how will I cope living on my own

goddessliss · Oct 8, 2011

Hi to all,

History basically is my son has been living with me since his father and I seperated close to 3 years ago.
His dad got involved in a very volatile relationship so my son and him didn't have much to do with each other.
Recently I went away for a weeks holiday so my son went to stay with his dad and my son now sees how volatile the relationship is but sees how his support to his dad is helping his dad possibly let go of this relationship so he wants to stay there.
He told me what is basically going on is the women keeps yelling she doesn't want my son there and she threatens to leave and his dad says well go if that's what you want and you can imagine the rest. Yes I know some of you will probably say it's not good for my son but he wants to be there for his dad and he is near 17 and that's that.

Although I am upset about him not living with me I support and encourage his choice to be there for his dad because in reality his dad has noone else who cares enough to bother.

So I have asked How will I cope living on my own Hex 21.6>51.

I can't find much on the forum to help me understand this but Ginnie suggested to ask again because the message is that I am not listening to something.

What is the message I am not listening to -

Hex 18.1.2.3.5>42
Well it definitely looks like he is gonna help his dad but when I read line 2 about mothers corruption I though what tha? but then I read this -

Do not answer to demands which go against your sense of righteousness, beauty or love, even if they are commonly accepted as being good and nice. Many 'nice' gestures are demeaning for the recipient, taking away his strength or self-confidence.

Well I read this as I was way too nice, which I was but I certainly didn't realise I was being demeaning - well that certainly wasn't my intention.

thks for your help as I feel a little 'fragile' about the whole thing

Liss

rosada · Oct 8, 2011

I am interpreting 21.6 - 51 as meaning there were various unsatisfactory areas in your life that you had avoided dealing with as long as your son was living with you. You may not even have been aware of these situations, but now that your son is out of the house you may be 51. Shocked! to see sides of yourself you never had to face before. For example, maybe you always ate your vegetables in order to be a good role model but now that you are on your own you may find you can't stop yourself from pigging out on carbs. Or maybe because you had a son under your roof you had no time for a social life and now you find you are much more aware of the dating game than you've been in years.

As to 18...
Perhaps this is not a comment about the past but advice for you for the future. That is, as you begin to navigate life on your own you may need to be strong about standing up for yourself so you don't get taken advantage of. It may not be you giving a demeaning gift, it may be that you must avoid accepting one. An example would be a salesman calling you "Honey" while he overcharges you.

rosada

goddessliss · Oct 8, 2011

Rosada - thankyou, thankyou very lighthearted but great way of looking at it all - made be smile after a much 'bloody' day.

sooo · Oct 8, 2011

I'll let you know in Sept when it'll be 12 years. :rolling:

But seriously, it depends on what stage of life you're at, what your deepest needs are (needs and wants sometimes differ), and trust the Universe to provide for you everything you need to fulfill your time here on this green and blue ball.

sooo · Oct 8, 2011

sooo said:
I'll let you know in Sept when it'll be 12 years.

But seriously, it depends on what stage of life you're at, what your deepest needs are (needs and wants sometimes differ), and trust the Universe to provide for you everything you need to fulfill your time here on this green and blue ball.

Oh, wait, it's already Oct! Gee, time goes fast when you live alone. :rolling:

hooboy, it's gonna be one of those days. Think I'll go food shopping to flirt with the checkout counter girls.

goddessliss · Oct 8, 2011

sooo said:
I'll let you know in Sept when it'll be 12 years.

But seriously, it depends on what stage of life you're at, what your deepest needs are (needs and wants sometimes differ), and trust the Universe to provide for you everything you need to fulfill your time here on this green and blue ball.

sooo - you are sooo cheeky sometimes!!

Definitey at a new stage in my life. I have been a mum for over 25 years and I still love being a mum so was just really wondering how well I will adjust to not having at least one of the kids with me and whether I will feel isolated without having at least someone to share things with.

I love playing my piano and I get up quite early in the morning and my son sleeps in late, except when he's working, and he doesn't really like my kinda music so I tend not to play it much when he is around. So this is one thing I am really looking forward to just being able play and not have to consider anyone else.

PS Good luch with the checkout girls

rosada · Oct 8, 2011

So you've been stuffed in a 21.6 box all these years and now you're 51. bursting out like a bolt of lightening!!!

-rosada

goddessliss · Oct 8, 2011

rosada said:
So you've been stuffed in a 21.6 box all these years and now you're 51. bursting out like a bolt of lightening!!!

-rosada

Wow nicely put Rosada - I wait in excited anticipation now!!!! :bounce:

Trojina · Oct 8, 2011

Living alone is a great opportunity to be who you really are and know who you really are

goddessliss · Oct 8, 2011

Thks Trojan - I think I already know this in my head, my heart just trying to catch up

Trojina · Oct 8, 2011

..maybe as a transitional phase you could rent a room out...make some money and have the comfort of hearing someone else about the place. It can be fun if you get on with your lodger. The plus side is if you hate it its such a relief when they leave, then you become very happy to be alone !

sharing with another female can take you back to your girlhood...gossiping in your pyjamas late at night.
sharing with a male you may want to be doing something else in your pyjamas late at night LOL

goddessliss · Oct 9, 2011

trojan;145335 sharing with a male you may want to be doing something else in your pyjamas late at night LOL[/QUOTE said:
That cracked me up Well now I wouldn't be impartial to that - it's been well a long time
Wow the things you share in cyberspace!!

sooo · Oct 9, 2011

goddessliss said:
sooo - you are sooo cheeky sometimes!!

