While things are still calm, and so I have guidelines to follow based on what does - or doesnt -- happen this week, and to avoid the last minute panic, I asked the Yi for guidelines based on what could occur this week with the gentleman who has my attentions.

1) If he does not contact me all week, what if I go to archery on Saturday? (just show up)
Hex 5.1.5>46

This seems to say "wait." Hex 5 is waiting, each line indicates waiting and 46 "waiting is good fortune"... so I will take it at face value. I guess this means "do not go."??

2) What if I contact him before Saturday? (Note: I dont intend/want to do this; but I want to see if the YI thinks I should be more proactive here, ie "promote the 'friendship'")
46.4>32 Duration.

I take this to mean "it would be OK to do so." I dont see negatives here, although I thought 46 in general was kind of an aggressive hex (pushing upwards?)

3) What if i do not contact him on my own initiative this week? (That means, if I dont hear from him, there will be silence from me).

Changing lines 1,2,3,4 of Hex 52 Keeping Still and leading to hex 38 opposition…

Bad idea?? Ironically I'm asking about keeping still and it gave me keeping still... but 38 is not good. Is this not conflicting with the second reading?

Hi Elizabeth,
I recall reading that you have been looking for 'the one' for a long time and sometimes this can cloud our judgement when we do find someone of interest.
Please read the book 'He's Just Not that Into you' and compare what is going on with what the book's about.
Blessings
Melissa

goddessliss said:

Hi Elizabeth,
I recall reading that you have been looking for 'the one' for a long time and sometimes this can cloud our judgement when we do find someone of interest.
Please read the book 'He's Just Not that Into you' and compare what is going on with what the book's about.
Blessings
Melissa

Click to expand...

Good advice.

It can be very, very difficult when we long to meet "The One." When someone whom we feel is special arrives...Well, it can be a case of overkill and constant emotional static as I've mentioned before. Been there done that many times.

Very often, one of the major factors that prevent us from finding that complimentary person is that our attitude has been slightly "off" all along. We cannot understand why fate has been so cruel when in fact it was us all the time. We want it too much because we don't have that centre inside ourselves that creates such natural resonsance in the first place. Consequently, its a process that must be experienced and gone through in order to understand it. It can be viewed as a lesson for learning that ultimately leads to deep understanding.

Elizabeth, all of your I Ching readings say essentially the same thing that you need to try and disengage, detach from the yearning. Yes, it is horribly difficult but the intent and effort to do so does bring a reward. The Universe responds to effort and to courage. You might feel as though you have done that sporadically through your life but if we are honest we have seldom been able to hold that centre of detachment long enough for things to respond. We interfere in the process and the resonance is still-born. So, we get dodgy relationships and repeat the same mistakes over and over.

Just lessen all the need to know the minute details. Just be yourself and be satisfied with not knowing for a while. Let it all find its own rhythm and you can then go to meet it with confidence. Have trust that things will work out either with this guy or another, but only if you can let it unfold without all this constant static. Then 46.4 - your potential for deep, spiritual growth - can really manifest in your life with all that that implies.

The Yi is showing you that with 52. Be still. If you are not still your actions and thoughts are likely to usher in the opposite of what you wish.

Take care,

Topal

THank you Topal.

Does it mean just be still period? If I dont hear from him then I stop going to the archery sessions? There is an understated assumption that (in fact all four of us) are going each week. This is why I ask. To me it would seem weird to not say something if there is just dead silence. But is that what the Yi here is saying to do -- basically disappear?

Elizabeth,

Be still within, in your mind. OOhh it's terribly difficult but just let go. Attend the Archery Sessions only if you're genuinely interested. If it's only to have the opportunity to see and interact with him, forget it. Topal's advice is sound, take heed. Let go of the IC for a while re. the gentleman in question. You'll feel lighter. FWIW
TAKE CARE

Wow-- really amazing responses, Topal and Themis.

If I could return to the initial question:

1) If he does not contact me all week, what if I go to archery on Saturday? (just show up)
Hex 5.1.5>46

This seems to say "wait." Hex 5 is waiting, each line indicates waiting and 46 "waiting is good fortune"... so I will take it at face value. I guess this means "do not go."??

Click to expand...

Hex 5 teaches that the proper course is in engaging wholly in this moment rather than projecting into the future or bemoaning the past. There is a tendency, when one begins engaging in the IC, to become utterly passive and inert. This is as counter-productive as being wholly aggressive and goal-oriented. The Tao lies in finding the correct path in every moment, remaining open and unstructured, engaging with others when they are open to you, and withdrawing without hesitation or regret when their receptivity wanes.

Wing says of line 5: "Your difficulties are held in abeyance now at it is a good time to relax and gain perspective on the situation..."

Of line 1 he says, in part, "Live your life as normally as possible and do nothing out of the ordinary...."

