After the most recent run of bad luck in the dating world, I've decided to retain the services of a professional matchmaker. I asked about a particular one to Yi. "What would happen if I hired X as my Matchmaker?" and received 29.3.4 > 28.

I take that to mean she will guide me through the scary/dangerous dating world to a place where I should be (hopefully that would be a future spouse). What does that line say to you? Thanks in advance for your input!

"What would happen if I hired X as my Matchmaker?"

29 is a pit or danger. Since you didn't have good experiences in the dating world, attempting to force "good luck" into being with a "professional" doesn't seem to be a good direction as far as the reading is concerned.

Line 3: says cool your horses and wait - you're only going to get yourself into more trouble if go in this direction.

Line 4: Take a less complicated route and seek simplicity and natural behaviour without artifice. Some patience is needed.

The background hex is 28. Pressure / tension which needs releasing. Let go for now.

Perhaps you've already done this but just in case: If you're looking for a potential partner, I personally think it's far more effective to place yourself in situations where there are good opportunities for meeting guys. I'd join a variety of clubs, visit the park, coffee houses, etc. and put yourself out there in the River of Life. Also, and perhaps more importantly is to actually forget about it and let go of the whole idea. In my own experience and that of my friends you're much more likely to find that special someone if you don't anticipate it and don't become too identified with the hunt.

All the best

Topal, thank you so much for your thoughts. It really is a different read on the casting. It totally makes sense in regards to my situation as well.

After the last gentleman I dated, I really should take some time to chill out. It wasn't the great love of my life, but there was a bunch of weirdness going on. I've never had so much drama in such a short time frame. I have a sneaky feeling that man may return, but hopefully if he does, it's only after he straightens out things in his crazy world. In the interim, I'm releasing him and focusing on other things. I can't be placed in an insane life. I've worked too hard to find this Zen. Perhaps that's my 28.

I'll agree with topal that the reading doesn't sound good at all for you to hire a matchmaker.

I have reservations about the theory that it usually happens when you "forget about it". I've seen people (myself included) forgetting about it, genuinely and completely, and then nothing happening for years - and I've seen people (myself included) actively looking for a partner, and finding one. I've heard this notion that it happens when you least expect it, but although of course surprises do happen, I never saw evidence that this is the rule.

Samoyedgrrl - a tip, i ching aside. I've noticed it time and time again - your own personal luck for where/how to meet a partner is wherever Jupiter is in your chart (= whatever the House describes, that's the situation where you'll meet a partner).

Ok, so I won't be going the Matchmaker route nor will I continue with the online or dating apps. It's all a joke. Yeah, I can find someone to go out with, but it's not what I'm seeking. Years ago, when I broke things off with my ex-fiance, I stopped dating. Instead, I focused on career and didn't date at all. I didn't date for six years. I had shut myself off from the possibility, so it didn't happen for me.

That's an interesting observation about the Jupiter in my chart. I pulled a quick chart and see it is Libra. Does that mean I'll meet him in court? I have been toying with the notion of becoming an attorney, afterall...

I agree with topal too re the reading and diamanda with her experiences on the dating game. Personally I've not been in a relationship for over 7 years, tried online dating a number of times and had a number of drama short lived romances (if you could even call them that). My personal opinion - generally speaking a lot of people on online dating haven't sorted out their emotional issues re exes and take it out on anyone that they date.
Sometimes I focus on meeting a man and other times I don't for long periods and haven't met anyone worth my while or haven't even met anyone period. It happens when it happens and trying to force it only brings you 'grief'.

Thank goodness it isn't just me having that same experience, goddessliss. I thought I was the only one who found the ones who were seriously damaged and just too scared to be alone instead of dealing with their emotional issues first. I'm starting to wonder if there are any well-adjusted ones out there anymore...

I've been wondering that for a long time haha. Recently I met two men in two different circumstances (offline) same, same unfortunately - both have issues that I just don't want to plough through to get to the good part. I've done some long and serious work on my own personal issues so I hope to meet a man who's done the same. That's what I mean by when it happens - I took these two recent encounters to mean - not yet. I spend many lonely nights and days too on my own but that still doesn't encourage me to get into a dysfunctional relationship.

