Hello,

I know we're generally discouraged from asking yes/no questions, but I've done so and was hoping for some help in interpreting it.

It involves the person I've been in a (somewhat nontraditional) romantic relationship with for a year and a half. It's been somewhat of a roller coaster ride, with too many make-ups and breakups, but also lots of passionate love. He's very emotional, and sometimes troublingly sensitive. Recently he's gone from a period of putting tremendous effort into me to now getting quite angry at me, quite frequently. He seems unduly resentful of things and seems to be quite annoyed at me and withdrawing. Our status seems very unclear. 3 weeks ago he was pulling all of the stops and telling me he was "madly in love with me." 2 weeks ago he called me his "soulmate of beautiful perfection". But suddenly now I can't seem to do anything right. Though his physical attraction is still incredibly strong, his irritability toward me is suddenly unbearable and he's really strongly pushing me away -- even as I'm trying harder than ever to be nice.

One known factor: He is planning to leave the country for several months or more (to travel). He's done this before ... and maintaining a relationship with me during his travels made things very difficult for him (he missed me tons; was stressed he'd "lose" me during his travels - though I assured him he wouldn't; and, altho we didn't commit to monogamy during this period, he probably missed having completely guilt-free short term romantic encounters with other women while he traveled--which is how he traveled in the past ). I suspect that he's subconsciously or consciously pushing me away to avoid the pain and guilt of of leaving. He still hasn't booked his ticket, but I think he's coming very close to doing it. He has admitted/complained that thinking about me keeps him from booking. Obviously this is a major issue.

But my question for the yi was actually different (although, in my head related): "Is another woman involved with X romantically in a way that is effecting his behavior toward me?"

Answer I received is 34, unchanging.

Any thoughts?

You might enjoy going over to the "Exploring divination" area and clicking on the thread about unchanging hexagrams and then click on 34 to get a discussion on the meanings and experiences people connect with 34 unchanging. The image for this hexagram states that the superior man treads only the established path. So now only you know if seeing other women is part of the established path. If not, I think 34 is saying his behavior is not due to outside interference.

YES: This man has an established routine of playing the field.
NO: This man has an established routine of fidelity.

34uc tells you to stand your ground. Stay steady in who you are. What he does is up to him but you don't need to let it affect you and also you are in a strong position...and he isn't by the sound of it. He sounds a bit like an insecure toddler. And what's the best thing to do with an insecure toddler prone to tantrums ? You don't budge. You don't run away from them or reject them and you don't run towards them either. You stay solid, like a mum sitting in the chair and then when his tantrum is over he can come over to you because you aren't going anywhere. The toddler can then feel secure that whatever he does he will not lose his security.

Okay I'm not a toddler expert but I gave the general impression from good parents I know that this is what they do. They don't budge and they carry on...and they might put him in the naughty chair or something but normal life is just carrying on and he can come back in when he's ready. The worse parents use emotional head games like saying they will leave the child and so on which only increases their panic because tantrums are quite frightening for the child.

But this isn't a child....so that's just an analogy. But yes he sounds insecure but all you have to do is stay centred, stay being you.

But my question for the yi was actually different (although, in my head related): "Is another woman involved with X romantically in a way that is effecting his behavior toward me?"

Click to expand...

That's not a great question....it's convoluted, it's about what someone else is doing and it's based on a supposition ....and overall it is not possible to interpret the answer in the light of that IMO.

It is better to ask questions from your own POV then you can be clear what the answer is addressing.

Anyway I see the 34 as an answer to you.

Okay, giving 34 more thought…

I wonder if the I Ching is giving you a glimpse of his situation and what the issue might be. Earlier in the month you had this grand period of vows of passion and undying love. Very romantic - great for saying goodbye if you must then part, or great for saying let's get closer together. But NOT so good for then continuing on in the same manner at the same level. Such intensity long term would be exhausting!

Anyway, you've had the loving speeches and fond farewells but the parting moment hasn't actually come yet so there's nothing to do but experience 34. this long stuck, boring moment and it's leading to a bunch of bickering.

So I don't think this answer is the answer to your stated question about other women, but I think it's speaking to your concern about other woman - a concern that should be addressed in order to establish what the Established Rules are for the next six months. I think the not discussing the rules could be in back of the bickering. Picking a fight to cause an argument to lead to a discussion.

I keep hearing this old 60's tune in my head. I think it was something about "Will I see you in September or lose you to a summer love?" Beach Boys? Anyway, you might find it on youtube and send it to him. Get a conversation started that way. Better than fighting to get to talking.