If there's a general understanding that you and your group will attend this session, then attend. Live your life! As you note, it would seem weird if you suddenly dropped out of sight, or remained utterly passive, etc -- and then there would be no chance of development in this relationship.

46: Pushing upward. Great oaks from tiny acorns grow. Slowly.

elias said:

Hex 5 teaches that the proper course is in engaging wholly in this moment rather than projecting into the future or bemoaning the past. There is a tendency, when one begins engaging in the IC, to become utterly passive and inert. This is as counter-productive as being wholly aggressive and goal-oriented. The Tao lies in finding the correct path in every moment, remaining open and unstructured, engaging with others when they are open to you, and withdrawing without hesitation or regret when their receptivity wanes.

Click to expand...

Elias, thank you so much for this. As obvious as it probably sounds and seems, the way you phrased it really struck a chord with me, namely the part "engaging ..when they are open, and withdrawing..when receptivity wanes."

You noted:

"If there's a general understanding that you and your group will attend this session, then attend. Live your life! As you note, it would seem weird if you suddenly dropped out of sight, or remained utterly passive, etc -- and then there would be no chance of development in this relationship."

Click to expand...

THANK YOU. That clarifies what I was wondering. There is an assumption that I will go, or at least that if I cannot go, that I let them know. (Or maybe this is my sense of decorum; to me it would feel strange and rude to not communicate with friends, new or old). I think it would be weird at this point to just disappear w/o explanation at all. Maybe that's what dating rules would indicate (disappearing in silence), but at this point this is not dating, it is a developing circle of new friends (all of them in fact, not just the guy). On the other hand if I hear nothing from any of htem all week maybe i would just disappear, but i will deal when that happens.

46: Pushing upward. Great oaks from tiny acorns grow. Slowly. <--Heh. This is the hard part for me. The Patience.

elizabeth said:

Elias, thank you so much for this. As obvious as it probably sounds and seems, the way you phrased it really struck a chord with me, namely the part "engaging ..when they are open, and withdrawing..when receptivity wanes."

You noted:

THANK YOU. That clarifies what I was wondering. There is an assumption that I will go, or at least that if I cannot go, that I let them know. (Or maybe this is my sense of decorum; to me it would feel strange and rude to not communicate with friends, new or old). I think it would be weird at this point to just disappear w/o explanation at all. Maybe that's what dating rules would indicate (disappearing in silence), but at this point this is not dating, it is a developing circle of new friends (all of them in fact, not just the guy). On the other hand if I hear nothing from any of htem all week maybe i would just disappear, but i will deal when that happens.

46: Pushing upward. Great oaks from tiny acorns grow. Slowly. <--Heh. This is the hard part for me. The Patience.

Click to expand...

Yes, I don't know where you got this idea of disappearing and "dead silence" from There's nothing here that says that you should stop your contact with those you know. The Yi seems to be showing you that you can choose to relate to it all in a different way - a more balanced way. So, no extremes necessary. Being still within. Elias said it well I think.

Being still within. Elias said it well I think.

Click to expand...

Yes, for whatever reason, that distinction wasn't one that I was seeing. It makes perfect sense though and even *feels* more balanced.

I suppose what happens typically, is that we see each other Saturday. Things are fine until Wednesday when I usually expect to hear from him. If I don't, I start to lose hope -- and then I think I should just not email or contact at all -- ("disappear"). Then usually on Thursday he emails me or the group or both -- and by that time I'm upset and think I should not reply (if the message isn't only to *me*, and last time it wasn't it was to the group) which is of course beyond SILLY since we are friends at this point and nothing further has yet been defined.

Anyway thank you in any case for helping me see this difference. It's small but important!

I just have to add a post-script because this is very strange. It almost never happens to me but I feel i have had an epiphany of sorts. I have no idea what the source is, but I suddenly see things from a different point of view and as soon as this new viewpoint came, that nagging feeling that this is not going to work out went away.

That feeling is that I'm actually quite happy with things as they are now. It's not that I wouldn't like MORE (ie a relationship) its that there IS a relationship of sorts and I haven't been recognizing it!! (!!) I am happy for this new friendship. I'm happy for the new opportunity to learn new "skills" (or pasttimes). I am grateful and I hope they dont disappear. And pushing/hoping mentally (same thing) for a romance... means I"m not fully in the moment, at least not 110% in the moment as I could be. Its bizarre to see it from this point of view bc the way I have been feeling is panic stricken about doing something wrong.

Subsequent to this "epiphany", that I hope is not fleeting, is the idea that a friend just told me. He thinks I shoudl stop speaking the language of the Man in question and instead speak English with him, bc he suggested that my full Self is not ever going to be revealed in my second language. I have many thoughts on this (among them, that we have different "selves" depending on the language we use) but now am wondering if there is not something metaphysical such as this that could quantify not as pushing AT the issue but as helping it along in some way...? I may post another reading ...still pondering this though.

