What can I do to meet my social needs at work? 42.6 > 3
Nobody likes you because you keep changing your mind and allegiances; nobody wants to hold with someone who can't make up their mind as to what they want.

I really like Lise's take on this line which is basically saying (if I get it right) that unless one has a steady positive attitude, one cannot expect good things. Although there is still beating to be had :/

However, Bradford's rendering of this line is really bad. It paints a picture of a horrible person, a taker, whom noone likes and people go out of their way to assault. The worst part is that I get this line a LOT, specially in relation to any questions in connection with this job or people from this job. I just don't understand how can I be so universally unpopular, I try to be nice to everyone I come across, I just don't get it why I get this line or so often.

Personally, I have always had a bone of contention about this line as I feel it insist one has to choose sides, decide on the allegiances whereas I tend towards win-win scenarios and want to be friends with everyone. Apparently, wanting universal peace is against people's core values.

So, anyway, feeling despondent about it all, I followed up with "What should I do about my job at X?"
The answer was 55 unchanging. Hmm. There is that bit The superior man, in accordance with this, decides cases of litigation, and apportions punishments with exactness.; otherwise 55 by itself seems to be speaking of something (or someone) who shines bright when it's time to shine and hides their brightness when it's time to rest (for darkness); i.e. is not anxious about the inevitable ups and downs. Bradford talks about the clarity and focus and deciding on what to keep and what to do without.

So..in combination, I am in mind to take these two readings together to mean - concentrate on the job and let go of the social aspect as you cannot prosper there but may very well get to shine in the actual work you do.

Any thoughts?
Thank you.

Hi,

The first thing that strikes me is that you are seeking to have your 'social needs met' at work.
Think about this for a moment....


Social needs are things best sought with family, friends, partners, social gatherings.

At work one should seek to manifest their own dignity.

You can do it.

Thanks Moss Elk, yes I can see why you'd bring that up, for sure. However, I was asking in the context of being at work, and having to interact in a social way with all these people and yet not feeling settled in where I sit in relation to others and vice versa. I mean, I don't know who my friends are in a way or how to be with those who behave as if they are my friends. For instance, they may tell me about all sorts of personal stuff from their life and I will share some of my stuff, but I never feel like it's fully welcomed when I talk about my own life. So, perhaps you are right, I have to accept that nobody is actually interested in me as a person, only me as someone they can get something out of or someone to listen to them or be interested in them. But clearly I have no right to expect reciprocity.

Maybe "choosing sides", is not about the external groups but internal ones, like being ambivalent how much to give or not.

Hex 55, on the othe hand, is decisive

thanks anemos, yes, I definitely feel ambivalent about the depth I engage with others; it's a perennial issue with me - just can't hack relationships. Also, I appear to have changed in fundamental ways and sort of don't recognise myself any more, and I am not sure what my values are either. It's all very unsettling and not having anyone to talk it over with makes it that much harder. Anyhow.. sorry to unload here, I just don't know where to..

Funny, I just checked my horoscope for tomorrow from Jonathan Cainer and it seems very apropos my dilemma here

We don't like the world when we don't like ourselves. We see the human race as beyond redemption when we fear we may have done something unforgiveable. We suspect others of having dubious motives when we secretly fear our own intentions are impure. Negative projections are too quickly made and too slowly removed. I'm not suggesting that you are the one now casting aspersions but wherever, in your life, doubt is destroying hope, the solution is to seek sympathy, support and a smile

Click to expand...

.

Maybe people pick it and dont know how to respond or connect with you.

Keep unloading we listen

Why ya blamin' Yi sista
Anyway the reading speaks of attitude - your or theirs? If it's yours just take a step back and see what it may be. It doesn't mean you're doing something wrong it just may mean you crave something from them that they're unable to give to you and the more you crave and the less they give of what you crave the more your attitude becomes negative.
This week I'm working on the solar plexus chakra which is really about recognising your individuality and using that to empower yourself - I call it Standing in your own Sunshine.
Each morning I am dancing to this and yesterday I had 3 incidences that I had to say 'OK Liss Stand in your own Sunshine' and it so worked. I returned to my own Sunshine and my attitude changed.
Hope this helps.
- Liss

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOoHTcuORcY&feature=share

Re: good points!

