Hi folks

So me and X have been together for over 4 years. We have been living together since April this year. It’s been a rocky road, I’ll explain:
He is addicted to amphetamines and gaming. Killer combination. Before we lived together there was lots of turmoil in our relationship, his addiction(s) and for me, financial difficulties in the past. As for me, I worked very hard to get out of debt and since march this year I am free of debt, ready o build a normal life now.
Despite all the difficulties we stayed together. My love for him has always and steadily proved stronger than any of the problems that presented themselves in the past. I mean that. I know how all of this sounds, but love has always prevailed, despite my own (and other peoples) better judgment;
We are living together since April this year. Moving in together was a BIG decision, at the time I wasn’t so sure about our relationship. It was like a leap of faith of sorts. In the end I decided we deserved a chance at a normal life together. With my financial problems out of the way this suddenly became an option. I even had some savings, I put everything I had into start building a new life from scratch.
Right now, I am starting to realize the full scope of his addiction, and my tolerance is waning. I know something gotta give, because I just can’t continue like this. I recently started seeing a psychotherapist, and the main thing that came out of our sessions is (what a surprise) this situation.
I realize now that I have been trying so hard to make this work that in the process, I forgot to nourish my true self. He is difficult to confront. He is not aggressive or mean, he has a truly good heart but he is passive aggressive and like any true addict he is in absolute denial about the truth of his addiction.
I am gathering courage to confront him once more, this time as a last resort, really. I don’t want to lose him and I am prepared to fight for our relationship, but he has to be in this with me. I think the only real solution for him is to seek professional help. I know to confront him will be draining. I am afraid for what will come and I am seeking advice from the Yi.
But what does it mean in this context?
What will be his reaction when I tell him I believe he needs professional help? Hex 31.1.5 tot 55. Will look into this myself after work. I needed to unload, so here I go
I would very much appreciate the input of the wise people of this forum. :bows:

Hello dancingfox,

first of all, thanks for sharing your story. You seem to be a strong woman - kudos from my side for what you did manage so far!
Your reading is a very interesting one. Seems Line 31.1 reflects your current inner process. You did decide to confront your friend but did not 'move' yet. As long as you do not move nothin is visible, nothing will happen.
Line 31.5 is of greater interest as it speaks of the back muscels / neck which are hard to / will not be influenced. It is the top line of the inner Hex. Qian, symbol as well for for 'head'. Line 31.5 is not a line of passion in my eyes. This is line 31.4 - it can influence or is influenced (the fellows will follow your thoughts)...

So i would say, you can give it a try but to me the Yi says: nothing will change, you can not influence your friend.

The inner Hex btw is No. 44. To me personally this is the Hex i would realy look into if i were you. The way i read the Yi, it would tell me to go along 44.5. If your friend is not to 'influence' your way might be the one of 44.5 - simply having trust in your friend. This to me does not mean to go on sharing an appartement or sharing life altogehter but to let him 'do his job' (life) and you do your job. I would have trust the right time will come.

All the best to you - lilly

(PS To me the concept of moving lines is simply a false one.)

What will be his reaction when I tell him I believe he needs professional help?
31.1.5 > 55

He won't hear you. The Image of 55:

Both thunder and lightning come:
The image of Abundance.
Thus the superior man decides lawsuits
And carries out punishments.

In spite of your suffering, I doubt that you are now ready to lay down the law to this guy or that there will be any point to it. Surely you know what amphetamines do to the human body? If he is an addict, shortly you will find him a stranger. My advice is, Get real. The guy you love isn't going to be there much longer -- if he still is.

Here is what you are in for in the outside chance that he decides to withdraw: . . . in highly dependent amphetamine and methamphetamine abusers, "when chronic heavy users abruptly discontinue amphetamine use, many report a time-limited withdrawal syndrome that occurs within 24 hours of their last dose. . . . withdrawal symptoms in chronic, high-dose users are frequent, occurring in up to 87.6% of cases, and persist for 3–4 weeks with a marked "crash" phase occurring during the first week. Amphetamine withdrawal symptoms can include fatigue, dysphoric mood, increased appetite, vivid or lucid dreams, hypersomnia or insomnia, increased movement or decreased movement, anxiety, and drug craving.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amphetamine

pocossin,
i am sure dancingfox knows a lot about this drug. Apart from that, i wonder how hex 55 woud fit in here. Again a good example to me how people bend the Yi. 55 talks of a time (resp. the decline) of great (cultural) abundance. Not of love, relationship, passion of human beeings. Some clever scientist did write a great book on empires / hegemonies and why some lasted so long and some did vanish in years. This f. e. refers to 55. It is not at all about someone who takes drugs and is now 'taken to court' and punished. I dislike as well to morally judge over people - best lilly

lilly said:

I dislike as well to morally judge over people

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I wasn't moralizing. Dancingfox is already seeing a psychotherapist and needs to protect herself from further psychological -- and I suspect financial -- damage. "I am gathering courage to confront him once more, this time as a last resort, really." I expect the same thing to happen that happened during prior confrontations. Talk and love do not cure addiction. Tough love might.

I wonder how hex 55 would fit in here.

Click to expand...

I took 31 as Dancingfox's attraction to her partner and 55 as a need for boundaries.

Dear Lily, Poccosin

First of all, thank you for not judging me or my partner for that matter. You are quite right Lily, I know very much about this drugs. In our country it's called 'speed' and it is widely spread and most commonly used as a party drugs. I have seen people use it for years in a way that does not seem to affect their lives, if you don't know how to look closely, that is. It's nothing like Meth are crystal, which seems to be a serious problem in the USA. When I was 10 years younger are so (I am now 34) , I experimented as well, with severe consequences. I escaped death by a whisker and dramatically changed my way of life after that experience. So yes, I know the effects of the drugs first hand. Maybe I am being to open about all this, and I don' t expect the people who read this post will all graciously understand. But despite my close encounter with this drugs I ironically did fall for someone of whom I knew was a serious drug abuser. Before we lived together I had been with him for more then 3 years, so I knew what I was getting myself into, Poccosin.
It seems that my reading confirms my worst suspicions about him. I am still gathering myself for what is to come, it's almost weekend and I guess I will try to talk to him tomorrow or Saturday. I feel so sad, because I feel like I am about to loose him. But I must continue, in order to protect myself. But it is so incredibly sad. I know the wonderful man that lies dormant underneath his addiction, and I was foolish enough to hope that living together would give him enough reason to let go of his destructive habits. In a way I feel like I am the loser here, I know it isn't like that, but I can't escape the feeling that I have somehow failed the make the difference.

Thank you both for your insights. I will keep this post updated. After all, you never know how things will turn out and maybe someone else will benefit from my experience.

In Huang's book hex 31 is named 'Cutting'.
The taut construction and singular imagery of this hexagram derive power from the consistent repetition of a single character, the name of the hexagram, translated as chopping or cutting.
(i think it's linked with his repetitive use/addiction)

The lines describe progressive wounds, each a little more serious, as they move from the big toe to the cheeks and tongue. There is a purposefulness to this damage, for it serves to limit one's activities.

Line 1: A warning to go no further with your plans.
Line 5: Ending an involvement without regrets.
So, his reaction will be like: i don't want to go anywhere, please stop it now. I don't want to talk about this, end of conversation, walking away.

About hex 55 Abundance, Huang:
An ambassador from the court of the Zhou to the Shang capital encounters great material splendor in the midst of spiritual malaise and isolation. The images used are graphic and vividly portray a stark loneliness and inner terror.

I think this speaks of the reason why he doesn't want to talk, about his inner state.


I wanted to ask some question about your struggle with drugs if it's okay with you.
a)Was someone trying to wake You up? to drag You away from the drugs?
Were You listening?

b)When you made your recovery, you probably wanted to help someone (you know) to go through this process too. (maybe like a survivor's guilt in a way).
To learn the lesson of being on the other side of addiction, to see the person self-destructing himself while you stand watching.

It's just that i have recently read a few books where the souls are speaking( in a regressive hypnosis session) from a place between death-and-next life. And they talk about life on Earth as a school. Where everyone chooses their lessons before physically going on Earth.

In a way I feel like I am the loser here, I know it isn't like that, but I can't escape the feeling that I have somehow failed the make the difference.

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That might be a lesson, and also that might be his lesson, that he chose himself, you are not God after all.

I mean each and every life can't be perfect, because without some problems to solve, progress is impossible. We must learn and develop our spirit, and advance to the next level.

Dear dancingfox.

I have a very different 'interpretation' of your reading. It actually seems like one of those very clear cut answers which make you smile. I see it way more positive than some of the ones I have read here so do humor me.