What if I speak English? 40.2 Release > 16 Enthusiasm

(Does the hunter kill three foxes with a single arrow - 'three birds with one stone' - or does he receive the arrow as recognition for his qualities?)
"he catches three foxes in hunting, and found a yellow arrowhead. He will enjoy good fortune if he keeps to the right way. Image: Adherence to the right way can bring good fortune, because the nine at the second keeps to the just and moderate way."

The arrowhead is not the full arrow and therefore not of as much use as an actual arrow. -->This would imply maybe this is not as beneficial to me as it seems.

However, there was another interpretation in some of ONline Clarity's threads: "a good clear intention and the ability to really focus and follow through. ...you've bagged the crafty little devils that have been vexing you, whatever they may be...now be bold and sure of yourself. Not necessarily "proactive" but just sure. YOu've been given an arrow, symbolic of the way being pointed out? and you've already proven yourself to be a worthy hunter. Follow through. Intend precisely."

Focus and follow through seems to not be the ponit: the point is focus and follow through in which language? WHat does he prefer?? What is more beneficial to me (???)

Another interpretation from Gene: "Line two could very well be referring to a situation where, the only hope is to let go of something that is hindering you from making this work, or hindering the other partner. There may be an attitude, a situation, that is holding you back from allowing things to happen the way they should."

Hm.

16 Enthusiasm is positive, no??

___

What if I speak his language? 30.1.4>52

L1: one who remains calm can accommodate all the different impressions that flood into his newly awakened consciousness and set about his tasks without confusion.
L4: A man who rises suddenly to success will as suddenly vanish again from view. Unexpected good fortune may burst upon us, but it will have passed away before we have had time to enjoy it. Real success comes slowly.

Hex 52 can be introspection and stillness -- but isnt it also INACTION -- ie no progress if I shift to *my* language??
++

The first option (speaking English) seems to suggest good fortune. The second reading is not as clear to me. Line 1 in in hex 30 sounds like it shoudlnt matter what language I use if i am taking my time and expressing myself as best I can. (really? I bet there are liguists who would argue otherwise...)

We have always spoken to each other in his language because he tends to speak it, and I answer in his language (and I personally LOVE that language, I think it's more beautiful).

But line 4 implies hastiness and losing what i have so far. But that reading (continuing to speak HIs native language) is more of the status quo, so i dont see how the theme of haste is timely (no pun intended) here?
Is the second reading telling me its not a good idea? That i got the hexagram for Keeping Still (52) again ...what does that mean?

You're missing the point. This has nothing to do with language and everything to do with not adding to tension by feeding delusion. (40.2 / 16) You're going around in circles. If there is an epihany then why not rest with it?

Themis suggested not asking any more questions on this a while back and I think it might be a wise suggestion. There's nothing more you need to know on this. Just relax into the process without anticipation. Be yourself.

For want of a better term, congratulations on getting a better perspective on the situation. Hang in there!

I have not previously considered how speaking another language, and the different ways of conceptualizing this implies, might change the "self" that you set forth, though of course it makes perfect sense. I have no advice on the issue; I just find the notion intriguing. Thank you (and your friend) for giving me something new to mull over ;->

All the best!

Hi Elias,

You're welcome. Actually it has been documented in some linguistic studies, that bilingual people (children/adults) are able to express or refer to different aspects of their personality moreso in certain languages (aka cultures) than in others. So my French "persona" is slightly different than what you'd see here in English. Obviously this isnt like schizophrenia...but a lot plays into it. My personal guess is that the individuals' perception of the "second" or other language -- how and why they learned it, when and under what conditions -- affect how they use it as well. And of course there are also fluency issues to factor into it.

But anyway -- I know I was advised not to ask more questions but so far there is silence. Today the email from the ARchery Instructors came along. Its a mass email bcc: to all the people on the list whoever they are, asking us to RSVP if we're going.

I personally want to email HIM and ask if he's going bc part of the fun, for me, is the social interaction. To go alone on the bus (even tho there are other strangers in the class) for me personally is not as fun obviously. However I feel awkward asking because what if he doesnt want to see me there, doesnt want to feel obligated to pick me up etc etc.

If it was a girlfriend I would just send an email already. If it was a girlfriend, however, I would probably have already heard from her!!

So my epiphany is fading because 1) I want to see him in whatever capacity and 2) i dont want to chase, so i feel my hands are tied. And the Thursday Silence is really a bad feeling for me, it makes me freeze and hole up.

Foxes, flattering foxes
frolicking in the field.
Kill them gently,
kill them surely,
one by one
by one....

Sorry.. just couldn't help myself... To quote Carol Anthony on this line: "The foxes symbolize ideas which flatter our self-image. They cleverly keep us under their spell because they seem so logical, practical, and well-balanced. If we are devoted from delivering ourself (or others) from false ideas, our sincerity will cause the flattering and false nature of the ideas to become visible, and we will no longer be subject to their hidden influence."

What Topal and Themis said about stepping back? Truer words was never spoken...