Hi to all on this beautiful Mother's Day

In December 2011 I met a romantic interest. The romantic side lasted for about 6 weeks before I decided for many reasons to pull back from the intimacy and just be friends.
The main reasons I pulled back is because he was not emotionally available and he admitted this had been an issue for him since he was 5 years old, he is also carrying issues from an abusive and controlling father where his mother did nothing to protect G so as to maintain a relatively harmonious relationship with her husband.
He is also carrying issues from a heartbreaking marriage breakdown that happened close to 10 years ago.
He told me he finds it difficult to be in a relationship with me because I just allow him to be who is without trying to control him or tell him what to do. However, he likes to try control me and tell me what to do. I do understand the psychological side of all these issues but if I try to explain to him that I just wish to be me and I don't like being told what to do he gets very defensive and quite nasty.

So it has been a relationship where we go our seperate ways for a couple of weeks, come back together(no intimacy) fine for a couple of days and then the issues come to the fore.
The last seperation lasted for a month with him initiating any contact until we came back together hanging out for a week - the change in him was amazing and he was giving, sharing and generous all of which I had never seen before but the control issues were still there so on the 7th day I tried to speak with him about it and again it went pearshaped. the only difference this time is I didn't exit from the situation and just rode with it although he returned to his old self of not being nice.
As it turned out one of his friends needed G to housesit so yesterday he left to do that.
Just to clarify he came and stayed at my house for the week until he left yesterday.

I have learnt a lot about myself within this relationship too and he and I have the bestest time together, connect wonderfully so there are a lot of benefits to this relationship but there are the long standing issues within him which I now understand will take a long while to get cleared.
I live in a share house which I am not particularly happy in but it's ok. G chooses to live in a caravan on his block of land with no running water or electricity which I didn't mind doing when we were hanging out earlier on in the relationship and could easily do again except there is no toilet which to me is a necessity....

I would love us to be together again intimitally, romantically etc. to build a long term relationship as it is obvious we are still very attracted to each other, although I can also accept this may never happen so this question is based on me trying to decide whether to hang in there or let it all go -so I have asked

How will it benenfit me to perservere in my relationship with G

Hex 41.1.2.6>2

thku have a joyous day
Liss

"How will it benenfit me to perservere in my relationship with G" - "Hex 41.1.2.6>2"

Hi Liss, nice question!

41.1“One must weigh how much one can decrease him”: Maybe interpreted as it would be beneficial for your personal growth to decide what is wishful thinking vs. actual reality regarding how much G can be “leaned” on, considering his emotional pattern.

41.2 “To render true service of lasting value to another, one must serve him without relinquishing oneself.": Could be that it's beneficial for maintaining your well-being to discern what are healthy and unhealthy compromises in the relationship.

41.6 “Increase self without decreasing others.”: Imo, that it would be beneficial for your happiness to be able to appreciate what the relationship has to offer without having unrealistic expectations.

2: “he does not go ahead blindly, but learns from the situation what is demanded of [her]and then follows this intimation from fate.”: Seems to affirm taking the time to think things through...

“This question is based on me trying to decide whether to hang in there or let it all go”

Well, it seems the answer will not be "given" to you! Rather, that Yi thinks there's "benefit" in your coming to your own conclusions, although does kindly highlight a few areas...

Iams girl

Thanks Iamsgirl for taking the time to do such an amazing job on answering my thread

Well, it seems the answer will not be "given" to you! Rather, that Yi thinks there's "benefit" in your coming to your own conclusions, although does kindly highlight a few areas...

Since I posted this thread this has been my conclusion too and I have managed to let go of my expectations of this relationship and just see where it goes naturally, still a little difficult as I have such strong feelings for him but it appears to be of benefit to our relationship.

How can I progress my rel with G from here

Hex 25.4.5.6>24

Seems to me line 4 is saying continue in this new way, line 5 don't get caught up in the bs and things will heal themselves and line 6 by having no 'agenda' or expectations the destination will come of it's own accord. I am guessing the destination will be good no matter what it turns out to be - I would like to think that Hex 24 is returning to self but also returning to the romance/intimacy in our relationship.

Yes , I agree with your take on 25.4.5.6. Line 25.4 is one of my favorites in the book. "We cannot lose what really belongs to us" is so comforting to me. In synchronicity style, it was running through my head most of the morning, but I didn't remember which hexagram it came from. Thanks!

I think 24 involves returning to yourself for sure, the W/B Appended Judgment saying it's a beginning of "turning from the confusion of external things, turning back to one's inner light."

But, also agree that hexagrams can be read on many levels and can see your point about the possibility of G coming around again. There's obviously a natural affinity between both of you in the relationship and may always be. Of course, our hearts always hope for the best...

In my experience, it helps to see the "in love" attraction and the level of maturity in behavior and manners as two separate and independent realities in a relationship. Unfortunately, 24 may also mean revisiting the struggle of having to sacrifice one for the other with G.

Then, and it seems part of what you've already considered, there's the other possibility that after having gained wisdom from this experience, the new yang line in 24 may mean someone new...

Thanks again - this bit is interesting and as soon as I read it I went yep that's what I gotta keep reminding myself about. So thankyou.

In my experience, it helps to see the "in love" attraction and the level of maturity in behavior and manners as two separate and independent realities in a relationship.