My thought process is that the man I ultimately will commit to deserves the best of me, as I will accept nothing but the best for myself...so, I've done some serious work and introspection to be ready for that relationship. It wasn't easy, but I know it's worth it. Why is it that most men can't do the same in return? Don't they want the best? Or are they satisfied replaying those dysfunctional tapes over and over with different women each time? I'm mystified, lol!

That's true Diamanda, sometimes it doesn't happen for years. And maybe that's what some people require in order to reach the state whereby a true complimentary partner arrives - of which there are probably many. It's also true that we can "actively" seek a partner which may be right for us at that time and then it fizzles out when we least expect it. Unconscious desires are also a powerful thing. (I'm not saying this is the case with you btw since we are speaking in generally, only that I've equally seen this too many times to mention). The actively seeking mindset tends to gloss over a lot of gaps in our awareness when we trust our own intent to "make it happen" Certainly the divorce rates and fast-food relationships of our times indicate the same.

Alternatively, we can opt for seeking "the one" and have many relationships over a long period with all the good times and bad times which come with that dynamic. Learning proceeds and we might reach that complimentary person by a much longer route if at all. Conversely, who's to say that isn't right for that person? It often comes down to how much suffering we want to experience (and give to others) before we are willing to work on ourselves so that the potential partnership is attracted through a natural resonance. And when that window of opportunity arrives our awareness is sufficiently honed to know that this individual is right for us and we are right for them over and above bio-chemicals and wishful thinking.

My own caveat on that is that there are patterns which can be discerned but the details if not the overall schema of everyone's personal learning curve has to be fairly unique.

Yes, I think astrology and other psycho-spiritual tools can come into it for sure. After all, the more self-knowledge you have the better quality our choices become. But it's only ever a guideline. I'm inclined to think that any artful system can only augment fundamental inner change and facilitate possibilities rather than becoming the ultimate determiner of our love life.

Agree topal and I Iearned a lot about myself amongst other things through my short lived encounters but I also found that you also have to get over the disappointment, loss, heartache etc. relative to that encounter so I just thought nah I'll just find other avenues to do my inner work and as you mentioned hopefully I eventually resonate with a man who gets me.

samoyedgrrl said:

My thought process is that the man I ultimately will commit to deserves the best of me, as I will accept nothing but the best for myself...so, I've done some serious work and introspection to be ready for that relationship. It wasn't easy, but I know it's worth it. Why is it that most men can't do the same in return? Don't they want the best? Or are they satisfied replaying those dysfunctional tapes over and over with different women each time? I'm mystified, lol!

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That's because "most men" are as different as "most women". Generally speaking, men and women are fundamentally different due to common sense biological and social imperatives which stretch back into the past and which have been horribly confused in our contemporary cultures. Without excusing basic bad behaviour and pathology, until folks understand that we have volcanic genetic and evolutionary imperatives at work behind our much lauded gender issues - that's way before we begin to assign romance and "spiritual" assignations to our quest - then we'll all keep going around blaming each other for dynamics which are often hard-wired for a reason and only increasing the male-female divide.

Let's set aside the John Grey gobbledegook Mars/Venus differences for a second. If there's a defect, would one not try to correct it instead of repeat the mistake in the future? If I knew I had a habit of hooking my golf swing, I'd call in a pro and properly learn to hit a ball. I'd want to improve my golf game.

It is not that different from those issues we know are defective within ourselves. Instead of learning to not be so clingy or insecure as that destroyed relationships in the past, many continue the behavior even after having the awakening moment to know that it's not healthy. That's where I'm confused. If it's broke, fix it. It's not gender biased.

samoyedgrrl said:

If there's a defect, would one not try to correct it instead of repeat the mistake in the future?.

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In an ideal world yes, people who noticed a defect would try to correct it.

In the world where we live though, it's not the case. The majority of people do not seem to be able to correct their own flaws, for many reasons (lack of intelligence, lack of emotional intelligence, indifference, character predisposition, denial, psychopathology, etc etc etc).

