Hi everyone,

QUESTION: What do I need to learn or change about myself in order to overcome this great crisis I feel stuck in?

even though it is clear I need to deal with my emotional upheavals, learn to be happy alone, and just find sense in life beyond a partnership, Im still feeling sunk inside a deep sense of crisis since the last break-up. The days are passing and Im putting a lot of effort into feeling better and doing positive things for me but any small reminiscence or the wrong chain of thoughts drags me back down into a intense feeling of despair.

I have accepted its over and to be honest I dont want him back, I just want to feel good about myself and my life, but I keep feeling really stuck to a tendency towards low-drama...

THE ANSWER: 37.3 > 42

I got some insights while reading the line, but I dont understand if I need to be more strict with myself or more docile... I tend to interpret the woman and the kid that laugh and ends up in disaster as a sign for my own immaturity. But I know about that, I wanted some advice on what to do about it...

what are your views?
thank you*

yoana

The order of a household goes by the wayside when people don't take things seriously. So I would read this as an injunction to be quite strict with yourself so as not to lose the structure of your home life to despair. It seems to me that the line usually comes up when there are arguments at home, but that does not seem to apply to you ... Maybe it refers to the internal arguments you are having with yourself.

Yoana I think it just means try not think too much about what things you maybe could have done different (fritting away your time on trivia) but also try not to be harsh on yourself when you fall apart in grief. - Liss

yoana

I think right now your tendency is to be too harsh on yourself. There is nothing wrong with self reflection, and feeling bad after a breakup is natural. But we mustn't punish ourselves excessively. Nor do we need to second guess ourselves. A review of our life is a good thing, but it must be done through eyes that are objective, not harshly criticizing ourselves, nor blaming all our problems on another person. If we did not purposely try to hurt someone, then it is simply a learning lesson. Be fair with yourself.

Gene

Thanks all of you as you completely changed my view on this reading. Again, it feels you are contradicting a bit: ginnie is saying I need to be disciplined right now and goddessliss reads the opposite? Gene you stand in between, but i dont read any balanced behavior in this line. It is about people being severe and people being permissive, imo, I just cant figure out what the Y recommends for me at this point.

Right now I only manage through the days if I listen to a more authoritarian inner voice. If I hear the "inner child" I stay in bed, cry and lament, so naturally Im being a bit more pushy with myself just until this phase passes. But Im lucid and objective, gene, I need to be less co-dependent and find a way to be happy despite the break-up. Thats clear. The thing is that I dont see any improvement, on the contrary, it seems the despair is grabbing me more and more recurrently and taking me deeper.

ginnie said:

It seems to me that the line usually comes up when there are arguments at home, but that does not seem to apply to you ...

Click to expand...

Actually it does. The breakup made me move back to my parents where I had to face my mum, something I never solved. I went through life feeling disproportionally mad at her and never being able to cope with that, so I always ran away. Now that I have to live in her grounds again I made an effort to find an harmonious way to communicate, which lasted only until Xmas, when I had a huge breakdown, one of my many desperate moments, and since then I cant look at her or relate in any way. I just resent her all the time. So we are not speaking.

You think the line addresses that?

But if it does, than my harshness towards her is somehow timely or is it not?

I thank you for any further advice
yoana

In hexagram 37, it is said that sharp words do not cause much harm but the tittering of women and children leads to the destruction of good order within the family. By extension, the holding of resentment against your mother would not be as destructive as taking a frivolous attitude toward her. The I Ching seems to be putting forward the idea that some degree of severity or harshness between family members is not a threat to the good order of a household, even though it might be regrettable.

ginnie said:

In hexagram 37, it is said that sharp words do not cause much harm but the tittering of women and children leads to the destruction of good order within the family. By extension, the holding of resentment against your mother would not be as destructive as taking a frivolous attitude toward her. The I Ching seems to be putting forward the idea that some degree of severity or harshness between family members is not a threat to the good order of a household, even though it might be regrettable.

Click to expand...

...so wether in my relationship with myself or if the reading refers to what is going on in my family, the times call for a bit of harshness and clearer boundaries - that's how I tend to see it now. Perhaps until the roles redefine or something comes to light.

Today already the energy between us changed and hostility turned into crying. Now the whole family is concerned...


I don't know if I can do this on the same thread but as this one has the context I share it here.
What should I do regarding the strong antagonism against my mother?
25 (3,4,5,6) > 36

to be honest I get the feeling I shouldnt do anything... for the amount of changing lines I expect this to still unravel into different stages or phases.
I should remain spontaneous and honest? "innocence" doesnt mean much to me...

Thanks once more*
yoana

yoana said:

What should I do regarding the strong antagonism against my mother?
25 (3,4,5,6) > 36

to be honest I get the feeling I shouldnt do anything... for the amount of changing lines I expect this to still unravel into different stages or phases.

Click to expand...

I think you're right in your interpretation ...

r.e. 37.3, I interpret it to say that in a real group, clan, congregation or family, it's natural and healthy for disagreements to crop up and be easily expressed with minimal fuss made over it. But if authority or ruling principle is mocked, it leads to disrespect toward it, and disarray within the group.

It's also good to consider 37 as your personal entirety, your own group of parts which make up a whole. This same disrespect can be shown to ourselves, but it's better to stay loose and not get into power struggles within. The same sense of freedom of expression, yet not disrespecting the ruling principle applies.