I am using Ewald Berker's interpretation here since it fits pretty well and I don't have access to my stack of translations sitting here at my office.

First of all - let us start with the "resulting" hex 55. As you may be aware, this is an often debated issue and requires the maximum intuition during interpretation. It most certainly is not the "final result" each and every time (actually, in my experience, it rarely ever is). So, after reading your 'story' - it is obvious that to me that this represents the energy with which you are approaching the Yi. You don't know what is going to happen, you don't know where you are going, you really even don't know where you are and what you are going to do about it. Think of it like a thick fog. Denseness.

55. Denseness

Denseness.
Progressing.
The king grants this, don't be somber.
Suitable is midday.

The situation is difficult to oversee. One might get pessimistic about it, but there is no need for that. There is progress. It is a good idea to pick a time when things are at its clearest.(At midday there is the most light, and shadows are shortest. This is the time of day that things are clearest.)

So, take heart. I have had this Hex in the "resulting" many times in the past and this is exactly what it has always meant. And yes, with this Hex in the "resulting" things have always worked out for me. So I always start with Berkers interpretation when I see this one. The Yi is just telling you where you stand right now and understands that you are 'lost' - don't worry.

Now we come to the main hex - 31. This is interpreted by Huang as "Mutual Influence" and by Berkers as "Being Affected". The main theme of this hex is - by all accounts - the mutual influence between people. Its literally about a 'marriage' - howsoever you want to socially interpret that term.
It seems clear to me that in this case the Yi is describes you and your boyfriend - influencing or affecting each other.

31. Being Affected

Line 1:

Affecting the big toes.

Being only affected little, not enough to actually start acting on it.

Line 5:

Affecting the back muscles,
without aversion.

Being affected by something one can count on, and that one doesn't dislike.
(When the back muscles are activated, one's posture becomes more straight. This is a sign of being energized.)


Now lets talk about changing lines. The Yi can use this in many, many, many ways. It might use it to describe the outcome of various choices. It could use this to represent the various stages of a 'situation. etc. etc.

In my intuitive opinion - in this case, this describes the various stages of your 'confrontation' with him. Read the interpretation above - it will seem pretty obvious. At first he will not be convinced enough to act on it. After a lot of work (first line to fifth line would represent a huge time gap) he will finally get convinced by someone he can count on viz you.

Now what you need to do is get as many translations as possible and see what finer points you can get out of this. I've gotta get back to work. I take every reading that I do very seriously and spend days interpreting it. So you've gotta take it from here.

But in my honest opinion - it seems a "positive" situation to me, all in all.


Also, just take out 30 minutes of your life and learn EFT (emotional freedom techniques). Its all over the internet. It can work miracles for you and you'll never need to go to a psychotherapist in your life. Two years of psychotherapy is usually taken care of in two minutes with this. Really. Its free to learn and everything. It'll change your life.

Take care.

Hi Ashteroid

I like how your image with the repeating cuts depicts the way his addiction works. It is not the same as heroine or meth, in his mind frame it's just a little something every weekend, to stay awake wile feeding his other addiction, massive multiplayer online gaming. It's like a parasitic circle. He uses the speed in order to stay awake. He wants to stay awake in order to intensify and prolong his gaming experience. The gaming in itself is the core addiction, I believe.

I suspect that he will not respond very well to my plea for him to try therapy, it was a proposition from my therapist, and I would like to simply ask the question, not demand anything. In asking the question I hope to open another door. He will probably decline, but knowing him I hope the severity of the question will shake him up enough to make him realize I am dead serious. I am still terrified at the prospect, but I am also starting to feel a little calmer then yesterday about the whole thing. I still don't want this relationship to end, and I will wait until we had our talk before I decide further about our relationship.

As for your questions for me;

ashteroid said:

I wanted to ask some question about your struggle with drugs if it's okay with you.
a)Was someone trying to wake You up? to drag You away from the drugs?
Were You listening?
b)When you made your recovery, you probably wanted to help someone (you know) to go through this process too. (maybe like a survivor's guilt in a way).
To learn the lesson of being on the other side of addiction, to see the person self-destructing himself while you stand watching.

