Hello everyone ...

I posted this some months ago. We've been seeing each other and it's been going well for the most part. Sometimes my emotions are rather intense and I perceive rejection where there probably isn't any.

This past month we haven't seen much of each other and I'm finding it difficult to not take it personally. I know she's been busy, yet there's a part of me that feels if she was really into me she would have made some effort to spend a little time together. Instead I feel that other things have taken priority and I've been placed on the backburner and I find myself feeling angry. I'd rather not feel that way.

I asked IC what should I know about my relationship with X and received 22.3.4.6

From reading some other post about 22 I think this may mean that there's beauty in what we have but there is no actual substance in our relationship -- at least not yet.

Line 3 says it deserves endless persistence, and things will be going well. My personally feelings have been the complete opposite of this. I want to give up but it's likely out of immaturity. hence this advice is important to heed.

Lines 4 & 6 seem to be good omens in terms of romance.

I need to calm down and not let my intense feelings ruin a relationship that has potential is how I'm reading this.

In my opinion it's not "out of immaturity" that you feel like giving up, but because your instinct is correct. The first few weeks of any relationship can show clearly if there's a good potential, and the way you describe yours, instead of getting better after months, sadly you two are drifting apart.

What should I know about my relationship with X?
22.3.4.6 > 21

22.3 - being in love and/or drunk
22.4 - giving big promises and looking fab
22.6 - blank (usually shows 'no communication')
21 - a hard painful biting

So what you should know is, that after the initial steps of being in love, the relationship is heading towards harshness; and/or she has met someone new (I'm saying this because hidden line 51.6 speaks of a 'marriage' which shocks other people).

Perhaps you could ask "How should I act so that our relationship gets better?".

Thank you for the insight diamanda. It's very helpful. It seems I may have been interrupting my reading in a hopeful light because that's how I wanted to see it.

She has asked me recently to try not to read into things but that's my nature. I tend measure someone by their actions and not by what they're telling me. Too often I find people saying what you want to hear and sooner or later contradicting that by the way they behave.

I can't say for sure at this time if I want to the relationship to get better. I just want the intense feelings to fade away so I can focus on other matters.

I asked the IC "how should I deal with this situation?" and received 58 with line 1 changing.

I'm unsure if this means I need to try to open a dialog with her regarding this matter or if this more about me going inside and rediscovering my own depths.

I totally agree with measuring people by how they act, and not by what they say.

how should I deal with this situation? 58.1 > 47

Line 58.1 speaks of a quiet happiness, without doubts.
Hexagram 47 advises not to count on words. It also shows sadness and endings.

I'm 50/50 on this... it's either:
a) just look after yourself and don't waste your time speaking with her, or
b) if you don't speak with her, and you quieten your doubts, the whole thing will dry out.

In any case, I don't believe her words to you are honest.

We broke up today. My feelings/doubts were too much for me to handle and I failed to follow 58.1's advice. It's good to not have things lingering anymore. I don't do well with such uncertainty.

Thanks again diamanda.

I hope I'm not too late, just a minor correction
22.3.4.6 leads to 51. 22.3 → 27.4 → 21.6 → 51. Diamanda mixed up 21 and 51 at the end.

I agree that you a paying too much attention to outer looks and masks [.3]
22.4 → 30 (Shining), Daniels: Simple virtue is better than foolish glamour.
Yep, look deeper, into substance.

22.6 → 36 (Darkening), Daniels: Utter simplicity leads to no error.
Reinforcing the idea that simple, pure, inner substance is of greater value than extravagant outer looks.



58.1 → 47 (Restriction), Richmond: Joy of inner wholeness. Good fortune.
Realize that you don't need anything external to be happy.
If you are happy by yourself, you won't really care if others love you or not.
I mean in it in a positive way, like you love others unconditionally, whatever happens.


I guess you've eventually reached the 51, abrupt change that brings freedom from old patterns.

@ashteroid - darn, that is true, I messed up the resulting hexagram.
My apologies. In that case, hidden line 21.6 speaks of someone who will never listen or respond to words.

@jecemis - sorry to hear that you had to end it. Out of curiosity, did she get shocked by your decision?

Sorry about the delay in replying.

No she wasn't shocked. I may have forced the conversation but she had already been planning to breakup. I would encounter some really harsh shock as a delayed reaction. It took sometime but eventually I came to the realization that she was really kind to me and made a lot of effort but I took her for granted then.