About 25 - it often leaves the impression that everything needs to be mellow jello, don't make a fuss, don't make waves, but the reality is that freedom to say what's really on your mind can come from 25, but so can insolence and disrespect, which would be implied in line 6.

It's a matter of being truthful, genuine and free, but yet not reckless and ultimately harmful.

Im very thankful for your contribution, meng, very wise.

eventually we had a long conversation where things were said that had never been said before, and even though no solution was found, because we are both so bruised by the other, at least the possibility to talk made the daily hostility go away.

thank you all for your views* very helpful
Yoana

Family

起卦时间：2013年01月14日16时33分
神煞：天乙—寅午　福星—午　日禄—申　羊刃—酉　驿马—寅　桃花—酉　华盖—辰
干支：壬辰年　癸丑月　庚辰日　甲申时
旬空：午未　　寅卯　　申酉　　午未


六神　 伏神 　　　巽宫：风火家人　37　　　　　　　巽宫：风雷益 42
　　　　　　　　　【本　卦】　　　　　　　　　　　【变　卦】
滕蛇　　　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　兄弟辛卯木　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　兄弟辛卯木　应
勾陈　　　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　子孙辛巳火　应　　　▅▅▅▅▅　子孙辛巳火　　
朱雀　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　妻财辛未土　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　妻财辛未土　　
青龙　官鬼辛酉金　▅▅▅▅▅　父母己亥水　　○→　▅▅　▅▅　妻财庚辰土　世
玄武　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　妻财己丑土　世　　　▅▅　▅▅　兄弟庚寅木　　
白虎　　　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　兄弟己卯木　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　父母庚子水　　

This is a reading on the relationship between you and your mother.
Line 5 is child si fire. You mom has your interest at heart.
Line 2 is the female (you) host line, chou earth.

Line 5 fire produces line 2 earth. Mom is supportive

Line 3 is your relationship hai water with a man in the hidden line "you metal" not you, transfer of Chinese term for the rooster metal.
This line changes to female chen earth.
The female chem earth couples with the officer (male) under line 3.
Your ex has another female.

Line 1 and 6 of hexagram 37 are mao wood. This is probably your family members.
Mao wood is in conflict with the man hidding in line 3 you metal.
It appears that family members try to eliminate this person altogether.

The line 2 you probably is in conflict the female in line 4. This is an earth to earth mix conflict.
It is not a major issue if she is your mom.

To gain ground in your situation;
Hexagram 42 line 6 sibling wood produces line 5 child zi fire (you) and then produces the female in line 4 wei earth.
This means that when people or sibling supports you, you support your mom.

Line 1 of hexagram 42 is the zi water relationship (something to do with your mom or ex-relationship.
It hurts the female in line 4 (your mom) with the wei earth.
This means that one must avoid all confrontations or bring up the past.

Since hexagram 42 is wood trigram on top (sun gentle wind) and wood trigram (chen, wood with vibration), the nature of the situation is claim. You cause the disturbance in her life, but it is not rocking the boat. It is received with a smile (a kid is still a kid in the eye of the original family).

yoana said:

eventually we had a long conversation where things were said that had never been said before, and even though no solution was found, because we are both so bruised by the other, at least the possibility to talk made the daily hostility go away.

Click to expand...

Thanks for sharing this development, yoana. Kind of a mixed blessing, isn't it? I'd rather know the heart, the truth of the matter than live with the undercurrent of dark uncertainty within a relationship. hah, thinking of J. Lennon's just gimme some truth.

Dear long yi
your reading is like something I had never seen done before with the Iching and left me utterly confused... would you mind explaining it to me a bit better?

long yi said:

This is a reading on the relationship between you and your mother.

Click to expand...

Why? My question was what should I do regarding my sense of crisis, it was ginnie who suggested that 37 is usually family related.

long yi said:

Line 3 is your relationship hai water with a man in the hidden line "you metal" not you, transfer of Chinese term for the rooster metal.
This line changes to female chen earth.
The female chem earth couples with the officer (male) under line 3.
Your ex has another female.

Click to expand...

what is this and why is it relevant to my question and to my relationship with my mother?

long yi said:

Line 1 and 6 of hexagram 37 are mao wood. This is probably your family members.
Mao wood is in conflict with the man hidding in line 3 you metal.
It appears that family members try to eliminate this person altogether.

Click to expand...

Nobody in my family met none of my ex partners. Nor did they knew I was seeing anyone lately.

long yi said:

To gain ground in your situation;
Hexagram 42 line 6 sibling wood produces line 5 child zi fire (you) and then produces the female in line 4 wei earth.
This means that when people or sibling supports you, you support your mom.

Click to expand...

By this you mean I should support my mum? Im hurt, but never against her.

long yi said:

Since hexagram 42 is wood trigram on top (sun gentle wind) and wood trigram (chen, wood with vibration), the nature of the situation is claim. You cause the disturbance in her life, but it is not rocking the boat. It is received with a smile (a kid is still a kid in the eye of the original family).

Click to expand...

"claim?" Can you explain this one better to me?
Im sorry
Im just very puzzled about this reading of yours and more confused than before, actually...
I sincerely appreciate any further comments
Yoana