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a) I woke myself up. Or rather, my near-dead experience woke me up
b) You might have a point there. However I certainly don't look at myself as the savior and I don' feel guilty about anything. People should make there own choices and stand their won 2 legs as far as I am concerned. But you are right in the respect that I would like to be the one for him that gives him the necessary push to start doing something constructive for himself. Not for me, or for 'us', but for himself. It's the only way to become truly free of addiction I think. Perhaps there is a level of guilt towards myself, I can be very hard for myself, as a very good friend of mine often likes to point to me. Haha.

Dear Mokumra

I was quite happy to humor you and your positive insight. I am on the late side with my reply, I know, but with good reason.

Last Thursday something unexpected happened between me and X. The moving lines in 31 are perfect reflection of what played out.

It was all about the way we 'influenced' (hex 31) each other.
Because of what my sessions with my therapist had set in motion for me I felt stressed at the foresight to start reasoning with X about his addiction.

I was so anxious about the outcome of this conversation, I felt absolutely lost en pessimistic about the whole thing. (Hex 55 - Denseness)

Because of my apparent anxiety I became very reserved with X whenever we where together, and miserable too because I wasn' t ready to open up about the whole thing. Because of my attitude X became unsure and a little frightened himself, because he felt something serious was brewing. So the tension made us both keep our distance. (Line 1 & 5)

That was the situation up until Wednesday.

Last Thursday when I came home from work I was in for a surprise. He had cleaned the whole house, cooked dinner, lit candles everywhere, took my jacket from me and asked if I would like to sit down and talk about whatever it was that had been troubling me.
he had created such a warm, welcoming space for me in which I felt finally free to speak openly with him about his addiction. He agreed to go into therapy. No anger, no complaint or excuses. I was baffled and very much relieved. Maybe there will be room for a new chapter, we will see.

About EFT, I am looking into it right now. Thank you for the tip, and thank you for your different approach.

Wishing you well

Johanna

Dear Mokumra

I was quite happy to humor you and your positive insight. I am on the late side with my reply, I know, but with good reason.

Last Thursday something unexpected happened between me and X. The moving lines in 31 are perfect reflection of what played out.

It was all about the way we 'influenced' (hex 31) each other.
Because of what my sessions with my therapist had set in motion for me I felt stressed at the foresight to start reasoning with X about his addiction.

I was so anxious about the outcome of this conversation, I felt absolutely lost en pessimistic about the whole thing. (Hex 55 - Denseness)

Because of my apparent anxiety I became very reserved with X whenever we where together, and miserable too because I wasn' t ready to open up about the whole thing. Because of my attitude X became unsure and a little frightened himself, because he felt something serious was brewing. So the tension made us both keep our distance. (Line 1 & 5)

That was the situation up until Wednesday.

Last Thursday when I came home from work I was in for a surprise. He had cleaned the whole house, cooked dinner, lit candles everywhere, took my jacket from me and asked if I would like to sit down and talk about whatever it was that had been troubling me.
he had created such a warm, welcoming space for me in which I felt finally free to speak openly with him about his addiction. He agreed to go into therapy. No anger, no complaint or excuses. I was baffled and very much relieved. Maybe there will be room for a new chapter, we will see.

About EFT, I am looking into it right now. Thank you for the tip, and thank you for your different approach.

Wishing you well

Johanna

I like this interpretation of 55, ashteroid

ashteroid said:

About hex 55 Abundance, Huang:
An ambassador from the court of the Zhou to the Shang capital encounters great material splendor in the midst of spiritual malaise and isolation. The images used are graphic and vividly portray a stark loneliness and inner terror.

Click to expand...

I got 55 once. At that time i did refer to a guy getting divorced and shortly befor a baby was born.. all in all dark days... inner terror fits well. I see 55 as a steep decline.

Dancingfox, i wish you very well. Hope your guy makes it. He would loose a great companion if not
If you know a bit about Taoism then you might know about its philosophy of letting things naturally happen.. i am not a master of this at all, but i know, it can help to take the ups and downs which might come (in regard to getting clean) - but hopefully don´t come. best to you

Found this site today, just look at that portrayal of Hex 31 )

He had cleaned the whole house, cooked dinner, lit candles everywhere, took my jacket from me and asked if I would like to sit down and talk about whatever it was that had been troubling me.

Click to expand...

And resulting Hex 55

ashteroid said:

Found this site today, just look at that portrayal of Hex 31 )

And resulting Hex 55

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That's eerily accurate. Especially hex 31 is spot on