I've often found it useful, if painful, to ask myself, "If you weren't worried and upset about that, what WOULD you be worried and upset about?"

Well, if I weren't upset about the fact that I sent my dog to the place where all the best dogs go; and if I weren't worried about exactly how much trouble my daughter is in; and if I weren't worried about exactly how much trouble I myself am in--why, then, I would be worried about my trap lines. (Yes, I still have a few of them out there.)

Q: Is this getting through to him at all?
A: 51 unchanging
Q: So what is he going to do about it?
A: 31.2-->28

Someday I'll laugh about this. Not in a padded room, I hope.

31.2-->28 = waiting for an impetus to motion, with dangerously concentrated strength in a context of conflict.

Q: So there is too much power here (see 51 unchanging, above). What impetus is he waiting for?
A: 35.4.6-->2

??

OK, so I'm obsessing. You would too. I'll stop eventually, promise.

Obsession is good for the soul, or is that something else If you can stop anytime soon, you are a better person than I. Its been 2 months and I still obsess about Thomas. Guess now at least I am in good company. Reading the posts lately, there must be something in the water, cause the company is getting larger by the minute.

I don't know why, but my first reaction to your last reading, before I looked anything up, was he is waiting to see what happens, like to see what you will do. I use many translations, but every so often I find the simplest are the most useful. Denings 31.2 says waiting until you know more about the situation, see how events develope. That would fit my first impression of 35.4.5 as well. Maybe he is waiting for a sign that you won't tell him to go jump in a lake.

Ok, now I am going to tell you something I have hesitated to because I was afraid I would make you mad. With all the people helping you, don't know if you noticed my uncharacteristic absence. As I said, wasn't that I did not want to help, just that I saw something and was afraid I would upset you if I pointed it out. But since you admit you are obsessing, maybe now its ok, if not, don't shoot the messenger. My reaction to all that you said before was "the lady doth protest too much". For all his bald head and irritating ways, I think you love this man very much and deep down you wish for it to work out. My advice, totally personal, not Yi, is be honest, with yourself and with him. If it works out, I will dance for you. If not, you can come get inebriated with me and Annie. I'm bringing the wine

Oh, Seeker, of course I still love him, and it doesn't hurt me to hear you say it. Yes, I am protesting too much. I'm putting an awful lot of energy into someone I've supposedly ditched. But part of what I say is simple truth. He's half bald; he's not a handsome man; and any one of his habits, let alone a combination of two or more, would be more than ample to make a raving maniac out of the calmest woman, which I am not.

I don't lie to myself; I'm not pleasant when I'm hurt and angry, and right now there are big ugly parts of me that would like to annihilate him. It's mean and aggressive to call him Baldy and to mock his wish for a young girl friend--but it also makes me feel a little better, which is worth something when you're in the spot I'm in right now. And you're correct that in spite of it all, there is a part of me that would like for things to miraculously work out.

It WOULD take a miracle. I don't think he's capable of doing what I need him to do, and I'm not at all sure that he even sees the fundamental wrongness of what he is doing. I have done what I can--I have confronted him, told him that I love him and want to be with him, and have admitted all the above to myself. I've even pulled some shady tricks to try to get him to stop mooning over the beautiful youth he saw when he looked into a pond. (It was full of frogs, by the way.) Maybe someday I'll think of something else to do--what IS the best way to eat him? If I agreed to his terms, he'd take me back in a hot second, I can tell you that for certain. Maybe that would be the best way to eat him. But he has this nasty habit of ignoring the fact that I am a part of this equation, and that I too have terms. Mine happen to clash unacceptably with his, which frankly are ridiculous and insulting.

I have run out of ideas about what to do short of groveling and agreeing to accept any conditions he cares to set. I did that for far too long. I think that now the best way to eat him is to allow him to hurt (or not), and to allow him space in which to exercise his decisions. Above all I have to allow him to make the next move, if move there is to be. Is he waiting for some kind of signal from me? I don't know. It might be a good question to ask the Yi. I can tell you that he has good reason to believe that approaching me now would be the equivalent to throwing open the doors of Hell. But as I see it, he's just going to have to buck up and take the risk. And he'll have to do it sooner than he probably realizes, because as much as I loved him, I find that I love him a little less each day.

