lack of trust, thru no fault of your own, and advises you to keep a generous mind. Line 4 speaks of advancing like a rodent, which captures something predatory, Maybe, or just scampering without clear direction. The reading seems to ask you, WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR NOURISHMENT? Hexagram 27. Is there a deeper mistrust among your colleagues and you? So that this incident signifies a deeper lack of sustenance? Or how do you nourish yourself? Too much focus on conferences and the like or rather by certain unproductive habits or traits or....? Will you be reimbursed for your time and flight?

weaver · May 20, 2016

Hi Loverofknowledge. Thanks for responding. I think what you say is true. I failed to be sufficiently assertive about asking for information and confirmation etc - which is silly because the trip, which also had an altruistic component, was long and arduous. It's not that I didn't think ahead. I was brought up to not be demanding as far as possible and I think this unconsciously came out. If I'd demanded more information and help earlier things may not have gone wrong. I don't attend such events often, actually; the last time was a few years ago. But I think 27 is referring both to my not having taken care of my own needs, and to my feeling that I would be enriched by going - because of the other attendees, because my work is in general very solitary, so that such occasions mean a lot, and also because of the element of idealism or giving involved in this particular event (I won't be more specific, but take my word for it if you don't mind). Subconsciously I obviously told myself I wasn't one of the more important attendees, tried to act as though I didn't have needs, behaviour that was encouraged in my childhood, and the result was not pleasant for me. The situation was tailor made to release some very old and deep feelings. Although it's also true that the organiser unfortunately didn't behave very well - any colleagues I've told have been shocked. But, in some way, I brought the situation on myself - which, frankly, is depressing.

loverofknowledge · May 21, 2016

That context explains the reading better for me. Your progress was halted. The mishap poses the question for you, how do you nourish yourself? And you now consider ways that your upbringing, and conditioning, may have impeded your receiving reliable information, from the start. Since you got so upset about it-- naturally, it is upsetting -- it sounds to me like the whole episode may have been at once disillusioning and cathartic? Like the truth is finally released and exposed for what it is?
It's disappointing, especially, because you had been looking forward to the event. Maybe your ideals about being supported in your work have been shaken and that's part of your pain. 27 hexagram usually comes to me when I must nourish myself on more reliable sources than the ones before me. Don't blame yourself, though, -- you did not bring this on yourself. The organizer's lack of organization caused problems for you.

weaver · May 21, 2016

Well, to put it in perspective, at one point during the journey out, I was detained by police, and my passport taken away, for eight hours, because the organiser had not really checked out the type of visa I needed. Not that fun in an Arabic speaking country when you don't speak the language. And in the end I couldn't even get to my destination and the organiser seemed to lose interest in making that happen. So yes, I was very disappointed.

I was shaken because although I've been trying to be more communicative and assertive lately to break those old patterns, at times even that gets frustrated. I think the universe is pushing me to detach from others' valuations or perceived evaluations of me totally, and just live. I really like this remark of yours, Loverofknowledge: '27 hexagram usually comes to me when I must nourish myself on more reliable sources than the ones before me.' I think that is what happened. Transitional line 21.4 also is asking me to see that, i think.

H 35 has often perplexed me because it sounds and looks so fab (sun rising over the earth! wow!) but doesn't always feel so shiny. But in the context that actually all these upsets are clearing away old debris, a process that can't always be exclusively calm and free of jolts, I think they are allowing me to let the larger light shine through me.

Thanks for helping me think through this.

loverofknowledge · May 21, 2016

That's almost surreal , beyond inconvenient, --your being detained for a long while because of your colleague's mistake. I get the feeling life may be saying to you , real stakes are involved here, in whatever your work is, and be careful of your colleagues who are a little bit unaware. Could that be a possibility? Such a jolt !! It feels like emotions are surfacing that increase your self awareness. And maybe the message is that progress will be made once you learn that emotional lesson. I hope all is calm now.

weaver · May 22, 2016

It was absolutely surreal. I was in transit for over two days. The whole thing was so weird - horrible but ultimately I got home fine - that it did feel as if there must be some message. I think it was related to being clear about looking after myself and putting my wellbeing first. I got an email from the organiser when I arrived home yesterday. He apologised, but in that rather of devolved way, as in 'I'm so sorry that this happened to you'. I thought about either responding and detailing all the things I felt had gone wrong, or alternatively doing the thing I would usually do and simply saying nothing. I was torn between not wanting to put out further discord and complaint into the world, and also not wanting to pretend that everything had been fine. In the end I let it be for a while and wrote a short, simple message that didn't underplay my experience, made some clear suggestions about things he should consider in future so that this doesn't happen to someone else, and also wished him well with it and told him how much I admire this initiative (which is true). After sending it I felt calmer and lighter for a while, as though the experience was behind me. But there was still some movement towards questioning if this was in some way my fault, as it seemed so strange. That is definitely another habit from early life - getting hurt by someone else's negligence, and then deciding I must have done something wrong/must try to alter so the painful experience doesn't get repeated.

loverofknowledge · May 22, 2016

weaver said:
it did feel as if there must be some message. I think it was related to being clear about looking after myself and putting my wellbeing first.