Thank you anemos and goddessliss, both for hearing me out and for very useful advice. I really like that Standing in your own Sunshine! How lovely. I must remember that more often - I am sure that's the big part of the problem, I keep losing my own Sunshine. Also, what you said, anemos, people do pick up on the fact that it's not really possible to connect with me. And I keep forgetting that I cannot connect with people so keep trying (because it always looks like it's happening, except that it isn't). I'm not actually sure what connection looks or feels like any more. I have no reliable point of reference. Is there, like a chart or a formula or something?

Also, I want to say - you guys are always so generous and help me out so many times with my problems and I really want to give back, but somehow feel blocked. :bag: <<<another failed attempt to practice gracefully receiving

I get that too - I feel I've lost the ability to connect with others but I stopped trying to be honest and sometimes it's quite a lonely road but I think it would have been anyway - just without the frustration of trying now.
Recently I had an experience where people were miffed they couldn't connect with me but I think I'm so used to it not happening as I said I don't even bother trying now. That did turn things around though and I just started to talk with them - it's on quite a superficial level as it's just the staff at the woman's gym I go to but you know, it was nice they wanted to connect with me in some way.
I hope you can work what this is about for you. - Liss

PS so exhusbands gf got noooooo chance haha

Imagining the hexagram, Reading the Commentaries, and Writing Your Own Interpretation

King Wen judged the hexagram to be to increase 益 so that it might as well be beneficial to Precision Grace if she proceeds with (what she might have been doing at work in order for her to meet her needs) and likewise if she gets over with her big time hardships(大川)!

Confucius interprets King Wen's 益 that
The upper trigram diminishes while the lower augments,
People (every line) get limitlessly delighted at their respective wane/wax,
The Tao (the way how their relationships and interactions work out) magnificently shines since they come down (to the earth) from up higher (the heaven), just as the heaven gives the seed and the earth yields living beings and/or substances, so as the source comes down on its wane-ward to meet with the manifestation, waxing, fortunately to be resolved into pleasant atmosphere. Hence the bone of contention disappearing!

Confucius supports King Wen's 利有攸往 in that the right and middle way might as well bring about happy event, Spring after Winter, (understanding one another within piteous humanity that brings about harmonious content for Precision Grace.)

Confucius sustains King Wen's 利渉大川 in that the Tao of the Wood (or the Spring) would come around.

Confucius imagines the hexagram of 風雷 益 and goes on advising that a hope-to-be superior might as well follow the way as meeting across the good and correct the fault as noticed.

Good for you, Precision Grace, as the lunar calendar month 癸酉 crashes the workers currently, who might seem more powerful than you or could control over you, you are advised to studying to understand how your relationships with them, reciprocally and/or as a group, have been formed, going on, and would turn out to be all the better, right around the corner of the tunnel.

The caster is positioned now at the third line while being under the best, good and strong, protection and should be able to get a lesson and learn the strategy by way of treating who is bad, ugly, and hidden. This way you would be able to grow bigger whereas they would come down smaller so that you may enjoy flawless atmosphere. You are requested to do the right thing sincerely and thereby would gain their trust enough to be in charge of more and deeper out of better relationships. Millennium leadership would come down from above, yet to have been the power of the leader, but now closer to those who stay at the center of communication since you listen to them right in the middle while they were separated from one another. You may share yours with them because you are willing to feel the same way as they do. You should not, however, be undersold as you appreciate the Tao highly, more than you love the relationships of good standings.

Pity for them, workers there, who, placed on the sixth line, would not stay prevalent but wane, worse yet weaken. You cannot have them retained or under control, more yet they would fall into harm unless they come down themselves. They will get down as they are to be found bad by those from outside as well as from within.