The fact that people like us here care about ourselves and others, and try our best to be our best selves, does not in any way guarantee that after we've improved ourselves we're only going to be meeting like-minded people, it doesn't go like this. Of course there is immense value in improving ourselves, because we can then deal better with life's many challenges - but self improvement does not equal finding a soul mate. I know quite a few couples who have been very happily married since a very young age, and they know nothing about any of these self-improvement notions. It's not a matter of effort - it's pure luck. And when I said earlier on that some people do find partners after actively seeking them, well that's also chance. Many people actively seek them for ages and come up with nothing.

One of the main problems here is that the older we get, the more difficult it becomes to find a partner.
Those who have a stable nature are already settled in families.
And single men of a certain age mostly go for younger women.

We can speak about self improvement for pages and pages, but we should not forget that "clicking" (or resonating etc) with someone is not enough - there has got to be attraction if you want to call that person a partner. So....! With so many factors involved... I go back to the subject of luck

Samoyedgrrl - Jupiter in Libra - but in which House?

samoyedgrrl said:

Let's set aside the John Grey gobbledegook Mars/Venus differences for a second. If there's a defect, would one not try to correct it instead of repeat the mistake in the future? If I knew I had a habit of hooking my golf swing, I'd call in a pro and properly learn to hit a ball. I'd want to improve my golf game.

It is not that different from those issues we know are defective within ourselves. Instead of learning to not be so clingy or insecure as that destroyed relationships in the past, many continue the behavior even after having the awakening moment to know that it's not healthy. That's where I'm confused. If it's broke, fix it. It's not gender biased.

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Well, I think it's a little deeper than Mars/Venus references...And I didn't mean to imply it is gender biased in the sense you mean.

The point I was trying to make (and obviously failing) is that if we don't appreciate the social and biological influences that make men (and women) act in seemingly irrational ways then we will continue to make the same mistakes. The gender influences (i.e. hard-wired male/female unconscious behaviours) saturate the whole concept of how to fix it. Then there are the psychological deformations which Diamanda mentioned. What a recipe for complications!

But yes, I agree with the whole idea of what you are saying, I'm simply saying there is much more to it than merely trying to fix a broken pipe.

Diamanda, you captured it succinctly. It is so frustrating when you encounter others not so aware of improving themselves in the same ways as most here on Clarity have. Sadly, I think it is true what you said about the older we get, the harder it is to find a healthy partner. The last man I dated definitely had the "clicking" and attraction going for us. Sadly, he was a real nutter. He's got a lot of work to do and I don't know if he's even aware of that.

There again, I turn to luck...lol!

I am not an astrologer, but the free online chart says Libra is in my 9th house. What does that mean?

Yes, Topal....more than fixing broken pipes here. It's a miracle any of us connect and relate with our issues. However, Yin needs Yang and we seem to be drawn to one another. It's in sorting that out which we find our challenges.

diamanda said:

I know quite a few couples who have been very happily married since a very young age, and they know nothing about any of these self-improvement notions. It's not a matter of effort - it's pure luck. And when I said earlier on that some people do find partners after actively seeking them, well that's also chance. Many people actively seek them for ages and come up with nothing.

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It's an interesting set of comments, most of which I agree with. But what do you define as "luck"? We assign this word for things we don't understand but there will be host of clear reasons why these couples found each other and how the longevity was sustained. Nothing occurs in a void. Whether a person is following a religious/spiritual belief or if there is zero awareness of anything outside football or cooking, there can be a union - but that union might be occurring at very different levels of awareness in terms of wants and needs, therefore with totally different criteria. Self-improvement also occurs at many different levels of consciousness and it gets more difficult as you progress simply because culture by and large is not predicated on higher consciousness - at least not yet!

But I think there are always clear, logical reasons combined with a more esoteric reasoning at play. If you consider astrological influences significant enough to play a part then there are certainly many other and social, planetary, cosmic and psycho-spiritual influences about which we have yet to integrate and even be aware of. In that sense "luck" and "chance" is a bit of a cop out.

