Hi everyone,
I wonder if you could help me with a reading about a guy I have recently been seeing. I feel like he has really been blowing hot and cold and so of course have been sort of over-consulting the I Ching. But I think today was the first time that I asked, "Tell me what I need to know about my relationship with X."

Just for a little background (I really don't want to go into the whole thing) we have been on 4 dates. There was a sort of a misunderstanding after date 3. Then we agreed to talk when we saw each other next. However, it had been a week or so (our schedules didn't match up, and then he was out of town), and I feel like I sort of forgot about what I wanted to talk about...we glazed over part of it but that was it. On this last date though, he was a perfect gentleman– bought dinner/drinks, and we had a good conversation.

But our parting that night was awkward- no physical contact (we had been intimate before). Then he said he had a lot of work to do (which he did and had been explaining over dinner), then says "see you when I see you." This sounds so ridiculous I know– like maybe I should just blow him off, but of course I am always looking for clarification/clear boundaries, and I am never above being slightly confrontational about getting things out in the open. Also, I did think we really connected at first, and felt he seemed like a really reasonable, kind person. So after I left I sent him a very nice text saying, "hey based on that sort of awkward good-bye, I was thinking that maybe you are just interested in being friends but really just wanted to clarify for my own sense of closure."

He is a psychologist in training, so I thought he would really understand closure. His response was basically saying "no" that he is literally just being pulled away for work, he knows that probably doesn't feel good to me, he is not happy either, and can we talk this weekend. I am so confused. Honestly, I thought he was trying to give me the brush-off (maybe he thought it was moving too fast?– he made a joke to that effect at some point). My response was literally "ok," because I am so confused that I had no idea how to respond.

Anyway, when I did this reading the result of "Tell me what I need to know about this relationship" was Hexagram 23 (yikes!) with 5th line changing..

So 23.5 > 20.

Any thoughts on this would be appreciated!

best,
Jen

hey I am really curious as to what it is you wanted to discuss with this guy that was 'an issue' but then couldn't remember it!? Anyway, 23.5 could be seen as a situation where you assume something is one way and it turns out it is not - like you assuming when he said "see you when I see you" that he had meant he wasn't interested in you - but it turns out he didn't.

Have you looked at the memorizing threads? http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?4001-Memorizing-the-I-Ching-23-Po-Splitting-Apart/page8

I'm not sure what this guy's real intentions about you are after all this, but that's besides the point, the real question is whether you are happy to pursue this relationship given the difficulties in communication and expectations you seem to be having?

Thanks for your response Precision Grace!

Hmm...well maybe that is accurate and I am just misinterpreting him... I'm just not sure how else I could have interpreted that though! I mean no good night kiss or anything..weird. And also to date he has been really proactive/assertive about setting up the next date, so I felt very confused when he did not do that this time.

Well, the thing that was an issue was that we had been intimate (a couple of times), and it was kind of intense and we had also been talking almost everyday (even if short texts). So I was beginning to feel kind of close to him. Then after the 3rd date (all of these dates were really long mind you, like hanging out for 8+ hours) I was feeling like things were really progressing. But then I sent him a text simply asking "are you on facebook?" His response was something to the effect of "oh this is moving kind of fast, can we wait on facebook?" Well, I was extremely perplexed by this (you can sleep with me but not be my facebook friend??) I thought it was really weird, so I immediately shot back saying that I didn't really mean anything by mentioning facebook and did not "expect" anything out of him but that I also was not interested in casual sex. He agreed and said he felt the same way. Sooo, I was thinking of talking to him about what he is looking for in a relationship, etc. and also about the Facebook thing..once again he had asked if he could talk to me in person about it.

When we got together I just kind of forgot to ask anything about what he was looking for in a relationship (like if he wanted something serious) or where he thought this was going, and instead we just had a quick discussion about the Facebook thing. He said that he had come from a very religious (fundamentalist christian) background and had completely changed his thinking spiritually (since moving to NY– where we live) and is uncomfortable sharing Facebook b/c there are lots of old pics, etc there that are from what he refers to as his "past life."

I already knew about all of his issues and changes spiritually and involving his lifestyle, so I understand this and it doesn't really bother me (maybe I'm not ready to see pictures of him leading a fundamentalist youth group either- lol!) But yeah we didn't discuss the other stuff, so hence my continued confusion.

I think you are right too though– my best friend keeps asking me similar things like "are YOU really into him?" etc. I guess I am having a hard time figuring that out. I mean certainly I would prefer to date someone who is capable of making it very clear to me that they are into me! And he doesn't seem to be...also maybe I am just antsy to get to know him and feel like I'm not. Urgh.. it's tricky and more confusing b/c I was VERY interested in him at first, and now I just don't know what to make of the whole thing :+/

meh, sounds like he is married or in relationship or just wants casual sex

Well he is definitely not married. Met his roommates and had breakfast with them and met a bunch of his friends too...as for casual sex, that is what I would have thought although he said that is NOT what he is looking for when we talked about it, and I'm not sure why you would keep talking to someone daily and go out on more dates if that is all you were looking for. Anyway, I guess he is just unavailable in one way or another and I'll forget about it unless he actually does follow up with talking this weekend. I just did another casting: "What do I need to know about *him*?" I got hex 7 changing to 12. Have no idea what that means. I'll try looking it up and then try forgetting about it! I swear humans are so perplexing sometimes, especially the male variety.