Hi,

I posted before about a girl I like. I'm taking this very slowly. Things are alright, at least that's what I feel from the surface. But sometimes I feel like this isn't going anywhere.

I recall one of my first readings, I asked How is this relationship going to evolve? and I got Hex 53.1.5 to 22. Now after few months my interpretation about this is more clear. I think, and it's becoming true, that line one was talking about people around us with gossip about us, things like we make a good couple and bla bla bla, but we aren't yet, just friends. Then line 5 was kind of good reading, but at in the long run. That would be "happy ending" but there was something obstructing the road, like a stop of any kind and that I should endure this.

Last night I had again my mood touch by this situation, and I asked How could I make her fall in love? And I had as an answer Hex 37.5.6 to 36. I know, kind of stupid question probably, but Couldn't stop thinking that maybe I'm doing the "good" thing for the wrong reason, like I'm invisible to her... I'm afraid of having false expectations. I try not overthink, I enjoy her company and she is very receptive to make things together, but you know, that feeling that something is not right?

Well, thanks in advance, every help is welcome.

What strikes me, immediately, is the hexagram 36 could depict your feeling "invisible to her" as you said. Your light is dimmed. She is not noticing it, or that is how you feel , psychologically oppressed because your love and your value, to her, are not being recognized. Hexagram 37 addresses your question nicely. Create a mood, and take actions, so that the two of you will be linked, as if you are family. Be generous, hospitable, warm, confident, dignified. Maybe what's happening is that your fears are causing you to second guess yourself. Instead, stoke the fire (wind over fire) and give warmth in a kind and open way.

Here's what it says (living i ching translation)
Line 5 comment: The king withdraws to his family. With no other help: fortune.
Line 6 comment: Be confident and dignified. In the end, fortune.
The image Wind emerges from fire: family. The noble one has substance in speech and constancy in action.

You are quite right with my fears causing second guess. I already do that, I'm kind to her, generous, hospitable, etc and that's why sometimes I feel invisible. It stroke to me too the resulting hex 36. At first I thought It was talking about hiding myself, my feelings, but after a few seconds that "being invisible" started to grow again.

I'm afraid and struggling because I don't want to rush things. I could talk to her about this, and yet I could make things worse for being too soon. Or simply she sees only a friend in me.

Thanks for your words Loverofknowledge =)

Agree with Loverofknowledge.

I would interpret this reading as a bit of advice to express more care and support, not to indulge your desires of her falling in love with you. Let them take backseat (and it would be fine if they would disappear eventually), do not insist on getting what you want. You should do work aimed at achieving your own authenticity that will lead you to good fortune.

Raupe, I have just read your last post and decided to share my experince with 37.5. Once I got it as a sign not to court the leader (it related to my then boss), just to do what I should do and not for fear of being disgraced.

I must to admit that probably this is why I feel that something is wrong. Maybe it's not just about my feelings, and I'm focusing too much on the wrong direction and myself. I care about her, It's not a selfish "I want you to love me at any cost", but I think you are totally right Juliah, desires, expectations... Well, this is going to be hard. Time to be strong

Thanks Juliah

I did not write this in my previous posts but it seemed to me that something had gone wrong from the very beginning in your attitude to this part of your life, got off course (53.1?)

Try to have no fear in your heart.

You are right again, I made a mistake long ago and I fear make the same mistake again.

I'll send you some information in a private message.

Raupe,
Withdraw to your "family" - the people where you are at home, where you can shine, and gather your own self-esteem, dignity, and self-worth.
Then return to this relationship with a new confidence.
Give yourself that generosity and hospitality, dissipating anxiety.

Hexagram 37: Line 5 comment: The king withdraws to his family. With no other help: fortune.
Line 6 comment: Be confident and dignified. In the end, fortune.
The image Wind emerges from fire: family. The noble one has substance in speech and constancy in action.

Well, that's going to be difficult. My parents died 6 years ago and I live alone. But I think I understand it. Thank loverofknowledge!

I just meant whatever you consider to be "family" -- not your family of origin . Your friends or a pet or a place, where you feel at home, something that energizes you and gives you peace, where you feel you can be who you are. Anyway, I hope it works out with the person you love. Keep us posted.

I will, I'm taking things slowly, low expectations and simply enjoying the moment. We'll see what happen next. For now I think I have enough advice from IC and from this forum to have a direction and an attitude to follow, so it's a good experience for self-learning.