At times I would even be rude about it and ask her not to care. So she did the healthy thing and got out. When I realized that it was the way I behaved that pushed her away I was shocked and have been heartbroken since.

I want her to give me another chance even as friends but she presently isn't responding to my messages.

I asked the IC "What I should know about trying to get back together with her?" And received 17 unchanging.

"An older man defers to a young girl and shows her
consideration. By this he moves her to follow him."

It sounds positive but I presently have a hard time feeling positive. I want to make an effort but I don't want to make her anymore uncomfortable than she already is.

I have found 17 unchanging to mean "to be continued".
As in, there will be more chapters in your story with her.
However, this continuation will not happen naturally / by itself.
It will happen only if you continue going after her.
So, what you should know is that your efforts will pay off (I hope!).

Diamanda, you’ve been really helpful. Thank you!

When I asked the question about trying to get back together I had sort of an idea about how to proceed but that involves sending a letter. 21.6 (will not listen or respond to words) has been a major theme in all this. And there’s also 58.1. I know nothing in the IC is permanent. Nevertheless I’m left wondering how long will this last in this situation. I don’t want to force anything.

I definitely feel that I’ve moved onto 51. I was shocked but that turned into overcoming self-defeating patterns, which I’ve already made some strides at. This situation in general has been positive in that I’ve been in a rut for a while and this has finally got me feeling I can break out of that.

Basically my plan moving forward is to continue to work on improving myself for the time being. And after building up some positive momentum reach out to her expressing that she made me want to be a better person by way of a letter. Perhaps when I feel that I’m a better person 21.6 will no longer be an issue.

Another poster received 17uc recently as well. Although the question is different from mine I’m wondering if some of what Topal wrote about 17uc would be good advice for my situation.

When I've got 17uc before it's usually a gentle affirmation of the question. Adapting to circumstances as you find them - not doing anything that is a reaction or seeking to influence the situation unduly. Go with the flow and allow things to develop toward whatever conclusion you are seeking. Integrity and following what's best in you is the key. Allowing things to develop naturally will show that if a relationship is meant to be then nothing can stop it since it is part of you. Keep in contact if you want to stay with it deep down, but not to the point of compromising your integrity. There are strategic means for separating without cutting the cord too dramatically so that there's a lot of mess!

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diamanda said:

So, social media are ruled out then.


Every time I've had 11 unchanging for a relationship (not only romantic), it turned out to be a situation where there is some form of salvation from a dark situation. It often meant complete separation - when the relation was so bad, that that was the only possible 'salvation'. I must say unchanging 11 and unchanging 58 are the two most deceptive unchanging hexagrams in my opinion. They sound so good, but play out in a very-near-to-negative manner.


In the light of 12.3 > 33, I am reconsidering 17.


12.3 is a very difficult line to grasp. Especially because, as LiSe says, the character is now used as "shame/embarrassment", but in its original form it meant "delicacy/offer". So the original meaning was "wrap the delicacy" (and retreat). LiSe translates this line as "Holding a sheep offering in expiation for a wrong".


So, is this line describing you, and only you?
I think you said in the past that her behaviour towards you was quite iffy, from the start.
How come now the whole shame is only yours?
The "wrap delicacy/shame and retreat" could perhaps also mean she's cheated on you.


In any case, in line 12.3 "the position is not appropriate".
In which case, 17 would not mean "go after her", but "there will be more developments".
I personally wouldn't take any action at all if I received this line.

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Well, yesterday more information came to light. She's in a relationship. I believe it's with her previous partner which they were together 6 years and she's only 23-years old -- so that spans a large portion of her life. So in reality I was a mere blip, a rebound, which accounts for her dropping all communication/ties with me once she returned to her longtime partner.

I accepted a while ago that this was a possibility (her being with someone else) but now I have time-stamped evidence that shows she was being dishonest in her words with me

Anyway, I've seen pictures of them together and they look much more suited for each other than we ever were. The things about her style that annoyed me seem to be what he's also into so I hope they can enjoy each other and have a lot of fun together because personally I was more annoyed than anything when it was I who was in that role.

I still regret that she couldn't have been more honest about the situation, but she's 23 and from speaking to friends this is normal of a girl her age.