Maybe I failed to makes myself clear again...Anyway, interesting.

samoyedgrrl said:

Let's set aside the John Grey gobbledegook Mars/Venus differences for a second. If there's a defect, would one not try to correct it instead of repeat the mistake in the future? If I knew I had a habit of hooking my golf swing, I'd call in a pro and properly learn to hit a ball. I'd want to improve my golf game.

It is not that different from those issues we know are defective within ourselves. Instead of learning to not be so clingy or insecure as that destroyed relationships in the past, many continue the behavior even after having the awakening moment to know that it's not healthy. That's where I'm confused. If it's broke, fix it. It's not gender biased.

Click to expand...

I don't understand either but what I do know is most people do not use self accountability towards themselves. Say I've 10 friends there's only 1 that recognises self accountability at all let alone make use of it.

Could this be symptomatic of the societal shift towards individuals no longer taking responsibility for their own actions? "My child acts up in school? Well, it's obviously caused by their teacher and the hostile environment of the school." Instead of realizing they've got a brat that hasn't seen discipline once in its entire life or investigating and addressing a learning disability, the blame is shifted to an external factor.

Could that also be some of what's going on in our romantic relationships? "Hmm....every man I've dated said I was cold hearted and not affectionate. Must be due to the fact they all were clingy, overly emotional pansies. I need to stop choosing those kind of men."

Wait a second....could it be due to the fact you're a cold hearted b*tch and you need to find out why you've got your guard up so high and won't let anyone into your heart? Scary, I know, but you could be partially to blame for your own emotional failures too.

This is some of the work I've been doing for the past 6 years on myself. Hasn't been easy, but it's a relief when you figure some of the limiting/negative patterns and stop them.

Just my rambling ideas here...

In that case why don't you focus on opening your heart chakra say for the next 3 months which could up your vibration. After all these men you date are not responsible for you closing your heart in the first place they must be just there to show you where you're at. Doesn't mean they haven't got their own stuff...but it's not about them it's about you.

I was just giving examples. I don't have a kid either.

Oh ok. It's work I did on myself cause I'd done the brick wall with my heart til I realised.

topal said:

It's an interesting set of comments, most of which I agree with. But what do you define as "luck"? We assign this word for things we don't understand but there will be host of clear reasons why these couples found each other and how the longevity was sustained. Nothing occurs in a void. Whether a person is following a religious/spiritual belief or if there is zero awareness of anything outside football or cooking, there can be a union - but that union might be occurring at very different levels of awareness in terms of wants and needs, therefore with totally different criteria. Self-improvement also occurs at many different levels of consciousness and it gets more difficult as you progress simply because culture by and large is not predicated on higher consciousness - at least not yet!

But I think there are always clear, logical reasons combined with a more esoteric reasoning at play. If you consider astrological influences significant enough to play a part then there are certainly many other and social, planetary, cosmic and psycho-spiritual influences about which we have yet to integrate and even be aware of. In that sense "luck" and "chance" is a bit of a cop out.

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Topal I agree with you that as a whole situations/reasons/relationships/life are very complicated issues.

However, not always. If we assume that every single situation is something which can be explained, and should be explained via higher consciousness, and if we assume that "there's a reason for everything", then we will get confused in a sea of uncertainty, waste time, and miss the point of actually living. Sometimes the reason behind something is actually quite simple. E.g. many single ladies strive to understand why a guy they've met likes them "so much" and yet he can't be with them as he's got "issues" - well that's one of the oldest excuses in the book. Until the said ladies realise that the guy simply lied (he doesn't like them much, as simple as that), they will continue to waste time trying to help the "poor guy who can't sort himself out". One of my friends (in his 40s and never married), who is very much into self-improvement, spirituality etc, and also uses the aforementioned excuse quite a lot with ladies, once told me that the only girl he had ever been in love with was "a very pretty and hot 21-year-old". He was very happy with her and his issues magically disappeared, but in the end she felt she didn't click with him.