Confucius especially comments on the sixth line that the superior might as well secure his or her safety before action to take, should calm down or appease his or her mind before talk, would not ask for help or favor unless a relationship is built up first. If you interact with those in shaky relation circumstance, you would feel that they do not follow you or that they may turn their back on you. If they do not agree with you, you cannot take their risk of your shoulders. You are not supposed to take to hold of their lives unless they would die without your protection or your millennium leadership. The question to ask for yourself might as well have been recommended by Confucius, “Am I sure that they rely on me as much as they would sacrifice for me?”

King Wen makes his significant judgment in favor of keeping away from obtaining more than one cast at early stage, the third hexagram. The second cast "What should I do about my job at X?" sounds more concerned or agitated than the original "What can I do to meet my social needs at work? King Wen warned this practice against the inauspicious. The original oracle can be understood deeper by concentration instead of deviation.

If a cast inquires about the relationships of people, the inquirer might as well maintain the routine attitude or want to find new approach for a change. The questioner may appreciate self-esteem, confirm the original intention for the benefit of many, pledge to make sincere efforts, and only then ask for advice through divination. A determined mind would invite clearer manifestations of a hexagram following a cast. The interpretation may make more sense, thanks to the caster’s mindset, rather than by virtue of the nature of the hexagram given. This firm spirit can steer a better way to accomplish tasks by virtue of the agent that is self-generating instead of looking after the Sun for energy refill, since the caster is the one who copes with the issue.

Very many thanks trustcanon, that is a detailed, in depth analysis, with references I don't understand very much; so I have been reading and re-reading your post and I can see you have been making changes, probably to clarify further for which I am grateful.

It confuses me however, as your interpretation of 42.6 seems like it is positive for me (the caster) and negative for those other people, whereas all the other interpretations seem to indicate that the line is negative for the querent. Obviously the way you consult is very different to what I know and am familiar with, or can relate to. It feels however very nice to have a positive judgement.

While I do have great many questions, for now, I will limit myself to just one: what is millenium leadership?

Humble thanks again!:bows:

Precision grace,
I am not convinced that the 6th line is referring to other parties.

The image of 42 advises to correct one's own faults.
And, from your description, you seem to be the one with the unsettled heart in the interactions with the coworkers.

This is not meant as a criticism.

What can I do to meet my social needs at work? 42.6 > 3
Nobody likes you because you keep changing your mind and allegiances; nobody wants to hold with someone who can't make up their mind as to what they want.

I really like Lise's take on this line which is basically saying (if I get it right) that unless one has a steady positive attitude, one cannot expect good things. Although there is still beating to be had :/

Click to expand...

I've not read the thread so I might be repeating what others say...although I got the impression it was a sympathetic thread...but 42.6 isn't only about being inconstant. I think it is a sharp line and it asks you to take a look at what you think the balance of give and receive is. Somewhere here there will be too much self focus without noticing others position or others gifts to you. I've seen 42.6 where someone just doesn't even register the other's needs or wants at all or doesn't notice what the other has sacrificed or offered. Doesn't mean the person in 42.6 is evil just self absorbed. I think 42.6 is something you have to pull yourself out of.

It is a pretty sharp answer yes ! It's in effect saying "er why is work about getting your social needs met ? You kind of have this upside down...it's not about meeting your needs actually". I mean I think this is what Yi is saying to you...and I think Moss Elk said something like this way back...


Whilst this sounds insulting it can be helpful because it shows there really is no need for you to feel hard done by or sorry for yourself here. Any ounce of self pity can be ejected here because it's just not how things are.....according to Yi.

So according to Yi you need to re evaluate this whole notion about getting your social needs met at work .

Also a good thing to do when receiving 42.6 is to practise some gratitude....which I think you already mentioned. You may not be aware that others notice some imbalance between what you give and what you expect to receive....so it can come as a shock when they withdraw but you don't know why because you haven't seen from their perspective only your own.


