Relationship questions from a newbie...

nina · Dec 16, 2004

Hello,

I have had a relationship two years ago which ended abruptly and under quite ugly circumstances. Now he says he wants back and I have asked a few questions. Here are my readings, and I would be so grateful for any insights...

What is the evolution on my relationship with him (19.11.04)?
Got 46 into 48

Is it favorable to try to move to his city (I happen to interview for a job there, but this was not related to him) to ge closer to him (21.11.04)?
Got 18 into 50

Is he the one meant for me?
26 into 57

I asked later (25.11.04) about the evolution of the relationship and got 43 into 54.

And yesterday I asked whether I was on the right path by pursuing the goal of having a relationship with him and got 54 into 58.

So I am a bit confused... Maybe I asked too much around the same theme and cannot see clearly.

Thanks for your inputs..

Nina

pargenton · Dec 16, 2004

Hi again Nina, well you should have told us in the previous job related question that there were unsolved heart issues!

Indeed 31 is so related to love relationships I was wandering...

Things can be mixed in this case, please clarify if actually he lives in Paris, your potential new job town thanks.

Paolo

pargenton · Dec 16, 2004

Nina could you please indicate also the moving lines in standard (?) notation ?
that is 18.4 > 50 for hex 18, fourth line moving, resulting hex is 50.
Thanks
Paolo

candid · Dec 16, 2004

Nina, your confusion is understandable. When you ask Yi to tell your fortune (your future), you are likely to receive an answer that reflects your own inner condition concerning your question.

"I asked whether I was on the right path by pursuing the goal of having a relationship" is much more appropriate because it leaves you open to participate in your future and fate. You demonstrate a willingness to reflect on the answer, not simply to have your fortune told.

This is in no way written in stone, just my impressions on your readings.

"What is the evolution on my relationship with him"
I see this as your own personal growth through accessing your own inner resources, resulting from this relational challenge.

"Is it favorable to try to move to his city to get closer to him?"
This move would open old wounds. Seek inner confirmation from something bigger than your emotions. Seek out your truest values and makes your decisions from there.

"Is he meant for me?"
This again reverts to asking for a fortune telling, not for wisdom to guide your choices. Tame these impulses and decide based on a more objective basis.

"I asked whether I was on the right path by pursuing the goal of having a relationship with him and got..."
You are thinking out of a temporary need, which is not grounds for a permanent relationship. Examine the kind of joy you really seek as a lasting condition, and follow that.

Not the "prettiest" reading interpretation, but it is as I see it.

Best wishes,

Candid

nina · Dec 16, 2004

Sorry Paolo, I will use standard notation!

Here we are:

46.5 > 48 (evolution of relationship)

18.4 > 50 (move to Paris?)

26.1.5 > 57 (is he the one?)

43.3.5 > 54 (evolution of relationship)

54.5 > 58 (am i on the right path?)

As for your question, yes he now lives in Paris. But interestingly enough I had no idea he would ever reappear in my life when I decided to interview for that job. I have wanted that job well before he reappeared. So I just found it was a curious coincidence that I plan to go to Paris for that job, and there he is who reappears and now lives there. Hence my question, but it was maybe not well elaborated?

Candid, you are right, i have to learn to ask my questions in a way that opens more to reflection than fortune telling.

Thank you!!! I did not expect reading interpretations to be pretty, but to help me reflect on what is happening in my life and, as you say, seek out my truest values...

pargenton · Dec 17, 2004

Hi Nina,
I will start with the reading about "Is he the one meant for me? "

26.1.5

I had a similar reading about a relationship question, for me 26.5 is a clear indication of a brother sister like relationship, i.e. friendship and intimacy but no sex.

Was not easy for me to accept that

I understand it is a delicate issue but were there problems in that area ? can email me if you want to discuss privately.

very sketchy, but unfortunately I am at work now.
peace
Paolo

jeanystar · Dec 17, 2004

Paola,
Could you explain how you read 26.5 as a purely platonic relationship? I dont see ho you derive that meaning?
Thank you Jeannie

pargenton · Dec 18, 2004

Hi Jeannie,

26.5 A gelded boar's tusks

gelded, i.e. cut away sex from the relationship, in order to change it for the best, trasform it in a platonic one.

bye
Paolo

jeanystar · Dec 18, 2004

thank you! never saw it that way.

nina · Dec 20, 2004

Hi Paolo & everybody else!