Thank you for your kind comments. I really appreciate them.

what IS the best way to eat him?

farvor beans and a nice Chianti??? Sounds like your current situation is similar to the one that ended my marriage. The reason I met and fell in love with Thomas was because my husband was acting similarly to your baldy. Even then, I went to counseling and made an honest attempt to try and salvage what we had, but he refused to acknowledge that he did anything wrong or needed to make any changes. He thought bringing me flowers twice was supposed to make all the rest go away. I appreciated the gesture and said so, but could not make him understand that there was more to it. I do understand your anger and wish to annihilate him. I felt the same way. I think you are on the right path way though. See what he does, but don't give up what you want just to be with him. You are worth more than that. Of course, I say that knowing full way I would take Thomas back on whatever terms he wanted. But I wouldn't do that forever. At some point I would expect the relationship to go to the next level or end, and I think that is where you are. All we can do is wait and see. In the meantime, we can all commisurate together while we wait for our men to come to their senses or someone else better to come along.

I've been pretty sure I'm doing the right thing. My withdrawal and refusal to take the bait that's so obviously being dangled is not a manipulation--"Do this and he'll come crawling back to you." It is rather a manifestation of my understanding that I'd had enough. But your question or suggestion, Seeker, did send me back to the Yi--because it's important to me to stay on my path. Certainly NOT because I'm obsessing.

Q: Is there anything I should be doing?
A: 16 unchanging, joy in a context of difficulty.

I'm supposed to be joyous? Well, the holidays are nearly upon us, and if it please notgod my daughter will not require minute-by-minute supervision for very much longer. I am dying to go out and dance. Perhaps I can look forward to some seasonal merrymaking, and perhaps too I should be celebrating the end of a relationship that was slowly starving me to death emotionally.

The best way to eat him? Trap lines are amusing and potentially even useful, if you have the means to set them. A friend said to me last night, "It doesn't sound to me like you love him. It sounds like you're over him and now you're just toying with him." (Don't ask.)

Trap lines are just an adjunct, though. The core approach, and probably the best approach, is to lead the horse to water. Let him stand there wondering why he's so thirsty, while you go off and do other things.

Just promise me you'll keep posting here about the situation. If you do that, your pride will keep you away from him.

Dobro, I'd like to think there's more to my staying away from him than a wish to hold my head high on an anonymous Internet bulletin board. But if that's what it takes, then that's what it takes. And sure, I'll report interesting developments, including those that take place between my ears.

In case things get slow on that front, I still have my daughter and the actual and potential implications of her behavior to deal with; and a female friend I haven't spoken to in years recently contacted me. Her taste in men is--believe this or not--far worse even worse than mine, and she is as always mooning over and asking for advice on her latest romantic "adventure." She's asking ME?? She didn't take kindly to my suggestion that she twist his male member off, slowly, half a turn at a time. I need to decide whether to continue that friendship or leave it where it was 2 weeks ago, i.e., nowhere. I'm thinking the latter.

"She didn't take kindly to my suggestion that she twist his male member off, slowly, half a turn at a time."

So is it true then? It's held on with a screw?

hello -

i'm sorry, i must be in the wrong place - but i'm having problems interpreting hexagram 23 (splitting apart) with no changing lines...i was just wondering how i might be able to get some help?

also, if anyone had any advice on how to interpret a second (changed?) hexagram, i would greatly appreciate it.

thank you,

clara

Hi Clara-
Yes, this is the wrong place.
Start this as a new topic under Divination Discussion and use 23.0 in the title.
Will join you there.

Dobro, that was hilarious. I'm still laughing. But shoot ... I hope this discussion isn't curling anyone's hair.