I must admit I am doing my best to maintain my emotional equilibrium, not that he knows, but just in myself and I keep Hex 24ing to keep that equilibrium.
Something I have noted though, yesterday he came to see me and we hung out for a couple of hours and then I got busy doing something so he decided to go for a surf and today I ran into him at the beach, not surprising as we live in a fairly small community. Anyway both times he was leaving to go do his own thing he started babbling about nothing of consequence which is so unlike him almost unsure of himself.

Why is G acting a little 'out of character' hexagram 31.5>62

Line 5 - sounds to me that this answer is just a reflection of what is doing.
but Hex 62

What is going on beneath the surface for G when he is seemingly babbling Hex 62 unchanging lol

Hmmm......he doesn't want to push me or something not sure.

Funny things relationships huh!! Liss

Why is G acting a little 'out of character' hexagram 31.5>62:

The hungry camel (31.5) is putting his nose (62) back in the tent ? I'm guessing he senses you're viewing things more objectively and it's throwing him off a bit...

iams girl said:

Why is G acting a little 'out of character' hexagram 31.5>62:

The hungry camel (31.5) is putting his nose (62) back in the tent ? I'm guessing he senses you're viewing things more objectively and it's throwing him off a bit...

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Cool!! a bit of a shake up never hurts and at this present moment I have decided to move on from him anyway - thks for taking the time to help me sort my sh.... be joyous Liss

You're welcome! I can use the 'be joyous" at work tomorrow - I really need it there! Iam's.

iams girl said:

You're welcome! I can use the 'be joyous" at work tomorrow - I really need it there! Iam's.

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OK well I wish you a positive joyously joyous time at work tomorrow

Hi Liss, wow, such challenges, but seems like you’re doing great so far! Wish we could just go to a coffee shop and sit and chat about things for awhile. There must be a hexagram about that somewhere . Anyway, let’s see, how to interact with G now?

How should I progress my rel with G Hex 63.5>36

Starting with:

I live in the East and I am 'slaughtering' a few things at the moment - what exactly is the Iching definition oxen referred to here?

“After completion” of something, it's my understanding that a ritual offering to God is often made as part of a religious ceremony in many faiths. The “East” generally refers to a wealthier area closer to the religious center where the occasion might involve a grand observance, including a “blood” sacrifice of oxen. As can happen with any large event, however, it might end up being more show than substance. The “West” generally refers to the poorer area away from the religious center where a ceremony may be less elaborate, such as with a grain offering, but done with more sincerity of faith.

So...

63.5: “A simple sacrifice offered with real piety holds a greater blessing than an impressive service without warmth.”

Imo, it's saying it is best to keep your interactions with G simple and genuine.

36:
“Maintaining [her] inner light, while remaining outwardly yielding and tractable.”

Along with that, would suggest Yijing is referring back to 24 to continue on with the good start you’ve made toward being true to self, and...

“In some situations indeed a [woman] must hide [her] light, in order to make [her] will prevail in spite of difficulties in [her] immediate environment.”

...try not to attract attention to yourself while moving ahead.

p.s. re the moving issue, I think both 8.2 and 29 (“whatever you do” will succeed “if you are sincere”) reinforce the same theme of being genuine and true to yourself and whatever option you choose will work out.

Joyously, Iam's


(W/B, Book I)

iams girl said:

Hi Liss, wow, such challenges, but seems like you’re doing great so far! Wish we could just go to a coffee shop and sit and chat about things for awhile. There must be a hexagram about that somewhere . Anyway, let’s see, how to interact with G now?

haha agreed - a lot of things get so sorted over a cuppa!!How should I progress my rel with G Hex 63.5>36

Starting with:

I live in the East and I am 'slaughtering' a few things at the moment - what exactly is the Iching definition oxen referred to here?

“After completion” of something, it's my understanding that a ritual offering to God is often made as part of a religious ceremony in many faiths. The “East” generally refers to a wealthier area closer to the religious center where the occasion might involve a grand observance, including a “blood” sacrifice of oxen. As can happen with any large event, however, it might end up being more show than substance. The “West” generally refers to the poorer area away from the religious center where a ceremony may be less elaborate, such as with a grain offering, but done with more sincerity of faith.

This is definitely the situation the East here is a beachside suburb and the west here is somewhat poorer but definitely more genuine.So...

63.5: “A simple sacrifice offered with real piety holds a greater blessing than an impressive service without warmth.”

Imo, it's saying it is best to keep your interactions with G simple and genuine.

This is my intention although being a sensitive emotional girl I feel things deeply although I do not always voice my thoughts. At the moment it seems the better option which I guess is reflected in the next bit about hex 36.36:
“Maintaining [her] inner light, while remaining outwardly yielding and tractable.”

Along with that, would suggest Yijing is referring back to 24 to continue on with the good start you’ve made toward being true to self, and...

“In some situations indeed a [woman] must hide [her] light, in order to make [her] will prevail in spite of difficulties in [her] immediate environment.”

...try not to attract attention to yourself while moving ahead.

p.s. re the moving issue, I think both 8.2 and 29 (“whatever you do” will succeed “if you are sincere”) reinforce the same theme of being genuine and true to yourself and whatever option you choose will work out.

Thanks for answering this one too I am so betwixt and between. If I don't go and live and B's I feel like I will be leaving this part of my life behind although I won't be moving far it is still a different way of life - hard to describe but I would be mixing with different friends.

Just about to go and have that cuppa with a beautiful friend who always gives me a clear perspective.

Joyously fun days to you - Liss(W/B, Book I)

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xx