Yes I think it is a hard line to get.....but good in that it asks you to come out of thinking about your needs at all in regard to the question and start noticing what others already do give you etc etc.

I did read you were always listening to other's stuff and they didn't reciprocate so I can see why you may be miffed to get 42.6 here....but somewhere Yi is indicating you are a tad off track in your ideas about give and receive at work.

ps....I'm not sure if this is right but do you have mild Aspergers ? It's just I have known this line come up around something to do with Aspergers...and there is not a judgment there as such in that case...but of course it is harder for aspies to see others feelings etc etc and so to appear self absorbed and just not notice how things affect others.

So if you have Aspergers then the line isn't beating you but it is saying maybe be more aware consciously of what others give you.....the whole give/receive thing'

I'll give a fictional example of 42.6. Someone has a birthday on 5th November and arranges a dinner party and not many friends turn up so she says "oh no one cares etc etc" but she failed to notice that this is a big family night for many in UK where people want to be with their kids on bonfire night.

She isn't being evil or even selfish....she just hasn't thought of things from their POV....it hasn't even entered her head that her friends want to be with the kids that night. That could be a very 42.6 ish situation. A silly example I know but I'm trying to get across the nature of how 42.6 can be without being a terrible person.

Er if you don't have aspergers I must have imagined it....apologies

Hi Moss Elk - yes, I definitely did read it as an admonition to ME, but up there I was responding to trustcanon's comment which perhaps I didn't understand properly, but it seemed like it was suggesting the opposite.

Thanks Trojina, yes, I have mild Aspergers most likely (not diagnosed, but I did speak to my GP about it and he advised against getting a diagnosis, he reckoned it would work against me and I wouldn't get any benefit). So, I do try to be aware of others needs even more, because it doesn't come easily, I have to think about it and often I miss the cues or just don't really get why something is a big deal etc. Now, when I asked this question, it was with full awareness of both about how things are with me and how things are with people and recognizing this imbalance and ..idk if it makes sense, but I was asking Yi for a way to make it work for me, so that I feel that at least there is one person at work who I can feel sure likes me and is always happy to see me and wants to hang out and chat etc. I mean, I am not saying that other people don't want to talk to me, they do, it's just that it doesn't feel easy going from both sides and that's what I am looking for when I am asking to have my social needs met. I want to know if there is anyone I can have an easy going sociable relationship with. And that includes me and my 'special needs', which of course, complicate matters enormously. Anyway, so maybe 42.6 was an acknowledgement that someone with my situation cannot actually have their social needs met at work at all - which is what most of you were saying anyway. The reason I was asking though is because most of the other jobs I've had featured a very reliable social aspect and this is the only one of two jobs I've had (and I've had tons!) which has me feeling socially uncertain. I am actually doing two part-time jobs in two different departments and the other one I have no problems with, I sort of know where I stand with people and feel fine socially. So it's only this other one that's the issue, but I guess sometimes that's just how it is and one has to accept it.

Edit: I don't feel like I am explaining myself properly at all. I am very chatty in person and banter a lot and it seems easy going on the surface but to me it doesn't 'feel' easy going if that makes sense? I guess 42.6 is definitely apropos with its emphasis on the lack of balance in give and take.

I think I see where you're coming from. The difficulty with answers like these is how to hear them. That is you can hear them as harsh, which they can be...but also Yi only has so many ways of saying things. I think 42.6 here really might be a way of asking you to separate out your feelings about not be responded to as you'd like with clear perceptions of what is really happening in that workplace for everyone....remembering there are things going on for everyone that you don't know about. The way someone responds to you might not be about you but about the the fact they are worried about a family issue or something. I'm just wondering if 42.6 is asking you to take it all less personally and more objectively.

Anyway as a practical advice I think I'd use the 42.6 as a thinking exercise so next time these issues arise sit back for a moment and play a game in your mind where you are them, you are living behind their eyes. Imagine how it would feel, in detail. Might they be hungry sad, bored, tired ?...Imagine inhabiting their body for a few minutes. So here I wouldn't take 42.6 as a scolding but an invitation to see how the world might look and feel from inside another's head.