Back after a few day holidays... To come back to 26.5, this is perplexing, since sex has always been very central in this relationship, and the physical attraction very strong. So, no there were no problems in that area, and even now, although we have not yet seen each other again, even phone calls can get quite steamy. So, maybe 26.5 may mean we should go beyond this physical level of attraction and explore other areas in the relationship to have a chance to see it grow?

Thanks for your help,

Nina

pargenton · Dec 20, 2004

Welcome back Nina !

26.5, well for me it was exactly as described in the line, there were problems in that area, and by transforming the relationship in a platonic one we got rid of a lot of problems.

Anyway gelding means cut away the element which causes problems (could be something different from sex, interpreting metaphorically the line), and by doing so change the nature of the situation.

26.1, 1st 9
(This) will get harsh
Worthwhile to quit

Perhaps are there bad character problems ?
Is he too harsh or rude ?
this could be another intepretation of 26.1 and 26.5

26 means Domesticating, Taming....

Is this the point ? that is you should tame him ?

bye
Paolo

candid · Dec 20, 2004

I imagine 26.5 pertains more to Nina's forwardness, not to Nina herself or to her love interest. When a boar's tusks grow too long it becomes difficult to eat; the power gets in the way of enjoying an easy relationship.

candid · Dec 20, 2004

Nina,

You had said earlier:
"I had no idea he would ever reappear in my life when I decided to interview for that job."

If this relationship has come together without your intentions, why do you find it necessary now to be so intentional with it?

nina · Dec 20, 2004

Candid, this comment was essentially done in response to Paolo's question, related to a previous thread where i mentioned my potential job change plans. Since i got 31 into 62, which is very much related to relationships, Paolo was wondering if and how the two issues are connected. Whether intentionally or not, they very well seem to?

Paolo, Candid, thanks, both your comments make complete sense...
1) Taming... yes... let's say faithfulness and courage were not very high on his agenda two years ago.
2) Forwardness... the risk would be to see a power struggle unfold, between the "unpredictable, challenging, intense" (i quote) Nina, especially since she feels entitled to it given the harm done in the past, and him who wants back but also bears some wounds and scars.

So yes, all this stands in the way of "an easy relationship", but (according to a discussion I had with him yesterday), despite all the painful past, it looks like we want to deal with our scars and try to find a way toward each other. We'll see what the future holds...

Thanks a lot for your precious inputs, looking forward for any further comments...

Nina

candid · Dec 20, 2004

Nina, as I understand it, 26.1,5 - 57 related directly to your question: Is he the one?

All I'm saying is that if he is "the one", you will find that out naturally over time, just as you've naturally come together without intending to.

A boar's tusks are useful for two things: a) to root out food b) for defense. But if the food is handed to him, they only get in the way.

nina · Dec 20, 2004

Candid, i'll try to make a little less use of my tusks and let the food be handed to me...

I felt very good after our discussion with him yesterday, and have a good feeling that i am handling it well by now letting him come back to me, not contacting him myself etc. So I asked what would be the most favorable attitude to adopt with him in the current context. Got 63 unchanging. From posts on the Divination Discussion, I get that interpretation of 63 is not that easy (although I felt it made sense to me, readig it in the books i use). How does it appy to my situation?

Thanks a lot...

martin · Dec 20, 2004

Nina, you wrote "despite all the painful past, it looks like we want to deal with our scars and try to find a way toward each other."

I think hexagram 63 confirms that, it's the hexagram of closure and dealing with unfinished business, with "ghosts of the past".
So it's like the I Ching said "Yes, okay, you are on the right track."

hilary · Dec 20, 2004

63 unchanging can also mean 'You already decided this one for yourself.'
But as advice on attitude, try thinking always in terms of where you're headed and what the next step is, never in terms of having 'arrived' and resting on your laurels. Making the commitment and getting safely across the river is only the first step.

candid · Dec 21, 2004

Agrees with Martin and Hilary, Nina.

