extramarital sexual act

regardie · Aug 12, 2012

Hi!

What sould I do next in my reltionship with this woman?
I have a relation with this woman. I read a private diary telling the story she was having sex with a man when she was in india and meanwhile was waiting for her, she was in holiday with him, knowing him before. Tried to have explanation but she denies telling I'm the only one. I read some badmouthing me. I don't have shown her the diary yet.

May you help me?

36 6.4 --> 55

thanks

meng · Aug 12, 2012

You're screwed. Show or tell her that you've been snooping in her diary and you will become the guilty one. Hide it from her as she did from you and you are living secret lives. Not conducive to developing trust and an enduring relationship. I don't see Yi offering an easy solution, but 55 does deal with a day of reckoning, of bringing the truth out of the dark and into the light.

arabella · Aug 12, 2012

regardie said:
Hi!

What sould I do next in my reltionship with this woman?
I have a relation with this woman. I read a private diary telling the story she was having sex with a man when she was in india and meanwhile was waiting for her, she was in holiday with him, knowing him before. Tried to have explanation but she denies telling I'm the only one. I read some badmouthing me. I don't have shown her the diary yet.

May you help me?

36 6.4 --> 55

thanks

Evidently you don't trust her if you have read her diary -- that doesn't look good for either of you. If somebody confronted me with my own diary when they didn't have permission to read it, the first thing I'd do is hand them their hat and tell them to get lost. Neither one of you is in a good position to confront the other on "trustworthiness."

Overall, this reading would tell me to just leave and mind my own business because it's not worth confronting. The situation is generally poor. Hexagram 36.4 to Hexagram 55 indicates there are big problems and things will only get worse from here. There are many more difficulties ahead. And the trust issue you have is already huge.

mryou1 · Aug 12, 2012

Uh... I gotta say, reading a diary is bad, but not nearly as bad as cheating on someone and lying about it...

I'm guessing what regardie got was 36.4 > 55, and the extra 6 was a typo (as a side note, it's ridiculous how many mistakes like that there are on this forum. One devoted to the I Ching. It's the easiest thing, typing out what hexagrams/lines you received, and making sure you spell it out correctly is fundamental to people giving you a good interpretation. But I digress)

Anyway:

36 means this is a dark situation, and it is best to take a step back and clear your thoughts

line 4 means that you need to find out the inmost sentiment of your heart, figure out how you really feel about everything. Understanding your emotions is key before figuring out what to do next.

line 4 alone creates the XOR Hexagram of Enthusiasm, it is well to seek help in exploring your feelings, and it is also well to remain positive about such an act. this may mean to confide in a counselor, or even simply some trustworthy family members. Don't tackle your feelings alone.

55 simply means that when this is done, when you've figured out how you feel and how to act, then you may do so, and chances are that things will get better. Movement only in clarity.

arabella · Aug 13, 2012

mryou1 said:
Uh... I gotta say, reading a diary is bad, but not nearly as bad as cheating on someone and lying about it...

I'm guessing what regardie got was 36.4 > 55, and the extra 6 was a typo (as a side note, it's ridiculous how many mistakes like that there are on this forum. One devoted to the I Ching. It's the easiest thing, typing out what hexagrams/lines you received, and making sure you spell it out correctly is fundamental to people giving you a good interpretation. But I digress)

Anyway:

36 means this is a dark situation, and it is best to take a step back and clear your thoughts

line 4 means that you need to find out the inmost sentiment of your heart, figure out how you really feel about everything. Understanding your emotions is key before figuring out what to do next.

line 4 alone creates the XOR Hexagram of Enthusiasm, it is well to seek help in exploring your feelings, and it is also well to remain positive about such an act. this may mean to confide in a counselor, or even simply some trustworthy family members. Don't tackle your feelings alone.

55 simply means that when this is done, when you've figured out how you feel and how to act, then you may do so, and chances are that things will get better. Movement only in clarity.

I'm not sure about degrees of untruthfulness -- kind of like being a little bit pregnant. Hex 36.4 is about emergence from the dark by identifying the truth and, as much as anything, the truth about oneself. I don't believe that Hexagram 55 is so positive as some paint it, or that there is a promise of things "getting better" -- only that if you remain where you are and make no decision, things will most assuredly be worse than they are now. Hexagram 55 isn't a result, but a background for the entire process of getting clear of this -- sooner rather than later. That is my experience anyway.

mryou1 · Aug 13, 2012

I think by coming after the hexagram of Darkening of the Light, where truth (fire) is covered up by the dirt, 55 where there's opening up in movement over truth is a situation where 55 could be very "good", provided that op remains positive, focuses, and gets to the heart of the matter right now.

rodaki · Aug 13, 2012

I cannot find a clearer way than 36.4 to 55 for Yi to say 'come out with it' . . then after everything you hold in your heart is out, then you can make decisions, imo. I know it probably feels difficult cause it means a shedding a layer that feels 'protective' of the present but denying what you found definitely won't make you happier - so what else to do but risk it all and face everything involved (both inside and out) . . Noone can make someone want, or love, or respect them but we each have a circle of influence around us, a vital space within which we are the sovereigns - within that, you can be your own radiant king

Trojina · Aug 13, 2012

I don't see it that way. I think 36.4 counsels one to get out of a bad place undetected or more often it just describes that..which I think is what its doing here. Theres no need to tell her you read her diary....just go, leave...or distance yourself from her. I think your answer shows you uncovering her deceit. You see her for what she is. You can't trust her. If she can do that to you is she really worth anything at all ?