I define "luck" as external factors which have nothing to do with a person's accountability.
So in the example above, it would be the lady's fault if she continues to persist in Mr Issues.
But it would be a matter of "luck" if she stays away from Mr Issues and yet never happens to meet an honest and stable kind of guy.

Of course there are examples in all walks and stages of life - a child is born in a family of addicts or narcissists, or in a country which is at war, or with severe health problems. That child will be marked throughout life because of such initial events, 100% out of the child's control. Another example would be two fine young ladies, both good-looking, both good-natured, both coming from loving families - one gets married and has a large family, the other never finds a partner (I know plenty such examples sadly), and there is not a single thing that girl A did differently than girl B. Or take employment - some people need to write 100 applications, based on the best recruitment advice out there, and get nothing, and others (with the same, or even less abilities) get a job after a handful of applications - or even more astonishingly an acquaintance comes along and says "hey there's a position where I work, are you interested?".

I have no idea how "luck" or astrology work, but I have observed that they work.

union might be occurring at very different levels of awareness in terms of wants and needs, therefore with totally different criteria
Definitely, people of similar levels and similar wants and needs stick together.
We should keep in mind though that the basic needs we all have still need fulfilment, regardless of how self-aware we are.

Samoyedgrrl - the first thing that comes to mind about Jupiter/Libra/9th is: you are in general very favoured in coupling up - and your 'luck' for meeting someone is through "travelling with other people". Further ideas: especially travelling with/towards people you know well, or travelling with a small group of people. Philosophising together with others is another possibility, and meeting people through acquaintances (who perhaps live abroad) looks good too. "Abroad"/different cultures is another point which is to your advantage.

Nice reply Diamanda - I see where you're coming from.

Diamanda,

I LOVED your response! Yes! I think sometimes people use the issues as a crutch to not have something work out with another. However, when they find the one they REALLY want to be with, doing the work and improving themselves isn't so hard afterall. They'll do it if they have the proper motivation. In your example, I heard the J. Geils Band song in my head, "Love Stinks." "You love her, but she loves him....he loves somebody else, you just cant win..."

I like to understand why some things work the way they do, but sometimes there's just no explaining it. That's what I lump into the "luck" category. You are right, some people tend to get the breaks in career or love but others do not. There's no explanation as to why.

Take my brother and myself for example. He has vastly more experience than I do in a certain career field and a wall full of awards as a result. In my opinion, he's much more intelligent than I am. However, I was given the opportunity at 27 to work for a fortune 50 company and gain some amazing life experiences. He sat there on the sidelines, watching me do what he only dreamed of. He worked hard, he was dedicated (even more than myself) and didn't get that opportunity.

Finally, he was given the opportunity to do the same job as I had, but much later in life (he was 38). We were able to hang out at a national meeting as peers years ago. I was thrilled to be with my big brother, actually. Later on, the shininess of that profession tarnished for me. I left to pursue my passion. Today, he's an executive with a similar company, but not such a highly regarded one. Why did I get the opportunities he didn't? He should have, IMO. I consider that luck.

Interesting that you mention about the astrological perspective that traveling could potentially be where I might meet someone. I've been considering a singles ski trip for a while now. I was actually looking at it last night and got pretty excited when I read more detail about it and checked out airfare costs. I could potentially make that happen! I was going to take a trip to The Netherlands last fall, but did not due to singing engagements here and hiring an assistant...perhaps I should make that happen this year instead! Now you've really got me thinking here. Thanks so much for your insights!

Samoyedgrrl,
Amazing story about the different career luck for you and your brother.
Wishing you all the best with your quest and future travels!

I found this old thread quite interesting (yes I sometimes tend to read the old ones)

diamanda said:

I've noticed it time and time again - your own personal luck for where/how to meet a partner is wherever Jupiter is in your chart (= whatever the House describes, that's the situation where you'll meet a partner).

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So, my Jupiter being in IV, I will meet my partner through family/extended family, in my hometown; or someone who has the same roots as me would be my partner. Am I right?

Marybluesky, I would suggest you start a new thread about this in Exploring Divination (and mention also what signs governs your 4th house).