63 - As good as it gets... for now.

nina · Dec 23, 2004

Hello everybody,

It's been a few days, and I was feeling pretty good about the situation, the discussion I had with hime etc. Now, since that discussion, he has not contacted me anymore. It happens time and again that there are such silence periods, and I usually let him come back without contacting him myself, although it sometimes makes py patience run thin (for as long as I know myself, patience has never been a strength of mine, and if I listen to my various friends / mentors etc. this should be the kharma I have to overcome in this life. Great, I like that).

Anyway, the intersting thing is that from various sources that have been very accurate and trustworthy in the past, I get to hear that I should be more active in the relationship, and not only wait, and show more seriousness about my feelings, if not I run the risk that he thinks I play with his feelings.

In that context, i asked whether I should wait for him to contact me, and got 15.6 to 52. Then I asked whether I should contact him myself, and got 02.1.2.6 into 41. What do I make out of that? At first glance, I felt it tells me to wait, but I am not so sure.

Thanks for your precious inputs.

Nina

candid · Dec 23, 2004

Hi Nina,

Hmm, I'll further a wild guess that most of your sources are also women?

Let me ask you this: who is more likely to be the first one in a relationship to use the word "us", the man or woman? And if it is usually the woman, which of the two then would the Yi suggest impose modest self-restraint? (as in 15.6) Yi holds that a woman "owes it to herself" to wait to be courted.

This flies in the face of modern feminism, and it is a choice to make: which to believe and follow?

2.1 Brrrr, winter approaches and the soft earth (the feminine principle) is already becoming hardened. (impatience)

2.2 Ahhh, doing nothing yet nothing remains undone. This line yields to her fate, and becomes well ordered and strong, like an army. (fan yao)

2.6 Ut oh! She readies to meet him head-on to battle it out. Both lose.

First think of you. Then think of him. Only then think of 'us'.

Do you notice the continuity in this thread and your readings? Yi's advise hasn't changed at all.

nina · Dec 25, 2004

Hi everybody,

I hope you are all having a wonderful Christmas Day (almost over here in Europe...) and wish you all the very best.

Well, I followed the advice, and as it happens, he is the one re-initiating the contact. I just try to make less use of my tusks (see above...) as there is probably no reason for defence, and be somehow more responsive.

Today, I did a Christmas reading, this time asking a question about "how he positions himself in respect to me?". I got 1.2 to 13. Seems pretty promising to me? It seems to me an indication I should trust in his intentions, am I right? And for the continuity Candid mentions, well that one too seems to talk about patience and perseverance...

Warmest wishes to all of you, and a special thought for all who feel lonely and sad around Christmas. Times will get better.

Nina

candid · Dec 25, 2004

Hi again, Nina. Hope your holidays are fun.

1.2, power emerges from its hiding. 13, exchanging in common.

He's coming out of his shell, letting his true nature be known to you.

I don't recall saying you should trust his intentions, but this does seem to say that his intentions are honorable, in that his aims are for the good of all and not selfishly directed. There may be a down side to this for you. If you're desiring his personal affection and his direction is more humanitarian, that could prove a bit frustrating for you. But if you can get into the spirit of fellowship with no aims of your own, then you may be able to reach a new level of trust with him.

nina · Dec 26, 2004

Hi,

Candid, I was referring to the continuity in the thread that you mentioned, not the trust. It seems to me there is a continuity in terms of patience and perseverance. As for the trust, ie. whether I should be more trusting in his intentions, that was more of a question.

Last time we were in a relationship, we never got into the stage where he would make me part of his life (we did not live in the same city, we did not socialize together and he did not introduce me to his sons etc.). The relationship was very intense, but then fell apart in difficult circumstances. He says he does not want to make the same mistake twice, and deal with those scars, so that we can really be together, in a proper relationship. This would mean a public relationship, surrounded by others, and would entail fellowship and companionship, not only the passionate but closed to the outside world relationship we had before. I don't know about the humanitarian aspect of all this, but I think he really wants to feel good about himself, and see those surrounding him feel good too (his sons, etc), which he says would include me. I don't know, 2005 will tell... But it would be nice, and 1.2 to 13 gives me hope.