This sentence states the significance of hexagram 27 doesn't it?
Yes, in the email, you did not underplay your experience, though you did not quite accuse him directly, I gather. That's probably diplomatic. Don't blame yourself or put pressure on yourself. You are who you are. And you are doing fine with a wretched inconvenience. I suppose you were not put out of any money over this, at least.

weaver · May 23, 2016

Yes it does.

The responsibility was clearly his - and moreover, he put me in a very vulnerable position in a dangerous and chauvinistic place. Now, two days after I got home, I keep bursting into tears and envisaging the detention room. I stayed calm at the time, but feared (and this wasn't an inflated fear, given where I was and the situation) that anything could be done to me there: assault, sexual assault. No one would have known.

The tone of his apology email and his general behaviour means I also still feel very angry. Perhaps I should have been clearer about his failure. But, yes, it is a small world professionally. On the other hand, maybe I should have stood up for myself more. It's very hard to know what to do, and I am never sure.

My travel was sponsored, so I didn't pay for that; I wasn't being paid to attend, it was a pro bono thing. I'm sure I've racked up an enormous phone bill due to all the calls I had to make to try to get out of detention.

I guess 35.4 describes this process of vacillation. I keep wondering what was the good of this experience for me, a question I'm asking because I don't want to make myself feel worse about it. Maybe it was just random bad karma from the past. It's also made me feel fearful about future trips, which is odd because I often travel a lot for work and otherwise, and am a calm, easy going traveller. I wonder where the 35 is in all this.

loverofknowledge · May 23, 2016

weaver said:
Yes it does.

The tone of his apology email and his general behaviour means I also still feel very angry. Perhaps I should have been clearer about his failure. But, yes, it is a small world professionally. On the other hand, maybe I should have stood up for myself more. It's very hard to know what to do, and I am never sure.

Hi, you say, perhaps you "should" have stood up for yourself more. How about what you deeply want and desire? 27 - what nourishes you? What will nourish your heart right now? I get the feeling that your colleague is offering a perfunctory apology, while empathy would be more nourishing.

It also seems like your experience of being detained awakened empathy-- or compassion -- on a bigger scale, since the detention room itself got you upset on behalf of other people who are detained, is it so? I have the impression (of course, without knowing you or the situation closely) that a space for vulnerability, where you can express your feelings and thoughts freely, would be nurturing.

I see 35 as the progress -- the fire , the sun -- that is blocked because of what has happened. That makes your pain all the worse, because you felt the excitement of the progress that might have happened, at this conference, if you had not bee detained and way-laid.

Maybe the being detained, however, was precisely progress in that the awful experience put you in touch with something deeper.

weaver · May 23, 2016

Thank you for having given so much time and attention to this, Loverofknowledge. I'm very grateful.

I've meditated on it, and I got the message that it was as simple as finally deciding not to keep seeing things from other people's points of view. Developing empathy is not so much a problem in my case as making it a point to do what's best for me. Much of what went wrong was someone else's failure - I shouldn't take it on. And I had such an unpleasant but not actually harmful experience, one of a series of related experiences, because it has been so easy for me to begin to put the other person first in many types of interaction, and I have to stop doing that. Something also about not judging my inner progress by outer events or other people's responses, but staying tuned in to the essential self, the soul. What I deeply desire is empathy, attention, love, and connection - which I give a lot of to everyone I interact with. I think the message was to start by giving it to myself.

loverofknowledge · May 23, 2016

Hi Weaver,
Yes, "What I deeply desire is empathy, attention, love, and connection" - that's what I meant, not for you to give it so much as to receive it.
I was drawn to what you said because I could feel the potent emotions and significance of it.
It sounds like you have received wisdom from this.

Tim K · May 23, 2016

I think the message is: In times of progress[35] other people can hold you back [.1].
Do what needs to be done [27] in order to reach the goal, and as you have said stop looking to others for an approval.

.4 depicts a marmot/rodent who is prepared to rush back into safety of a cave at the first sign of danger [other people responses/actions towards you].
Of course that is not the proper way to advance. So empower yourself, and transform this easily spooked marmot into a real trusty stallion

weaver · May 24, 2016

Yes, I have. Thank you for your time and patience in drawing this out, Loverofknowledge.

weaver · May 24, 2016

I like that, Ashteroid! Thank you. The marmot is a cute beast, I find, from a quick Google image search. I'd always envisaged the rodent of 35.4 as a squirrel with a thin tail, rushing off to hide the nut it found at the first sign of danger. No more of that - I'll rouse the troops instead.

...life can be translucent

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