Maybe this would be a direct answer to your question and improve your social relations at work ? How you think about people does affect your relationship with them....apparently.

Another Sunshiney song for you missy - keep standing in your own Sunshine!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPUmE-tne5U

Representative of Consensus, A Millennium Leadership!

Impress Grace, I thank you deep down as I feel your heart gracious as you named yourself Grace! You might have wanted to be precisely sharing your grace with people just as pure gold brick can be precision-cut into two pieces of a weight. I can imagine how much you cherish a love of a kind.

No wonder you talk about mild Aspe as if an ancient saint deliberately lay on a bed of a patient out of shamming illness for others that were sick. You might agree with an overview that people cannot afford to share with you anything more than everyday superficial things. Their minds have gotten too shrink to emit a fragrant odor of understanding others or to open the door to meet many into their master bedroom, their real inner feeling. Who could blame on their limited mindset for the phenomena of too-many-demands-to-share-limited-supplies-with-precision-grace?

I read a head of the pack within Precision Grace! Hence the moment for millennium leadership to invite your interest again! Have you not noticed heroes fewer than ever before? Pretty much all about the similar degree figures to match each other only to see give or take? Who wins the race? Those who do not give it up? Who sustains? I see Precision Grace ever wants to stay with everybody. She is strong enough to talk about the mild and stay positive. This is by virtue of her position of the third line of the earthquake-thunder. She is on her way of going forward and getting over with.

Others more likely find excuses for not increasing any further but rather coming down from above as they were placed at the sixth line where they will get down to the bottom unless they stop or give it up. Why do people from outside join in to play a role of demolishing those on the sixth line? Because they thought they were gifted, different from others, indifferent to people, or did not want to listen to those who used to support whom used to be thought of the leader yet. New era people demand a type of a listener at the center of communication. People would feel like buying this dialogue hub as long as they trust what is important to them, a representative of consensus, a millennium leader. They do not see heroes any more while they may still cherish a real in their hearts or a virtual one on the screen.

precision grace said:

It confuses me however, as your interpretation of 42.6 seems like it is positive for me (the caster) and negative for those other people, whereas all the other interpretations seem to indicate that the line is negative for the querent. Obviously the way you consult is very different to what I know and am familiar with, or can relate to. It feels however very nice to have a positive judgment.

Click to expand...

The hexagram favors the caster until she increases as high as up to the fifth line status but warns her against greed and tyranny. The inquirer might as well get the lesson out of the sixth line situation, or could get destroyed. This is the beauty of the book of the change. We may change accordingly. Judgment, Interpretation and/or supporting remarks have been proven to be worthwhile. Depending on how you look at the world of your department, your heart may embrace your co-workers. You have been feeling, however, otherwise to the degree you feel wanting because your mind has not been doing the right tasks inclusive. How about their feelings on their side of the story? They have started to notice theirs on the decrease. They have not yet, however, realized that they have chosen to be placed on the sixth line so that they might have been supposed to share more and more with you, and worse yet they will be thrown down otherwise. The fact that you may be able to get ahead in this warfare strategy must work as much as you feel sure to your advantage.

I would like to imagine the Forty Second Hexagram as Confucius might have done with his 象, his picturesque manifestation for 風雷益 and to understand King Wen’s 彖, as was interpreted as 'Judgment' by Confucius. If we imagine going forward and getting over with circumstances by the degree on the increase, we might as well feel like halting the urge to take more somehow before we get too greedy. Just as this hexagram depicts so the caster is slated to augment up to the point where the caster would share the benefits with people who follow the virtue of integrity. The once-agitated inquirer, having gone through accomplishment after another, may either go to the extreme over to the sixth line stage, or enjoy the fifth line throne only for a while but to feel grateful enough shortly to retreat afterwards. This is where the Duke of Zhou warns the sixth line against those who might want to keep on getting more without realizing the danger of getting off the top down to the ground. Unless stopping to diminish theirs they will not only get deprived of everything but also be attacked by people from within and out. Confucius supports the duke in that people would not do those of the top line more or serve them better any longer but instead might want to get rid of them.