Nina

candid · Dec 26, 2004

Hi Nina,

I think you've summed it up very well. What I referred to as 'humanitarian' you more correctly called 'to feel good about himself'. If doing what he believes is best includes the bigger picture, that is 1-13 in a well balanced image, if ever there was one.

This is very wise to bring the relationship beyond your shared intimate world and into the bigger social context. Completely 13.

This sounds optimistic. I wish you both well.

nina · Dec 29, 2004

Hi everybody,

Despite recent readings getting more optimistic, and also because as we now all know patience is not my greatest virtue (sigh), I had a glitch today... We were text messaging and he ended it a bit abruptely for my taste (admittedly to go to the airport), which frustrated me. Admittedly I am also frustrated because the time seems not to be right yet for us to be together again, and we are not going to see each other for New Year (not that it was ever planned), but sometime in 2005. So that is why I am a bit unsettled.

So I asked the Yi "What is going on in the relationship between him and me at the moment?".
Got 22 unchanging. Felt somehow reassured, am I right?

I asked whether he would contact me again today?
Got 35.1.4.5.6. into 3. Really don't know what to do about that one.

Then I asked whether he would contact me tomorrow.
Got 28 unchanging. A bit puzzled again.

Maybe also the Yi is not really appropriate for questions like the two last ones, what are your opinions?

Thanks for your inputs, it really helps me getting a better understanding of the Yi, and makes me feel so much better... Looking forward to reading all of you.

Nina

frank · Dec 29, 2004

Hi Nina,

I wish you all the best and strengh in this one, as I do know the tension that can be formed between two people if at least one of them wants something badly enough :-D. At least you HAVE a relationship, although he is somewhere else... Hang in there!

35 towards 3 looks like a good thing, but perhaps he has difficulties in trying to reach you...(line 1 changes 35 to 21... bitting trough... disturbences on the telephone?, then line 4 changing to 23... stripping... broken telephone kabel?... then line 5 changing to 20... looking from above,,,airplane?... then 3... difficulties in the beginning... well, it's only in the beginning then :-D... )

28 as an answer of trying to reach you tomorrow is telling me that the Yi is trying to tell you to slow down a bit (o yeah, I know these signals by now :-D)... Or....it could mean his tensions because he still can not reach you... (which he is trying...)

22 to me is the answer of the Yi, connected to the quality of your relationship saying that he (or she, let say 'it'...) wanders itself what you actually want with this relationship... Because, acording to the answer, it's all but an Image... Is it an image? Does the relationship, "'have balls"? Does it go anywhere? Are the words of both of you towards each other actually been heared by the other one? Do you like the package or the gift...? (It's about the gift, dear, and NOT the package :-D)

I hope this helps a little bit, and please... do not worry to much... (I know what THAT can do to you :-D)

Hang in there,

Hugs,
Frank

pargenton · Dec 29, 2004

22 unchanging...
extract from Bradford's Q commentary (Bradford, thanks for sharing your wonderful work)

Execute local affairs lightly, mere formalities, decorum
Deeper issues and critical precedents demand a broader and longer perspective.

I would say, don't take things too deeply, you are not yet in a true relationship, due to distance and other things, of course, but, if I understand correctly, you will see each other only sometimes in 2005.
So for me 22 unchanging is, you are not yet in the relationship, deeper issues will come and will be addressed when they will come, for now you can only see the surface (adornment, formalities, e.g telephone calls etc.) of the relationship, so please relax.

Peace
Paolo

pargenton · Dec 29, 2004

And yes, I would not ask questions like
"will he call me tomorrow?".

What if you asked this question to a friend?
What could he answer ?

A friend would try to understand the situation, the status of the relationship, your feelings, his feelings etc.etc...

For me, formulating a "right" question is very important to achieve insights; and usually I am pretty confused by answers to quick questions like the ones above, so I prefer "deep" questions, preceding the question and its exact formulation with some kind of ritual, sitting meditation, cup of tea, to quiet the mind.
I understand here I'm a bit sketchy but for me a serious reading takes at least half an hour, maybe I reach some insight reading again the answer after some day, so it is not a fast process.

bye
Paolo

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