Thank you very much for your support! I'll be back if something interesting happen.

Hi, I'm making an update.

We had plans for this weekend, but she had been canceling them because she es "meeting" (probably the right word is dating) someone. This is not the first time that happened So I've been thinking about it. I'm not mad or angry, well, not happy but I'm not sad either. This morning instead of casting another reading I went to a park, sat down on a bench and I asked myself Is this really what I want for me? is she the person who I want to be with? I've been like and hour in silence thinking, watching, and trying to understand my feelings. I feel something for her, that's undeniable, but I don't think trying to push further is going to make me happy, or more important, not only me, I don't think I'm going to make her happy. I think we both love each other, a lot, but not in a way of a romantic love at least for her. It's like that I'm more kind of a brother to her. And I'm the one confused. Could we have a romantic relationship? Well, probably, with time, patience, I don't know, what I know is that this wouldn't end well. It's not about fear, or insecurity, it's about facts. I can't avoid them or continue this with a blindfold, or keep dreaming that one day she would see in me something more. And I could try and cast more questions to get more readings and that would follow to more confusion. I think, the best I can do is backseat those feelings and move on, let it go and carry on with my life. I'll continue being his friend but I'm going to put some distance in my mind and my heart. And probably all of this is my fault because I've been there for her 24h/7 and I forgot about myself. Maybe it's time to think more about me (without hurting her of course) and what I really want for me and let things be what they must be.

Anyway, like I said before, thanks everyone for your kind answers, I think it's time to close this book. If something new or interesting happen (related to experience and learning from IC) I'll keep posting.

Raupe,
I admire your self-awareness, your ability to see your relationship clearly, and your courage to move forward, even when your feelings are strong and complex. You are being like the king in your own castle, in a way, doing what is best. Thank you for updating us.

More news. These few days I've been thinking and trying to understand better my feelings, as you know for previous posts. I've been battling myself and she noticed that I was acting weird. This morning we talked few minutes (she called me to say hi and those things) and asked me if I was ok, because she noticed something. So I opened up and told her about my feelings. And she got shocked. We had to hang out the call, time to go to work and we haven't talked since then, but it's ok. I won't push, I understand that is a lot to digest. The thing is I was very nervous after the call, so I asked IC how should act from now on after opening up my feelings. I got 52.3 to 23. After reading, trying to understand it, and reading some older posts I think it's a very good answer. But the line 23.3 scared the shit out of me (sorry for that expression, couldn't find a better one). My guess after reading a lot is that at the end, this is a good thing, even if we split up (more direct interpretation). Or another interpretation could be that I should strip away these desires / feelings, or that these feelings are striping me away... Tough one.

Thanks again in advance

Hi Raupe,

You are afraid now if you have made the problem worse, right? Don't be nervous.

To me, the best advice of 52.3 is to stay put, to cease motion for a while transforming this enforced keeping still into something that is akin to your nature. What is yours and what has been brought from outside and has been taken as yours by mistake? It's time you sorted it out (23). And do not be afraid of other people's emotional outbursts, try to dissociate yourself from them (23).

Hi Juliah,

It has a lot of sense. I'm at this point where I see very clear that everything has an end. The sooner we realize that, the less we suffer.

Thanks!

Hi! Making more updates.

It's so hard to be friend of someone you love (I mean you love that person more than just friends). I try hard not to mess things, but it's impossible, at least for me. It has been only 3 months since I posted my first post asking for advice and it seems like three years.