Hexagram, Trigrams and Lines! (Gua and Yao)

Precision Grace, "---It confuses me however, as your interpretation of 42.6 seems like it is positive for me (the caster) and negative for those other people, whereas all the other interpretations seem to indicate that the line is negative for the querent. Obviously the way you consult is very different to what I know and am familiar with, or can relate to. It feels however very nice to have a positive judgment."

When you obtained a Gua out of 64 Hexagrams, yours was the forty second Gua, not 42.6, but also turned over to the third. Can we say 42.6.3? Should we refer the changed Gua to 6.3? The format 42.6 appears succinct representation of the cast. The expression by far, however, seemed deviated from the original aspects of your oracle. It may leave the impression that the sixth line might as well lead the process. The sixth line should be so powerful that you may get overwhelmed by the respondent of the Yao, strictly your opponent taking up the position at the top line. The line, however, soon transforms into the top line of the Gua changed, the third Gua. How much power would you give the sixth line to be moved? It is powerful among other lines, but not so strong as to wane the whole system, the Gua itself, the Forty Second. How much weight the top line moved would get? Would it be at least more than one sixth of that of the Forty Second? Will there be only six lines that shared the total weight? How about the author of the original Hexagram Gua? There should be the seats for the inner and outer trigrams as well.

Do you think you are the one who stays with the sixth line activity in the middle of the transfer, in other words, on both cases of scenarios before and after, and yet only within the context of being converted or to transfer into? You are rather looking over the floor, the department, the community, or the universe, including your co-workers, within your mind boundary. If you hate them or cannot stand them only to resign your position, they should soon out of the picture. Since you accept them while giving the relationships a thought, your mind staying at the third line would grow much greater. Caster's mind is the greatest that can sustain all the more hardships and get even stronger. I would like to ask more thoughts of you! I hope you to feel like sharing furthermore.

Humble words in thoughts!

trustcanon said:

Please allow me to open yourself to unlimited realm!

Click to expand...

At first i thought the verboseness was due to ESL.
But, as I read the above post, and found myself searching for the gist, my opinion changed.
I found the point the last sentence.

Smells like personality cult, kool aid, and/or a sales pitch, IMHO.

Moss Elk said:

At first i thought the verboseness was due to ESL.
But, as I read the above post, and found myself searching for the gist, my opinion changed.
I found the point the last sentence.

Smells like personality cult, kool aid, and/or a sales pitch, IMHO.

Click to expand...

I have corrected my earlier expression in that I might have as well wanted to ask more thoughts of Precision Grace as I hope her to feel like sharing furthermore.

umm, this has gone all a bit metaphysical but here is an update: yesterday I had a bit of revelation - I was able to speak to several people, on both business and purely personal note and it turned out that I was most excited about the opportunity to talk about work. There were two personal conversations which, while I am very grateful for as I am very fond of those people, still left me feeling a bit unsure of myself and what the heck, generally speaking. I think the crux of it is the fact that even after 20+ years in this country, I still cannot fully get on board with the English rule of social situations having to be uncomfortable in order to be comfortable. Looking back, the people I felt truly comfortable with were always either foreign or part-foreign or from foreign origins (1st, 2nd gen etc.) .
The thing is though, I am done with holding myself hostage to this whole Aspie situation. Sure, I miss some cues, but to be fair, they are usually to do with completely ridiculous, ego-driven self indulgences of others so I am not going to feel bad for missing that, actually I am going to feel grateful.

Thank you all for your help, it's massively appreciated. I will continue to study this thread because every time I read it I learn another new thing, but I probably will stop commenting now.

Gwoop Hug
:hugs:

Gorgeous, Grace - funny how threads can change what they started out to be. I'm with you though, no matter what, I learn so much from being on this forum.
Thanks for the hug - same to you