Hi everyone,
I have been absent in the last weeks as I was travelling, and then I joined a community/ecovillage for a 3 week course on sustainability. They hold here a laboratory for real alternative ways of life and for the first time in months I feel alive and purposeful again. On the other hand, I am struggling, I feel the effect of collective psychology, specially regarding their approach to love and spirituality, and I am loosing touch with what is mine and what is imposed by the group´s culture. There are days I want to leave because I truly feel I am being brainwashed. The rest of the time I wanna move in and completely dive into their lifestyle... I feel like a pingpong ball.
ah, since I arrived the symptoms of my last post on health completely disappeared…

Last week I asked: What will be my connection to this place after these 3 weeks? 53. 3. 5 > 23

And today again: Will I join the basic education trimester next summer?
64. 2. 4 > 23

why don't I just wait and see, right? I don't thing futurology is the best use one can give to this book, but the underlying need concerns more the attitude to have now. Every 5 minutes I consider packing my bag and immediately leave. The alternative would be staying and fully embracing all the fear points that are coming up concerning this collective influence and the open (love) relationships.
For anyone who has in mind my last year of posting in the forum it is clear that I am vulnerable, an emotional rack, basically the perfect candidate for some brainwashing... On the other hand, a place like this would be the ideal laboratory to work on my issues of trust and rage towards man. And my impulse to isolate myself and always flee community life.

With all this in mind I read the lines in 64 as saying persisting in the community is promising, that is, coming back next summer. Even if right now I feel unable to move or find a direction (64.2). I see 64.4 as the suggestion that here could be the place to work on my long-lasting implacable shadow issues.

53.5 is interesting because in 3 months I would have to speak my final decision, and then the introductory course is 3 months also. Both lines carry this idea of a woman expecting a child, which hopefully is not a literal one (!!!!) but perhaps the birth of a new way of life. 53.3 says misfortune will come from not bringing it forth, right?

But I cant ignore they both point to 23, which I connect with separation.

What do you think?
I am terribly confused and feeling short-sighted at the moment so I really do thank everyone's feedback or mirror of any kind.

Yoana :bows:

I don't think of 23 as 'separating'. When separation is the issue, it's more likely to crop up as 33 (the quiet variant) or 43 (announce it to the world). For me, 23 is more about being stripped of something. Maybe stripped of a pretense or an illusion (painful and good) or stripped of rank (painful and something to learn from) or stripped of possessions (painful and the only way life can manage to get your attention to what's required right now). And you've probably noticed that the common element in the three situations I've described - whether it's mental or fame or fortune - is the painful aspect of the stripping away, but actually I've found that it often isn't of crisis proportions or a catastrophe, but just...something being stripped away that needs to go. Getting rid of baby fat, maybe.

It sounds to me like that new community you're involved in is triggering some changes in you. I love 53 because of the stability involved in the g-r-a-d-u-a-l advance, and 64 never alarms - it's more of a marker for a time when you can sort of catch your breath before it all starts moving again. Next summer's a long way away, though. There's a possibility that the 64 you drew applies to your place in the community NOW.

Will I join the basic education trimester next summer?
64. 2. 4 > 23

The influence of this group will wane, and you will leave it.

Nine in the second place means:
He brakes his wheels.
Perseverance brings good fortune.

You will eventually stop your involvement with this group.

Nine in the fourth place means:
Perseverance brings good fortune.
Remorse disappears.
Shock, thus to discipline the Devil's Country.
For three years, great realms are awarded.

You can confront your shadow issues in other realms.

In spite of real psychological benefits, the cost of fellowship with this group is too high. You must give up who your are ("I am loosing touch with what is mine").

Im still here. I packed and got ready to leave I dont know how many times but I always end up staying. I will leave in the next days because I have important appointments in the city - but I made a pre-inscription in the summer course, the one that gives access to staying in the community... I can always cancel and get my money back.

I know I will see all this very differently when I gain some distance, and its likely that back in the city all this will feel like a strange dream and I wont consider ever coming back. But being still here I admit they really got me confused. It´s one intense place and the way the group permanently challenges you to drop your masks and take steps in important resolutions already made me take some major inner quantum leaps...

Dobro&Pocossin, I appreciate both your interpretations, they give voice to different tendencies in me, but reading Pocossin´s I noticed my heart was a bit crushed. Anyway, I am aware any decision will be mine so probably its just the case of going away and putting all this to perspective, and spontaneously this deep longing will wane.

I couldnt resist and reframed the question:

What will 2011 bring to my life in this community?
I found it a striking response:
54 . 1.2.4 > 2

Part of the crisis scenario is that I am getting more and more involved with a man here who, like everyone in the community, has several other partners. So, 54 couldnt be more appropriate in a way.
Beyond the love situation, I take this answer to confront me with my overall attitude of powerlessness...
Despite all that, line 1 seems to indicate that even though Im just one more woman and the whole thing does not stand on two feet, it is better to have this in my life right now than the empty depressive state I was in before.
Line 2 makes me think that at some point I will realize Im being drawn into something too fishy and go on in my own way...or perhaps I learn how to preserve my individuality within the group.
Line 4 makes me think that even If I dont come this year, I eventually will come.

...and I do have this uncanny feeling that one day I will be part of this community.
If only it didnt scare me so much...


thanks for your help
this one thread I will look forward to come back and update...

Yoana