You have what you need, the truth...unless she writes lies in her diary. Knowing the truth you can now depart and find someone better

arabella · Aug 13, 2012

trojan said:
I don't see it that way. I think 36.4 counsels one to get out of a bad place undetected or more often it just describes that..which I think is what its doing here. Theres no need to tell her you read her diary....just go, leave...or distance yourself from her. I think your answer shows you uncovering her deceit. You see her for what she is. You can't trust her. If she can do that to you is she really worth anything at all ?

You have what you need, the truth...unless she writes lies in her diary. Knowing the truth you can now depart and find someone better

Nail on the head here. Hex 36.4 is the heart of darkness, so what other analysis is needed? Hex 55 is "stay in the heart of darkness -- or go." Hex 55 generally seems to say that time is of the essence. This is past its sell-by date. Seems really clear.

rodaki · Aug 13, 2012

well, there you have it regardie : two very different approaches based on your reading. I 'd like to think there's a good reason you been with her till now and that you might gain by understanding what went wrong there and whether you had some part in it too for how things happened. On the other hand, if you're certain that your partner is obviously just an ungrateful b**** then, as other readers suggest, you can 'off with her head!'

I won't be posting any more on this - good luck!

regardie · Aug 13, 2012

Hi!

May I thank you dearly for the time you dedicated to answering.

I asked yi another question to see if it could change:

What sould I do to have a long term date with this woman:

40.5 -->47

troubadour · Aug 13, 2012

I cannot quite decide whether you should tax your unfaithful partner with her diaries.

The reading at http://www.eclecticenergies.com/iching/consultation.php?lns=787668 for 36. Wounded Brightness is as follows. Note it says nothing about speaking our or not speaking out.

Line 4:
Being penetrated in the left of the belly.
Getting wounded brightness of his heart,
by leaving through the gate of the courtyard.

Being hurt and demoralized, one leaves the situation.
(It is an arrow that has penetrated in the left of the belly.)

However if you had got the following line, 5, in your casting, the advice apparently would have been not to say anything but just get away:

Line 5:
Viscount of Ji's hidden brightness.
It is beneficial to persist.

Tactfully feigning ignorance, in order to avoid being hurt by someone. It is a good idea to persist doing that.
(The viscount of Ji feigned madness, in order to escape the abuses of a king.)

Personally I am all for openness and in your shoes would probably open up and - let her have a verbal broadside. Whether that would be productive or not, others will decide. But it might be cathartic.

arabella · Aug 13, 2012

regardie said:
Hi!

May I thank you dearly for the time you dedicated to answering.

I asked yi another question to see if it could change:

What sould I do to have a long term date with this woman:

40.5 -->47

I think it says, leave while you're ahead. And, as it has upset Rodaki to be so definite on the other reading, I'd just add that I've had a very similar situation to this reading for a friend who cast 36.4 and lived to regret his attempts to "understand" or consider his own motives, whether he'd contributed to the problem. I think that 36.4 tells you all of that -- whatever you did is the least of it. When you get this, especially for a woman, you are done. Sorry if it sounds "sexist" but women who use sex in this way have a problem.

My friend stayed in it because he felt bad -- having said he wouldn't marry her and didn't want children in any case. She went off on a holiday without him to show him a thing or two. Sticking with her and trying to understand he got a serious STD from her liaison with the other guy. I'd told him to call it off -- and he was just too kind. I do mean what I say here and don't want to criticise anybody else's opinion, but the "heart of darkness" is not subtle.. :hug:

troubadour · Aug 13, 2012

I am with Arabella. 40.5 > 47 seems to suggest you go from a position of being set free into a situation of oppression/depression. This woman has hurt you badly. Why stick around for a second act?

regardie · Aug 20, 2012

Hi!

I'd like to give you what's following with that woman. We broke off this sunday as we were at the seaside. She became upset as I told her that she can make a call if she wanted with her cellphone. She tried to hide me something I think and didn't want me to see who sent SMS...and so on.

That was vey painful for me... as I give much when I have an affair....

What was very impressive, it's that I asked Yi about what she thought of me. Yi gave me an answer ...she told me word by word the same and that she wanted to change the rules (=broke up this relationship).

I sincerely hope she will go out the hell she built up in her life.

Thank you very much for your help, it is greatly appreciated.

meng · Aug 20, 2012

Huh, texting and social networking can intrude upon intimate one on one relationships. Living in the stone age, I wouldn't have thought of that. Bummer.

I'm guessing 49.4?

But I'd handle it differently from as you had described. I have a different attitude about those kinds of things. For example, I'd think: it's her life, she has a life which includes others. I can either embrace that or fight to compete with it. My nature is to embrace it. Oh, my wife has a friend or friends, maybe a lover. How wonderful. I hope it makes her happy. If she's really happy, she's going to be a whole lot nicer to me too. And what am I afraid of losing? I've already lost everything, several times. I'm a happy loser.

...life can be translucent

extramarital sexual act

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