Why, thank you, Liss! Usually I'm just called senile.

goddessliss said:
Definitely at a new stage in my life. I have been a mum for over 25 years and I still love being a mum so was just really wondering how well I will adjust to not having at least one of the kids with me and whether I will feel isolated without having at least someone to share things with.

I love playing my piano and I get up quite early in the morning and my son sleeps in late, except when he's working, and he doesn't really like my kinda music so I tend not to play it much when he is around. So this is one thing I am really looking forward to just being able play and not have to consider anyone else.

Funny you should say this. I was just thinking before I came back to this thread, 30.3-
In the light of the setting sun,
(Wo)Men either beat the pot and sing
Or loudly bewail the approach of old age.

goddessliss said:
PS Good luch with the checkout girls

Must have been the matching jacket and hat, cuz two young women started up conversation quite unexpectedly. One pointed out that the light came on over the organic veggies when we walked up to them together, and another said she lowered the price on tomatoes just before I walked up to them. Both were cuter than the checkout lady. Thank gods and goddesses for small favors.

goddessliss · Oct 9, 2011

Both were cuter than the checkout lady.

Must have been the matching jacket and hat

Sounds like you were looking cute yourself

Senile/cheeky same same isn't it.....

chingching · Oct 9, 2011

I think in a book I read on andy warhol once there was a quote from him to the effect of you can only be truly individual if you live on your own away from outside influences.

goddessliss · Oct 9, 2011

Here, here chingching - the way I feel is like I really only feel at peace when I let nothing else or noone distract me from myself.
I don't watch TV for this sole purpose and any outside stimulation like flashing lights I find I really hard to cope with.
But I guess at the moment it's just the sadness I won't be seeing him and sharing his life everyday - will just be weird for a while tis all...

notatirem · Oct 9, 2011

When I look at 21>51 I think:
You are free to let your inner thunder out because you no longer have to wear the cap of authority (top line softening.)

I have a lot of nostalgic feelings for hexagram 42 and can never give an objective opinion where it is concerned. It's the hexagram I got when I first met my husband. To me it is the Ace of cups.

I think the message you are not hearing is that this is a good thing. The house seems empty and lonely right now, but your cup is easy to fill. Maybe have a gentleman friend over

goddessliss · Oct 9, 2011

notatirem said:
When I look at 21>51 I think:
You are free to let your inner thunder out because you no longer have to wear the cap of authority (top line softening.)

I think the message you are not hearing is that this is a good thing. The house seems empty and lonely right now, but your cup is easy to fill. Maybe have a gentleman friend over

Yay for not wearing the constant cap of authority and iiiif I had a gentleman friend well then.......thks for replying helped me feel better.

sooo · Oct 9, 2011

on a more serious note..

Silence or being alone with only your own thoughts can be deafening. There is a real danger to this, as old tapes are free to loop repeatedly, and many of these can include unhappy life experiences, and this can create a critical, fearful and lonely existence.

The first and most natural tendency is to try and replace what has left you, or what you have left behind. The rebound effect is very real, and regarding more than a past spouse or other loved ones; it includes past stresses, complaints, demands, and missing the good things too. We can become addicted to memories. The loss of things that used to be can make us feel desperate to replace them with something; anything to not hear silence or feel emptiness. So many I have seen have tried to fill that space with drugs, alcohol, or endless streams of empty relations. Not saying a real one can't be discovered and fostered, certainly it can. But hunger for replacement sake rarely attracts a healthy and enduring relationship, even when wearing a matching jacket and hat.

I think this is exactly why shocks are so important in this situation. The shock of silence makes the dove's song louder and clearer, makes the wind sing more melodically, makes your music more personal and soulful. Blocking out the needs of your prior dependents and responsibilities to them makes you acutely more aware of your own existence, for better and worse. It's up to you what to make of it.

Personally, I've chosen to live alone. I've learned to listen to nature, which is more prolific than any poet. The mating call of quail, territorial squabbles of sparrows, the dominant voice of the wren, even the delicate wings of the hummingbird, all have the potential to renew, if you let them. But to hear them, one must remove the earphones of past tapes, which have been the downfall of many empty souls.

goddessliss · Oct 9, 2011

Thks sooo very enlightening. Lucky for me I actually love to sit in 'silence' I have an inkling this is why my son may have moved to his dad's too because he just doesn't get the bit about silence yet and there is certainly a lot more action, albiet it unhealthy, at his dad's.

I have stopped the relationship chase which a lot of my posts were about here, I abhor drugs and at the most I drink about 3 glasses of red wine in one 'session'.
If anything I will 'fill' the empty space with learning a piece of music I have wanted to get into for the last 6 months.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfi1BknRW-I&feature=youtube_gdata

Thankyou for sharing part of you life with me - have lovely day. Liss

bamboo · Oct 10, 2011

a mum with an empty nest - at first feels so awkward like clunking around in an empty silent space, bumping into yourself and wondering what now? and then, pretty quickly, you start to re-claim your self, because parenting requires a certain sacrifice of self. The 18 to 42 is perfect, I think, for working on what has been spoiled or necessarily decayed, put on hold, leading to a great influx of your essence.

The 21.6 to me seems like a tongue-in-cheek way of saying "DUH??? - are you kidding? This is when the fun begins- you probably won't have enough time in the day to do everything you want to."

The best part is that you can probably even be a better mum, and a more appreciated one, when you live apart. You visit and go to dinner eg and get re-acquainted as individuals. Enjoy it! (and it may be only a preview- he may be back

)

goddessliss · Oct 10, 2011

Thks Bamboo - sounds pretty awesome to me - so far so good - I have moments buy mostly I am enjoying the situation as it stands.

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