I have to admit that I have enjoyed with her but also this relationship it's making me loose my mind. I feel blocked, stressed, and a few things more... Anyway, I'm taking this experience as a self learning one. First of all, yesterday I asked her to please, stop being friends because I can't anymore. It's quite stupid actually because things weren't so bad, it's just me that I continue screwing things like my favorite sport. Why? because very deep inside me, I don't want to be only a friend, and unconsciously, keep pushing and pushing and creating awkward situations between the two of us. So, yeah I can't blame her because she didn't do anything wrong, in fact, she did put things very simple for me. She only wanted a friend, never asking or trying to take advantages from me.
I did try to convince myself that I could overcome the obstacles and be her friend. But I failed badly. I don't know who's fault on this, probably me, maybe her... don't know. What I'm learning is that I see things very clear, but anyway, and don't know why I act impulsively and screw things in a matter of seconds.
So I was curious, and promised myself to cast the last one question related to this relationship to the Yi. I asked "Show me a picture of my relationship with M at this moment".
I received Hexagram 3, Sprouting, lines 2.5.6 to 41.
Well, I think line 2 refers to me, and my set backs, at least the first part (I'm using Hilary's translation). "Now sprouting, now hesitating, now driving a team of horses. Not robbers at all, but marital allies.The child-woman’s constancy – no children.Ten years go by, then there are children." At least I felt identified with that part and I see both of us, me the marital allies, and she refusing me? I know it sounds silly but I can't think about the marital allies as we are going to get married after how things are going. The other lines, 5 and 6 I think talks about what should I focus. Line 5 after reading some other translations like LiSe I thought about I should find people with my same vision of life? and that "Sprouting’s juice" is like I'm wasting my efforts in a a lesser matter? and finally line 6, I love the "...now tears of blood flow". Anyway I found again at LiSe's comment about line 6 "Now driving a team of horses, now tears of blood flow." a very wise sentence: "The inner core must be resistant against failure. Many things in life will not succeed, so don't depend on success, and don't be a victim of failure. The two go together, if you defeat one, you defeat both." It Can't be more true. And I felt some kind of relieve after reading it.

Well, that's all, sorry for the wall-of-text. I hope at least this could be helpful for someone else. Thanks for your support and for taking your time reading it!

Good summer!

Hi,
3.2 could relate to the woman you love. She retreats, you are wanting marriage, and in ten years she is married (probably, to somebody else)
3.5 you have so much love to give in your heart. Go slowly and start small, so that you get over this setback
3.6 a picture of your current pain in having to retreat

41 - you must sacrifice and decrease your involvement, so that something new can come in for you

Hi Loverofknowledge,

I thought that 3.2 could relate to her, and as I said couldn't think of we getting married. I can't say a lot about 3.5, probably it's totally right, but 3.6 it's picturing the situation very well. I tried to write the update with some sense of humor but in fact I had a very rough day, and I guess the days to come .

I was very surprised with this reading because I find it very accurate. In fact, the resulting hex 41 is something that has been in my mind for a few weeks before I decided to talk to her and ask her to stop our friendship. Not the hexagram itself, but the thought about I should move on from this relationship and "sacrifice" it in a benefit of starting something new with people who share my same goals or vision. Don't know how to explain it very well, I'm sorry. I think she just doesn't value the things I have to offer and that's respectable I guess. And one can't force people to do so...

Edit:

I think, the best I can do is backseat those feelings and move on, let it go and carry on with my life. I'll continue being his friend but I'm going to put some distance in my mind and my heart. And probably all of this is my fault because I've been there for her 24h/7 and I forgot about myself. Maybe it's time to think more about me (without hurting her of course) and what I really want for me and let things be what they must be.

Click to expand...

I wrote that my self in April, and as we can see, I didn't do anything about that. It was very easy to say and hard to accomplish. And here we are now, sadly. I hope I don't make the same mistake again.

Well, thanks again for your insights.

You're experiencing a real depth of love, which makes it hard to separate, but which will serve you well in your next relationship.

Maybe you are right, but I feel that I suffer from a real depth stupidity because I ended yesterday talking to her again... I checked my journal (finally found it, it was misplaced in a drawer) and there was an interesting question which I didn't pay attention at that moment and I should have.
The question was "Why I can't find peace being friend with M?" Hex 6 lines 2 and 4 to 20. I'm stubborn like a mule because the answer was very clear. Stop fighting, go home, go to your life, and don't waste more time. It's not worth it.

So I think you are quite right in what I'm experiencing because I can't find another explanation to why I can't put distance with her, and she is exploiting that weakness.

Like I said before the main goal of sharing my story is because I think this is a very common problem between people now days, and it's possible that maybe it can help other people experiencing same frustrations. Anyway, Thanks again for your support and for taking time to read my boring love story.

Regards,
R

The question was "Why I can't find peace being friend with M?" Hex 6 lines 2 and 4 to 20. I'm stubborn like a mule because the answer was very clear. Stop fighting, go home, go to your life, and don't waste more time. It's not worth it.

Click to expand...

I agree with your interpretation, Raupe, and would add that to me 6.2.4 is about stubborn following your own way, striving for the desired at whatever cost. And in the meantime "the fate is coming"! It is easy to miss it being stubborn and narrow-minded.